Customers Suck pt 5768492027
Note to self: watching the last two episodes of Angel S5 for the first time is probably not a smart thing to do ten minutes before heading off to seven hours in retail hell. It makes you want to kill things with a sword, rather than smile and be cheerful to assholes.
Needless to say, the first ninety minutes of my shift were such a suckfest I lost my squee within moments of entering the building.
CARFUL OF TEENAGERS: *pulls up to pump 4, pumps gas*
SHOP: *is way too fucking busy, because dumbass manager is too cheap to pay enough people to cover a shift adequately*
TEENAGERS: *come in one by one, all get separate purchases*
TUI and DEAN, your friendly CSRs, to each TEENAGER: Have you got fuel with that? *smile*
TEENAGERS: Nah!
CARFUL OF TEENAGERS: *leaves*
TUI and DEAN: *clear the 20-person queue in record time*
TUI: Hey, Dean, where's pump 4?
DEAN: Did you not charge any of them?
TUI: The girls? nope. I did ask them, though.
DEAN: Crap.
Time passes, it is still extremely busy. There are several cars on the forecourt.
IDIOT: *walks up to desk, stares at TUI, says nothing.*
TUI: Hi! How are you?
IDIOT: Good, you?
TUI: ... good!
There is an awkward pause.
TUI: *makes wild guess* Oh, you have fuel? Are you $80 on #4?
IDIOT: Yup! *pays using Caltex card. You can't give cash out on a Caltex card, which means they are unforgiving of transaction errors.*
TUI: Bye now!
NOT AN IDIOT: Hi! I'm $80 on #4!
TUI: *looks out window, sees IDIOT getting into #3, which has $98* FUCK. Sorry, sir, there's been an accounting error, one second! *sprints out to IDIOT* Hi, sir! You told me you were $80 on #4, but you're $98 on #3! You need to come in and make up the difference for me!
IDIOT: HAHAHA! I didn't even listen to you! Hah!
TUI: Ha. Ha. Ha.
TUI: *processes about twelve different transactions between IDIOT and NOT AN IDIOT, including doing things you're TECHNICALLY NOT SUPPOSED TO DO with the till, like MANUAL FUEL SALES*
HUGE LINE OF CUSTOMERS: *gets twitchy* *thinks very clearly that TUI is incompetant*
IDIOT: *leaves without apologising*
TUI: *seethes* *is very fucking competent, thanks.*
More time passes!
DEAN: *goes on ciggy break*
TOTAL BITCH: *walks into store* *in very insulting, rude tone* Are you not selling gas today?
TUI: *is confused because, hey, there are three other customers in the store who don't appear to have had any problems* Uh, yes? Are you having difficulty pumping gas? If you'll give me five seconds to help this gentleman I can be out to help you!
TOTAL BITCH: I WENT TO TWO DIFFERENT PUMPS AND NEITHER OF THEM WORKED. Don't bother, I'll go somewhere they're prepared to do their jobs! *storms out*
TUI: *gobsmacked* *glances at screen* *sees that there's 20c on pump 3 and 30c on pump 6* THAT FUCKING BITCH WAS TOO DUMB TO REALISE SHE WAS ACTUALLY PUMPING AND JUST STOLE FUCKING PETROL. (A totally tiny amount, but it's the principle of the thing.)
DEAN: *comes back from break*
TUI: Man, you'll never guess what this horrible person just did!
DEAN: Jeeze, get over it, you need to not stress the small stuff!
TUI: ARGOMGWTFDKJASLJALKASJKASL *beats head against counter, causes concussion, is taken to hospital and doesn't have to work the next five and a half hours of her shift*
Okay, that last line is pure fantasy. But that-all happened within eighty minutes of my walking in the door. The morals of the stories are?
- PAY FOR YOUR PETROL.
- pay for YOUR petrol.
- don't be a bitch and then not PAY FOR YOUR PETROL.
