NoJoMo 14
This is my fourteenth diary entry in this OpenDiary. I'm not bothered to go back and find my fourteenth entry from my LiveJournal.
I hurts so much! March 21, 2008
I'm not going to work on Monday. I've even rearranged it all. Thank god. I am in so much pain at the moment from pulling things around and serving on a normal check out all day. I tried to be in express but they wouldn't put me in there. Not that it's any different really. My manager didn't even realise that I still couldn't walk properly, even though she's been there everyday I've been there. I still can't believe that they sent me home on Tuesday so I could work the rest of the week, but the only reason I did was because I knew how hard it would be (pretty much harder than impossible) to get someone to cover my shift, and you have to be pretty much dead to call in sick on the busiest days of the year. And today is public holiday pay so five hours turns in half my week nearly. And I know how stressed out me calling in sick on any of these days would have stressed Andie out. And 5:30am is way too early to even think about ringing in sick, let alone not turning up because they wouldn't like that at all. So now I'm not going in on Monday, even though that is also public holiday pay (so my ten hours would turn in my whole week) but I really just can't. I was scared that they weren't going to let me, and just say to see how I go with it tomorrow, but the thing is, I had yesterday off (being Good Friday and all) and I was still in so much pain this morning that I almost didn't go.
I got the whole eating right rant of Mum, again. It's ridiculous. I know I don't eat right, and at the moment I don't care. It's better to eat what I can, when I can, which admittedly isn't much or isnt' anything healthy. It's not as if we get McDonald's every second day for lunch, because we don't. And I eat the best I can at work. Usually I'll be a premade salad from the produce section (a.k.a. a bag of lettuce pretty much) and buy some chicken schnitzels from the chicken shop. Or I'll buy a chicken burger. Or a salad sandwich from the cafe (which costs me nearly $8 mind you). I don't buy hot chips and gravy anymore because I'm sick of it. I don't buy the deep fried food, even though there isn't much else. I know I drink a lot of Coke, and not much of anything else, but I like Coke, and I am trying not to. It's just that at work the Coke is right there, and anything else is too far away and probably more expensive. And the Coke machine is only $1. We do eat good dinners, like meat and vegetables, but I can't cook and I'd prefer not to. I don't pack my lunch for work because most of the time I couldn't be bothered, and there's never much to take anyway. I eat just fine.
I remember this. I'd probably still get that rant off Mum if I was still living at home.
I'm on the cancellation list at the doctors, so hopefully I'll get in next week. People keep telling me to go up to the hospital, but I really don't like the idea of sitting in emergency all day waiting for them to most likely tell me I've pulled a muscle or write me out a referral so that someone else can see me. I have no idea what I've done but I doubt it's hospital serious. Mark said he hurt in the same place that I do, and he pulled the ligament. My manager said that I most probably pinched a nerve, but she's going on the assumption that I've only just started hurting. The thing is, I've been hurting (like after a hard day at work, after soccer, after walking anywhere) for ages, probably about two months. Now I just hurt all the time, even when I'm not doing anything. I actually blame Louise and running to make up for four people at soccer last Monday, because that's when it was a constant pain. Now it hurts all the time; when I sit, when I stand, when I lie down, when I move, even more so when I move. Walking is hard; I've been limping since Tuesday. I can't even lie down. Sitting isn't too bad, I can sit cross legged on my computer chair without really being in pain, but when I reach or move just a little it hurts. I don't want to take pain killers, because I have a "pain killer complex". I think they don't work for me, so in actual fact they don't work, or appear to be working. A couple of people recommended Nurofen because it has the anti-inflamitory thing in it, but we don't buy Nurofen. It feels better after I rest, but then I can move just one step wrong and I'm in agony again. It's not fun. I've been in at work these last three days so I think I deserve a few off now. I shouldn't even be working, no one can believe that they're making me. Of course I doubt I hurt myself at work, but still, if I make it worse I can still put it on them and make them cover my expenses.
I've hardly done any study at all. I'm about to go and do some sociology because I'm a bit behind. I also have to finish and edit my paragraphs. They're due in at the end of next week. And my psych essay which is due in the week after that. Lots to do, maybe with the next four days off I'll get around to it!
I wanted to go out so badly tonight. I probably still will, I just won't be able to dance like I've been dying to do. Oh well, I'll still go out and drink and have fun chatting to people. Maybe I'll just stand on the dance floor! Andie said she didn't know if she was going out yet, Nat has gone camping for the weekend (which she is not happy about) and Gabby and Joe are definately going out. Mark has Daniel coming out now, so I guess I'll go. I don't know if Mark's planning on drinking (because we're going home to different places tonight and it would cost too much for a taxi to both) but it doesn't really matter I guess.
