A love gamble - One-shot
A love gamble | Myungsoo/Sungyeol | PG | romance, angst | WC: 8,012.
A love gamble:
Summer was the best time for party, vacation and barbecue. Not to mention the falling in love part, as Sungyeol cornily reminded himself, having watched too many dramas and shoujo manga. The hottest season resembled nothing but happiness, fun and surely the tall boy had expected all those sorts of thingy, or whatsoever, to happen to him.
Anything, but not… this.
“Excuse me, but what?”
Sungyeol snapped, left brow twitched in irritation as he eyed the other boy incredulously. The boy actually had a mind to pick his ears, mind you, since he was afraid that something just got stuck in them and that was the main reason why he heard such a thing. Or was it April fools’ day? The brunette almost whipped out his phone to check the date, almost, till he remembered that their first semester had ended already. Which meant it was June now.
June, not April 1st.
So what was this kind of joke his boyfriend just made?
Sitting opposite him, Myungsoo wiggled uncomfortably in his chair, almond shaped eyes never left the bubble tea cup before him. Sungyeol couldn’t help but wonder whether the other had his face imprinted in it. Myungsoo’s hair was a bit curly, probably having forgotten to straighten it in a while and if it was in another occasion, Sungyeol would kindly remind him of some locks drooping down his forehead. Or better, the taller would reach out to push them back for his boyfriend. But it was another story which was not suitable for the situation today.
Myungsoo actually chanced a glance at Sungyeol’s face before speaking in one breath, and despite the shakiness of his arms, his voice came out much calmer than the first time.
“I said, Yeollie ah, can we break up?”
And that was it. Myungsoo gasped as coffee was splashed on to his face. The boy was not surprised much, though, having braced himself for any kind of reactions his now ex-boyfriend could pull out after knowing the news.
He should be thankful that Sungyeol did not consider smashing the porcelain cup at his handsome face. Or froggy face, whatever, Myungsoo just became the ugliest bastard in the brunette’s eyes anyway.
***
Day two…
“You acted like a bitch Sungyeol.”
Howon stated matter-of-factly, earning himself tons of soaking tissues. (The boy tried not to think of where those tissues had been. They might not be used to wipe Sungyeol’s eyes, but his runny nose. Ew.)
“I’m a manly man Lee Howon. He is a bitch here.”
Under layers of blankets Sungyeol spoke, voice quivered and a bit strained at the end. The boy was so into howling for his misery to acknowledge that Howon just rolled eyes at the statement, because sure, a manly man would throw tantrum at a coffee house after splashing drink at his ex, and then made a scene on the street. The Busan boy was actually surprised knowing that Myungsoo had borne with anything Sungyeol threw at him to take his ex home safely (he still earned a slipper at his face after all the kind acts, because, well, Myungsoo dared break up with Sungyeol.)
“You didn’t listen to his reasons.”
“Oh yes, I did listen to him. And they are all ridiculous!”
Blankets were thrown to the floor and Sungyeol was sitting in bed, hair sticking to everywhere. Howon thought he would pass as a wrecked widow with all traces of tear stain on his face, passing the smudged mascara part.
“Wow.”
“Wow?”
“Well, just pull your socks up man. You look like shit.”
“I know, no need to rub it on my face. And this is sweat, not tears, okay?”
Sungyeol mumbled, taking more tissues from the box at his feet to wipe his face clean. The other stared and actually felt bad seeing this, seeing the almighty, crazy, insane Lee Sungyeol who always pulled pranks and made odd owl face to cheer up others actually break down. He just had a mental breakdown in front of his friend, and Sungyeol had never let anyone, even Myungsoo, see him like that before.
“Why are you here anyway?”
The brunette asked after a while, cheeks still puffy and eyes swollen. Howon absent-mindedly poked the stuffed toy on Sungyeol’s study desk as he answered:
“Myungsoo called me to check on you.”
“Don’t mention his name in my room again.”
“…”
“…”
“Okay…” Howon settled down carefully. “But what’s the actually reason anyway?” He hastily added as Sungyeol’s stare got more murderous. “I mean, I need to know. We’re all friends, or he used to be my friend, whatever, and this is none of my business but… Isn’t it better if someone listens to you?”
Sungyeol’s slumped down a bit at the last words and Howon knew he had succeeded then. The taller boy fumbled with his fingers for a while, probably tossing up between spilling his guts to the other or not. Eventually he came up with the former, much to Howon’s relief.
“He just… He said he wanted a break.”
“Okay…?”
“I don’t remember much, anything he said is nonsense to me because I can’t understand. I can’t fucking understand why he needs a break. I mean, we’re still fine. We’ve known each other for fucking three years and everything’s fine up until now and why the fuck did he have to break everything like that?”
“Whoa…”
“Don’t say anything because I know for sure that you don’t understand a fucking thing.”
“Well, I only know that Myungsoo would scold you for overusing profanities.”
“Don’t make me split your throat in half Howon.”
“Okay I surrender.”
The shorter threw his arms up in defense, but Sungyeol did not even spare him a single glance, having looked back at the tissue boxes at his feet. The atmosphere was so thick that Howon felt suffocated and at the same time sorry for his friend as well. It was as clear as the daylight that Sungyeol was overly upset with the entire breakup event. Having been in a relationship for three years and one day your partner decided to part because he needed a break was not acceptable much, Howon totally understood. He would be like Sungyeol as well if Dongwoo ever brought up something like that between them. In this story, Howon felt much luckier than his friend since he was sure for one hundred percents that his boyfriend would never break up with him.
That only added more guilt to Howon’s mind.
After racking his brain and bathing in guilty, eventually Howon came up some useful words to console the other (It was a hard work to console Sungyeol okay? Everyone in this world was not Kim Myungsoo to understand the other and Sungyeol was just happened to be an unpredictable brat. Howon was not insensitive or dense here, mind you.) Fumbling with his fingers, the shorter boy started carefully:
“Sungyeol ah, actual-”
“It’s okay.”
“What’s okay?”
Howon felt sweat running down his side, seeing Sungyeol had stopped hiccupping. This was supposed to be good sign but the darkening aura around the taller boy just gave out another story.
“If he wants us to break up, well, we will. It’s not a big deal much anyway, every fun has its end.”
“You’ve just cried, if you forget Sungyeol. And this is not a big deal?”
“Crying in such situation is normal Howon. I might have cried but now I will face this as a man. Everyone has a phase like this in life.”
Try to open your eyes properly first please. Howon protested inward. And you didn’t even try to deny that you’d just cried.
On the nightstand, Sungyeol’s phone vibrated slightly indicating new message, Howon managed to peek at the screen.
“Myungsoo’s message, Sungyeol. And whoa, he has called you for hundreds of times and you didn’t pick up once?”
“Why should I?” The other huffed. “Anyway, I bet he actually has reconsidered and decided to make up with me, which is kinda too late because I have made up my mi-”
“No, actually, he said-” Howon’s brows furrowed a bit as he read: “-well, ’Yeollie, I know you’re still mad at me, but you will understand after all, I believe. You need a break and so do I, so consume this time for good use and we will see what this separation can make for us. Please take care.’ And-NO SUNGYEOL NO THAT IS MY PHONE THIS IS YOURS THROW IT INSTEAD.”
***
Five days later after the break up.
