Ghosts and other algebraic uncertainties
I think I am doing alright. Monday and Tuesday had me supplicate, almost plotting an escape back to my southern cage, but Wednesday dawned with me kicking my own ass a little bit. I am trying to be more proactive and a little braver. Thata enough for now. I also have a manifesto!
Yeah, it was an utter mandate that I draft a working paradigm to live by and to adapt as needed if I am going to make this work. I just became so frustrated by isolation and doldrums and the inertia that had seeped into my life post the first couple of weeks in Seattle. The actuality of my education and circumstances has crept in: A. I have less money in Atlanta even though I make more here because the small niceties one becomes accustomed to, i.e. "stealing" food from my parents house, making decent tips, having a greater pool of fianancial and material resources to draw from (I couldn't do laundry for 3 weeks because I didn't have 4 dollars in quarters and I don't know anyone with a washing machine!) and so on. B. When the buses don't run, I don't run. C. Social and intellectual stimulation are not ready-made for me, as they are at home. It is difficult to make friends when you don't have any, or, rather, a few disparate people that you don't have much in common with. Thats a catch-22 I don't think many people are aware of- you need to have friends to make friends. Also, I was lonely and realized again how much I have loved the last year in Atlanta, and how things had just started working for me when I left. And D., If I have to wait until I gain residency( which I do: in state tuition is 6,000 and out of state is 20 grand) then I wouldn't graduate until I was 25. Which only means something in the qualitative sense. I have a number of plans once I graduate with my bachelor's, and I do feel the pressure of a clock only because this period in my twenties is intended to be fun and experimental and I don't want ti start that when I am 25.
I'm still unsure.
But I can't go home, so thats that. AND, I have a manifesto.
This entry did not go in the direction I had initially intended.
Yeah, it was an utter mandate that I draft a working paradigm to live by and to adapt as needed if I am going to make this work. I just became so frustrated by isolation and doldrums and the inertia that had seeped into my life post the first couple of weeks in Seattle. The actuality of my education and circumstances has crept in: A. I have less money in Atlanta even though I make more here because the small niceties one becomes accustomed to, i.e. "stealing" food from my parents house, making decent tips, having a greater pool of fianancial and material resources to draw from (I couldn't do laundry for 3 weeks because I didn't have 4 dollars in quarters and I don't know anyone with a washing machine!) and so on. B. When the buses don't run, I don't run. C. Social and intellectual stimulation are not ready-made for me, as they are at home. It is difficult to make friends when you don't have any, or, rather, a few disparate people that you don't have much in common with. Thats a catch-22 I don't think many people are aware of- you need to have friends to make friends. Also, I was lonely and realized again how much I have loved the last year in Atlanta, and how things had just started working for me when I left. And D., If I have to wait until I gain residency( which I do: in state tuition is 6,000 and out of state is 20 grand) then I wouldn't graduate until I was 25. Which only means something in the qualitative sense. I have a number of plans once I graduate with my bachelor's, and I do feel the pressure of a clock only because this period in my twenties is intended to be fun and experimental and I don't want ti start that when I am 25.
I'm still unsure.
But I can't go home, so thats that. AND, I have a manifesto.
This entry did not go in the direction I had initially intended.