a better place
Well the whole paranoia about the computer suddenly dying turned out to be true. I probably shouldn't have turned it off until I knew that was going to happen. I turned it on and nothing but that stupid Privacy Tools Kit or whatever loaded, which is the thing that kept popping up yesterday telling me that there was like 839274 discreditable files and privacy violations. The task bar wouldn't even load. Nothing happened, but I could get the task manager, so I restarted, and the same happened again. So in defeat I rang Jason and told him of my dilemma, feeling horribly incompetent. I told him about that Privacy Tools Kit and whatever and how it said that I had to renew my licence which would cost like $80 and he said that that was just a scam basically and not to worry about it, and that these things don't show up on virus scans because they're clever and can afford it. Looks like the viruses are one up so the anti-viruses better get their act together.
So Jason took my computer to take the hard drive out and put it in another computer and manually delete the virused files and he's going to return it tomorrow afternoon. I'm so thankful. I would seriously die without my computer. And I'd be dead anyway after losing everyone else's files like photos and all my music and everything. So he's going to fix it for me and keep all my files in tact and give me back my computer and I won't go looking around any shoddy websites. Not that I do really anyway. Jason said it's similar to the last one that Mark had on his computer, and he also said that he's fixed a few computers with this problem over the last few weeks, so this is obviously the new one doing the rounds.
At the moment I'm loaning a small notebook from Jason until he brings mine back tomorrow. I'm thankful, even though this keyboard is driving me nuts. I'll take it, and not complain too loudly. It is, after all, my fault. And the screen is tiny, which I'm not a huge fan of. But he plugged my mouse in so I don't have to use the touch pad thing, because I fail epically at that. And I unplugged my computer (which isn't here anyway) from my stereo and plugged my iPod cord into that so I still have my music, which makes me very happy. I have no pictures or anything, but that doesn't matter. This is only temporary.
The first thing I am doing (well it won't be the first thing, because that'll be turning it on, loading music, signing into MSN...but you get the picture) is backing up all my files. I know I said that the last time my computer crashed, but I mean it this time. Jason is even going to give me an external hard drive to put everything on because I can't afford my own. Sometimes I think that what Greg Dayson made me miss out on in a father I've gained through Jason. Not many people have uncles who would take you on holidays regularly or do everything computer related for you, or even air condition your home, and then teach you how to drive and buy you a washing machine. Jason definately is the closest thing I have to a real father, and I need to thank him somehow. He's done so much for us. This fixing computer stuff is only really little, but it really does mean a lot to me. He does it all for free, and the computer is basically my life line, I need it.
It's after 8pm and I am drinking Coke. I don't care. Somehow I think that Coke doesn't really have the waking effect on me anyway. Nothing really seems to do what it's supposed to when it comes to me. Panadol often doesn't take away my headaches. I get that sick feeling when I have too much healthy food, like the Boost smoothies used to make me feel horrible. I was frazzled from this whole computer thing so I needed something to pick me up, and Coke is it. Even though I have work tomorrow morning. I seem to function better being tired anyway. I'm always tired regardless. I may as well get used to it.
I've done no study today. Going to Coles only to find out that they don't have the cat food I want and then having my computer die on me is to blame though. Which technically leaves me to blame I guess, but hey.
I had an idea at work today, and everyone was really surprised. I got a new book, and started rewriting the carton barcodes for when we have to make up cartons, and instead of writing the key code down so we could type it in, which is a pain, I cut the barcodes off the cartons and stuck them in. Very clever. Except it's a slow process because we have to wait to open a carton to get the barcode, and there are some that we hardly ever sell so they'll take a while. All the major ones are in it though, which is good. Shell was pleased. Apparently Katie kicked up a stink last time someone did it like that, but she's sick and won't be there for ages and just too bad. Everyone thought it was so weird that I was doing something like that. It was like 'no one takes charge, why are you doing that?', like everyone just deals with everything being crappy and no one does anything about it. Well not me, not from now on. It's not my department, but I'm still going to try to fix it. That's my problem though, I try to fix everything, but this will work, because it's all easy. Having awesome ideas is invigorating. I think I'm going to do it more often. Maybe I'll get somewhere in that job now. Joe is always saying to use initiative, not that he would even care what I did.
I got more of my Pill today, which lead to a really funny discussion about money. I also bought some antihistamines and told Mark he should put in some money for them because he'll use just as many as I do, and then I said that he should help me pay for my birth control, because he's the reason I'm on it. He's not really though, I'm on it because I was irregular, but if I were single I'd probably have stopped taking it a while ago because there wouldn't have been a need. It was a really funny conversation because he was all like "I'm not paying for it" and then "well go off the pills and I'll pay for condoms" to which I was like "no I don't like condoms, you don't like condoms, it's a hassle" and it was so random because we were talking about this loudly in the car park at the shopping complex right after we both finished work. And then we figured out that my pill only ends up costing like $5 a month, so it's not really worth it.
Again I am worried about a net friend who is suicidal. It's a different girl though, the other one is doing better, or says she is at least. I hate this whole being a computer screen thing. I wish I was more than a Facebook message or more than an email. She just said "I wish you were here". What I wouldn't give, honestly. Words are all I have, but they're not enough. Words won't ever be as good as someone who is physically there, who can offer real support and a real shoulder to cry on and somewhere to just disappear for a little while so no one else can matter until things are sorted out. I'd give anything to be able to be there with her, on the other side of the goddamn world. If I could do it, I would, but I can't, and she knows that and maybe that's what gets her down. I want so much to get off the computer so I don't have to think about it, so I can read and pretend that there's no one in this world that wants to die right now, and just live my own life and go to bed and get up in the morning but I can't leave her. I have to at least save one person, just one. I have to stop one, I have to give one hope.
I wish the world was a better place sometimes.