“Hello Yeollie!!!”
Sungyeol couldn’t help but cringe at the high octave screeching at his ears, which he was afraid that would break the glass windows behind anytime soon. The brunette blinked his eyes twice, thrice, to clear away all the grogginess before having a proper look at the person standing in front of him. He knew he was clad in wrinkle t-shirt and sweatpants, the same ones Howon saw days ago and he hadn’t washed up for a while. This was pathetic and everyone must laugh at his face for letting the break up affect his life that much but the brunette couldn’t bring himself to care anymore.
And he was the one bragging to be fine again soon.
“Yeollie~~~”
Now two arms were thrown around his shoulder, pulling the boy down for a crushing hug. Sungyeol almost gagged at Woohyun’s sickeningly sweet voice as the other cooed at him.
“What are you doing here Namu?”
He managed awkwardly after the hug and Woohyun’s eyes turned into crescent as he spoke:
“I’m here because you and Myungsoo had broken up. Now can we date?”
Sungyeol felt the vessels under his temple skin twitched as another headache was approaching. The mention of the breakup made Sungyeol wanted to curl up under his blankets again, despite having attempted to lure himself to get up and do something productive. He still found it so hard to accept the painful reality, not to mention another part of his mind was so angry with the thought that Myungsoo might have moved on already and now was partying somewhere, anywhere without him. Being constrained inside his apartment, getting upset over emotional stuffs really did no good to Sungyeol, he only thought of Myungsoo more, imagining more scenarios and ending up gnawing at his pathetic shelf.
In front of him, Woohyun was still radiating brightly with happiness and the brunette knew it all came from his breakup. Asshole. The brunette wondered who had told Woohyun about this.
Probably Howon again, that traitor.
Somehow, in one way or another, Woohyun was finally successful in pulling Sungyeol out for a date. Or at least that was what Woohyun thought it was, because the taller himself knew he needed some fresh air and a more sober mind.
“So, how was the date with Woohyun, hyung?”
Sungyeol stumbled through the front door around 8PM, clothes soaked with sweat and smell of alcohol, only to find a certain boy with boney body sitting on his bed. Sungjong scrunched up his nose in distaste as Sungyeol passed by, totally ignoring the older’s question of “How did you get in?”
“You just hide your spare key in a place an idiot would, hyung.”
The younger boy stated matter-of-factly later, straight face reminded Sungyeol of hundred reasons why he was Howon’s little brother. They had the same manners, those brats.
“You haven’t answered me hyung, how was the date?”
Sungjong whined, poking at Sungyeol’s bare ribs as the older was changing his clothes. The kid did not have any definition of personal space, Sungyeol concluded as he tried to usher him to the bedroom door. Sungjong did not flush, or even blink eyes for once as he stared nonchalantly at Sungyeol’s naked torso getting nearer and nearer.
Was he that lack of sexiness?
Was that the reason why Myungsoo got bored of him?
The question popped out of nowhere and almost made Sungyeol upset. Almost, mind you. Sungyeol was stronger than that, he was a man.
“How long have we known each other hyung? I even know how Yeol junior looked like when you’re 12.”
Seeing through the insecure screaming from Sungyeol’s round eyes, Sungjong tried to assure his hyung while flipping hair sassily. That kid should be glad that Sungyeol actually liked him, but it did not stop him, nonetheless, to stuff an apple into the younger’s mouth in an attempt to shut him up. The brunette just had no heart to gag his literally sibling with a dirty shirt.
“Can you please stay out there I need to change, and yes that so-called date was totally cra- Wait, how did you know I went out with Woohyun?”
“…”
“Care to explain?”
“You can change clothes first and we will talk about that later hyung.”
Sungjong flashed Sungyeol a bright, angelic smile as he said so, and Sungyeol just could not say no, all protests died down at the tip of his tongue.
“You told Woohyun about my breakup?”
“Yep.”
Sungjong replied while happily munching the apple Sungyeol had tossed at him, just like a little chipmunk and Sungyeol almost cooed at the other. The brunette made a mental apology to Howon for actually blaming his close friend for such crime he didn’t commit. Because yes, revealing to Nam Woohyun that Sungyeol had broken up with Myungsoo was a crime.
Or on second thought, Sungyeol would just strangle the Busan boy for not manipulating his sibling properly.
“But why?”
He whined, clearly showing off irritation. Sungjong only reached out to pet his hyung like a little cat in an attempt of soothing, and who was the older now, to be honest?
“You’re sad hyung.”
“No, I’m not.”
Sungyeol added, crossing his arms stubbornly. Sungjong had changed the position so the older’s head was now pillowed on his lap, and usually Myungsoo would try to break them apart for such intimacy, wordlessly self-proclaiming he was the only human pillow for his boyfriend. But from now on Sungyeol might not even have a chance to see Myungsoo walk through his front door again with that trademark dumb smile plastering on his face, asking whether he was hungry, whether he was bored.
A claw tugged hard at Sungyeol’s heart and the boy inhaled a deep breath to calm himself down a little. His eyes felt stung again and he blinked repeatedly, trying to ease off the hot liquid gathering at brims.
He hated it when everything was so out of control like this.
“It’s been long since the last time you met Woohyun hyung and I thought he could cheer you up a bit, couldn’t he?”
“He took me to a club and I fucking hate club, Jong.”
“Surely it’s Woohyun’s style to cheer up someone.”
“And he kissed me. Fucking kissed me on my forehead. And he even had to take a step up stair so he didn’t have to tiptoe.”
“That’s amusing. Isn’t Myungsoo hyung also shorter than you?”
“He’s not that short. I would never date someone shorter than me again. It’s not my type in the first place anyway.”
Sungyeol felt Sungjong’s body vibrated slinghtly, the boy was definitely chuckling in amusement.
“And you had dated Myungsoo for three years.” Sungjong nodded his head lightly as he turned on the TV, left hand continued stroking Sungyeol’s scalp: “You know, Woohyun hyung used to like you a lot.”
“Yeah, and in the end I chose Myungsoo over him.”
“That struck a mental breakdown in Woohyun’s pride. He even refused to look at you till the graduation.” He paused briefly: “Would you regret, hyung? If it were Woohyun, he would never break up with you.”
“Hell no.”
The older snapped hastily, wiggling more to find a comfortable position on the couch. Staring at his stretched arms, he couldn’t help but start wondering aimlessly. Above him, Sungjong was flipping through some channels on TV while humming to a song called “Man in love”, or whatsoever. Sungyeol could not care less, obviously didn’t concentrate on their little conversation anymore.
Regret?
Sungyeol, Howon and Woohyun used to be the three musketeers back in middle school, even up in high school or at least till the senior year. They were best buddies, and Sungyeol had never, for once, realized that one of the other two might not actually consider him as a normal friend at all. Woohyun might have had a crush on him for a while, around grade 9, or 10? He really didn’t know. The other only rubbed it on the taller’s face on the day Sungyeol went out with Myungsoo. Probably one of the most memorable things about his first date whenever Sungyeol recalled it.
