Last Night
was a failure. As my weekends off generally are. Except the last one.
I am pissed off at everyone, ok wait. I was pissed off at everyone except for Mark and Melissa. I can't be pissed off with Melissa because I had no plans with her. She had her own plans, and I made the choice to not go with her and tag along with people I didn't know. I wouldn't have had a good night if I did because I would have felt like I was walking around like a lost little puppy. And I don't like that feeling. Which is why I needed someone to go with.
I'm not pissed off with Mark about it, because I knew that he wouldn't come, because of his foot. I'd gotten used to the idea of having to go without him, and he talked to me on MSN and on the phone while I complained to him and cried and was pretty good about it. He only once told me that he felt like nothing he did matters, which isn't true at all. I wasn't really annoyed at him, just annoyed at the world.
And yes. I sat in our cabin by myself and cried. For probably half an hour before I settled down. I'm just sick of my weekends off turning out like this. Ally was exhausted, and didn't message me until around 9pm. She could have let me know beforehand, because there was no way possible that that was the time that she finished work. And I'm thinking "big deal?" like I'm always exhausted at the end of the day, and I pretty much pulled a 14hour day standing/walking/working/dancing non stop last Saturday when I was out, only getting a couple of hours sleep because I was actually physically exhausted. She can't have been that exhausted. How tiring can working at a donut shop be? And I do believe I've already ranted about Caleb and Alissa. I think I'm just not going to try any more. I don't give a shit at the moment. If Alissa wants to hang out with me or get into bed with me than she's going to have to do something that I want to do, because I would go somewhere if she asked me. Even if it bored the shit out of me, which I know that it would because she likes going and sitting at the club, and I like going out and dancing. Caleb came on MSN and I kind of gave him a piece of my mind. He goes "I always just think you like me a little bit less whenever I don't come out, but don't think that the reason is because I don't want to" so I said "it doesn't matter what the reason is, I still get just as annoyed because you won't come." He said he had an 8am start, and I'm thinking "I do 8am starts every Sunday and I still go out at times." I was out last weekend with an 8am start for a ten hour day. I was shit tired and felt like falling over all day, but I did it, because you have to. I messaged Melissa at various points of the night, hoping that she wasn't feeling how I was feeling because it would have made me feel worse. I told her to have a good night and apologised for not being there. I told her that a girl I wanted to take out refused to go, and she suggested go somewhere else and end up there, but I'd tried that and it didn't work. She said it was unfair, and I'm so glad that someone agrees with me on that point. I told her that I asked for the 6th off to go out with her on the 5th and I don't care if no one else is going, I'm definitely going because it's her last night. I'm not missing out on dancing with her and getting my dancefloor kiss. Both of which were supposed to happen last night. I said we'd catch up some night this week. She said "sweet as" which is better than "ok no worries" which is what she always says.
And today was going pretty well until just now. Now I'm talking to Melissa, and she's telling me what she got up to last night, and that she hooked up with five people on the dancefloor, and I don't know why it's bothering me. I guess I just feel left out because that was supposed to be me. And now I'm back in an upset mood because she's telling me what an amazing night she had hooking up with friends and all I was doing was crying in bed. It's always as if I never get what I want. Stupid friends. I'm hating them so much right now. And also feeling something that I'm guessing equates to jealousy or something like it because I wanted so bad just to be with her and couldn't be.
God this is fucked up. I'm going there as soon as I can because I'm sick of missing out.
I am pissed off at everyone, ok wait. I was pissed off at everyone except for Mark and Melissa. I can't be pissed off with Melissa because I had no plans with her. She had her own plans, and I made the choice to not go with her and tag along with people I didn't know. I wouldn't have had a good night if I did because I would have felt like I was walking around like a lost little puppy. And I don't like that feeling. Which is why I needed someone to go with.
I'm not pissed off with Mark about it, because I knew that he wouldn't come, because of his foot. I'd gotten used to the idea of having to go without him, and he talked to me on MSN and on the phone while I complained to him and cried and was pretty good about it. He only once told me that he felt like nothing he did matters, which isn't true at all. I wasn't really annoyed at him, just annoyed at the world.
And yes. I sat in our cabin by myself and cried. For probably half an hour before I settled down. I'm just sick of my weekends off turning out like this. Ally was exhausted, and didn't message me until around 9pm. She could have let me know beforehand, because there was no way possible that that was the time that she finished work. And I'm thinking "big deal?" like I'm always exhausted at the end of the day, and I pretty much pulled a 14hour day standing/walking/working/dancing non stop last Saturday when I was out, only getting a couple of hours sleep because I was actually physically exhausted. She can't have been that exhausted. How tiring can working at a donut shop be? And I do believe I've already ranted about Caleb and Alissa. I think I'm just not going to try any more. I don't give a shit at the moment. If Alissa wants to hang out with me or get into bed with me than she's going to have to do something that I want to do, because I would go somewhere if she asked me. Even if it bored the shit out of me, which I know that it would because she likes going and sitting at the club, and I like going out and dancing. Caleb came on MSN and I kind of gave him a piece of my mind. He goes "I always just think you like me a little bit less whenever I don't come out, but don't think that the reason is because I don't want to" so I said "it doesn't matter what the reason is, I still get just as annoyed because you won't come." He said he had an 8am start, and I'm thinking "I do 8am starts every Sunday and I still go out at times." I was out last weekend with an 8am start for a ten hour day. I was shit tired and felt like falling over all day, but I did it, because you have to. I messaged Melissa at various points of the night, hoping that she wasn't feeling how I was feeling because it would have made me feel worse. I told her to have a good night and apologised for not being there. I told her that a girl I wanted to take out refused to go, and she suggested go somewhere else and end up there, but I'd tried that and it didn't work. She said it was unfair, and I'm so glad that someone agrees with me on that point. I told her that I asked for the 6th off to go out with her on the 5th and I don't care if no one else is going, I'm definitely going because it's her last night. I'm not missing out on dancing with her and getting my dancefloor kiss. Both of which were supposed to happen last night. I said we'd catch up some night this week. She said "sweet as" which is better than "ok no worries" which is what she always says.
And today was going pretty well until just now. Now I'm talking to Melissa, and she's telling me what she got up to last night, and that she hooked up with five people on the dancefloor, and I don't know why it's bothering me. I guess I just feel left out because that was supposed to be me. And now I'm back in an upset mood because she's telling me what an amazing night she had hooking up with friends and all I was doing was crying in bed. It's always as if I never get what I want. Stupid friends. I'm hating them so much right now. And also feeling something that I'm guessing equates to jealousy or something like it because I wanted so bad just to be with her and couldn't be.
God this is fucked up. I'm going there as soon as I can because I'm sick of missing out.