Utterly shallow and shambolic movie reviews
1. Mission Impossible: III
My love of Jonathan Rhys Meyers and action movies compelled me to contribute to the Suri Cruise College Fund in the form of two-one for me, one for the non-too willing John-matinee ticket for MI: III (or as Stephen Colbert says: Miiiiii).
It’s too bad that Tom Cruise is so crazy that his real life persona permeates his roles like the way cannibis smoke seeps into furniture. You never see him act and forget that he’s Tom “Couch-jumpin’-Scientology-proselytizing-psychiatry-hatin’-possibly-fake-baby-makin’” Cruise. Which is a pity, as Cruise is really charismatic onscreen.
Billy Cruddup is the complete opposite of Tom Cruise. I hadn’t realised I was watching Crudup until the credits rolled. Keri Russell was another revelation. I didn’t know Felicity had it in her to play action woman. Color me pleasantly surprised and eager to see her in more ass-kicking roles.
I was glad to hear that the beautiful Maggie Q is in MI: III. She’s big in East Asia, but virtually an unknown here, her birth country. Her situation is quite common among Asian entertainers born in the Western hemisphere. They are denied professional success until they go East. Hopefully a big budget movie like this will raise her profile more, even though her role is rather small. And of course, having Asian blood means that she’s required by Hollywood law to say something Asian-y and mystical. In her case a prayer recited in Cantonese to Quan Yin, the Goddess of Mercy. It’s not that there are no Asians Buddhists, there are of course, although not as many as the Western world seems to think. It’s that in Western shows, the onus of piety-especially the provincial, superstitious kind-often falls to Asians. And those expressions of faith are usually limited to two religions: Buddhism and Taoism. So that’s a little moment of Pier 1 Import Religiosity brought to you by J. J. Abrams.
Also annoying is when the movie insists that a place is Shanghai when it’s obviously not.
Xitang, being shanghaied by J.J. Abrams into playing Shanghai [Source]
I know it’s standard practice to substitute one location for another during filming, but this one strains believability past breaking point. Shanghai doesn’t have Venice-like canals. It would be like…like a movie set in a place with scenes from another place with structures that don’t exist in the former place. Like London and Canterbury? New York City and Newark? Anyway, you get my point.
And what of JRM? Like pretty much everyone else in the movie who isn’t Tom Cruise, JRM is criminally underutilized. There is a prime opportunity for naked JRM flesh in a shirt-changing scene but instead we only get a sliver of stomach. Bastards. I could only console myself with pictures like these (except for the picture with the über nerd glasses). Be still my loins.
These quibbles aside, MI: III is a very entertaing piece of cinematic adrenaline that had me grabbing John’s arm a little too often for his liking.
2. Untold Scandal
You can watch the Untold Scandal trailer here (NSFW).
The erotic and beautifully shot movie transplanted Pierre Choderlos de Laclos’ Les Liaisons dangereuses from pre-Revolution France to the aristocratic milieu of Korea during the moribund stage of the Chosun Dynasty in late 18th century.
Everyone is great, especially Lee Mi Suk, whose Lady Cho is a potrayal of elegant and icy malevolence. The character I like least is Lady Sook, a pious and virtuous Catholic who is plain and dull. I can’t imagine her inspiring passion from anybody, much less a libertine like Jo Won. BTW, I’m not implying that piety, virtue and Catholicism are the holy trinity that makes up dullness.
I also have an irrational dislike for her hairpins. I just want to snap them in half.
Jo Won, the Valmont Character, is played by Korean superstar Bae Yong-Jun. He can do a Clark Kent-style transformation, going from looking like Harry Potter’s twin-if Harry Potter were Korean and handsome…
to this…
If you watch the movie, and I highly recommend you do, be sure to catch the scene at the end of the credits.
3. Immortality (AKA The Wisdom of Crocodiles)
This is a vampire story without the usual overwrought and tiresome vampire myths and lores. The plot is a little thin but I was too engrossed with Jude Law’s pretteh to care. Peter Pettigrew and Commodore Norrington are in the movie as well, playing detectives. I squeal silently to myself when I saw the gorgeous Colin Salmon with the knee-weakening voice, whose part in the movie is, alas, miniscule.
I think he’d be perfect for the role of Kingsley Shacklebolt. Unfortunately, the casting people of the Harry Potter movies thinks different. Salmon was rumored to be in the running for the new James Bond. It would’ve been so awesome if he’d gotten the role. Instead we get Daniel Craig-the first blond James Bond. OMG so groundbreaking, he broke the color barrier for blond people everywhere. *rolls eyes*
A few articles I find interesting. All of them from my favorite newspaper The Guardian.
1. And now a little something for our Polish readers ... by Laura Barton
A funny Brit explains Britain. There’s even a Polish translation. Neat.
2. 'Just who is this Magna Carta fellow?' by George Saunders (attn: thelovehater)
A funny Yank explains Britain.
3. Harry Potter and the mystery of an academic obsession by Carole Cadwalladr
A kind of Alice in Harry Potter Fandomland, or more specifically, the Lumos convention.
ETA:
Hey Brittany Murphy, not bad with the singing and dancing! V. Goldfrapp.