Women might get confused easily, but to a man, if he ever considered someone as a best friend, till his last breath he would never give his heart to that person, simply because they were only friends, nothing more, nothing less. That was something kids like them around that age did not comprehend, they were once boys with shallow minds and sometimes insensitive hearts, but Sungyeol understood now, especially when looking back at his relationship with Myungsoo. That relationship didn’t have a friendship as a foundation. It was Myungsoo who confessed first, it was Myungsoo who claimed that they were official boyfriends on the second date, it was Myungsoo who took Sungyeol’s first kiss… Hence, they didn’t have any memories as normal friends to recall. Sungyeol didn’t even think of being friends now because it hurt and he knew he just couldn’t bear with the painful feeling. You could never be friend with your ex if you were once so in love with that person.
Sungyeol hated to admit it, but Myungsoo was his firsts, his everything. Now he left, and the world where everything belonged to Sungyeol just crumbled down.
“Hyung, know what, I can set you up with some guys if you want.”
“I actually feel unsafe knowing this. You just set me up with Woohyun.”
“Have some beliefs in me hyung. Everything will be fine.”
“I hope so. And okay, about the dates, if you want.”
“Okay?”
“Better deserve my time.”
“They will do, I’m sure.”
And with that Sungyeol gradually fell asleep on the couch with Sungjong stroking his hair, sounds of late news for background.
He would never know if he didn’t try.
***
“Hello, I’m Kwanghee, nice to meet you.”
Kwanghee smiled, eyes turned into crescent and Sungyeol let out a relieved breath. The other seemed to be friendly-
“Hi, I’m Sungyeol, nice to meet you too. A-”
“Do you realize me? Do you remember having seen me somewhere before? Of course you should, I’m an actor, a famous one, to be fair. I’ve stared in lots of dramas and a director from Hollywood just sent me an invitation over there to cast for his upcoming action movie. I know, I’m handsome and my acting skill is just so undeniable, don’t you think? I blah blah blah….”
-or to be honest, boastful.
***
“Hello, I’m Park Chanyeol, nice to meet you.”
Chanyeol greeted, bowing ninety degree at Sungyeol. He was very tall, taller than Sungyeol even, and his voice was so deep that it made the other shudder, in a not so positive way much. Well, at least his face made up for everything. The brunette thought, quickly taking in the baby features of the boy opposite him.
“Hello, I’m Sungyeol, nice to meet you too. And hey… why are you laughing?”
“Do you know what the world heaviest meal is?”
“…”
“It’s wonton noodle! Get it? One-ton, wonton.”
“…”
“What about the man who lost his left leg?”
“No, please stop.”
“He’s all-right now, do you understand?”
“…”
“…”
“Just wondering, did your left eye just twitch while you’re laughing?”
***
Sungyeol stared incredulously at the man sitting opposite him while Wu Yifan, being all nonchalant with all the gazes he received, continued styling his black hair which had been swiped up carefully. The younger boy lost count already, but he knew for sure that the Chinese had looked at his reflection in the mirror behind him at least 5 times, probably checking himself out. That Narcissus should be grateful that he was handsome (like a god, Yifan added helpfully). Even more handsome than Myungsoo, Sungyeol had to admit, but his ex always looked at his face whenever they went on a date.
That left a bitter taste on Sungyeol’s tongue as he took a sip at his coffee.
“Do you see the blonde sitting at that table over there?”
The Chinese actually spoke for the first time in their date and Sungyeol wiped his head around to have a look. There, at that said table, sat a boy with the face of a twelve year old kid, and next to him was another one with his hair was dyed pink, Sungyeol noticed Wufan just narrowed his eyes when he shifted his gaze to that bubblegum kid.
“Yeah, so…?”
“He’s my boyfriend.”
“What???”
“He’s been hanging out a lot with that Sehun brat and I kinda want to make him jealous. Though you’re not as cute as my Han Han, but can you move to sit next to me?”
“Excuse me?”
“Sungyeol-ssi, Sungjong-ssi told me already. Isn’t it you who also want to make your boyfriend jealous? We can help each other.”
That should be in Sungyeol’s record that within seven days he managed to splash drink, or coffee, to be more precise, on two different faces.
***
Three years, not too long but not a short period of times either. They have known each other for three years, having been in love for three years, and Sungyeol had thought it should have been much longer than that, if it hadn’t been for Myungsoo’s call for a breakup.
Supposedly, they weren’t meant to fall in love with each other. They didn’t study in the same high school, Myungsoo was that typical kid who your teacher would tell you to not bother, being part of a gang, skipping classes and smoking while Sungyeol was also that typical kid who your teacher would tell you to look up to, never missing classes and having decent grades. They were two boys coming from two different world, and it was a miracle to Sungyeol that Myungsoo somehow knew him.
“I like you, be my boyfriend?”
Howon looked scandalized, to say the least, while Woohyun only stared at Myungsoo as if the latter just grew another head. The main subject of that so-called confession actually had a mind to widen his round eyes in disbelief, before bursting out laughing since everything was all so ridiculous to him. The three of them were taking their usual route home when all of a sudden that strange kid popped out from nowhere and said such a thing. And Sungyeol didn’t know him. No fun at all.
His laugh only died down when Sungyeol caught sight of the stranger’s red ears. He still stood firm and looked pretty confident with head high, but his ears were both red and the brunette noticed that he was bawling his fists too tight, probably trying to look less shaking. Everything was taken into his view and for once Sungyeol actually felt bad for being an ass there.
“You’re only kidding, right?”
“No, I’m not. I really like you.”
“But I don’t know y-”
“You’re Kim Myungsoo, aren’t you? You’re part of a gang in Kyeongnam highschool am I right? What the hell are you doing in here?”
Woohyun hissed and Sungyeol couldn’t help but flinch slightly at the mention of a gang. What have he done to draw attention from a gang member, the boy knew for sure that he had never been in trouble, nor had a friend who was that type of messed up kid. Gang members were all troublesome; they fought constantly, taking money from other students, smoking and all that jazz. His teachers and parents always told Sungyeol to stay away from those troubled students, or else he would be tainted just like them.
“It’s none of your business. I only came here for Sungyeol-ssi.”
“Well, shame on you, because Sungyeol doesn’t give a fuck about what you said. We should go home now Sungyeol. Ignore him, he’s nuts.”
Woohyun snapped, pulling Sungyeol and Howon along with him as he walked past the unknown boy, shoulders purposely bumping. His voice was dripping with irritation but Sungyeol didn’t notice at all, eyes still lingered at the one who just confessed. Somehow he looked so dejected, standing alone on the almost empty street as the sunset glowed.
“I will meet you tomorrow Sungyeol-ssi.”
Eventually that Myungsoo kid called, voice a bit quivered at the end but he was staring at Sungyeol’s directly in the eyes, and the brunette had never seen someone so determined like that.
“Shut up will you?”
Woohyun yelled and Howon only chuckled, finding the situation rather entertaining.
***
“Hyung?”
Sungyeol quirked a thin brow in confusion but Sunggyu only smiled in response. His eyes squinted and the older looked like a hamster more than ever, the taller actually contemplated whether he should pinch those cheeks.
“I forgot my key and Ryeowook hyung hasn’t come home yet, so I’m locked out. Want some beer on rooftop, my treat? And what are you doing?”
Sunggyu asked, trying to look pass Sungyeol’s shoulder where some cardboard boxes were lying.
“Nothing hyung, I’m only cleaning.”
He shrugged nonchalantly, using his left foot to close the door behind as he followed the older. All Myungsoo’s stuffs, albums, gifts and memories could be dealt with later, he need alcohol to brace himself for throwing them away anyway.
