Loooooong time ....
Crap I can't remember the last time I updated this thing. Either way, this isn't much of an update either. I'm only typing because I'm bored out of my mind. I'm tired too, but I can't sleep 'cause I'm angry. I don't know why, but for the last two weeks I've just been in the worst mood. When I do feel okay, the littlist things will make me mad again. I don't get it. I'm starting to wonder if I've got some sort of blood sugar issue. I know a few people with diabetes and out of whack blood sugar levels can make them irritable on occasion. Honestly though, I don't want to know if I have a problem or not. Face it, I'm pretty much doomed to have cancer at some point and that makes everything else I could get seem quite paltry. Oh, but one of the specific things pissing me off is art. I can't do it anymore. Seriously, I want to, but I can't. I sit down, look at the paper and nothing comes to me. Nothing. I feel like my creativity is gone. Once in a while I can pull something out of nowhere and put a simple drawing down that looks okay, but nothing like I've done before. I sit and I look at my equipment and just hope for something to hit me. Nothing. Maybe I'm afraid of succeeding or I'm worried that people might think about what I've drawn too much. People seem to need a meaning for everything. Why did you draw him this way, why did this happen, what is this supposed to mean. Really? Does there always have to be something? Can't there be a single point in time that there's no deeper explanation required? Could we just be happy with what is? No... if I use red too much I'm angry. Blue is sad. Green is jealous. Yellow is fear. White and black are both empty, clean and lost. Use them all in equal amounts and its confused and chaotic. Cut it out.
"I see you've used a lot of orange. What made you go with that?"
"I used it because it looked good."
"But why did it look good to you? What were you thinking at the time?"
"Shut up."
"Ahh... anger, I see... mmm-hmm. Mixed in with a little anxiety? Fear perhaps?"
"Sure. Why not."
"I knew it. Wonderful... really."
"Uhh... thanks. Now, can I have my coloring book back?"
Why must everything be so damned complicated? All too often the simple answer is the right answer. No, REALLY. See, this is why people suck. They either never think or they think too much. Sadly, over-thought is worse than thinking too little. Thinking to much is paralyzing. It takes up time and you miss out on things. Like right now... I could be sleeping. I could be out for a drive. I could be playing a game, drawing, modeling or just relaxing. Yet, I'm not doing any of those things because my mind is running faster than my fingers can type this out. Faster than I can expel the garbage that is blocking me from enjoying my life and THAT, folks, is pissing me off. This is not a challenge to find the deepest meanings of life. This is not a test. This is an opportunity to enjoy things. So cut it out! Myself included. Just stop. What will it matter in a year? Two years? Ten? A day from now? Nothing? Very little?
Sorry, but I just needed to vent. I needed to get that off of my chest before I cracked like an egg. I feel a little better and that's good. Now I just click the little post button and everyone who reads this will try and find the deeper meaning behind it while successfully missing the entire point. Good luck.
"I see you've used a lot of orange. What made you go with that?"
"I used it because it looked good."
"But why did it look good to you? What were you thinking at the time?"
"Shut up."
"Ahh... anger, I see... mmm-hmm. Mixed in with a little anxiety? Fear perhaps?"
"Sure. Why not."
"I knew it. Wonderful... really."
"Uhh... thanks. Now, can I have my coloring book back?"
Why must everything be so damned complicated? All too often the simple answer is the right answer. No, REALLY. See, this is why people suck. They either never think or they think too much. Sadly, over-thought is worse than thinking too little. Thinking to much is paralyzing. It takes up time and you miss out on things. Like right now... I could be sleeping. I could be out for a drive. I could be playing a game, drawing, modeling or just relaxing. Yet, I'm not doing any of those things because my mind is running faster than my fingers can type this out. Faster than I can expel the garbage that is blocking me from enjoying my life and THAT, folks, is pissing me off. This is not a challenge to find the deepest meanings of life. This is not a test. This is an opportunity to enjoy things. So cut it out! Myself included. Just stop. What will it matter in a year? Two years? Ten? A day from now? Nothing? Very little?
Sorry, but I just needed to vent. I needed to get that off of my chest before I cracked like an egg. I feel a little better and that's good. Now I just click the little post button and everyone who reads this will try and find the deeper meaning behind it while successfully missing the entire point. Good luck.