Day 2.....3/4 of my life...
well its day two..approximatley 7 more hours till I feel my utmost worst and following that 2 more days more bad things occur. I should be getting used to this by now but the ache inside you feels brand new every time heh. I layed in bed for 3 hours seeing the same thing happening over and over again. I feel maybe I should go lift to let my anger out but there isnt a place I can go without osmeone knowing me. One of the choir girls works at Northwinds and she saw things too. I still dont know what I did though. I wonder if I should start changing my perceptions...*shakes head* I understand but not everyone else does...and everything gets turned around quite a bit...verbally abusive? What did i say? I dont get along with Britt but I care about her but at the same time I cant stand her. Does that even make sense? I get lied to and I ge threatend? I just wanted to know why she kept lying to me. My heads going to fall off I swear whatever the chemical is in my head is slowly eating away at me. Parasite all the way. I still have people out there though..so why do I feel alone withut someone? I feel like no one is defending me and I'm fighting alone. Lone soldier...I have so many wounds...infected and rotting..I'm surprised I shoot straght anymore. I hate wallowing in this despair time and time again. Mental pictures in my mind showing me seieng things I will not like wiht past people. It's happening now as I speak of it. I dont know what I did wrong though...if I didnt talk to Brittany then I would still have Alliy. I dont know why she left though then I suppose if she wouldnt stay aroudn to help me she didnt truly care. I didnt really get a chance and this whole thing is so stupid. Yesterday is like a horrible nightmare..the setting...typical of a movie...sanity on the edge of the world...I always told myself I wish I could cut the part out of me that cares. People offer to help me with my geometry but they cant explain it as well as Britt does but the problem is that we have fights and I should depend on someone to help me wih my school work. She always offered to do my assingments for me and I thought I'd be nice and let her do them..whatever im done for today..thanks everyone for being such "great" people..fuck you Reeths Puffer oh btw the way when i topok the plan test it asked the question "are you proud to be a student at rp?" I marked it "NO"