shopping + MCS + a bad dream + photos
It's nice to not be stuck needing to study all at the last minute. Now I am finally feeling relief after my exams. I feel sorry for Ally, who has four exams I think. I only had two. I can't imagine doing four exams, but then that would mean I was studying full time, and I couldn't do that. Not here. Not now.
I went shopping with Mum again today. We've been hitting the second hand shops for 50s style clothes for Louise's birthday party. We've really had no such luck. Most of the shops have had nothing much at all, which is disappointing. Mum bought a nice green dress that looks similar to the dress that Sandy wears at the formal in Grease, but Louise didn't like it. It looked amazing though, and it was only $8! I haven't found anything for Mark. I had a realisation today that his dad probably owns a leather jacket because he rides a motorbike, which saves us buying. I've got my outfit, luckily. Mum had an old full-circle skirt that fitted me, and I bought a $5 shirt from Cotton On and they go nicely together. I was going to try to sew one, but I know that I wouldn't have the time and/or patience to do what I wanted. Mum had two of those skirts, and if worse comes to worse she'll just wear the other one, even though it's a yukky brown colour. We also went to the costume shop yesterday and the lady there was a real bitch. Mrs Emily used to manage the costume shop, but she sold it. Emily said that there was a pink 50s skirt with a poodle on it there, and of course she would know. But we asked about it yesterday. The conversation went as such; "we're looking for a poodle skirt" "what's a poodle skirt?" so I'm guessing this lady doesn't know much about what she's got. She was closed yesterday (open by appointment) but we thought she was open so we went in. She pulled out some old horrific looking 50s style skirts before kicking us out of her shop. They weren't bad looking skirts, they were just old and not taken care of. I could own a costume shop. I'd do that one right up and make it desirable.
I did manage to buy a polaroid camera from LifeLine yesterday for $10 which I'm really excited about. Now I just need to find some film for it!
I've had a great day today. I've done nothing at all except for go shopping. Yesterday I came home after my exam and crashed. I watched Smallville and then went second hand shopping with Mum. I played the Sims2 last night, which was awesome fun. I haven't done that in the longest time because I get so hooked. I made a new sim and named her Bella. She has pretty red hair and she's wearing a pretty dress. She's doing a physics degree at uni because her lifetime aspiration is to become a mad scientist! I'm going to make a big family like I did last time. I'm probably going to be a bit absent now, and if I am I'll be playing with Bella! I started sorting out some stuff in the study today (which is where my computer is, so I'm currently sitting in a little bit of a mess). I've got stuff on my bookshelf now, which is really exciting for me. I'm definately going to be expanding my book collection soon! We're getting the other bookshelf from home too, which will go downstairs for cook books and photos. When I was cleaning out my room at home (which still hasn't all been done) I found lots of old notebooks that I'd written things in. It's amazing to go back and read them. I was such a little girl, but most of them were from when I was about 13 so it's understandable. I love it. It's like reading entries from a completely different person. It's hard to believe that I was that girl, but I was. Maybe I'll post some one day. I was talking to Ben (I met Ben in a holiday park on the Gold Coast in like 2001 or something like that, and we've been friends ever since. We see each other when we're both on the Gold Coast, which won't be happening now because he's moved to Melbourne, but we used to write and now we text and email). and he said he found a letter from me with each word written in a different colour texta. I had to laugh, I dont' remember doing it but I know that I did. It's amazing what you were like when you were younger. It was only years ago, but it feels like it was a lifetime ago. I've got letters from him still. They're in a little box in one of my boxes with stuff in them. I don't know where to stash them.
