So, this is happening.

[lactose_man]

I know now tat being in love leaves you vulnerable. I'm always the cynical bastard who doesn't believe in these kinds of things. Tom showed me that it's okay to be vulnerable, and it's okay love, and its okay to be me, and that I am loved.

I'm probably just overreacting, I hope and pray that I am. But if this is the thing that breaks this apart, then...

I know well enough to know that if this is the case, then I'm truly better off without him. But I know it will hurt so badly. The worst part is the anticipation. I don't want this to be the end. We only just started. I fear so much that I will never find love like this ever again. I know I never will. There will always be a void if this is the end. I'm already hurt. Even if I'm smart enough to know that I'm better off.

I don't want to hurt. I have so much love in my life, and I've lost much this past month that I'm no sure how much more loss I can handle.

I'm always so good at playing the victim.

What is so fundamentally wrong with me that I cant keep the most important people to me happy.

I am a total mess.

CAUTION: stay away from the crazy man. He'll just fuck you up.

I hate the confusion this has caused.