From Xanga, Opened A Month Later
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
The Silence
I've heard nothing since Easter morning and I'm sure that's only because I sent out the Happy Easter text...though it was surprising to even get that small a response back. I realize that it's a bit weird to be doing this and maybe not right on some levels I suppose. Originally we had both said we would keep in touch and not let us not being "together" cause problems or ruin our friendship. Your awkwardness with it all though and lack of communication unless I initiate it first has only made it a problem. Maybe Kara is right and we just need to not talk to each other for a while. It sucks though and hurts something awful. I've seen you log off after I've gotten on and even yesterday while I was at work I got a text saying you were on....I told Raymond to log me onto Myspace because I was willing to bet you would get off. You did. I even saw you sign onto gmail for like a second or so then gone til sometime later that evening while I was talking to Kara. I don't know what I'm really doing with this other than venting or expressing how I feel here and there. I didn't like how you handle things and are handling them. I suppose I figured that if you were in a relationship that maybe it'll ground you enough to not have an issue with seeing or talking to me, but you still do. Perhaps any feeling you have or thought you had must fade first....
The way I'm doing these entries is simple enough: I'll unlock them a month after they are written. I posted a message on a journal that you know of, but don't really go to, about it. I'm not going to spend my time writing about my disappointment and all with things. It'll just be a more in depth of how my life is going. I'll do my usual entries on myspace and my public Xanga...just might bring more of it to here that I won't put in the others. The way I figure it is this, even if we don't talk, or we can't be close even as friends, in this way I'll still keep to what I said I would do in the beginning: I'll still be here and won't cut you out of my life. I'm not initiating a damn thing with you though or going to communicate outside of here with you first....it's all going to be up to you since you are the one who is most uncomfortable with it. I can not guarantee that things will be as they were or could have been if you hadn't pulled away as you have. You can't go weeks, months without really talking to someone then come back one day and try to take up where you left off....it doesn't work. Even this way you won't hear everything... that is assuming you even read this. I won't quit loving you *I know, that's something you don't respect a person doing, telling another person who is in a relationship that you love them, but I'll not say it again until I hear otherwise*....but that doesn't mean I won't love others or move on completely.
All I ever wanted was understanding....truth...and someone I could depend on...
Now all I want is to not hurt or be hurt more...and I want you to be happy, even if it's not with me as your girlfriend or friend.
The Silence
I've heard nothing since Easter morning and I'm sure that's only because I sent out the Happy Easter text...though it was surprising to even get that small a response back. I realize that it's a bit weird to be doing this and maybe not right on some levels I suppose. Originally we had both said we would keep in touch and not let us not being "together" cause problems or ruin our friendship. Your awkwardness with it all though and lack of communication unless I initiate it first has only made it a problem. Maybe Kara is right and we just need to not talk to each other for a while. It sucks though and hurts something awful. I've seen you log off after I've gotten on and even yesterday while I was at work I got a text saying you were on....I told Raymond to log me onto Myspace because I was willing to bet you would get off. You did. I even saw you sign onto gmail for like a second or so then gone til sometime later that evening while I was talking to Kara. I don't know what I'm really doing with this other than venting or expressing how I feel here and there. I didn't like how you handle things and are handling them. I suppose I figured that if you were in a relationship that maybe it'll ground you enough to not have an issue with seeing or talking to me, but you still do. Perhaps any feeling you have or thought you had must fade first....
The way I'm doing these entries is simple enough: I'll unlock them a month after they are written. I posted a message on a journal that you know of, but don't really go to, about it. I'm not going to spend my time writing about my disappointment and all with things. It'll just be a more in depth of how my life is going. I'll do my usual entries on myspace and my public Xanga...just might bring more of it to here that I won't put in the others. The way I figure it is this, even if we don't talk, or we can't be close even as friends, in this way I'll still keep to what I said I would do in the beginning: I'll still be here and won't cut you out of my life. I'm not initiating a damn thing with you though or going to communicate outside of here with you first....it's all going to be up to you since you are the one who is most uncomfortable with it. I can not guarantee that things will be as they were or could have been if you hadn't pulled away as you have. You can't go weeks, months without really talking to someone then come back one day and try to take up where you left off....it doesn't work. Even this way you won't hear everything... that is assuming you even read this. I won't quit loving you *I know, that's something you don't respect a person doing, telling another person who is in a relationship that you love them, but I'll not say it again until I hear otherwise*....but that doesn't mean I won't love others or move on completely.
All I ever wanted was understanding....truth...and someone I could depend on...
Now all I want is to not hurt or be hurt more...and I want you to be happy, even if it's not with me as your girlfriend or friend.