“It’s rare seeing you at home alone on Sunday night.”
“Myungsoo and I… We broke up hyung. Almost two weeks already.”
“Oh… I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay hyung, I’m fine now.”
Sungyeol gave out a tiny smile as an assurance, taking a small sip from his can. Sunggyu stared longingly at his beer before taking a swing as well, eyes now shifted to the brilliant view of Seoul by night. The city looked so youthful and energetic, so brightly lit up with colorful LED and vehicle lights that it actually hurt their eyes to stare at the ostentatious sight.
“Last time I checked you two still looked fine, so why?”
“He wanted to take a break. Or it’s just an excuse, he gets bored of me already.”
“I don’t think Myungsoo would get bored of you Sungyeol.”
“We’ve dated for 3 years already hyung, that’s long enough to bore someone to tears. And what exactly is “taking a break”? I don’t understand at all. We’ve been very fine and all of a sudden he wanted to break up, isn’t it clear that he doesn’t love me anymore?”
Sungyeol gulped down another mouthful of beer, feeling a bit flustered for his little outburst. The boy was supposed to stay calm and talk nonchalantly about his breakup, not ranting over and over about it. But Sunggyu didn’t mind much, only humming to some soft tune as he listened to him, eyes never left the bright city for once. They sat there next to each other in utter silence, taking in some occasional breezes despite the sweltering air.
“When I was in my second year, my girlfriend broke up with me. The same reason like Myungsoo’s, she wanted a break.”
“Really? How are you two now?”
“We broke up for real after that.”
“Oh, I’m sorry hyung…”
“No, it’s okay Yeol.” Sunggyu smiled lightly as he recalled: “We’d been together since high school, just like you two, and one day she told me she wanted a breakup. I was very collected, I didn’t flip the table or get angry at her. I just asked her why. And she said she wanted to find herself. Who she really was, and whether we were really meant to be. We’d been together for so long, 5 years? At some points people started forgetting her, but only acknowledging her as a part of us, of GyuA, or whatever we were once called. We’ve never dated anyone before, we only knew each other and I was content with that enough to marry her. But she didn’t want to stop there, because she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life after our marriage wondering “what-if”.”
“And in the end she found someone better than you for her?”
“It’s not her, but me.”
“Oh…”
“The thing I want to tell you is, breakup isn’t something that horrible Yeol. You two have known each other for three years, you know that Myungsoo would not just drop you easily, right? Maybe he just wanted you to experiment and have a taste of others as well. Maybe he wanted to give you a chance to find the real you, to do something, anything, you’ve always wanted but get constrained because of him. You two are still so young Yeol, only 21. There’s a long life before you and Myungsoo doesn’t want you to regret, for tying down your life to someone who you later find out that isn’t the right one.”
“I… I’ve never thought about that hyung…”
“It’s okay Yeol. You’re only a bit overwhelmed. Just don’t make him feel bad and try to make good use of your summer time. Three days later you may miss him to death that you only want him back no matter what, or three days later you may find someone else to replace him. We don’t know if we don’t really try.”
Sunggyu patted Sungyeol’s head lightly as he said so, like an older brother and for once Sungyeol actually felt glad that he had such a good sunbae, all wise and mature. This is much better than whatsoever advices Howon and Sungjong had given him, plus Woohyun’s poor attempt to date him.
But they were all only trying to cheer him up. Everyone was still around him even after the breakup.
And if there was anyone who didn’t have a chance to experiment, to do anything he liked, it must be Myungsoo but not Sungyeol.
Because of Sungyeol and his reputation as an exemplary student, Myungsoo left his gang and everything he had behind to concentrate on study again. He quitted smoking, dying his hair back to jet black color, fixing his ripped uniform and going to school everyday despite all judging looks or isolation coming from teachers and other students. Because Sungyeol was supposed to be in that well-known university teaching business, Myungsoo decided to forget about his old dream with a CANON and studied his ass off to get a slot in that same university as well. Myungsoo’s family wasn’t well-off like Sungyeol’s and they couldn’t afford him an apartment near the campus, but it didn’t stop the boy to cycle twenty minutes every morning to pick Sungyeol up from his place and then together, they went to school. There had been more than three times Sungyeol asked Myungsoo to move in with him but the other had more self-worth than that, insisting he would only stay with Sungyeol once he earned enough to buy them a flat.
On rainy days he held an umbrella, waiting outside till Sungyeol finished classes. On sunny days he came along with two bottles of green tea. Myungsoo remembered exactly what Sungyeol was allergic to, what he didn’t like and what he hated. Having been together for three years, the jet black haired boy had everything about Sungyeol in his palm. He could read his boyfriend like an open book, he knew ways to cheer him up, ways to make him smile the gummy smile Myungsoo always took a fondness for. He wasn’t taller than Sungyeol, he was anything but a knight in shining armour, and yet Sungyeol fell hard for him, gradually day by day.
But Sungyeol didn’t realize sooner. He took everything for granted without questioning for once.
Thinking about that made his eyes stung again and before the boy knew it, tears started streaming down his face again. This was so embarrassed but the alcoholic effect didn’t let Sungyeol think clear anymore, he was sobbing and his hair must look like a bird nest. Sungyeol ignored them all as Sunggyu patted his back soothingly, and later his brother Ryeowook also joined them to console him.
***
Almost one month after the breakup.
Slowly but firmly Sungyeol started getting back to his old track. He even exercised in the morning and had a part time job in a café, something he had never considered before since his parents always showered the boy with good amount of money. He lost weight, skin got paler despite the season and Sungyeol hadn’t cut his hair for a while. His current appearance should have stirred up some arguments from his friends, but the boy waved them off every time they were brought back. He was contemplating whether to take a small trip to somewhere alone, but he had just started saving and it wasn’t enough. Before the breakup Sungyeol was that kind of kid who couldn’t manage his finance properly, despite being a student studying business.
Howon and his boyfriend dropped by to check on him constantly, and every time they tried to sit far away from each other in a failed attempt to not look like they were being lovey-dovey. Sungyeol rolled eyes at that, but decided not to complain about it. At least they didn’t forget him.
Myungsoo hadn’t contacted with Sungyeol after the breakup, no phone call, no message. In the first week Sungyeol had assumed it was only because the other wanted him to calm down a bit, but two weeks, then three and almost four weeks, there was no sign of Myungsoo. He didn’t go online as well, which increased Sungyeol’s worry more.
“He has been travelling for a while Yeol, probably getting some fresh air.”
Oh.
And with that Sungyeol didn’t pry into more, that piece of information was enough for him. At least Myungsoo didn’t get stuck in the city doing nothing, or howling over their breakup like Sungyeol used to, which was an understatement since he was the one who initiated it. He would be somewhere else, out there, walking along the beaches or going up hill to watch the sunset. He could do everything alone, or with a companion, boy or girl, whoever. Whoever but not Sungyeol.
To be honest, Sungyeol wanted to call Myungsoo. He wanted to know whether he was doing fine, where he had been, or simply, he only wanted to hear his ex’s voice. But another part of Sungyeol didn’t know whether she should do such thing. What if he was unwelcome? What if Myungsoo didn’t want to talk to him? And what was the point of knowing if Myungsoo was fine, because the brunette knew for sure it only hurt him more. Myungsoo might be fine without him, while Sungyeol was totally not fine at all. He could try to smile it away, being back to a young foolish shelf in front of his friends, but the boy knew a piece of his heart wasn’t here with him because Myungsoo had taken it long time ago.