I also was treated to the radio saying "And this week in the news. On Monday, newspapers revealed that Helen Clark's husband is in fact gay.* *kills things* *with a sword* *with Gunn's giant hubcap axe* *with my BRAIN*
OMFG I freaking hate show finales! They always fill me with HUGE LOVE for the show and then I have to go rewatch and! It's hard for me. I have this whole dealing process.
Anyway, thoughts. The episodes alternately pissed me off and make me shriek in glee. What mostly pissed me off? There are several really iconic shots of the "these people are deciding the fate of the universe in a really self-sacrificing, noble, and deeply attractive way!" variety. These thrill me, except the people in question? Angel, Gunn, Wesley, Lorne and Spike. Where was Illyria? Off being nursemaid. Cordelia? Dead. Fred? Dead. Nina? On a plane flight. Harmony? Sleeping with the enemy. Any other woman the show has seen? Dead, suicidal wreck of an ex-cop, dead, dead, and... did the show ever *have* any more women? Oh, yeah, Faith the insane ex-con. But she only got out alive because she escaped to Sunnydale, and you know, if you escape towards Sunnydale and the Apocalypse, that's a problem.
Oh, wait, Eve! Yeah, she was only around to get nookie from Lindsey and give him sympathetic qualities, and be sad when he died. AW. (Actually, I was really sad when Lindsey died. I thought that was a real shame, and actually uncharacteristic for Angel, who gave him a *lot* of second chances and I dunno, I like to think Lindsay eventually would have paid it back. OTOH, his characterisation ever since he came back from the outback wherever the hell he went with his guitar and evil hand and got tattooed... jeeze. The reasons he gave for leaving LA? To get away from Wolfram and Hart and their evil power plays and stress and killing babies. Lindsay CONSISTENTLY had a conscience when it came to innocents (but uh, not much else), and also when it came to tackiness. The boy was classy, in his own way. He was always giving Lilah crap for being unsubtle. But S5? He was all about the tacky dialogue, the ridiculous lack of subtlety, the power plays, and the EVIL. Yeah, dull and I thought the whole principle behind his re-entry was kinda whacked, so.)
I really sympathise with Harmony, actually. She was never trusted, Angel never had any confidence in her or caring, and while, yeah, she had no soul... well. Nor did Spike in Buffy S5. (4? 5? Actually now I'm thinking maybe 4? Can't be stuffed wiki-ing.) Bah. She could have distracted Hamilton! (Adam Baldwin, by the way? is HUGE, which is really obvious when he's, you know, Jayne, but when he's monkeysuit lawyer boy? Totally not obvious until he is TOWERING over David Boreanaz, about twice as tall and three times as broad in the shoulder, which is not all that easy.)
Also, Lorne! Honey. :( It's not easy being green!
BUT. There were LOTS of good things, too.
BADASSNESS, mostly. I can't help it, I'm a sucker, hi, folks, I like GENRE TELEVISION and GENRE FICTION. I am in it for the big swords and big axes and big gunes and other phallic symbols employed in the service of BIG HONKIN' NOBLE GOOD. (I also genuinely love Angel, the person, or I did for almost all of Angel. I don't actually think it's possible to watch the show without love for him, because ATS is a love letter to the character, to his pointless nobility and his caring for the small innocent victims, for his quest for redemption but also his want to help the hopeless that I think goes beyond personal desire for redemption - he actually signs away his chance to achieve true redemption, yo. And I think you have to buy into at least some of that in a way that you *don't* have to for BTVS and Buffy, because Buffy is more of an ensemble piece, you can be in it for Willow and Xander and the Scoobies, but that love for Cordelia and Doyle and Wesley just won't carry you through ATS because eventually there were some horrifically bad character decisions made, but Angel remains fairly consistent. The exception, I think maybe a love for Gunn could go a long way because Gunn's character *made sense*, and he didn't really do stupid OOC shit. He had stupid OOC shit done *to him*, though - see Fred/Gunn and why it is SO MUCH greater than Fred/Wes in EVERY WAY.) ANYWAY. My point? ILLYRIA. I didn't really like her but she was *so fucking cool* in her "kill the bastards!" moments - just not when she opened her mouth. But the scenes with the guys in the car... fuck yes.
