I think the phrase I am searching for is...I want to die
Me: you gonna call your favorite person tonight before she goes to dream land?
Nick:not tonite babe, im goign to pass out and ill end out not remembering what we talk about anyways,
im just going to climb in bed
Me:....
wow
i think I might cry
Nick:because im tired?
Me:yep
Nick:thats not fair
Me:im sorry
im not mad
Nick: im getting off now babe
Me: nick
can you hold on one minute?
Nick: oh ok
ME:I was just going to say
that i know you are way to busy to think about me all day
Im busy to (not as busy) but the highlight of my entire day is talking to you, that's why I am sad
and Im sorry that I am so werid....
don't hate me
Nick:its ok, yo ujsut cant expect to talk to me multiple times a day
p.s. I'm really excited about your new job baby! I really am
why not?
its like ur fading
NIck: because im on a very busy schedule, i got bitched out today from mom because i havnt called her in 4 days
Me: aww...
im sorry
i just miss what we used to have
you calling me like 5 times a day
i know thats excessive- but it made me feel special
and I know its normal to only hear from you once a day
but it's like going from a mansion to a shack
ya know?
Nick: i know, but right now i have to keep my schooling on top and you have to give me my time
you cant smuther me
Me:see that's what Im afraid of
b/c before this wasn't smothering
this was US
and now I can't be me with you b/c I feel like Im pushing you away
Nick: i told you that i needed my time and space
but you havnt been giving me this, you get mad at me for not talking to you all day
Me:I tried and then you got mad at me for not calling you
Im not mad! please don't think Im mad
Nick: you do get mad
Me: you know if somethings on my mind Im going to say it
I don't ever get mad
I can't be mad at you
it's not physically possible for me to be mad at you
I just get...I guess the word is "emotional" I don't know
you canfused me
b/c I tried to give you space and then you acted like nothing was wrong
so I was like ok
I'll just pick up again
like I was just thrown off
Nick: well, im goign to hit the sack babe
Me: w/o finishing?
ok i won't make you...i guess that falls into smothering
Nick:what else is need to be said
Me:umm what you are thinking?
im sorry Nick Im just thrown off
Nick: im not thinking, im extremely tired
Me: i want things to be like they were before....
Nick: i want to be friends, please just give me this
Me: wait what?
so wait
right now? or forever...
Nick: dont complicate things, just be my friend
Me: i have no words Nick Ingle
is that all I'll ever be to you, your friend? Because if it is then I need to know right now so I can start looking for my heart- b/c that'll break it to peices
NIck: jsut dont pressure me like that,
see what your doing\
Me: b/c you just made a big statement
Nick: pressuring me
just keep things simple right now
Me:well Im sorry, you just said (in my head) "everything that happened didn't matter"
that's what I heard
Nick: you just keep pushing and pushing and making things more and more complicated
why are you putting words in my mouth
Me:b/c I want to talk to you?
Im not Im telling you what that meant to me
Nick:im going to bed
im not going to fight about this
Me:I don't get it Nick you
Im not fighting
Nick:you are
Me: Im trying to get everything out at once b/c you keep trying to leave
Nick: just let me go to bed and ill talk to you tomrorow
Me: do what you need to do Nick but ask me why I didn't want you to work friday
now I am glad you have to work b/c I would have made myself look like an idot
a complete misguided hopeless fool
Nick: what are you doing
listen to you
you are freaking out on me '
goodnight brynn
Me: b/c if you knew
im freaking out- ask Marcy
then you'll understand
Nick:ok, goodnight and sweet dreams
Me: right....like I'll sleep tonight
Nick: why doyou have to make me guilt trip like taht
Me: b/c im sorry you make me cry
but I do
Nick: fuck brynn, im asking you to be my friend and you complicate teh shit out of everything
Me:do you not want to know?
Nick: nothign goodnight
Me: you complicate the shti out of everthing!
jesus christ
why did you do this to me
(Nicks Away)sleeping
Me: I'm done I can't take you breaking my heart every five minutes
you tell me you are scared to be hurt!
Well so am I, and I let myself fall for you! How stupid am I?
I would have given you anything Nick....WHy am I so clingy?
Um b/c I knew any day now you'd be done with me
you scare the shit out of me
you want to know ehy?
why*?
b/c the only thing that scares me more than dying is losing you.
And Im sorry Nick I can't be your friend
it's time for you to make a decision and live with it
I told you I'd wait for you
and I have
and I would forever until you were ready
but im not going to wait for a dream to happen b/c it would turn into a nightmare
I swear to God Nick I fell in Love with you the moment I saw you
I wish you could know what that feels like
I'm sorry I smother you...
I'm sorry I made your life stressful
I'm just sorry you had to meet me
b/c all and all you have made me feel like I have made your life very difficult
and I care so much about you...so for careing...I'm sorry
all I want is for you to be happy
and if it takes me pulling out of your life
I'll do it
goodnight sweetheart....or goodbye...it's up to you
Nick:not tonite babe, im goign to pass out and ill end out not remembering what we talk about anyways,
im just going to climb in bed
Me:....
wow
i think I might cry
Nick:because im tired?
