It's time to put 20 and 20 together!
I have no idea how to begin.
2019 was yet another year full of rides I didn't expect - both fandom-wise and personally.
I can say, however, that it wasn't all negative. I entered 2019 with feelings of gratitude and welcoming. Likewise, I feel the same for 2020 - albeit in a different sense entirely.
I decided to look back at my entry for 2018-2019; I could see just how stressful that year was. 2019? Not so much... I guess. I think I never really looked at it negatively because I was too occupied trying to enjoy myself, to keep up with what was going on around me, to make way for the feelings of other people, to change my views so I could understand the way other people think much better, to stop putting my thoughts out all the time, and to try and quiet down for once - those were some of the many things I was doing too much of.
As someone who works with my head above my emotions and feelings, it was challenging to... try and put yourself differently for people who did not think the way I did. I always approached things with a solution. I would always try to make things "work" - sometimes, I forgot that, in some cases, things would just fall into place on their own once both parties have come to accept matters as they are. I forgot that I didn't have to always fix things. I forgot that I didn't have to always put my own thoughts and feelings behind me so I could focus on helping, solving matters out.
My 2019 ended just like that - way too quickly, too fast for me to have noticed it passing by. I was simply waiting for the days to pass by, hoping for certain matters to better themselves. Now that I look back, I neglected making myself enjoy things - enjoy the days spent in it.
I am hoping to better all of that this 2020.
I would like to focus more on fandom and everything that makes me happy, excited, and fulfilled. My hobbies, Koichi, Tsuyoshi, KAT-TUN... I would like to put my focus on them even better this year.
I don't want each passing day to be something I have to wait to end - I want to make the most of my everyday living. I want to enjoy each day without having to worry about tomorrow - and by worry, I mean feeling like tomorrow's gonna be another problematic day.
I'm ranting now, haha. I guess I'm not quite certain - I can't quite point out how I think of 2019.
Maybe that's because, during then, my thoughts weren't entirely on my own being. I gave way too much of my time thinking of how other people thought. People talked about me, and I'm certain that they weren't doing so positively. I wasn't that concerned - that wouldn't be the first time people just can't take the salt they made themselves or the negative thoughts that they thought of on their own. Humans... Some people are driven so easy by their heart that when I try to let them see things from a perspective of thought, they immediately shut it down and listen ever so strongly instead to their heart, to their current feelings, to whatever it was they felt at that moment.
"Don't talk to me - I might get even more angry than I already am."
"You don't have the right to do that."
Before I even get to explain myself, I've already been shut down.
Such were the challenges I faced in 2019.
I never thought of them much, but again, they made me realize - not everyone can be comforted by other people. The opposite party must calm themselves first, must ready themselves first before they could open their hearts and minds to other people's - my - opinions.
xx
Back to fandom matters on the other hand, KinKi and KAT-TUN have supported me during 2019, too, although I have to admit, I wasn't really following KT as much then.
We got IGNITE from KT this year! It certainly packed quite a punch! I have to say it isn't my favorite, but ハロハロ has a special place in my heart, haha!
Oh! Kame finally debuted his first solo single in 2019. I was so, so ecstatic about that. Rain is just amazing. I'm looking forward to hearing more from him.
KinKi... Oh, KinKi. They came through this year, too!! I have so much doya episodes to catch up with, but nonetheless, I'm excited to, haha! I've been catching up with BBB as well. Each episode never fails to charm my heart. I really do hope we'll get an episode with KT (Ueda, most likely?) in BBB, haha!
I talk and follow KinKi a lot that my twitter should be full of them by now - especially with Koichi himself.
Sigh.
I'll never get over him - haha!!
2020 already has its surprises laid out - Shuuji to Akira/Kame to Yamapi tour, Endless SHOCK 2020 with Ueda as the rival... I have no idea what other bombs my idols may have for me but I'm always hoping for the best.
2019, thank you!
2020, here I am, ready to embrace you with open arms!