I can't believe it's Easter tomorrow. Things have changed so much! Last Easter Mark and I broke up, on Easter Sunday exactly. I'm sure it was the 4th of April, because I'm pretty sure that it was our exact three year anniversary. I remember; he walked out of here because he didn't know if he loved me anymore. I remember watching him walk up the street from my window, and then realising he didn't take the chocolate I bought him, and then realising that that didn't really matter because my world had just kind of ended. I remember writing a blog on Bebo, messaging Amy and apologising for ruining her Easter, and then making a lemon cheesecake. Everyone here was at Nundle at the Chinese Festival (which is actually where I want to go tomorrow). I remember crying and screaming in my room and in the cabin. I do remember taking a whole lot of painkillers, but I'm not sure exactly when that was. It might have been before we broke up. And then I went for a whole week forcing myself not to call or text him, and then texting him in the middle of the night one night because Amy and I fought. And then after a week he came over (we organised) so that he could get his stuff and drop mine back, and then we decided that if we'd talked to each other we might have gotten back together. We did eventually, but I really thought that that was the end. I'm glad it wasn't, because I know I'd be a completely different person without him today. I'm probably be a whole lot weaker, because putting up with the shit from his family taught me a lot with how to deal with people like that (usually ignoring is best, but if you're going to have a go and nearly lose everything, you better make it worth it!) and showed me that sometimes the people that are meant to stick by you are the ones who will treat you the worst because they're not who you thought they were. It seemed horrible at the time, that with everything we'd been through (Amy, Sarah, his family being completely against my sexuality and who I liked, everything) that he would just stop loving me just like that because we'd stuck together through so much. He was confused. I think he was torn in between me and his family, and he probably thought that he couldn't have both. He dated another girl from his church in the two weeks that we weren't together, and he thought he loved her but he soon realised that he didn't. I can't even begin to imagine what things would be like if we didn't get back together and if we didn't stick it out together. I couldn't even imagine what things would be like if we'd broken up back when things were going wrong with Melissa. I couldn't imagine not having him, although sometimes I do wish I had a girlfriend. Mark is my constant; we're together and I love him, regardless of what my sex drive says! I can't imagine what it would be like without him, but I know I probably wouldn't survive.
Mmm, not a good time at Easter the year before. Still hurts to think about it all a little bit.
I weighed myself at Mark's place yesterday. I haven't done it in months, mostly because we don't own a scale. I weigh 50.4kgs. Which is what I weighed last time. I'm happy with that. I don't own any body hang ups at the moment.
Ok, so I've put on three kilos-ish since March. That sucks.
I changed my nose stud today, seeing as I'm not going to be working for a couple of days now. It's now my little double hearts gold one and it's so cute. I wanted to take pics so that I could show Drena but it's not working cause it's so small! I managed to get it in this time. I couldn't last time, I don't know why, I think cause it's smaller than all my other ones so it kind of hurt to push it in last time but it was good this time. I'm excited, I get to show everyone when I go to my great aunty's for a bbq tonight. I doubt they'll all be excited though!
I miss Drena. She's gone to, actually I don't know where, but she's gone to stay with her mum and go to some concert. She was shitting herself about it (not the best relationship) but she said she's just going to let her hair down and have some fun. That's what I was planning on doing tonight, but I'll still hopefully be drinking. I can't wait until she comes back. I want to see her photo of her new hair colour (pink!) and chat to her all day because I haven't had a decent talk to her in a couple of days. Even though I don't know her personally we're still amazing friends, and I miss her so much! I know it seems crazy for someone you don't know, but when you talk to them nearly every day and have so much to do with each other it's kind of hard not to miss them. That and she's so amazing; literally one of my best friends even though I've never met her. It'll happen one day, when I have enough money to get over to NZ.
We watched the second Lord of the Rings movie last night. I love them, they really are amazing. I'm thinking of attempting to read the books again so that I've got anothe way to chill out from studying. I started ages ago but I think I got half way through the second book. I've got the three in one book, so it's really thick and really daunting. If I had three separate books than I probably would have managed it. I think my bookmark is still in it! But I think I'm going to start again. I haven't been bothered to go out and buy another Jodi Picoult book because I know I'd get way too absorbed and need to finish it really quick. With the LotR than I'll probably read it at an even pace and not get so absorbed because I already know what happens. I just like books because they have more detail. I prefer books like Harry Potter and the Da Vinci Code way more than the movies. In LotR there's this quote that I love. It's and you don't want to hear the end, because, how could the end be happy? They're talking about people telling stories about them, and the stories that they had heard when they were young, about bravery and hard journeys and thinking that someone would never make it back. They then go on to say that of course the end is happy, because you wouldn't tell the story otherwise. It's just a cute little quote,and I'll have to get the rest of it so that it makes sense in an inspirational way.
I think I've done all my typing for one day. This is a really long entry! I don't know where I got so much to talk about from!