(no subject)
This last week has been really hard and confuzing for me, and really, i dont know how much more of this i can take. Ive been reading through all my livejournal enterys and i noticed.. i used to be so much more carefree. My mood was usually always good. I mean Duh, it wasnt good all of the time, but for the most part. Now my mood has been sad, depressed, or something else along those lines. Im so sick of it all. I always wanted to grow up...and now that i am getting older i realized that it pretty much sucks. It went from everything being so perfect to this. Its like..all these problems just hit me at once.
Garrett and me are "friends"....honestly i hate it. Like sometimes i feel like i would rather just not talk to him ever again. Its so hard talking to him now. Its like teasing me becaause i know that thats all we will probally ever be again, and i miss what we had. He told me tonight that i was "one of the biggest problems in his life" wtf is that? I told him that if he didnt want me in his life,then it was his choice and i would not talk to him anymore and stuff (which i dont think is what i want but...) even though its not like im always calling him and stuff like that...i actually never call him. he always calls to talk to me. When i asked him why i was his problem he told me that he expected me to change after we broke up...and i didnt. He wouldnt tell me how he expected me to change though. He said i was just supposed to. But im not gonna change for him or anyother guy. Even i know that theres plenty of guys that like me how i am...so i dont need to change for anyone. Its just so hard...I guesse it feels like i would be abel to do something about it if i knew what it was. Its so frustrating. I need to get him out of my mind, but i dont know if i can. If ill have the strenght to tell him that i dont want to talk to him anymore, not because of him, just because it hurts so fucking bad. This sucks.
It used to be that when i needed to get away from all the drama, i would go home, but now...home is the worste part of my problems. Melissa got in trouble again and somehow once again im getting put in the middle of it. My parents threaten me with my life if i do certian things for her, but i dont want to tell her no and her get mad at me. She's my sister and best friend, so as much as ii want to help her with everything...i want whats best for her...
idk...i guess i need to just stop looking back at what things used to be, and start realizing and trying to cope with what it is.
anyways...i have so much more shit to whine about but. really whts the point?....im goin to watch Laguna Beach ♥