Kyza
2019 was yet another year full of rides I didn't expect - both fandom-wise and personally.
I can say, however, that it wasn't all negative. I entered 2019 with feelings of gratitude and welcoming. Likewise, I feel the same for 2020 - albeit in a different sense entirely.
I decided to look back at my entry for 2018-2019; I could see just how stressful that year was. 2019? Not so much... I guess. I think I never really looked at it negatively because I was too occupied trying to enjoy myself, to keep up with what was going on around me, to make way for the feelings of other people, to change my views so I could understand the way other people think much better, to stop putting my thoughts out all the time, and to try and quiet down for once - those were some of the many things I was doing too much of.
As someone who works with my head above my emotions and feelings, it was challenging to... try and put yourself differently for people who did not think the way I did. I always approached things with a solution. I would always try to make things "work" - sometimes, I forgot that, in some cases, things would just fall into place on their own once both parties have come to accept matters as they are. I forgot that I didn't have to always fix things. I forgot that I didn't have to always put my own thoughts and feelings behind me so I could focus on helping, solving matters out.
My 2019 ended just like that - way too quickly, too fast for me to have noticed it passing by. I was simply waiting for the days to pass by, hoping for certain matters to better themselves. Now that I look back, I neglected making myself enjoy things - enjoy the days spent in it.
I am hoping to better all of that this 2020.
I would like to focus more on fandom and everything that makes me happy, excited, and fulfilled. My hobbies, Koichi, Tsuyoshi, KAT-TUN... I would like to put my focus on them even better this year.
I don't want each passing day to be something I have to wait to end - I want to make the most of my everyday living. I want to enjoy each day without having to worry about tomorrow - and by worry, I mean feeling like tomorrow's gonna be another problematic day.
I'm ranting now, haha. I guess I'm not quite certain - I can't quite point out how I think of 2019.
Maybe that's because, during then, my thoughts weren't entirely on my own being. I gave way too much of my time thinking of how other people thought. People talked about me, and I'm certain that they weren't doing so positively. I wasn't that concerned - that wouldn't be the first time people just can't take the salt they made themselves or the negative thoughts that they thought of on their own. Humans... Some people are driven so easy by their heart that when I try to let them see things from a perspective of thought, they immediately shut it down and listen ever so strongly instead to their heart, to their current feelings, to whatever it was they felt at that moment.
"Don't talk to me - I might get even more angry than I already am."
"You don't have the right to do that."
Before I even get to explain myself, I've already been shut down.
Such were the challenges I faced in 2019.
I never thought of them much, but again, they made me realize - not everyone can be comforted by other people. The opposite party must calm themselves first, must ready themselves first before they could open their hearts and minds to other people's - my - opinions.
xx
Back to fandom matters on the other hand, KinKi and KAT-TUN have supported me during 2019, too, although I have to admit, I wasn't really following KT as much then.
We got IGNITE from KT this year! It certainly packed quite a punch! I have to say it isn't my favorite, but ハロハロ has a special place in my heart, haha!
Oh! Kame finally debuted his first solo single in 2019. I was so, so ecstatic about that. Rain is just amazing. I'm looking forward to hearing more from him.
KinKi... Oh, KinKi. They came through this year, too!! I have so much doya episodes to catch up with, but nonetheless, I'm excited to, haha! I've been catching up with BBB as well. Each episode never fails to charm my heart. I really do hope we'll get an episode with KT (Ueda, most likely?) in BBB, haha!
I talk and follow KinKi a lot that my twitter should be full of them by now - especially with Koichi himself.
Sigh.
I'll never get over him - haha!!
2020 already has its surprises laid out - Shuuji to Akira/Kame to Yamapi tour, Endless SHOCK 2020 with Ueda as the rival... I have no idea what other bombs my idols may have for me but I'm always hoping for the best.
2019, thank you!
2020, here I am, ready to embrace you with open arms!
Kyza