Yay! You can embed youtube vids in LJ posts now.
My love of Jonathan Rhys Meyers and action movies compelled me to contribute to the Suri Cruise College Fund in the form of two-one for me, one for the non-too willing John-matinee ticket for MI: III (or as Stephen Colbert says: Miiiiii).
It’s too bad that Tom Cruise is so crazy that his real life persona permeates his roles like the way cannibis smoke seeps into furniture. You never see him act and forget that he’s Tom “Couch-jumpin’-Scientology-proselytizing-psychiatry-hatin’-possibly-fake-baby-makin’” Cruise. Which is a pity, as Cruise is really charismatic onscreen.
Billy Cruddup is the complete opposite of Tom Cruise. I hadn’t realised I was watching Crudup until the credits rolled. Keri Russell was another revelation. I didn’t know Felicity had it in her to play action woman. Color me pleasantly surprised and eager to see her in more ass-kicking roles.
I was glad to hear that the beautiful Maggie Q is in MI: III. She’s big in East Asia, but virtually an unknown here, her birth country. Her situation is quite common among Asian entertainers born in the Western hemisphere. They are denied professional success until they go East. Hopefully a big budget movie like this will raise her profile more, even though her role is rather small. And of course, having Asian blood means that she’s required by Hollywood law to say something Asian-y and mystical. In her case a prayer recited in Cantonese to Quan Yin, the Goddess of Mercy. It’s not that there are no Asians Buddhists, there are of course, although not as many as the Western world seems to think. It’s that in Western shows, the onus of piety-especially the provincial, superstitious kind-often falls to Asians. And those expressions of faith are usually limited to two religions: Buddhism and Taoism. So that’s a little moment of Pier 1 Import Religiosity brought to you by J. J. Abrams.
Also annoying is when the movie insists that a place is Shanghai when it’s obviously not.
Xitang, being shanghaied by J.J. Abrams into playing Shanghai [Source]
I know it’s standard practice to substitute one location for another during filming, but this one strains believability past breaking point. Shanghai doesn’t have Venice-like canals. It would be like…like a movie set in a place with scenes from another place with structures that don’t exist in the former place. Like London and Canterbury? New York City and Newark? Anyway, you get my point.
And what of JRM? Like pretty much everyone else in the movie who isn’t Tom Cruise, JRM is criminally underutilized. There is a prime opportunity for naked JRM flesh in a shirt-changing scene but instead we only get a sliver of stomach. Bastards. I could only console myself with pictures like these (except for the picture with the über nerd glasses). Be still my loins.
These quibbles aside, MI: III is a very entertaing piece of cinematic adrenaline that had me grabbing John’s arm a little too often for his liking.
2. Untold Scandal
You can watch the Untold Scandal trailer here (NSFW).
The erotic and beautifully shot movie transplanted Pierre Choderlos de Laclos’ Les Liaisons dangereuses from pre-Revolution France to the aristocratic milieu of Korea during the moribund stage of the Chosun Dynasty in late 18th century.
Everyone is great, especially Lee Mi Suk, whose Lady Cho is a potrayal of elegant and icy malevolence. The character I like least is Lady Sook, a pious and virtuous Catholic who is plain and dull. I can’t imagine her inspiring passion from anybody, much less a libertine like Jo Won. BTW, I’m not implying that piety, virtue and Catholicism are the holy trinity that makes up dullness.
I also have an irrational dislike for her hairpins. I just want to snap them in half.
Jo Won, the Valmont Character, is played by Korean superstar Bae Yong-Jun. He can do a Clark Kent-style transformation, going from looking like Harry Potter’s twin-if Harry Potter were Korean and handsome…
to this…
If you watch the movie, and I highly recommend you do, be sure to catch the scene at the end of the credits.
3. Immortality (AKA The Wisdom of Crocodiles)
This is a vampire story without the usual overwrought and tiresome vampire myths and lores. The plot is a little thin but I was too engrossed with Jude Law’s pretteh to care. Peter Pettigrew and Commodore Norrington are in the movie as well, playing detectives. I squeal silently to myself when I saw the gorgeous Colin Salmon with the knee-weakening voice, whose part in the movie is, alas, miniscule.
I think he’d be perfect for the role of Kingsley Shacklebolt. Unfortunately, the casting people of the Harry Potter movies thinks different. Salmon was rumored to be in the running for the new James Bond. It would’ve been so awesome if he’d gotten the role. Instead we get Daniel Craig-the first blond James Bond. OMG so groundbreaking, he broke the color barrier for blond people everywhere. *rolls eyes*
A few articles I find interesting. All of them from my favorite newspaper The Guardian.
1. And now a little something for our Polish readers ... by Laura Barton
A funny Brit explains Britain. There’s even a Polish translation. Neat.
2. 'Just who is this Magna Carta fellow?' by George Saunders (attn: thelovehater)
A funny Yank explains Britain.
3. Harry Potter and the mystery of an academic obsession by Carole Cadwalladr
A kind of Alice in Harry Potter Fandomland, or more specifically, the Lumos convention.
ETA:
Hey Brittany Murphy, not bad with the singing and dancing! V. Goldfrapp.
Yay! You can embed youtube vids in LJ posts now.