pee
it's been a minute.
i haven't felt chatty or whitty, or anywhere near in the mood to re-tell stories that i have.
several people were not at either of my birthday celebrations, and this i expected.
i'm guilty of this sort of thing as well.
my parents threw a feast on the 14th. my actual date of birth. we filled the resturaunt.
and on wednesday, i went to holiday club for kareokee and drinks. i went there thinking no one would show up, but honestly, there were a goopd amount of people there.
disclosure: i'll first start this part of the story stating that i never drink. if you know me, or have ever met me.. this is pretty apparent.
it's my birthday. i decided "what the fuck.. i'm gettin old. i might as well throw a few back."
3 shots of jameson
3 cranberry raspberry vodka
2 beers
cheese fries.
into the night. larry and i go to the restroom. i take my cigarrettes out of my left back pocket thinking, "i do not want to drop these in the toilet." and i leave my cell phone in the right back pocket to fend for itself.
i pee. a drunk kind of pee. and everlasting pee.
as i bring my pants up to button, my cellphone hits the lid of the toilet and does a tripple back flip in to the pee pool. the light flickers on and off a bit, and stays on.
yikes.
i contemplate reaching in to grab it, but decide against it, thinking, "larry loves me. he'll surly reach into old yellow, and rescue my phone."
i scream. and ask him to grab it.
he kindly digreeses. [actually it was more like: "fuck no. you pee'd in there. get it yourself."] [and i think "thanks asshole. i'll remember that the next time you want to get on mamma."] [bich]
this reminds me of the saying "you can only depend on yourself." with this running through my mind, among other things [ you can imagine ] i reach into the toilet and retreave my now completely worthless phone/new paper weight.
the water is cold. it smells like pee. my pee. other bacteria. i feel so low at this point.
i immediately run it to the sink, wash it down, wrap it in brown paper hand towels, and wash my hands till they are red. [larry is laughing the whole time. how helpful.]
i declare to everyone that i drop the phone into the toilet, and james and jon start blowing on my phone. and taking it apart, and just giddling with it. [i pee'd on that] i'm thinking. but i let them continue surgery.
i ahve a razor now. i loose it a ton, but i like it. i shall have to keep it from the toilet.
i haven't felt chatty or whitty, or anywhere near in the mood to re-tell stories that i have.
several people were not at either of my birthday celebrations, and this i expected.
i'm guilty of this sort of thing as well.
my parents threw a feast on the 14th. my actual date of birth. we filled the resturaunt.
and on wednesday, i went to holiday club for kareokee and drinks. i went there thinking no one would show up, but honestly, there were a goopd amount of people there.
disclosure: i'll first start this part of the story stating that i never drink. if you know me, or have ever met me.. this is pretty apparent.
it's my birthday. i decided "what the fuck.. i'm gettin old. i might as well throw a few back."
3 shots of jameson
3 cranberry raspberry vodka
2 beers
cheese fries.
into the night. larry and i go to the restroom. i take my cigarrettes out of my left back pocket thinking, "i do not want to drop these in the toilet." and i leave my cell phone in the right back pocket to fend for itself.
i pee. a drunk kind of pee. and everlasting pee.
as i bring my pants up to button, my cellphone hits the lid of the toilet and does a tripple back flip in to the pee pool. the light flickers on and off a bit, and stays on.
yikes.
i contemplate reaching in to grab it, but decide against it, thinking, "larry loves me. he'll surly reach into old yellow, and rescue my phone."
i scream. and ask him to grab it.
he kindly digreeses. [actually it was more like: "fuck no. you pee'd in there. get it yourself."] [and i think "thanks asshole. i'll remember that the next time you want to get on mamma."] [bich]
this reminds me of the saying "you can only depend on yourself." with this running through my mind, among other things [ you can imagine ] i reach into the toilet and retreave my now completely worthless phone/new paper weight.
the water is cold. it smells like pee. my pee. other bacteria. i feel so low at this point.
i immediately run it to the sink, wash it down, wrap it in brown paper hand towels, and wash my hands till they are red. [larry is laughing the whole time. how helpful.]
i declare to everyone that i drop the phone into the toilet, and james and jon start blowing on my phone. and taking it apart, and just giddling with it. [i pee'd on that] i'm thinking. but i let them continue surgery.
i ahve a razor now. i loose it a ton, but i like it. i shall have to keep it from the toilet.