2020.
I cannot even put to words how it went.
Personally, it wasn't off to a great start for me - few days into the year and I got hospitalized. I wouldn't necessarily say that it was a "bad" thing, however. I took it as a time to rest and rethink of how I was going to approach things except that, well, I didn't expect that I would be doing that for the entirety of the year (lol).
So much has happened, so much has changed, and time was nothing but subjective. For some, every single day was just like the other.
While 2020 was a year of grief and struggle, personally, it was also a year of massive reflection, growth, and acceptance.
The lockdown first happened in my city around mid-March. With that, I ended up spending most of my time at home. I had time to myself again. I also managed to, perhaps, fulfill one of my hopes for 2020 which was to immerse myself more in my hobbies and to slowly catch-up on fandom matters.
I also finally properly got into BUCK-TICK who immediately topped my list of favorite artists ever. They're my home. I'm sure for many, they would just seem like a band who performs songs with a dark worldview, but of course there's so much more to them than that. Their songs and they themselves - Sakurai Atsushi, Imai Hisashi, Hoshino Hidehiko, Higuchi Yutaka and Yagami Toll (Anii) - made me understand that I shouldn't force myself to try to be "happy" or "positive" or to even actively "look forward" on various topics in life. It's okay to be depressed, it's okay to be sad, and most of all, it's okay to be different. There's a time for everything.
I shouldn't have to fit in to be loved, I shouldn't seek for love in other people; I should, first and foremost, love myself. Loving myself, accepting myself - that's what matters the most.
Moments wherein I feel like 沈みたい are okay.
Getting out of toxic environments and relationships is important.
Live every single day to the fullest.
To have imagination, to go beyond the norm.
That I should stop running to a future unknown, that I should walk in pace with the present.
memento mori.
Back in 2019, I was putting so much of myself aside to make way for others' opinions and thoughts. In 2020, I came to accept that things aren't supposed to be one-sided. My thoughts and feelings also matter. If I'm feeling uncomfortable about a certain thing, I should say it. That doesn't mean I'm being selfish or inconsiderate of the other party. I'm also being considerate of my own. If they care about others' feelings, then they'll take the time to listen, to understand, and to be there. Communication is important.
I'm also so happy to have spent the last few months of said year with KinKi. We got O Album, several performances, lots of BBB episodes that I have yet to catch up to and more. Koichi finally got into Instagram through Endless SHOCK's official account. I still can't believe I got to see his instalives and that he'd done some more with the rest of the company (i.e. ES performance, press). Tsuyoshi as well had done solo performances for the year. Seeing him wearing IEMs instead of headphones is giving me a sense of hope, that his condition has improved, although since I do not actively follow him in his solo activities, I only know so much. He's always in my mind and I'm always wishing him, Koichi, KinKi Kids, only the best things in this world.
What happened to Kame to Yamapi was honestly disappointing and, knowing myself, if I was still so invested in both of them, I would have gotten devastated. When it was announced (Yamapi leaving J&A), I was already accepting of it. Yamapi choose his path and I do not know how it'll be for him from here on out. Nonetheless, I'm also wishing him well.
I've been falling out from following KAT-TUN because I, first and foremost, followed them for their music and their bond as a group. I kept saying this throughout the year, but 2020 KAT-TUN felt like 2017 KAT-TUN. Oh well. If they're happy with the path they are on, and I hope they are, then I'm happy for them. 2021 marks their 15th anniversary. I hope this year will be fruitful for them as a group and as individual artistes.
Several artists who I hold dearly have passed on... Miura Haruma, Takeuchi Yuko. I hope they've found their peace.
I do not have expectations for 2021, but if there's anything I want to hold on to, that would be the spark of hope I have in a brighter tomorrow. With vaccinations going on in various countries, I hope the spread of COVID-19 and its other variants will be curbed - for the day to come where we can be with those we love without having fear of putting them, ourselves, and even those we do not know at risk.
May humanity come together, work together, to make this world a better place to live in and to remember that this change first starts within oneself.
Love.
Acceptance.
Open-mindedness.
Patience.
