a letter to you, but you'll never read this.
If she just called, and they just hung out. . .I wouldn't give a shit. My boy can be friend with who ever the hell he wants, exs included, without having to worry about what his girlfriend thinks. He doesn't have to worry about Ria getting jealous, cause that's what trust and understanding are about. I just want to make it clear that is not what this is about, jealousy, this is not about jealousy. This is about. . . well. . love, really. *and the one I love just woke up for a short second to tell me he had a dream he was shopping to dress up as Nightwing. .le sigh*
It's fucking hard to see someone you love leave you. It's even harder to know that they're with someone else. It's even harder to see it, to hear about it, cause you have the same friends. It's gotta be damn hard after having been with that person for 3 years. I don't know much about what your relationship was like, I wasn't there for it. I've heard. . I've heard that, thought undoubtedly, there were amazing times where you two were in love and so goddamn happy, there was a lot of shit too. That's understandable, that's how relationships work. The good comes with the bad too. Anyone who thinks differently is a fool. This is just what I see, what I've gathered, what I've heard. . and again, I admit my observations are one-sided, so I'm keeping an open mind.
I see a boy who gave everything, and a girl who tried to do the same, but faltered on several occasions. I see a boy who loved with everything he had, and a girl who couldn't help but hold some of that love back for herself. I see a boy who just couldn't do it anymore, and a girl who sees what she lost, and just can't let that go...not entirely.
When you call, when you leave the phone off the hook "accidentally" while you're talking about sex, or whatever; I see a boy who hurts. Not in the way it almost seems like you want him to, but in disbelief that you could do such a thing. When you call and say that the basis of your decision on something is going to be on what he has to say when he calls you back, I see an attempt to hurt, to manipulate, to kenive. I see the boy after he puts down the phone, and he asks me. . "what should I do". And you know what I said? I told him to call.
I know what it's like to be afraid to be happy because someone else might hurt themselves for it. I know what it's like to see someone you genuinely loved take a shit on themselves because they know you're watching. I know what it's like to see the worst parts of someone come out again and not be able to help but kick yourself in the ass for it a little, just a little, because you think it's your fault. . .because you're just not there anymore. I know what it's like to give and give and give and get so drained and frustrated that you have to say enough, and leave, out of fucking self preservation, and still feel like a selfish prick for it. I know, because I've been there.
Do you still love this boy? I don't know if you do or not, wouldn't blame you if you did though. . If you don't, all of this is pointless. There is no REASON for it. I have too much faith in human nature to believe that something could exist in a person that would allow them to so deviously hurt someone that did nothing but love them.
If you do, if you do still love him. . . really and truly. . then why would it be this way. If you really loved him, you'd want him to be happy, even if that meant you were to be left behind. And God knows that's a hard thing to do, but love is all about self sacrifice for the well being and happiness of the one you love. Personally, if he were to look at me and say that he wanted to be with someone else, you, whomever, and I saw sincerity in his eyes, and thought for a split second that it would make him happier, I'd let him go with nothing but love for him still in my heart.
If you want this boy in your life, truly, purely. . . you know what to do, and it isn't what you're doing. He can't be a crutch, a way out, or an excuse for everything in your life. I'm not saying he is, but it can't be that way. He loved the hell out of you. . he gave all he had for 3 years for that. You'll always have a soft spot in his heart. For the sake of everything that you had, and the friendship you could still sustain, FOR HIS SAKE, don't take a shit on that. Don't make him who I was.
It's a stupid ass quote, cheesy as all hell, but it fits: " If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours forever. If not, it was never really yours to begin with." I'm not saying it's easy, I'm not saying it doesn't hurt. . God knows, it sure as hell does. . a whole hell of a lot. But what is happening is pointless and does nothing but make things harder. It's not hurting he and I's relationship, but it looks like it's hurting yours. Again, I don't know you, I don't hate you, I can't make judgement on you. I do respect you and I know it fucking hurts. . Don't loose this boy, I know I sure as hell would be kicking myself in the ass if I did; but if you do, just don't hurt him.
It's fucking hard to see someone you love leave you. It's even harder to know that they're with someone else. It's even harder to see it, to hear about it, cause you have the same friends. It's gotta be damn hard after having been with that person for 3 years. I don't know much about what your relationship was like, I wasn't there for it. I've heard. . I've heard that, thought undoubtedly, there were amazing times where you two were in love and so goddamn happy, there was a lot of shit too. That's understandable, that's how relationships work. The good comes with the bad too. Anyone who thinks differently is a fool. This is just what I see, what I've gathered, what I've heard. . and again, I admit my observations are one-sided, so I'm keeping an open mind.
I see a boy who gave everything, and a girl who tried to do the same, but faltered on several occasions. I see a boy who loved with everything he had, and a girl who couldn't help but hold some of that love back for herself. I see a boy who just couldn't do it anymore, and a girl who sees what she lost, and just can't let that go...not entirely.
When you call, when you leave the phone off the hook "accidentally" while you're talking about sex, or whatever; I see a boy who hurts. Not in the way it almost seems like you want him to, but in disbelief that you could do such a thing. When you call and say that the basis of your decision on something is going to be on what he has to say when he calls you back, I see an attempt to hurt, to manipulate, to kenive. I see the boy after he puts down the phone, and he asks me. . "what should I do". And you know what I said? I told him to call.
I know what it's like to be afraid to be happy because someone else might hurt themselves for it. I know what it's like to see someone you genuinely loved take a shit on themselves because they know you're watching. I know what it's like to see the worst parts of someone come out again and not be able to help but kick yourself in the ass for it a little, just a little, because you think it's your fault. . .because you're just not there anymore. I know what it's like to give and give and give and get so drained and frustrated that you have to say enough, and leave, out of fucking self preservation, and still feel like a selfish prick for it. I know, because I've been there.
Do you still love this boy? I don't know if you do or not, wouldn't blame you if you did though. . If you don't, all of this is pointless. There is no REASON for it. I have too much faith in human nature to believe that something could exist in a person that would allow them to so deviously hurt someone that did nothing but love them.
If you do, if you do still love him. . . really and truly. . then why would it be this way. If you really loved him, you'd want him to be happy, even if that meant you were to be left behind. And God knows that's a hard thing to do, but love is all about self sacrifice for the well being and happiness of the one you love. Personally, if he were to look at me and say that he wanted to be with someone else, you, whomever, and I saw sincerity in his eyes, and thought for a split second that it would make him happier, I'd let him go with nothing but love for him still in my heart.
If you want this boy in your life, truly, purely. . . you know what to do, and it isn't what you're doing. He can't be a crutch, a way out, or an excuse for everything in your life. I'm not saying he is, but it can't be that way. He loved the hell out of you. . he gave all he had for 3 years for that. You'll always have a soft spot in his heart. For the sake of everything that you had, and the friendship you could still sustain, FOR HIS SAKE, don't take a shit on that. Don't make him who I was.
It's a stupid ass quote, cheesy as all hell, but it fits: " If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours forever. If not, it was never really yours to begin with." I'm not saying it's easy, I'm not saying it doesn't hurt. . God knows, it sure as hell does. . a whole hell of a lot. But what is happening is pointless and does nothing but make things harder. It's not hurting he and I's relationship, but it looks like it's hurting yours. Again, I don't know you, I don't hate you, I can't make judgement on you. I do respect you and I know it fucking hurts. . Don't loose this boy, I know I sure as hell would be kicking myself in the ass if I did; but if you do, just don't hurt him.