ALSO. GUNN. OMFG OMFG OMFG GUNN. I just, I can't, Gunn is the shit. I rewatched Jesus Walks after Not Fade Away and and and and and and and Gunn. *_* He lives, right? Right?
WES. I am so sad that Joss actually killed him, unlike all the rest who are just probably about to die. I was *so* sad that his growth ever since his introduction, to being Wesley Wyndham-Price, Rogue Demon Hunter, in actual fact, in being taken seriously as a character - I was so sad that that was lost. And yes, it made me angry with Joss, but in a ":( why do you make me miserable" way rather than a "YOU BASTARD THAT WAS SO BAD/WRONG/STUPID/OOC/INCONSISTENT!" way, so... I dunno. I didn't like it but it wasn't necessarily a bad decision. The Fred stuff was creepy though, especially because I am not a Fred/Wes fan.
LINDSEY with the SWORD. Yeah, baby. and then getting shot, omfg :(
ANGEL. CONNER. ANGEL. CONNER.
And the real glee moments?
ANGEL: I want you, Lindsey. *pause* I'm thinking about rephrasing that.
LINDSEY: I think I'd be much more comfortable if you did.
ANGEL: This may come out a little pretentious, but… one of you will betray me. [Spike raises his hand] Wes.
SPIKE: Oh… can I deny you three times?
HAMILTON: Why did you do it? You even signed away your right to shan shu.
ANGEL: People who don't care about anything will never understand the people who do.
HAMILTON: Well, yeah, but we won't care!
HAMILTON: (megalomaniacal rant) Their strength flows through my veins! My blood is filled with their ancient power!
ANGEL: *looks at him like he's an idiot* Can you pick out the one word there you probably shouldn't have said?
In conclusion! Joss: Still funny, still a bastard, still awesome.
And finally! I am on the lookout for a couple of songs: I Fought the Law and the Law Won, by... I forget, There is No Depression In New Zealand by um, I think it's the Blam Blam Blams? and Jesus Walks by Kanye West. Will swap for whatever, just say the word.
Needless to say, the first ninety minutes of my shift were such a suckfest I lost my squee within moments of entering the building.
CARFUL OF TEENAGERS: *pulls up to pump 4, pumps gas*
SHOP: *is way too fucking busy, because dumbass manager is too cheap to pay enough people to cover a shift adequately*
TEENAGERS: *come in one by one, all get separate purchases*
TUI and DEAN, your friendly CSRs, to each TEENAGER: Have you got fuel with that? *smile*
TEENAGERS: Nah!
CARFUL OF TEENAGERS: *leaves*
TUI and DEAN: *clear the 20-person queue in record time*
TUI: Hey, Dean, where's pump 4?
DEAN: Did you not charge any of them?
TUI: The girls? nope. I did ask them, though.
DEAN: Crap.
Time passes, it is still extremely busy. There are several cars on the forecourt.
IDIOT: *walks up to desk, stares at TUI, says nothing.*
TUI: Hi! How are you?
IDIOT: Good, you?
TUI: ... good!
There is an awkward pause.
TUI: *makes wild guess* Oh, you have fuel? Are you $80 on #4?
IDIOT: Yup! *pays using Caltex card. You can't give cash out on a Caltex card, which means they are unforgiving of transaction errors.*
TUI: Bye now!
NOT AN IDIOT: Hi! I'm $80 on #4!
TUI: *looks out window, sees IDIOT getting into #3, which has $98* FUCK. Sorry, sir, there's been an accounting error, one second! *sprints out to IDIOT* Hi, sir! You told me you were $80 on #4, but you're $98 on #3! You need to come in and make up the difference for me!
IDIOT: HAHAHA! I didn't even listen to you! Hah!
TUI: Ha. Ha. Ha.
