fuck this shit fuck it
i had a great day today but then out of no where i found out that good friend of mine tried to kill themself. they slit their wrists and OD'd. I don't know what the fuck to do. All I can do is sit and cry and feel helpless. I feel like im dying inside. I feel so lost and helpless right now and I'm sick of there always being something wrong. I want my friend to be okay. God I hope they're okay...I just don't know what to do..
**EDIT**
I cant do this. I cant..everything keeps getting worse. Everything is fucked up in my life. Why can't anything I have be normal? WHY? Why does everything have to fuck up for me. Everything I have just gets screwed up and everything..I cant hurt myself. I cant do it in respect for my friend. I can not do it tonight. But fuck I want to. I want to just fucking die myself. I decided that I dont like it when people say it's going to be okay. Because it never is. And when it is, it never lasts. Everything stays for a little bit and people just live their lives getting hurt and hoping that next time everything will stay okay. I think that the world itself is hell now. I'd prefer to die and be at peace than be here living this misery. It's not worth it. Everytime it seems worth it there's always something that makes that worse. Why can't things ever be okay for someone? Life is supposed to contain obstacles but sometimes they need to stop and let people actually live. I don't feel alive. I feel fucking dead. I'm fucking dead on the inside almost all of the time. And everytime things get worse I don't feel that I'll ever be okay again. My mind is racing. I feel so lost and I need somebody. I need help. I need out. I keep having panic attacks and I keep listening to the same song. I called Jordan for help because I had no one else and he helped me a lot actually. I almost broke down when I called him. Allie helped me a lot also and I tried helping her. I need someone here. I need someone period..
**EDIT**
I cant do this. I cant..everything keeps getting worse. Everything is fucked up in my life. Why can't anything I have be normal? WHY? Why does everything have to fuck up for me. Everything I have just gets screwed up and everything..I cant hurt myself. I cant do it in respect for my friend. I can not do it tonight. But fuck I want to. I want to just fucking die myself. I decided that I dont like it when people say it's going to be okay. Because it never is. And when it is, it never lasts. Everything stays for a little bit and people just live their lives getting hurt and hoping that next time everything will stay okay. I think that the world itself is hell now. I'd prefer to die and be at peace than be here living this misery. It's not worth it. Everytime it seems worth it there's always something that makes that worse. Why can't things ever be okay for someone? Life is supposed to contain obstacles but sometimes they need to stop and let people actually live. I don't feel alive. I feel fucking dead. I'm fucking dead on the inside almost all of the time. And everytime things get worse I don't feel that I'll ever be okay again. My mind is racing. I feel so lost and I need somebody. I need help. I need out. I keep having panic attacks and I keep listening to the same song. I called Jordan for help because I had no one else and he helped me a lot actually. I almost broke down when I called him. Allie helped me a lot also and I tried helping her. I need someone here. I need someone period..