Je suis pret
The year was 2019, and things were kind of a mess. I was feeling very much like a lone fish swimming in the deep blue sea. No panic.
Then 2020 arrived and in an instant, I found myself swimming in a sea of fish. As if a whole aquarium of fish had suddenly been tossed into the sea with me. It was kind of crowded, and not party kind of crowd either. All of us were struggling,threshing, bewildered and thrown together. Some panic.
Fast forward to 2024. I’ve got my shoe laces tied and let’s go!
But let’s backtrack a little bit…
To end of 2023 and start 2024 with a small testimony~
2023 in a nutshell was kind of sour and quite a bumpy ride. The last I blogged, I probably wrote about a project that was thrust upon me but that I wanted to see to completion. Well, that bombed. The new HRMS included an analytics tool uses Power BI and all the data could be pulled directly from within… so doing it manually became entirely redundant (…so long as the system data is clean). Then my entire team left, and I received poor ratings in my appraisal because I was appraised by people that I barely work with and objectives that were not my KPIs. This year, I think the new management caused alot of stress on all of us and it certainly brought out the really ugly political side of people.
But there were some spots of sunshine this year. I’m still grateful for friends and colleagues whom accept me for all my idiosyncrasies. I found colleagues who uplift me and keep me in check. While I realized that some will flip like pancakes, there are still some genuine gems out there. Lastly, The new HR team is really awesome too. Fun, energetic, silly and driven (I half expected that they would only hire 3 headed dragons or psychopathic defective humans).
It’s been a beautiful 3 years and I’m grateful for all the opportunities granted me… but even if my boss has stopped exploding in meetings, I’m under no illusion that she likes me, or that I will ever get promoted. So I’m looking for a new place!
I started applying for jobs and going for interviews…some could really be described as *awkward* … but it really sucks when I felt like I had a really interview, and yet the answer ultimately was still NOPE. So I was eyeing a particular position, but I was pretty sure it was closed. I might… have also whinged (prayed) that I didn’t want to have to apply for so many jobs / go for so many interviews >___>
I was getting pretty stressed and dejected… when I had a *bing!* moment. It sounds like such a cliche asian thing but I realized once again how I was holding on to certain misconceptions by measuring my worth based on my job, or my grades, things that I have or don’t have. I was beating myself for failing interviews or “not being good enough”.
But the truth is that our worth is found in Him, and God loves us unconditionally . Whether we are rich or poor, have lots of things, or nothing.
So I learnt to let go. I learnt to stop agonizing over every single application and interview. I’ll just do what I need to do and leave the rest in his hands. I prayed “Daddy Lord, these are my options right now, but I’m going to leave this with you. I pray that you plant me in a place where you can use me and grow me. No matter whether I get a job at A or B… or not. I know you love me just the same. Thank you and love you. Amen~”