TUI: *processes about twelve different transactions between IDIOT and NOT AN IDIOT, including doing things you're TECHNICALLY NOT SUPPOSED TO DO with the till, like MANUAL FUEL SALES*
HUGE LINE OF CUSTOMERS: *gets twitchy* *thinks very clearly that TUI is incompetant*
IDIOT: *leaves without apologising*
TUI: *seethes* *is very fucking competent, thanks.*
More time passes!
DEAN: *goes on ciggy break*
TOTAL BITCH: *walks into store* *in very insulting, rude tone* Are you not selling gas today?
TUI: *is confused because, hey, there are three other customers in the store who don't appear to have had any problems* Uh, yes? Are you having difficulty pumping gas? If you'll give me five seconds to help this gentleman I can be out to help you!
TOTAL BITCH: I WENT TO TWO DIFFERENT PUMPS AND NEITHER OF THEM WORKED. Don't bother, I'll go somewhere they're prepared to do their jobs! *storms out*
TUI: *gobsmacked* *glances at screen* *sees that there's 20c on pump 3 and 30c on pump 6* THAT FUCKING BITCH WAS TOO DUMB TO REALISE SHE WAS ACTUALLY PUMPING AND JUST STOLE FUCKING PETROL. (A totally tiny amount, but it's the principle of the thing.)
DEAN: *comes back from break*
TUI: Man, you'll never guess what this horrible person just did!
DEAN: Jeeze, get over it, you need to not stress the small stuff!
TUI: ARGOMGWTFDKJASLJALKASJKASL *beats head against counter, causes concussion, is taken to hospital and doesn't have to work the next five and a half hours of her shift*
Okay, that last line is pure fantasy. But that-all happened within eighty minutes of my walking in the door. The morals of the stories are?
- PAY FOR YOUR PETROL.
- pay for YOUR petrol.
- don't be a bitch and then not PAY FOR YOUR PETROL.
I also was treated to the radio saying "And this week in the news. On Monday, newspapers revealed that Helen Clark's husband is in fact gay.* *kills things* *with a sword* *with Gunn's giant hubcap axe* *with my BRAIN*
OMFG I freaking hate show finales! They always fill me with HUGE LOVE for the show and then I have to go rewatch and! It's hard for me. I have this whole dealing process.
Anyway, thoughts. The episodes alternately pissed me off and make me shriek in glee. What mostly pissed me off? There are several really iconic shots of the "these people are deciding the fate of the universe in a really self-sacrificing, noble, and deeply attractive way!" variety. These thrill me, except the people in question? Angel, Gunn, Wesley, Lorne and Spike. Where was Illyria? Off being nursemaid. Cordelia? Dead. Fred? Dead. Nina? On a plane flight. Harmony? Sleeping with the enemy. Any other woman the show has seen? Dead, suicidal wreck of an ex-cop, dead, dead, and... did the show ever *have* any more women? Oh, yeah, Faith the insane ex-con. But she only got out alive because she escaped to Sunnydale, and you know, if you escape towards Sunnydale and the Apocalypse, that's a problem.
Oh, wait, Eve! Yeah, she was only around to get nookie from Lindsey and give him sympathetic qualities, and be sad when he died. AW. (Actually, I was really sad when Lindsey died. I thought that was a real shame, and actually uncharacteristic for Angel, who gave him a *lot* of second chances and I dunno, I like to think Lindsay eventually would have paid it back. OTOH, his characterisation ever since he came back from the outback wherever the hell he went with his guitar and evil hand and got tattooed... jeeze. The reasons he gave for leaving LA? To get away from Wolfram and Hart and their evil power plays and stress and killing babies. Lindsay CONSISTENTLY had a conscience when it came to innocents (but uh, not much else), and also when it came to tackiness. The boy was classy, in his own way. He was always giving Lilah crap for being unsubtle. But S5? He was all about the tacky dialogue, the ridiculous lack of subtlety, the power plays, and the EVIL. Yeah, dull and I thought the whole principle behind his re-entry was kinda whacked, so.)
