apart from feeling depressed...
Is it sad that my main means of keeping up with my nine year old brother is MSN? I think it's funny. I don't know why he uses it, but he only has like three contacts on there anyway.
It's been a while since I've done a big update because lately I've been too focused on the whole feeling down thing. I do feel better. There's something theraputic about packing grocery bags, but only when you don't do it every day. I felt better after work last night. I think the reason behind me never shipping myself off to see a doctor about my mood is because it changes so often. I was down as hell on Friday night, weird all day Saturday, then alright after work on Saturday, and I do feel quite fine today. I know enough about depression to know that the main diagnostic requirement is down moods for longer than two days. I think two weeks is the average required for a diagnosis, along with other things (like loss of apetite, tiredness, recurring thoughts of death, no motivation, etc).
My camera is going well. I'm really excited now. I went around home today to pick up my notice of assessment for my tax return and took some photos of Bub. I haven't loaded them onto the computer yet because I've been doing other things. I can't wait until I can get out and take some good photos. There's nothing interesting around the flat at all! Here's a photo of my camera, cause I'm really excited to have it:
on my awesome frangipani placemats. Those placemats are in so many random photos, like this one of a simple cocktail that Mark and I made:
That one's just vodka, blue caruaca and lemonade.
Mark and I did nothing yesterday. Well I started work at 3pm, but Mark did nothing. We watched CSI, spent time on the computer and did washing. I wasn't in that good of a mood, I wrote about feeling lost. I felt better after work. Work was crazy, it was so busy and didn't let up. It's sport season, it's easy to see that, but yesterday was just off the charts. It was busy way after it should have quietened down. And there was no one on check outs. I think they must be cutting back hours or something, because there were two ten o'clock closers, which there usually is, but the one before that went home at 6pm. Usually there's one until 8pm, but not yesterday. I spent an hour and a half on check outs, doing the theraputic grocery bag packing. It's only theraputic because I'm good at it, and I don't have to think about it. It's good to do something you're good at when you're feeling down, so I felt better after venting my frustrations on groceries. I had a few customers complain about the lack of staff, but after I politely complained about having to be out serving instead of doing my own job I think they got the picture that it was just crazy busy for no reason. I got pretty much no work done. I didn't fill the cigarettes in liquor, and I ripped up the papers at 7:45pm, with the help of the supervisor. The only reason I got out on time was because they don't like holding me back. I don't know why, but everytime I say I'll stay back because it's busy they say no.
While I walked home I talked to Precious on the phone. She'd rang me twice and sent me a message, obviously not realising I was at work. She rang me to tell me that if I ran into her mother, she was staying at my house. She was staying with some boy (let's-get-married-guy's friend) and she'd told her mother that she was at my place. I said ok, but doubted I'd be running into her mother any time soon. When I said "what about guy-who-believed-that-she-was-a-slut-guy?" she said "what about him?" so that's obviously been over with for about a week now. I told her she needs to tell me these things. I found out she got fired because her boss told Daniel, Daniel told Mark and Mark told me. That girl is so hard to keep up with. So she's moved onto another boy, obviously one she hasn't yet told her parents about. She said she definately is turning up at TAFE next week. I'm a little hesitant to want to kiss her now. It would be so much easier if she were single, but she's not and never is for long. As mush as I'm hoping, I know that a relationship is pretty much out of the question. She's straight, and I'm a girl, and besides that she's already in a relationship with a boy that probably wouldn't share her. I know if I had her, I wouldn't want anyone else to have her. Anyway, it was good to hear from her. I can't wait to see her again.
I just talked to this guy on Bebo who was expressing his frustration at not knowing anyone who was gay (he is obviously gay). He sends me a message with "do you know how hard it is to find gay people?". Actually, I do. It's hard, and it sucks, and I know I'm probably not looking in the right places, but is there anywhere to look here? And then on top of finding someone who is gay/bisexual, they've also got to be open to open relationships. And then Mark has to be ok with the girl I meet. Finding someone has unofficially been put on hold indefinately. Just because I don't know where to look for people. I joined the Yahoo group for the LGBT group in my town, but there is zero activity on it at all. I got an email about a party in a town three hours away, but like I can make that, and like I would know anyone to go with! I'm not that independant; I can't go to a LGBT party completely on my own. One day I will.
Work today wasn't too bad. It wasn't as busy as yesterday, thank god. I got things done early because I had to do the load because Shell has stocktake tomorrow. The load came in early, which was good. There have been times when it hasn't come in until after I've finished. I do the next stocktake. It's on September 8. Shell copied the next eight dates into the back of our communication book so that we both know now. I even ripped up her tickets to save her time in the morning. We sold out of the papers so I didn't have to rip any of those up. On the third page of the Telegraph was an article about Ruby Rose (openly gay party page writer) and one of the Veronicas (oh geez I can never remember which one! I'm sure it's Jess) admitting that they're in a relationship together. Everyone has known it for the longest time because they've been spotted hugging, holding hands and kissing. It's cute and I'm happy for them, but that again cements my notion that I'll never find a girl. It's depressing in a happy sort of way. After I did the load out the back I had to get some bags, and I sliced my finger open on a roll cage. It was only a little cut, but it decided it wanted to bleed a lot, and of course there were no band aids on the back dock. Miranda's husband (who now just works night fill as opposed to once being the night fill captian) wiped my bloody finger on his sleeve. I'm pretty sure I screamed a little bit. It was funny, but disgusting. He literally made me do it, and I resisted with everything I had. He did however finish getting the boxes for me and pushed my trolley to the service desk.
Mark and I are kind of going DVD TV series crazy. We're up to season two of CSI:NY, and he's watching Las Vegas as well. I put Scrubs, seasons one to four and six on layby today. I'm impatiently waiting for season four of House because I missed it all on TV. We're somwhere in the third season of CSI:Miami because we stopped watching it after we got something else. I finished the six seasons of Smallville a while ago and need to get onto Mark's computer to watch his downloaded ones. Mark's also done two seasons of Dexter, and we've done three seasons of Grey's Anatomy (I own one, we borrowed two and three of Ally), not to mention I have three seasons of the OC sitting at Mum's. I think we need to get out and do something. I sit and do longstitch when I watch by myself, but I haven't been doing that for a while. I finished my cross stitch while watching Smallville, and started a long stitch but then finished Smallville, so I needed something else. I also need to finish reading my book (Perfect Match - Jodi Picoult) and read some others I've got.
For a while now I've been meaning to post my "life list" for the LJ community and because I want to. I've got loads of little things I want to do that won't make it on that list either. Today I picked up a copy of "50 books you can't put down" and I want to read every book on that list. I've read one; Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I've got so many books I want to read! I better get reading. I've been meaning to do a life rethink, and try again to start doing things I love and do more things in smaller amounts of time. I might write that entry tomorrow. At the moment though, I'm kind of tired, and I can hear a book calling me.