empathy
Mark said something to me yesterday that really shook me. He said "we should buy another bed so that Jayden can stay here overnight sometimes". And seriously, I think it took me twenty minutes to pick my jaw up off the floor. When I asked why he said "I know what it's like to have no one to play with".
I have been barracking for Jayden ever since we moved in. I guess it's been ever since I've been able to view him as my brother and not some annoying kid that is always in my hair. Perspective is a good thing. I had this whole big talk to Mark yesterday (for probably about the hundredth time) about how Jayden is just a misunderstood kid who nobody ever does anything for. Mark went on about him being spoilt and how he gets everything he asks for, and I asked him for an example but he couldn't find one. Jayden is a pain in the ass, but nobody seriously does anything for him. He's a young kid stuck in a grown up family (and I'm not looking forward to Bub growing up either!). His father does nothing for him, and even less in comparison to what he does for his other son (his daughter moved to Brisbane with her mother a while ago, so she's ignored as well).
The kids in my family go as such; me at 20 in December, Louise at 18, Jayden at 9 and Bub at 9months. So Jayden hasn't had anyone to play with. While he was supposed to be playing trucks in the sandpit he was staying up with us watching TV shows like CSI. Instead of playing soccer in the mud with someone his age he's been taught how to play computer and playstation games way above his level of maturity because that's what the people he knew did. He really is a screwed up kid, and he really does have no one. I'm not there anymore and Louise has her boyfriend, but we never played with him much. I used to be able to get Mark to play the occasional game of backyard soccer with him, but that never happened much. His father really doesn't appear to care about him or Bub (while his other son gets a new motorbike every year costing upwards of $6000 Jayden has had the same second hand motorbike for the last five years that he's now too big for, so his father won't take him motorbike riding because he "can't afford to buy him a new one" when Mum's found second hand ones for $1000 that he could easily afford). And Mum is too wrapped up with Bub to play with Jayden now, even though she tries her best. She still manages to get him to all his sport, but he doesn't see that as something she does for him, just as something that should always be done for him.
He's also a little bit of a difficult child. He's no angel, but he's not a horror child either. He's a little bit developmentally delayed, and also his father's side of the family are all idiots. Mark says he lacks discipline, but I really think that he lacks a friend. Yesterday I said to Mark "stop trying to be his parent and just try to be his friend". He doesn't want someone yelling at him when he gets upset because that same someone won't let him play the playstation, he wants someone to play the playstation with him. He just needs someone to understand him, and then he'll probably settle down a bit. It's going to be me that does it, because although I can't remember, I'm sure that Louise and I would have been similar to how he is now. Except that Mum had more time for us because she didn't have other kids, and that we had each other. We never had a father, so at least I know how hard that must be for him. He wouldn't understand that his father is just an idiot, and he probably thinks that it's his fault that he doesn't get that new motorbike.
We're having him over today because he wanted to come over last weekend but I had to work. We're making cupcakes for Louise's party, and Mark will probably just play the playstation with him. We dont' have a spare bed, but he does want to stay here, but he can't tonight because of the party. I will definately have him over soon.
I stumbled upon this news article (by means of a favourite on OpenDiary) and I find it really interesting. You can find it here. It's about empathy, and EDD (empathy deficit disorder) which is basically how everyone is just becoming so self centred that they stop caring about other people and lose the ability to "put themselves in someone else's shoes" to see how life is for them. It's a good little read, really thought provoking. I pride myself on being empathetic, and by the sounds of this article, I'm one of not many.
I have been barracking for Jayden ever since we moved in. I guess it's been ever since I've been able to view him as my brother and not some annoying kid that is always in my hair. Perspective is a good thing. I had this whole big talk to Mark yesterday (for probably about the hundredth time) about how Jayden is just a misunderstood kid who nobody ever does anything for. Mark went on about him being spoilt and how he gets everything he asks for, and I asked him for an example but he couldn't find one. Jayden is a pain in the ass, but nobody seriously does anything for him. He's a young kid stuck in a grown up family (and I'm not looking forward to Bub growing up either!). His father does nothing for him, and even less in comparison to what he does for his other son (his daughter moved to Brisbane with her mother a while ago, so she's ignored as well).
The kids in my family go as such; me at 20 in December, Louise at 18, Jayden at 9 and Bub at 9months. So Jayden hasn't had anyone to play with. While he was supposed to be playing trucks in the sandpit he was staying up with us watching TV shows like CSI. Instead of playing soccer in the mud with someone his age he's been taught how to play computer and playstation games way above his level of maturity because that's what the people he knew did. He really is a screwed up kid, and he really does have no one. I'm not there anymore and Louise has her boyfriend, but we never played with him much. I used to be able to get Mark to play the occasional game of backyard soccer with him, but that never happened much. His father really doesn't appear to care about him or Bub (while his other son gets a new motorbike every year costing upwards of $6000 Jayden has had the same second hand motorbike for the last five years that he's now too big for, so his father won't take him motorbike riding because he "can't afford to buy him a new one" when Mum's found second hand ones for $1000 that he could easily afford). And Mum is too wrapped up with Bub to play with Jayden now, even though she tries her best. She still manages to get him to all his sport, but he doesn't see that as something she does for him, just as something that should always be done for him.
He's also a little bit of a difficult child. He's no angel, but he's not a horror child either. He's a little bit developmentally delayed, and also his father's side of the family are all idiots. Mark says he lacks discipline, but I really think that he lacks a friend. Yesterday I said to Mark "stop trying to be his parent and just try to be his friend". He doesn't want someone yelling at him when he gets upset because that same someone won't let him play the playstation, he wants someone to play the playstation with him. He just needs someone to understand him, and then he'll probably settle down a bit. It's going to be me that does it, because although I can't remember, I'm sure that Louise and I would have been similar to how he is now. Except that Mum had more time for us because she didn't have other kids, and that we had each other. We never had a father, so at least I know how hard that must be for him. He wouldn't understand that his father is just an idiot, and he probably thinks that it's his fault that he doesn't get that new motorbike.
We're having him over today because he wanted to come over last weekend but I had to work. We're making cupcakes for Louise's party, and Mark will probably just play the playstation with him. We dont' have a spare bed, but he does want to stay here, but he can't tonight because of the party. I will definately have him over soon.
I stumbled upon this news article (by means of a favourite on OpenDiary) and I find it really interesting. You can find it here. It's about empathy, and EDD (empathy deficit disorder) which is basically how everyone is just becoming so self centred that they stop caring about other people and lose the ability to "put themselves in someone else's shoes" to see how life is for them. It's a good little read, really thought provoking. I pride myself on being empathetic, and by the sounds of this article, I'm one of not many.