And if he didn’t come back, his heart would be left incomplete.
It was another Saturday when Sungyeol woke up with the sound of Dongwoo’s carefree laughter coming from the living room. The boy stirred up a bit because clearly, he didn’t want to deal with the YaDong couple too early in the morning.
They were in his apartment already and it would be rude to kick the boys out anyway, Sungyeol eventually sighed while leaving his bed thirty minutes later.
“Howon ah, can you go to the store at the ground floor and buy me some snacks?”
“But I’m-”
“Please, Howon?”
“Okay…”
Sungyeol watched from the right side of the couch and couldn’t help but gag at the scenario. The almighty Lee Howon who never missed a match decided to leave his place, only to buy his boyfriend something to eat? That was so out of character. The brunette only shook his head in disbelief as his friend moved to the front door.
“I have never seen him leave before the match end.”
Dongwoo giggled a bit at the statement, full lips stretched out nicely and the boy resembled so much a dinosaur, Sungyeol couldn’t help but find his friend endearing. No wonder why Howon always called him cute, but only when Dongwoo wasn’t around, because well, he was still a man, and man hated being called “cute”.
“It’s just that… Both of us try to accept ever aspects of the other.”
Dongwoo smiled a bit as he talked, and this was another side of Dongwoo, the Dongwoo who didn’t laugh obnoxiously and act silly all the time. This Dongwoo was more mature and reserved, who was so kind yet so strange at the same time.
“He doesn’t like eating fish so I don’t cook it, even though I love the food a lot. In return, he acknowledges that I want to eat snack around this time and will go out to buy some. And so on. In a relationship, being stubborn sometimes does no good at all. There are times you have to consider about your other half as well.”
“Whoa, Howon must be very flattered knowing this.”
“I think he knows already, he just doesn’t say it out. He’s not good with words much, you know.”
What Dongwoo said left much for Sungyeol to think, but he ignored it when Howon came back and tossed a chocolate bar at him.
After having turned his apartment up-side-down all day, the YaDong left in the evening and Sungyeol was all by himself again. The brunette sat in front of his laptop while slurping the spaghetti noisily (who cared about table manners now when you were alone). Unlike his friends, the boy didn’t have a habit of checking his mails constantly, only when he remembered and that sometimes left him overloading. And that day was the same as usual, Sungyeol sighed as he read some advertisements lately, clearly uninterested. The boy was about to delete all unread mails when something at the bottom of the page caught his eyes and Sungyeol had to blink twice, thrice before clicking at the message.
“Yeol ah, I don’t know whether you’ve read my previous messages, or are you still mad at me, but I still want to share with you. I’m in Hong Kong now and it’s very hot, much hotter than Korea. I haven’t eaten much though, having a little stomach trouble but I’ve taken medicine already.”
The mail was sent two days ago, and along with it Myungsoo attached some photos taken at seaside, Chinese restaurants, parks, or some traditional dishes and old quarters covering with colorful lanterns. Sungyeol’s hand got clammy as he thought back about “previous messages”, and frantically clicked at the next page.
The next two hours were spent for Sungyeol to re-read all the messages Myungsoo had sent him in the last three weeks, telling the brunette about the places he had been and how he was. They were all short, the photos were taken in the way only Myungsoo would and Sungyeol felt as if the other was also sitting there with him and told him his stories. That tiny, shy voice only Sungyeol knew, the voice that he used on their first date and many days later, even after three years being together.
His phone rang, disturbing the silent night and usually Sungyeol would never pick up call from strange numbers, but something just snapped at him because he knew that number was foreign. The boy fumbled with the screen with sweaty hand before swiping it open successfully.
“Hello?”
The other line was silent and Sungyeol’s anxiety increased more, but he kept calling:
“Hello? Who’s there?”
“…”
“Is that you, Myungsoo?”
“… Yeah, it’s me, Yeol…”
They sank into an utter silence, but somehow it was enough with Sungyeol, because he knew that Myungsoo was at the other line, he was breathing, and he had called Sungyeol first. He had called him and that was enough.
How are you now Soo?
I read that you had stomach trouble, is it good now?
Have you lost weight? Does your skin get tanner?
Sungyeol bit his fist as tear drops rolled down his cheeks, the boy was so afraid that he might let out a sob Myungsoo could hear. His hand hurt, but it couldn’t be as painful as the ache deep inside his heart with all the longing and missing Sungyeol had experiment during the last month. One month, too short comparing with three years they spent together, but Sungyeol thought it was enough already. The brunette didn’t know what the future might bring to them, what was waiting for them, and whether he would be regretful later. He only knew one thing for sure that he needed to get Myungsoo back. Sungyeol thought about what Dongwoo had told him and hastily said in one breath:
“I know this sounds ridiculous and all, but can you come back? I-I miss you, and this breakup has driven me fucking crazy… Please Soo, can you?”
“…”
“I’ve been a fucking selfish brat. Sometimes I didn’t even consider about you at all. I didn’t even try to show you how much I have appreciated our relationship. So can you come back? I will try to fix everything Soo ah. This breakup only makes me realize how much I need you.”
“Yeol, actually I-”
Sungyeol would never hear the rest of Myungsoo’s words, because the line was cut off all of a sudden. It left the brunette sat in his silent bedroom again, holding tight a disconnected phone. Sungyeol buried himself further into the pillow as he recalled the sound of Myungsoo’s voice, and for once the boy hoped he could sleep through the night forgetting everything. He just swallowed his pride, or whatever the boy used to treasure to reveal himself to Myungsoo, and he didn’t even know how the other would take it. What if Myungsoo just brushed them off? What if Myungsoo would laugh at him? The thought embarrassed Sungyeol more than ever and he started sobbing again.
***
Three days after the eventful night and Sungyeol came back to the stage of his first day after the breakup, a walking mess. The boy ignored all calls from friends and didn’t show up at work. The YaDong couple and Sungjong tried to break in, that was predictable, but Sungyeol knew better to hide his key somewhere else. Woohyun also came banging on the door, but the brunette heard some voice akin to Sunggyu’s scolding the greasy boy. He hoped the older would know when to stop nagging, because Woohyun hated nagging and Sunggyu happened to nag a lot.
He would continue lying in bed doing nothing but tossing around when there was sound of the doorbell rang. Which was strange since Woohyun would just bang the door, Howon, Dongwoo or Sungjong would call him without bothering to knock. And Sunggyu knew clearly when he was ready to talk again. Sungyeol believed that except for those five, no one really wanted to associate with him. It was summer and everyone was on vacations, playing along the beaches and all that jazz, not sitting at home pathetically like him. Sungyeol sniffed, the doorbell was still ringing and for once Sungyeol actually wondered what if it was Myungsoo.
What if he came back?
Sungyeol threw the blanket aside and ran toward the front door, unlocking it as fast as possible. The boy swung it wide open, forgetting all his slovenly appearance.