I really sympathise with Harmony, actually. She was never trusted, Angel never had any confidence in her or caring, and while, yeah, she had no soul... well. Nor did Spike in Buffy S5. (4? 5? Actually now I'm thinking maybe 4? Can't be stuffed wiki-ing.) Bah. She could have distracted Hamilton! (Adam Baldwin, by the way? is HUGE, which is really obvious when he's, you know, Jayne, but when he's monkeysuit lawyer boy? Totally not obvious until he is TOWERING over David Boreanaz, about twice as tall and three times as broad in the shoulder, which is not all that easy.)
Also, Lorne! Honey. :( It's not easy being green!
BUT. There were LOTS of good things, too.
BADASSNESS, mostly. I can't help it, I'm a sucker, hi, folks, I like GENRE TELEVISION and GENRE FICTION. I am in it for the big swords and big axes and big gunes and other phallic symbols employed in the service of BIG HONKIN' NOBLE GOOD. (I also genuinely love Angel, the person, or I did for almost all of Angel. I don't actually think it's possible to watch the show without love for him, because ATS is a love letter to the character, to his pointless nobility and his caring for the small innocent victims, for his quest for redemption but also his want to help the hopeless that I think goes beyond personal desire for redemption - he actually signs away his chance to achieve true redemption, yo. And I think you have to buy into at least some of that in a way that you *don't* have to for BTVS and Buffy, because Buffy is more of an ensemble piece, you can be in it for Willow and Xander and the Scoobies, but that love for Cordelia and Doyle and Wesley just won't carry you through ATS because eventually there were some horrifically bad character decisions made, but Angel remains fairly consistent. The exception, I think maybe a love for Gunn could go a long way because Gunn's character *made sense*, and he didn't really do stupid OOC shit. He had stupid OOC shit done *to him*, though - see Fred/Gunn and why it is SO MUCH greater than Fred/Wes in EVERY WAY.) ANYWAY. My point? ILLYRIA. I didn't really like her but she was *so fucking cool* in her "kill the bastards!" moments - just not when she opened her mouth. But the scenes with the guys in the car... fuck yes.
ALSO. GUNN. OMFG OMFG OMFG GUNN. I just, I can't, Gunn is the shit. I rewatched Jesus Walks after Not Fade Away and and and and and and and Gunn. *_* He lives, right? Right?
WES. I am so sad that Joss actually killed him, unlike all the rest who are just probably about to die. I was *so* sad that his growth ever since his introduction, to being Wesley Wyndham-Price, Rogue Demon Hunter, in actual fact, in being taken seriously as a character - I was so sad that that was lost. And yes, it made me angry with Joss, but in a ":( why do you make me miserable" way rather than a "YOU BASTARD THAT WAS SO BAD/WRONG/STUPID/OOC/INCONSISTENT!" way, so... I dunno. I didn't like it but it wasn't necessarily a bad decision. The Fred stuff was creepy though, especially because I am not a Fred/Wes fan.
LINDSEY with the SWORD. Yeah, baby. and then getting shot, omfg :(
ANGEL. CONNER. ANGEL. CONNER.
And the real glee moments?
ANGEL: I want you, Lindsey. *pause* I'm thinking about rephrasing that.
LINDSEY: I think I'd be much more comfortable if you did.
ANGEL: This may come out a little pretentious, but… one of you will betray me. [Spike raises his hand] Wes.
SPIKE: Oh… can I deny you three times?
HAMILTON: Why did you do it? You even signed away your right to shan shu.
ANGEL: People who don't care about anything will never understand the people who do.
HAMILTON: Well, yeah, but we won't care!
HAMILTON: (megalomaniacal rant) Their strength flows through my veins! My blood is filled with their ancient power!
ANGEL: *looks at him like he's an idiot* Can you pick out the one word there you probably shouldn't have said?
In conclusion! Joss: Still funny, still a bastard, still awesome.
And finally! I am on the lookout for a couple of songs: I Fought the Law and the Law Won, by... I forget, There is No Depression In New Zealand by um, I think it's the Blam Blam Blams? and Jesus Walks by Kanye West. Will swap for whatever, just say the word.