mental illness

[laced_blonde]

this is just going to be a random rant
i can tell already

my brain is telling me yes
my conscious is saying yes
but my heart is saying no
im so compulsive about everything
paranoid and frantic
depressed and cant stop crying sometimes
its not glamorous .
its painful .

flicking of a lightswitch
several hundred times
or the obsessions and compulsions
not stepping on cracks
blessing everyone who sneezes

or what ?
what is really going to happen if i dont do all that?
NOTHING
and i know that
but its like i tell myself
"something good with happen if you do this"
i just dont know anymore
i need to get medication
so i dont have to be soo freakish all the time
so i can be normal

i do everything to an extreme
and i cant anymore
the perfectionism kills me at heart

mind is racing
feeling tossed
i dont know how
our paths crossed
worry anxious rambaling on