Louise is severly suffering from MCS (middle child syndrome) at the moment. She's probably struggling at home now because I'm not there, so she feels like the eldest, but knows that she's not. It must be weird for her. I couldn't imagine her leaving home and me staying there. Anyway, on the 13th before the Deb ball Louise was going on about having things always the same as me. I think I said something about something I did or wore at the Deb and she went something like "we always have to be the same" and continued to go on a little about birthday presents and clothes and hair styles and the like. And then yesterday Mum was telling me that she exploded saying that she was absolutely sick of having things the same as me, and that everything I get she has to get exactly the same. It is true; we have had everything the same. Maybe I don't mind as much because I'm the eldest, and it's usually been me who gets something first. I was talking to Mum about it, and she said we were lucky that she hadn't given us different things, because we'd be complaining then too. She said when she was younger, and her dad (my pop) was married to his second wife, her kids took precedence with everything. She told me that once all the boys got a pushbike (because his second wife wanted her son to get a pushbike) and her and my aunt only got a small purse that was worth nothing at all. That is unfair. I'd rather have things the same I think. We're 18 months apart, so it's not as if we get the same thing at the same time. When we both turned 10 we both got a CD player/stereo. Hers was better than mine, because she turned 10 after I did. So it was the same, but different in quality. Not everything we do is the same. We've done different sports and activities. We both played netball out of choice, and she played basketball while I played soccer. I danced and she did drama. We've never been forced to wear the same clothes, except in family photos when we were younger and it was easier, and those photos are cute as. We've never even so much as had the same hair style or colour! At least not at the same time and not by force. We wore the same Deb dress, because it's a nice dress and we can't afford to have two. There's no point with the Deb anyway because the dresses aren't supposed to be amazing, they're supposed to be nice and traditional. Now that we're old enough to make most of our own decisions, we haven't been forced to have anything the same at all. We dont' really like many of the same things anyway. I don't mean to cast a shadow for her to fall in, and I've never done it intentionally. She's her own person, and Mum has never forced us to be the same.
I think Jayden might be getting a little bit of MCS as well. The poor kid is so lost. He's 10, Louise is soon to be 18 and I'll be 20 at the end of the year. There's such a big age gap. He's a weird kid. At seven he was watching TV shows like CSI. Nothing phases him. And no one treats him right. Mark says he's a spoilt brat, but now that I'm not at home I really do feel sorry for him. He must be so displaced in the family. He's been forced to grow up quickly I think, and he's not mature at all, and his father's side of the family are all dickheads and have nothing to do with him. I'm going to spoil him and be nice to him and take him places, because he deserves it. Mum does all she can for him, but he's a bit put out with Bub. Not so much now though, although he does whinge that she's always buying Bub things and not him. All Jayden needs is really just someone who'll play with him, because Mum is too tied up with Bub mostly, as well as everything else she has to do. Mark always complains, but I'm going to try to invite him over a bit more. Mark just doesn't want him playing his PS3, but he needs someone to play with. Nothing is right for that kid. I don't want him to grow up to have a complex about not fitting in, even though he fits in so much at school. He's the popular kid, especially with the girls. I'm going to try to go to his indoor soccer game this Friday. He comes to ours every week and watches. I never do anything for him. Now I feel really bad for him.
I had a horrible dream about Jayden last night as well, which is possibly why I feel so horrible about doing nothing for him now. We were on some concrete stairs somewhere, and he was pushing me down just being silly. And then he fell, all the way down the stairs and cracked his head on the bottom one. It was just so horrible. It was so vivid and the sound was just disgusting. I woke up shaking and it took me a good half an hour to push it out of my mind so I could go back to sleep, and I didn't sleep well after that. I can still see his poor unconscious face in my head when he'd hit that bottom step. That's an image that I never want to see in real life. I just dont' want to think about it or I think I will seriously cry. I would die if that happened. I think it's worse because it feels like it was my fault, because he was pushing on me and I moved so that he'd stop. This is just a mental picture that I don't think I'll ever get out of my head.
I've got TAFE tonight, and I have to hand in my photos. I did seven, and printed them out as 12x8. They look pretty good, even though there's only one or two photos that I actually like. I had a pretty limited lot to choose from as I don't have my own camera. So at least now I'll pass the course, and it's not as if they're bad pictures, they're just not what I like.
The daisies are my favourite. The tulips I actually took on Mark's little camera and it was rather a fluke that they turned out that well! The first one, down the rail, is my second favourite. And the film. Hopefully my teacher is happy with them. They're all good photos, just not what I like to take photos of. And I've got to scan some black and whites onto my computer as well. I'll have more of those on Friday.