And The Sign That Proves The World Is Ending...
Originally I came here to write about something totally different than what I am about to go into instead. I'll get back to my original purpose in a bit. First though click this: http://www.facebook.com/people/Russell-Steen/614228875 For anyone who doesn't know, that is my ex husband. This is a person who use to swear up and down he would not join anything like facebook, myspace, etc...and now I find this. The world is surely ending. I'm thinking of just pulling my account altogether and calling it quits, sticking to LJ, Xanga, and maybe Myspaz. The only part of it that really bothered me is that we have two mutual friends, which means he could easily have been all over my page or tried to check out my page. I don't like back handed methods of stalking, and I know he's capable of it. How did I find out about the facebook. Google. I wasn't stalking, but trying to find an old site that had a pic of him on it. Someone asked so they would know what he looks like the next time they were at an event that he goes to regularly.
Now onto the real issue I came here to address. Another ex. I gave up trying to be friends with my last ex for various reason, and they were good ones. Some people know the basics and others know the more complicated things, but I'm fine with the filtration of it all. I'm pretty sure that in a spat of pettiness one time, though he had no reason really to do it other than being petty, he complained about something I put up and it got pulled. Now, if someone was going to complain about anything, there were several other things to pull...the only difference was that I had another person in this picture. I went ahead at that time and dumped him as a friend. It wasn't the only reason, just the last one I really needed to do so and feel I was right and not being petty or dramatic. Then I blocked him. He didn't ask why I blocked him, but I know he made the same assumption a few others did. They were all wrong and I'm pretty sure anyone else who thinks they know, is wrong unless I already told them why.
I knocked him off my Xanga site, but only to help with taking me off his subscription list so that he wouldn't be "bothered" by his email telling him I posted a blog and feeling he "had" to go read it. Just because. I think that offended him though more than the myspace one for some reason, but I didn't block him from there, just defriended him. I kept him on the alternate name which doesn't get all the same blogs, and he still reads what it does. I've been good about not "stalking" and otherwise keeping up with what all he is doing. The way I see it, he'll either write something to read, or if he wants me to know, he'll contact me and tell me himself. I'm not the one who couldn't be friends, so I am not going to make any overt contact with him to see how he is doing and such. As I said, I'm good and don't do alot of shadowing of his accounts. If I'm going to be in the area, I make a general announcement in one or both media's I know he reads off of so as to not "surprise" him. I'm still friends with both band pages on myspace, so he still has access to my account, just not to anything I have on protected. The relationship could not be healthy with him if only because of where he was mentally and emotionally.
Despite my trying to keep out of his business and all, I end up getting dragged into it here and there by other people. I did all my watching early on to get clarification of a few nagging details and theories, made my decisions based off what all I read and seen, then gave up being the one to make actual conversation. Calling me about an STD scare is not in anyway attempting to be friends or communicating, it's covering your ass or closing off another port of possible infection. There are others however, who still keep in touch or in idle curiosity when they see an oddity that will go and "see" what there is to read or what is up. About this point I'm called to go take a looksie, maybe clarify something that isn't quite right, or just told about what all is happening.
I don't dig for my own reasons. I do not want to know every little thing or be privy to certain matters. If I want to know when the band is playing, I go look. I don't want to know about a hair cut, status change, death in the family, etc. If I do, I'll go look myself. That relationship was a strain and pushed me about alot. The guy didn't know what the hell he wanted and would yo yo me about trying to figure things out, while being upset over me not "waiting" and having someone else during break ups. *If we broke up, I had someone else to date or see, because I will not wait for anyone, not anymore* Every break up was because he had "crushes" and weren't sure about his feelings and the long distance relationship thing. Oh, he said he was sure of his love for me, but also didn't want to miss out on "opportunities", plus it hurt alot to see each other on the weekends and know that it maybe be weeks before we could see each other again.
The relationship hurt, alot. The breakups, hurt even more. Getting back together knowing that at anytime a new person would catch his attention and he would end up with a conflict of feelings, hurt the worst. We were 8 years apart in age and at totally different points in our lives. I had the maturity to know what I wanted and if my feelings were sure...he didn't. I gave alot for this relationship, more than he really knew or will possibly ever understand. Everything I gave up, the strain of trying to make time, stress of family and friends on both sides with their opinions, my own conflict of feelings...it all has lead me to where I am today.
