random output
I saw Dawn of the Dead last night, and it occurs to me that maybe one of the underlying themes of zombie movies is the hopelessness of the individual to rise up out of and against the mob of society. Perhaps that all change is violent. Perhaps that the only way to change is through violence. I dunno. I'm pretty exhausted right now, but I just felt like rambling and wondering if anyone would notice. kind of like going into an empty room at a loud party and screaming, just to see if you are heard outside of your isolated little box. Isolation, I've decided, is the best place for me. Sure it seems better occasionally when I'm around other people, and it sometimes seems unbearable to be alone, but I so don't understand social communications with large groups of people. I can handle me and one other person, but that's usually it, maybe two other people. I've been thinking quite a bit about change. I see all my friends who have moved off to college, and they have changed, and I look hard at myself and I don't see anything different. I'm stalled, frozen in the life, and the connections that defined that life. I wonder if I'm capable of change. I wonder if I have created in myself so isolated a person that all change passes me by and I remain as I have always been to watch others grow, and make themselves better, or worse. Almost like being an immortal child. It's frustrating because it never seems like anything is happening. Nothing is different about me as a human than it was a year ago. The only difference is those around me. Other people change, and I don't. Maybe there's a purpose to that, though. Maybe I am the unchanging yardstick by which others around me can gauge their growth. Like the spot in the doorframe where you mark your height as you get older. Maybe I'm just rambling after having spent the first two and a half hours of my day hauling wood without respite. Maybe I'm on to something though. Maybe you don't have to die to be the living dead.