hmph i can feel the depression coming

[l0ve_me_tender]

I had an awsome weekend...tons of parties and beer and stuff. But after staying at andrew's house all sunday...i just feel weird. I asked him (in the middle of the day) if he would sleep over tonight, and he said yes. But then when we got to campus he decided not to. and got kinda bitchy at me when i asked him why not. I think i was sorta offended. Anyways..ive been thiking alot about him and I. it's kinda rediculous that i spend so much time with the kid. I mean, yea, he's cute and nice n stuff...but he's not...what the fuck am i trying to say. LIke i rub his back and his hair...and try n kiss him all the time, and im super smily around him. He never smiles. EVER. he doesnt rub my back or run his fingers through my hair..nothing like affectionate at all. I dont know am i too picky? Maybe i just expect too much. And I know this has to do with me and my confidence but i defintly hold back telling him lil stories n stuff cuz most of the time when i try and tell him something..hes like "oh i thought that was gonna be a sweet story or something.." fuck that. Maybe i just like to conversate. Maybe i dont like spending 20 minutes in a car and not talk hardly at all. I don tknow..im not like unhapy with him..but i could be happier.I think im just too caring...like a sweetie u know? I think i might be bored? Like maybe i just dont wanna have a boyfriend. Or maybe i just like to flirt and i have a hard time controlling my urges to flirt with people. And even though myspace isnt the greatest way to meet people...i have been talking to some people on there that are super cool and i wouldnt mind meeting. But i know andrew wouldnt let me. And that sucks. Cuz you shouldnt close yourself in. I dont know. I just need a social guy that will go out and have a good time with me and isnt all controlling. I wouljdnt have a problem if i truly felt like he cared about me, and was just protective of me (because im just that important to him) but i just htink hes afraid of me running off and leaving him. Which im not gonna do or anything. I just dont know whats going on. I seriously just started tihnking about this now..after talking to a few people..it just made me rethink some shit. I still like him..but sometimes its just such an emo relatinship..and i need fun! not sadness and boringness. I just wanna be happy..:)
Anywho...I think i'm gonna go to bed..band got cancelled tomorrow yaaaay so i get to hang out and do whatever i want from like...12-6 woot!

Peace nigs

Love- Lena <3