Me:yep
Nick:thats not fair
Me:im sorry
im not mad
Nick: im getting off now babe
Me: nick
can you hold on one minute?
Nick: oh ok
ME:I was just going to say
that i know you are way to busy to think about me all day
Im busy to (not as busy) but the highlight of my entire day is talking to you, that's why I am sad
and Im sorry that I am so werid....
don't hate me
Nick:its ok, yo ujsut cant expect to talk to me multiple times a day
p.s. I'm really excited about your new job baby! I really am
why not?
its like ur fading
NIck: because im on a very busy schedule, i got bitched out today from mom because i havnt called her in 4 days
Me: aww...
im sorry
i just miss what we used to have
you calling me like 5 times a day
i know thats excessive- but it made me feel special
and I know its normal to only hear from you once a day
but it's like going from a mansion to a shack
ya know?
Nick: i know, but right now i have to keep my schooling on top and you have to give me my time
you cant smuther me
Me:see that's what Im afraid of
b/c before this wasn't smothering
this was US
and now I can't be me with you b/c I feel like Im pushing you away
Nick: i told you that i needed my time and space
but you havnt been giving me this, you get mad at me for not talking to you all day
Me:I tried and then you got mad at me for not calling you
Im not mad! please don't think Im mad
Nick: you do get mad
Me: you know if somethings on my mind Im going to say it
I don't ever get mad
I can't be mad at you
it's not physically possible for me to be mad at you
I just get...I guess the word is "emotional" I don't know
you canfused me
b/c I tried to give you space and then you acted like nothing was wrong
so I was like ok
I'll just pick up again
like I was just thrown off
Nick: well, im goign to hit the sack babe
Me: w/o finishing?
ok i won't make you...i guess that falls into smothering
Nick:what else is need to be said
Me:umm what you are thinking?
im sorry Nick Im just thrown off
Nick: im not thinking, im extremely tired
Me: i want things to be like they were before....
Nick: i want to be friends, please just give me this
Me: wait what?
so wait
right now? or forever...
Nick: dont complicate things, just be my friend
Me: i have no words Nick Ingle
is that all I'll ever be to you, your friend? Because if it is then I need to know right now so I can start looking for my heart- b/c that'll break it to peices
NIck: jsut dont pressure me like that,
see what your doing\
Me: b/c you just made a big statement
Nick: pressuring me
just keep things simple right now
Me:well Im sorry, you just said (in my head) "everything that happened didn't matter"
that's what I heard
Nick: you just keep pushing and pushing and making things more and more complicated
why are you putting words in my mouth
Me:b/c I want to talk to you?
Im not Im telling you what that meant to me
Nick:im going to bed
im not going to fight about this
Me:I don't get it Nick you
Im not fighting
Nick:you are
Me: Im trying to get everything out at once b/c you keep trying to leave
Nick: just let me go to bed and ill talk to you tomrorow
Me: do what you need to do Nick but ask me why I didn't want you to work friday
now I am glad you have to work b/c I would have made myself look like an idot
a complete misguided hopeless fool
Nick: what are you doing
listen to you
you are freaking out on me '
goodnight brynn
Me: b/c if you knew
im freaking out- ask Marcy
then you'll understand
Nick:ok, goodnight and sweet dreams
Me: right....like I'll sleep tonight
Nick: why doyou have to make me guilt trip like taht
Me: b/c im sorry you make me cry
but I do
Nick: fuck brynn, im asking you to be my friend and you complicate teh shit out of everything
Me:do you not want to know?
Nick: nothign goodnight
Me: you complicate the shti out of everthing!
jesus christ
why did you do this to me
(Nicks Away)sleeping
Me: I'm done I can't take you breaking my heart every five minutes
you tell me you are scared to be hurt!
Well so am I, and I let myself fall for you! How stupid am I?
I would have given you anything Nick....WHy am I so clingy?
Um b/c I knew any day now you'd be done with me
you scare the shit out of me
you want to know ehy?
why*?
b/c the only thing that scares me more than dying is losing you.
And Im sorry Nick I can't be your friend
it's time for you to make a decision and live with it
I told you I'd wait for you
and I have
and I would forever until you were ready
but im not going to wait for a dream to happen b/c it would turn into a nightmare
I swear to God Nick I fell in Love with you the moment I saw you
I wish you could know what that feels like
I'm sorry I smother you...
I'm sorry I made your life stressful
I'm just sorry you had to meet me
b/c all and all you have made me feel like I have made your life very difficult
and I care so much about you...so for careing...I'm sorry
all I want is for you to be happy
and if it takes me pulling out of your life
I'll do it
goodnight sweetheart....or goodbye...it's up to you