yikes
wow its been a while.
quick rundown:
spent last week with the girls on 46 woodland. it was the best week of my life.
this week i worked 70 hours. i work a double again tomorrow.
i hate work and c-bus, i wanna be in dayton. i miss my friends. i miss the bq's and rachel and mel and efe and pat and quille and the watty peeps and the m2l gang. i am so lonely here. i am really starting to question this decision (not that it matters now). but basically, i feel like im putting my life on hold and running away. and italy is scaring the shit out of me. i havent spoken a word of italian in 3 months. i am not good at being independent anyway. and it took me 20 years to find a good group of friends that i love with all my heart... why am i leaving them? they are my life, and im not sure how i will function without them. i dont want people to forget about me. i dont want to be sitting in italy, missing them, while they're busy and forgetting all about me. i dont want other people to mean more to me than i meant to them. basically, this is just intensifying every insecurity that i have lived with for my entire life. im not sure if ill be able to make friends, im not sure if ill be able to handle the pressure, im not sure if i will measure up to the girls there, im not sure if i will be able to take care of myself. not to mention the fact that i dont know how im going to pay for it. basically, im not even sure if i wanna go anymore. just being in c-bus without my friends is killing me.... how am i gonna be an ocean apart from everyone that i love?
quick rundown:
spent last week with the girls on 46 woodland. it was the best week of my life.
this week i worked 70 hours. i work a double again tomorrow.
i hate work and c-bus, i wanna be in dayton. i miss my friends. i miss the bq's and rachel and mel and efe and pat and quille and the watty peeps and the m2l gang. i am so lonely here. i am really starting to question this decision (not that it matters now). but basically, i feel like im putting my life on hold and running away. and italy is scaring the shit out of me. i havent spoken a word of italian in 3 months. i am not good at being independent anyway. and it took me 20 years to find a good group of friends that i love with all my heart... why am i leaving them? they are my life, and im not sure how i will function without them. i dont want people to forget about me. i dont want to be sitting in italy, missing them, while they're busy and forgetting all about me. i dont want other people to mean more to me than i meant to them. basically, this is just intensifying every insecurity that i have lived with for my entire life. im not sure if ill be able to make friends, im not sure if ill be able to handle the pressure, im not sure if i will measure up to the girls there, im not sure if i will be able to take care of myself. not to mention the fact that i dont know how im going to pay for it. basically, im not even sure if i wanna go anymore. just being in c-bus without my friends is killing me.... how am i gonna be an ocean apart from everyone that i love?