Standing at the door was a middle-aged man, clearly a salesman. Clearly the man was getting a shock, seeing his potential customer’s dirty clothes and hair, but Sungyeol couldn’t care less. He wasn’t hesitant at all to slam the door at the other’s face, though knowing it was rude. Every manner would be considered later, he needed privacy right now for having acted like a fool.
He was about to limp back to the couch when the door was knocked again. That time someone was calling his name and the voice was so familiar that Sungyeol had to stop and look for a while.
It couldn’t be, could it?
The voice was calling more desperately and Sungyeol felt himself shaking as he advanced toward the door. Slowly, the boy opened it again.
And that time standing in front of him wasn’t that salesman anymore, but Myungsoo.
His Myungsoo.
Something just burst inside Sungyeol’s heart and before he knew it, the boy had flung himself into Myungsoo’s open arms. The jet black haired boy was thinner than before, his hair was so dry and sweat and dirt were covering every inch of his body, but everything screamed home and Sungyeol knew he was safe again. Sungyeol placed his head on Myungsoo’s shoulder, despite being taller, the other’s chest was rumbling as he talked, something about a storm and delayed flight, but the surroundings was a blur and Sungyeol couldn’t have his concentration clear anymore. He felt himself being led then pushed down to sit on the couch, Myungsoo right next to him wiping his face clean. The act was so gentle and Sungyeol so missed it, that he leant onto the touch without even realizing.
“It’s so strange seeing you like this.”
Myungsoo teased, his eyes curved into the crescents again just like how Sungyeol liked them. But there was a little strain at the end of the sentence and the taller knew his so-called ex was only trying to stay strong there.
“Idiot.”
He mumbled in response. Sungyeol felt something cold, akin to metal, just slipped around his ring finger on the left hand in time as their forehead touched.
“What is this?”
Myungsoo chewed on his lower lip, a habit he picked up whenever feeling nervous, eyes never left Sungyeol who was staring at the silver ring just slipped in.
“One month ago I came home, and told my mother about us...” Sungyeol felt himself and the boy next to him stiffened as Myungsoo continued: “She was so calm, much to my surprise, and she didn’t say she couldn’t accept. She only asked me whether this was something you would want, whether it would be just my assumption.”
“I started thinking. I didn’t know if this, if us, was something good for you. You dated me when we were only 18, and no matter how much I tried to change myself, in my eyes I could never deserve you. What if I let you go, and you could find someone out there better for you? I just didn’t want you to regret, so I called for a break up. But then after I said it, I felt so regretful, so scared. What if you could really find someone else and leave me? It’s like a gambling and I was so afraid that I would be a loser, because I didn’t know whether what we had was strong enough to make you stay.”
“What about the call and mails?”
“I wanted to share, and I just wanted to hear your voice.”
“Well, it’s lucky for you that I love you. And everything’s okay now.”
Sungyeol muttered as he pulled Myungsoo down for a kiss, a real one after one month being separated from each other. Their nose bumped a little and he giggled at that, but quickly Myungsoo swallowed every noise Sungyeol made with eager tongue.
“You still haven’t said that you wanted your boyfriend back.”
The taller retorted playfully later when they were both gasping for air. Myungsoo only tugged at the ring on his finger, mouth curled up into a lazy smile as he pulled his boyfriend into another kiss:
“Isn’t it you who just jumped in my arms at the front door?”
And Sungyeol knew nothing could break them again.
END.
A love gamble:
Summer was the best time for party, vacation and barbecue. Not to mention the falling in love part, as Sungyeol cornily reminded himself, having watched too many dramas and shoujo manga. The hottest season resembled nothing but happiness, fun and surely the tall boy had expected all those sorts of thingy, or whatsoever, to happen to him.
Anything, but not… this.
“Excuse me, but what?”
Sungyeol snapped, left brow twitched in irritation as he eyed the other boy incredulously. The boy actually had a mind to pick his ears, mind you, since he was afraid that something just got stuck in them and that was the main reason why he heard such a thing. Or was it April fools’ day? The brunette almost whipped out his phone to check the date, almost, till he remembered that their first semester had ended already. Which meant it was June now.
June, not April 1st.
So what was this kind of joke his boyfriend just made?
Sitting opposite him, Myungsoo wiggled uncomfortably in his chair, almond shaped eyes never left the bubble tea cup before him. Sungyeol couldn’t help but wonder whether the other had his face imprinted in it. Myungsoo’s hair was a bit curly, probably having forgotten to straighten it in a while and if it was in another occasion, Sungyeol would kindly remind him of some locks drooping down his forehead. Or better, the taller would reach out to push them back for his boyfriend. But it was another story which was not suitable for the situation today.
Myungsoo actually chanced a glance at Sungyeol’s face before speaking in one breath, and despite the shakiness of his arms, his voice came out much calmer than the first time.
“I said, Yeollie ah, can we break up?”
And that was it. Myungsoo gasped as coffee was splashed on to his face. The boy was not surprised much, though, having braced himself for any kind of reactions his now ex-boyfriend could pull out after knowing the news.
He should be thankful that Sungyeol did not consider smashing the porcelain cup at his handsome face. Or froggy face, whatever, Myungsoo just became the ugliest bastard in the brunette’s eyes anyway.
***
Day two…
“You acted like a bitch Sungyeol.”
Howon stated matter-of-factly, earning himself tons of soaking tissues. (The boy tried not to think of where those tissues had been. They might not be used to wipe Sungyeol’s eyes, but his runny nose. Ew.)
“I’m a manly man Lee Howon. He is a bitch here.”
Under layers of blankets Sungyeol spoke, voice quivered and a bit strained at the end. The boy was so into howling for his misery to acknowledge that Howon just rolled eyes at the statement, because sure, a manly man would throw tantrum at a coffee house after splashing drink at his ex, and then made a scene on the street. The Busan boy was actually surprised knowing that Myungsoo had borne with anything Sungyeol threw at him to take his ex home safely (he still earned a slipper at his face after all the kind acts, because, well, Myungsoo dared break up with Sungyeol.)
“You didn’t listen to his reasons.”
“Oh yes, I did listen to him. And they are all ridiculous!”
Blankets were thrown to the floor and Sungyeol was sitting in bed, hair sticking to everywhere. Howon thought he would pass as a wrecked widow with all traces of tear stain on his face, passing the smudged mascara part.
“Wow.”
“Wow?”
“Well, just pull your socks up man. You look like shit.”
“I know, no need to rub it on my face. And this is sweat, not tears, okay?”
Sungyeol mumbled, taking more tissues from the box at his feet to wipe his face clean. The other stared and actually felt bad seeing this, seeing the almighty, crazy, insane Lee Sungyeol who always pulled pranks and made odd owl face to cheer up others actually break down. He just had a mental breakdown in front of his friend, and Sungyeol had never let anyone, even Myungsoo, see him like that before.
“Why are you here anyway?”
The brunette asked after a while, cheeks still puffy and eyes swollen. Howon absent-mindedly poked the stuffed toy on Sungyeol’s study desk as he answered:
“Myungsoo called me to check on you.”
“Don’t mention his name in my room again.”
“…”
“…”
“Okay…” Howon settled down carefully. “But what’s the actually reason anyway?” He hastily added as Sungyeol’s stare got more murderous. “I mean, I need to know. We’re all friends, or he used to be my friend, whatever, and this is none of my business but… Isn’t it better if someone listens to you?”