It all still hurts. That is the main reason I will not go "snooping", why I don't want to hear about how things are unless he writes something where he knows I will read it. I am getting married in two days to a man I love. I knew he would be better for me and if we could co-exist, then I could be with him for life. I did not want his marriage to end as it did, and if I thought it could work, I would push him to go back despite my love for him. When you love someone, you sacrifice for them, even your chance to be with them. In time, most of the pain from my last marriage is basically gone and the bitterness. I hope that eventually the pain of my last relationship will follow suit. I love who I am with, I still love those I was with that I did love. I will not hurt myself more though for that love.
Now onto the real issue I came here to address. Another ex. I gave up trying to be friends with my last ex for various reason, and they were good ones. Some people know the basics and others know the more complicated things, but I'm fine with the filtration of it all. I'm pretty sure that in a spat of pettiness one time, though he had no reason really to do it other than being petty, he complained about something I put up and it got pulled. Now, if someone was going to complain about anything, there were several other things to pull...the only difference was that I had another person in this picture. I went ahead at that time and dumped him as a friend. It wasn't the only reason, just the last one I really needed to do so and feel I was right and not being petty or dramatic. Then I blocked him. He didn't ask why I blocked him, but I know he made the same assumption a few others did. They were all wrong and I'm pretty sure anyone else who thinks they know, is wrong unless I already told them why.
I knocked him off my Xanga site, but only to help with taking me off his subscription list so that he wouldn't be "bothered" by his email telling him I posted a blog and feeling he "had" to go read it. Just because. I think that offended him though more than the myspace one for some reason, but I didn't block him from there, just defriended him. I kept him on the alternate name which doesn't get all the same blogs, and he still reads what it does. I've been good about not "stalking" and otherwise keeping up with what all he is doing. The way I see it, he'll either write something to read, or if he wants me to know, he'll contact me and tell me himself. I'm not the one who couldn't be friends, so I am not going to make any overt contact with him to see how he is doing and such. As I said, I'm good and don't do alot of shadowing of his accounts. If I'm going to be in the area, I make a general announcement in one or both media's I know he reads off of so as to not "surprise" him. I'm still friends with both band pages on myspace, so he still has access to my account, just not to anything I have on protected. The relationship could not be healthy with him if only because of where he was mentally and emotionally.
Despite my trying to keep out of his business and all, I end up getting dragged into it here and there by other people. I did all my watching early on to get clarification of a few nagging details and theories, made my decisions based off what all I read and seen, then gave up being the one to make actual conversation. Calling me about an STD scare is not in anyway attempting to be friends or communicating, it's covering your ass or closing off another port of possible infection. There are others however, who still keep in touch or in idle curiosity when they see an oddity that will go and "see" what there is to read or what is up. About this point I'm called to go take a looksie, maybe clarify something that isn't quite right, or just told about what all is happening.
I don't dig for my own reasons. I do not want to know every little thing or be privy to certain matters. If I want to know when the band is playing, I go look. I don't want to know about a hair cut, status change, death in the family, etc. If I do, I'll go look myself. That relationship was a strain and pushed me about alot. The guy didn't know what the hell he wanted and would yo yo me about trying to figure things out, while being upset over me not "waiting" and having someone else during break ups. *If we broke up, I had someone else to date or see, because I will not wait for anyone, not anymore* Every break up was because he had "crushes" and weren't sure about his feelings and the long distance relationship thing. Oh, he said he was sure of his love for me, but also didn't want to miss out on "opportunities", plus it hurt alot to see each other on the weekends and know that it maybe be weeks before we could see each other again.
The relationship hurt, alot. The breakups, hurt even more. Getting back together knowing that at anytime a new person would catch his attention and he would end up with a conflict of feelings, hurt the worst. We were 8 years apart in age and at totally different points in our lives. I had the maturity to know what I wanted and if my feelings were sure...he didn't. I gave alot for this relationship, more than he really knew or will possibly ever understand. Everything I gave up, the strain of trying to make time, stress of family and friends on both sides with their opinions, my own conflict of feelings...it all has lead me to where I am today.
It all still hurts. That is the main reason I will not go "snooping", why I don't want to hear about how things are unless he writes something where he knows I will read it. I am getting married in two days to a man I love. I knew he would be better for me and if we could co-exist, then I could be with him for life. I did not want his marriage to end as it did, and if I thought it could work, I would push him to go back despite my love for him. When you love someone, you sacrifice for them, even your chance to be with them. In time, most of the pain from my last marriage is basically gone and the bitterness. I hope that eventually the pain of my last relationship will follow suit. I love who I am with, I still love those I was with that I did love. I will not hurt myself more though for that love.