(no subject)
I feel helpless.
My first instinct is to reach out and be a support, but I cannot. Convention, practicality, and self-respect keep me from doing what my heart urges me to do.
What a delicate balancing act it is...a relationship. The courtship, the relationship itself, and post-breakup demands so many different rules, limits, responsibilities. I've never known how to do it well. Ara used to always allude to the fact that I was relatively inexperienced at relationships, and he was right. After everything I still feel like a whimsical, impulsive girl when it comes to them. My passionate personality leads me to act according to my heart, and to wear it on my sleeve.
These past couple of weeks have been the strangest experience. My self-restraint is incredible, and something that I have never practiced to this extent. I feel proud of myself for getting through this so far, but at the same time it doesn't feel like me. Lara wants to say something, she says it. Lara wants to talk to someone she's on the phone with them before they realize it. Now it's a different me. Lara wants to RUN to Northridge..literally on foot, but she won't let herself. Weird.
My first instinct is to reach out and be a support, but I cannot. Convention, practicality, and self-respect keep me from doing what my heart urges me to do.
What a delicate balancing act it is...a relationship. The courtship, the relationship itself, and post-breakup demands so many different rules, limits, responsibilities. I've never known how to do it well. Ara used to always allude to the fact that I was relatively inexperienced at relationships, and he was right. After everything I still feel like a whimsical, impulsive girl when it comes to them. My passionate personality leads me to act according to my heart, and to wear it on my sleeve.
These past couple of weeks have been the strangest experience. My self-restraint is incredible, and something that I have never practiced to this extent. I feel proud of myself for getting through this so far, but at the same time it doesn't feel like me. Lara wants to say something, she says it. Lara wants to talk to someone she's on the phone with them before they realize it. Now it's a different me. Lara wants to RUN to Northridge..literally on foot, but she won't let herself. Weird.