Sungyeol’s slumped down a bit at the last words and Howon knew he had succeeded then. The taller boy fumbled with his fingers for a while, probably tossing up between spilling his guts to the other or not. Eventually he came up with the former, much to Howon’s relief.
“He just… He said he wanted a break.”
“Okay…?”
“I don’t remember much, anything he said is nonsense to me because I can’t understand. I can’t fucking understand why he needs a break. I mean, we’re still fine. We’ve known each other for fucking three years and everything’s fine up until now and why the fuck did he have to break everything like that?”
“Whoa…”
“Don’t say anything because I know for sure that you don’t understand a fucking thing.”
“Well, I only know that Myungsoo would scold you for overusing profanities.”
“Don’t make me split your throat in half Howon.”
“Okay I surrender.”
The shorter threw his arms up in defense, but Sungyeol did not even spare him a single glance, having looked back at the tissue boxes at his feet. The atmosphere was so thick that Howon felt suffocated and at the same time sorry for his friend as well. It was as clear as the daylight that Sungyeol was overly upset with the entire breakup event. Having been in a relationship for three years and one day your partner decided to part because he needed a break was not acceptable much, Howon totally understood. He would be like Sungyeol as well if Dongwoo ever brought up something like that between them. In this story, Howon felt much luckier than his friend since he was sure for one hundred percents that his boyfriend would never break up with him.
That only added more guilt to Howon’s mind.
After racking his brain and bathing in guilty, eventually Howon came up some useful words to console the other (It was a hard work to console Sungyeol okay? Everyone in this world was not Kim Myungsoo to understand the other and Sungyeol was just happened to be an unpredictable brat. Howon was not insensitive or dense here, mind you.) Fumbling with his fingers, the shorter boy started carefully:
“Sungyeol ah, actual-”
“It’s okay.”
“What’s okay?”
Howon felt sweat running down his side, seeing Sungyeol had stopped hiccupping. This was supposed to be good sign but the darkening aura around the taller boy just gave out another story.
“If he wants us to break up, well, we will. It’s not a big deal much anyway, every fun has its end.”
“You’ve just cried, if you forget Sungyeol. And this is not a big deal?”
“Crying in such situation is normal Howon. I might have cried but now I will face this as a man. Everyone has a phase like this in life.”
Try to open your eyes properly first please. Howon protested inward. And you didn’t even try to deny that you’d just cried.
On the nightstand, Sungyeol’s phone vibrated slightly indicating new message, Howon managed to peek at the screen.
“Myungsoo’s message, Sungyeol. And whoa, he has called you for hundreds of times and you didn’t pick up once?”
“Why should I?” The other huffed. “Anyway, I bet he actually has reconsidered and decided to make up with me, which is kinda too late because I have made up my mi-”
“No, actually, he said-” Howon’s brows furrowed a bit as he read: “-well, ’Yeollie, I know you’re still mad at me, but you will understand after all, I believe. You need a break and so do I, so consume this time for good use and we will see what this separation can make for us. Please take care.’ And-NO SUNGYEOL NO THAT IS MY PHONE THIS IS YOURS THROW IT INSTEAD.”
***
Five days later after the break up.
“Hello Yeollie!!!”
Sungyeol couldn’t help but cringe at the high octave screeching at his ears, which he was afraid that would break the glass windows behind anytime soon. The brunette blinked his eyes twice, thrice, to clear away all the grogginess before having a proper look at the person standing in front of him. He knew he was clad in wrinkle t-shirt and sweatpants, the same ones Howon saw days ago and he hadn’t washed up for a while. This was pathetic and everyone must laugh at his face for letting the break up affect his life that much but the brunette couldn’t bring himself to care anymore.
And he was the one bragging to be fine again soon.
“Yeollie~~~”
Now two arms were thrown around his shoulder, pulling the boy down for a crushing hug. Sungyeol almost gagged at Woohyun’s sickeningly sweet voice as the other cooed at him.
“What are you doing here Namu?”
He managed awkwardly after the hug and Woohyun’s eyes turned into crescent as he spoke:
“I’m here because you and Myungsoo had broken up. Now can we date?”
Sungyeol felt the vessels under his temple skin twitched as another headache was approaching. The mention of the breakup made Sungyeol wanted to curl up under his blankets again, despite having attempted to lure himself to get up and do something productive. He still found it so hard to accept the painful reality, not to mention another part of his mind was so angry with the thought that Myungsoo might have moved on already and now was partying somewhere, anywhere without him. Being constrained inside his apartment, getting upset over emotional stuffs really did no good to Sungyeol, he only thought of Myungsoo more, imagining more scenarios and ending up gnawing at his pathetic shelf.
In front of him, Woohyun was still radiating brightly with happiness and the brunette knew it all came from his breakup. Asshole. The brunette wondered who had told Woohyun about this.
Probably Howon again, that traitor.
Somehow, in one way or another, Woohyun was finally successful in pulling Sungyeol out for a date. Or at least that was what Woohyun thought it was, because the taller himself knew he needed some fresh air and a more sober mind.
“So, how was the date with Woohyun, hyung?”
Sungyeol stumbled through the front door around 8PM, clothes soaked with sweat and smell of alcohol, only to find a certain boy with boney body sitting on his bed. Sungjong scrunched up his nose in distaste as Sungyeol passed by, totally ignoring the older’s question of “How did you get in?”
“You just hide your spare key in a place an idiot would, hyung.”
The younger boy stated matter-of-factly later, straight face reminded Sungyeol of hundred reasons why he was Howon’s little brother. They had the same manners, those brats.
“You haven’t answered me hyung, how was the date?”
Sungjong whined, poking at Sungyeol’s bare ribs as the older was changing his clothes. The kid did not have any definition of personal space, Sungyeol concluded as he tried to usher him to the bedroom door. Sungjong did not flush, or even blink eyes for once as he stared nonchalantly at Sungyeol’s naked torso getting nearer and nearer.
Was he that lack of sexiness?
Was that the reason why Myungsoo got bored of him?
The question popped out of nowhere and almost made Sungyeol upset. Almost, mind you. Sungyeol was stronger than that, he was a man.
“How long have we known each other hyung? I even know how Yeol junior looked like when you’re 12.”
Seeing through the insecure screaming from Sungyeol’s round eyes, Sungjong tried to assure his hyung while flipping hair sassily. That kid should be glad that Sungyeol actually liked him, but it did not stop him, nonetheless, to stuff an apple into the younger’s mouth in an attempt to shut him up. The brunette just had no heart to gag his literally sibling with a dirty shirt.
“Can you please stay out there I need to change, and yes that so-called date was totally cra- Wait, how did you know I went out with Woohyun?”
“…”
“Care to explain?”
“You can change clothes first and we will talk about that later hyung.”
Sungjong flashed Sungyeol a bright, angelic smile as he said so, and Sungyeol just could not say no, all protests died down at the tip of his tongue.
“You told Woohyun about my breakup?”
“Yep.”
Sungjong replied while happily munching the apple Sungyeol had tossed at him, just like a little chipmunk and Sungyeol almost cooed at the other. The brunette made a mental apology to Howon for actually blaming his close friend for such crime he didn’t commit. Because yes, revealing to Nam Woohyun that Sungyeol had broken up with Myungsoo was a crime.
Or on second thought, Sungyeol would just strangle the Busan boy for not manipulating his sibling properly.
