(no subject)
I am tired of all the lights flickering in this apartment that makes me dizzy and lightheaded
I am tired of having a half-broken fridge, so thus
I hate half frozen ice
I hate lukewarm soda and quickly spoiled food
I hate tiny fridges and tinier cabinets
The repairpeople said they would come today and didn’t
There is no space to sew or work or breathe
The TV is on all the time
I hate that shady people hang out outside our apartment at all hours
I hate that I can’t walk outside alone after 7 pm
I hear everything in the apartments near us, and in every room here
We don’t have room for a sofa and I have a backache from sitting on the floor
After a load of laundry and dishes and maybe two showers our hot water is done for the day
I hate our cheap, tiny washing machine that doesn’t work
I hate our tiny stove with half the coils burned out that doesn’t close, making the entire apartment a sauna
I hate the half baked, half burned food we eat
I hate that NOTHING WORKS in this apartment
I HATE THIS APARTMENT.
NOISECROWDSFLICKERINGLIGHTSCARSDOGSLUKEWARMSHOWERFOODBURNTBROKENPEOPLEPEOPLEPEOPLE
I don’t want riches or wealth, I just want space to breathe and silence. I want to be alone. I want to smell grass and dirt and air. I want to put my arms out and twirl, just because I have the space to do so.
Lately I am staying awake for long, long hours just so I can think and pray and FLICKERING LIGHTS AGAIN and listen to the sound of near silence. But at 8 am, every dog is barking and all the kids are screaming and I’m up again.
I am drowning I cannot breathe
I have the most terrible urge to nest- to make pillows, to make things comfortable, to have a place to love and decorate and live comfortably. I can’t do that here.
I need to get out.
I am tired of having a half-broken fridge, so thus
I hate half frozen ice
I hate lukewarm soda and quickly spoiled food
I hate tiny fridges and tinier cabinets
The repairpeople said they would come today and didn’t
There is no space to sew or work or breathe
The TV is on all the time
I hate that shady people hang out outside our apartment at all hours
I hate that I can’t walk outside alone after 7 pm
I hear everything in the apartments near us, and in every room here
We don’t have room for a sofa and I have a backache from sitting on the floor
After a load of laundry and dishes and maybe two showers our hot water is done for the day
I hate our cheap, tiny washing machine that doesn’t work
I hate our tiny stove with half the coils burned out that doesn’t close, making the entire apartment a sauna
I hate the half baked, half burned food we eat
I hate that NOTHING WORKS in this apartment
I HATE THIS APARTMENT.
NOISECROWDSFLICKERINGLIGHTSCARSDOGSLUKEWARMSHOWERFOODBURNTBROKENPEOPLEPEOPLEPEOPLE
I don’t want riches or wealth, I just want space to breathe and silence. I want to be alone. I want to smell grass and dirt and air. I want to put my arms out and twirl, just because I have the space to do so.
Lately I am staying awake for long, long hours just so I can think and pray and FLICKERING LIGHTS AGAIN and listen to the sound of near silence. But at 8 am, every dog is barking and all the kids are screaming and I’m up again.
I am drowning I cannot breathe
I have the most terrible urge to nest- to make pillows, to make things comfortable, to have a place to love and decorate and live comfortably. I can’t do that here.
I need to get out.