Time.
Kyza
Personally, it wasn't off to a great start for me - few days into the year and I got hospitalized. I wouldn't necessarily say that it was a "bad" thing, however. I took it as a time to rest and rethink of how I was going to approach things except that, well, I didn't expect that I would be doing that for the entirety of the year (lol).
So much has happened, so much has changed, and time was nothing but subjective. For some, every single day was just like the other.
While 2020 was a year of grief and struggle, personally, it was also a year of massive reflection, growth, and acceptance.
The lockdown first happened in my city around mid-March. With that, I ended up spending most of my time at home. I had time to myself again. I also managed to, perhaps, fulfill one of my hopes for 2020 which was to immerse myself more in my hobbies and to slowly catch-up on fandom matters.
I also finally properly got into BUCK-TICK who immediately topped my list of favorite artists ever. They're my home. I'm sure for many, they would just seem like a band who performs songs with a dark worldview, but of course there's so much more to them than that. Their songs and they themselves - Sakurai Atsushi, Imai Hisashi, Hoshino Hidehiko, Higuchi Yutaka and Yagami Toll (Anii) - made me understand that I shouldn't force myself to try to be "happy" or "positive" or to even actively "look forward" on various topics in life. It's okay to be depressed, it's okay to be sad, and most of all, it's okay to be different. There's a time for everything.
I shouldn't have to fit in to be loved, I shouldn't seek for love in other people; I should, first and foremost, love myself. Loving myself, accepting myself - that's what matters the most.
Moments wherein I feel like 沈みたい are okay.
Getting out of toxic environments and relationships is important.
Live every single day to the fullest.
To have imagination, to go beyond the norm.
That I should stop running to a future unknown, that I should walk in pace with the present.
memento mori.
Back in 2019, I was putting so much of myself aside to make way for others' opinions and thoughts. In 2020, I came to accept that things aren't supposed to be one-sided. My thoughts and feelings also matter. If I'm feeling uncomfortable about a certain thing, I should say it. That doesn't mean I'm being selfish or inconsiderate of the other party. I'm also being considerate of my own. If they care about others' feelings, then they'll take the time to listen, to understand, and to be there. Communication is important.
I'm also so happy to have spent the last few months of said year with KinKi. We got O Album, several performances, lots of BBB episodes that I have yet to catch up to and more. Koichi finally got into Instagram through Endless SHOCK's official account. I still can't believe I got to see his instalives and that he'd done some more with the rest of the company (i.e. ES performance, press). Tsuyoshi as well had done solo performances for the year. Seeing him wearing IEMs instead of headphones is giving me a sense of hope, that his condition has improved, although since I do not actively follow him in his solo activities, I only know so much. He's always in my mind and I'm always wishing him, Koichi, KinKi Kids, only the best things in this world.
What happened to Kame to Yamapi was honestly disappointing and, knowing myself, if I was still so invested in both of them, I would have gotten devastated. When it was announced (Yamapi leaving J&A), I was already accepting of it. Yamapi choose his path and I do not know how it'll be for him from here on out. Nonetheless, I'm also wishing him well.
I've been falling out from following KAT-TUN because I, first and foremost, followed them for their music and their bond as a group. I kept saying this throughout the year, but 2020 KAT-TUN felt like 2017 KAT-TUN. Oh well. If they're happy with the path they are on, and I hope they are, then I'm happy for them. 2021 marks their 15th anniversary. I hope this year will be fruitful for them as a group and as individual artistes.
Several artists who I hold dearly have passed on... Miura Haruma, Takeuchi Yuko. I hope they've found their peace.
I do not have expectations for 2021, but if there's anything I want to hold on to, that would be the spark of hope I have in a brighter tomorrow. With vaccinations going on in various countries, I hope the spread of COVID-19 and its other variants will be curbed - for the day to come where we can be with those we love without having fear of putting them, ourselves, and even those we do not know at risk.
May humanity come together, work together, to make this world a better place to live in and to remember that this change first starts within oneself.
Love.
Acceptance.
Open-mindedness.
Patience.
Time.
Kyza