my poem / story / stream of conciousness writing / future college thesis

[l0lalovesy0u]

so this made me happy to write... it is isnt really anything, just me writing like a moron about ryan vs cigarettes. i love them both but i need to stop thinking about them...

two things that make smile are cigarettes and you
the question goes without asking and the answer goes without saying
but it begs and pleads, and eventually you cave
which is worse, what causes more pain

cigarettes feel right
though its something i can't quite describe
they help me let it be and learn to live my life
when i'm without them, things crash and burn
the feeling on my lips washes the tension away

you feel right
though its something i can't quite describe
you help me let it be and learn to live my life
when i'm without you, things crash and burn
the feelings on my lips washes the tension away

i know better though
an addiction at its finest
my mind is clouded
my heart is weak
not something i need, just something i'd like

though i wish i could be stronger
and pull myself away
i think that i need more, i cant do it on my own
bottles of pills down the hatch
months of therapy and the occasional relapse

and illness, an ailment, a full on disease
i know that you'll cause it
but i will never beat you
i could never let go
is it that i am weak? just cannot go it alone
or is that i am strong? refusing to let go

now this isn't a riddle, it doesn't even rhyme
you are both my downfall, no need to fight
i know you are a weakness
but for now i'll find strength
one day you'll be gone
but that won't happen tonight