“But why?”
He whined, clearly showing off irritation. Sungjong only reached out to pet his hyung like a little cat in an attempt of soothing, and who was the older now, to be honest?
“You’re sad hyung.”
“No, I’m not.”
Sungyeol added, crossing his arms stubbornly. Sungjong had changed the position so the older’s head was now pillowed on his lap, and usually Myungsoo would try to break them apart for such intimacy, wordlessly self-proclaiming he was the only human pillow for his boyfriend. But from now on Sungyeol might not even have a chance to see Myungsoo walk through his front door again with that trademark dumb smile plastering on his face, asking whether he was hungry, whether he was bored.
A claw tugged hard at Sungyeol’s heart and the boy inhaled a deep breath to calm himself down a little. His eyes felt stung again and he blinked repeatedly, trying to ease off the hot liquid gathering at brims.
He hated it when everything was so out of control like this.
“It’s been long since the last time you met Woohyun hyung and I thought he could cheer you up a bit, couldn’t he?”
“He took me to a club and I fucking hate club, Jong.”
“Surely it’s Woohyun’s style to cheer up someone.”
“And he kissed me. Fucking kissed me on my forehead. And he even had to take a step up stair so he didn’t have to tiptoe.”
“That’s amusing. Isn’t Myungsoo hyung also shorter than you?”
“He’s not that short. I would never date someone shorter than me again. It’s not my type in the first place anyway.”
Sungyeol felt Sungjong’s body vibrated slinghtly, the boy was definitely chuckling in amusement.
“And you had dated Myungsoo for three years.” Sungjong nodded his head lightly as he turned on the TV, left hand continued stroking Sungyeol’s scalp: “You know, Woohyun hyung used to like you a lot.”
“Yeah, and in the end I chose Myungsoo over him.”
“That struck a mental breakdown in Woohyun’s pride. He even refused to look at you till the graduation.” He paused briefly: “Would you regret, hyung? If it were Woohyun, he would never break up with you.”
“Hell no.”
The older snapped hastily, wiggling more to find a comfortable position on the couch. Staring at his stretched arms, he couldn’t help but start wondering aimlessly. Above him, Sungjong was flipping through some channels on TV while humming to a song called “Man in love”, or whatsoever. Sungyeol could not care less, obviously didn’t concentrate on their little conversation anymore.
Regret?
Sungyeol, Howon and Woohyun used to be the three musketeers back in middle school, even up in high school or at least till the senior year. They were best buddies, and Sungyeol had never, for once, realized that one of the other two might not actually consider him as a normal friend at all. Woohyun might have had a crush on him for a while, around grade 9, or 10? He really didn’t know. The other only rubbed it on the taller’s face on the day Sungyeol went out with Myungsoo. Probably one of the most memorable things about his first date whenever Sungyeol recalled it.
Women might get confused easily, but to a man, if he ever considered someone as a best friend, till his last breath he would never give his heart to that person, simply because they were only friends, nothing more, nothing less. That was something kids like them around that age did not comprehend, they were once boys with shallow minds and sometimes insensitive hearts, but Sungyeol understood now, especially when looking back at his relationship with Myungsoo. That relationship didn’t have a friendship as a foundation. It was Myungsoo who confessed first, it was Myungsoo who claimed that they were official boyfriends on the second date, it was Myungsoo who took Sungyeol’s first kiss… Hence, they didn’t have any memories as normal friends to recall. Sungyeol didn’t even think of being friends now because it hurt and he knew he just couldn’t bear with the painful feeling. You could never be friend with your ex if you were once so in love with that person.
Sungyeol hated to admit it, but Myungsoo was his firsts, his everything. Now he left, and the world where everything belonged to Sungyeol just crumbled down.
“Hyung, know what, I can set you up with some guys if you want.”
“I actually feel unsafe knowing this. You just set me up with Woohyun.”
“Have some beliefs in me hyung. Everything will be fine.”
“I hope so. And okay, about the dates, if you want.”
“Okay?”
“Better deserve my time.”
“They will do, I’m sure.”
And with that Sungyeol gradually fell asleep on the couch with Sungjong stroking his hair, sounds of late news for background.
He would never know if he didn’t try.
***
“Hello, I’m Kwanghee, nice to meet you.”
Kwanghee smiled, eyes turned into crescent and Sungyeol let out a relieved breath. The other seemed to be friendly-
“Hi, I’m Sungyeol, nice to meet you too. A-”
“Do you realize me? Do you remember having seen me somewhere before? Of course you should, I’m an actor, a famous one, to be fair. I’ve stared in lots of dramas and a director from Hollywood just sent me an invitation over there to cast for his upcoming action movie. I know, I’m handsome and my acting skill is just so undeniable, don’t you think? I blah blah blah….”
-or to be honest, boastful.
***
“Hello, I’m Park Chanyeol, nice to meet you.”
Chanyeol greeted, bowing ninety degree at Sungyeol. He was very tall, taller than Sungyeol even, and his voice was so deep that it made the other shudder, in a not so positive way much. Well, at least his face made up for everything. The brunette thought, quickly taking in the baby features of the boy opposite him.
“Hello, I’m Sungyeol, nice to meet you too. And hey… why are you laughing?”
“Do you know what the world heaviest meal is?”
“…”
“It’s wonton noodle! Get it? One-ton, wonton.”
“…”
“What about the man who lost his left leg?”
“No, please stop.”
“He’s all-right now, do you understand?”
“…”
“…”
“Just wondering, did your left eye just twitch while you’re laughing?”
***
Sungyeol stared incredulously at the man sitting opposite him while Wu Yifan, being all nonchalant with all the gazes he received, continued styling his black hair which had been swiped up carefully. The younger boy lost count already, but he knew for sure that the Chinese had looked at his reflection in the mirror behind him at least 5 times, probably checking himself out. That Narcissus should be grateful that he was handsome (like a god, Yifan added helpfully). Even more handsome than Myungsoo, Sungyeol had to admit, but his ex always looked at his face whenever they went on a date.
That left a bitter taste on Sungyeol’s tongue as he took a sip at his coffee.
“Do you see the blonde sitting at that table over there?”
The Chinese actually spoke for the first time in their date and Sungyeol wiped his head around to have a look. There, at that said table, sat a boy with the face of a twelve year old kid, and next to him was another one with his hair was dyed pink, Sungyeol noticed Wufan just narrowed his eyes when he shifted his gaze to that bubblegum kid.
“Yeah, so…?”
“He’s my boyfriend.”
“What???”
“He’s been hanging out a lot with that Sehun brat and I kinda want to make him jealous. Though you’re not as cute as my Han Han, but can you move to sit next to me?”
“Excuse me?”
“Sungyeol-ssi, Sungjong-ssi told me already. Isn’t it you who also want to make your boyfriend jealous? We can help each other.”
That should be in Sungyeol’s record that within seven days he managed to splash drink, or coffee, to be more precise, on two different faces.
***
Three years, not too long but not a short period of times either. They have known each other for three years, having been in love for three years, and Sungyeol had thought it should have been much longer than that, if it hadn’t been for Myungsoo’s call for a breakup.
Supposedly, they weren’t meant to fall in love with each other. They didn’t study in the same high school, Myungsoo was that typical kid who your teacher would tell you to not bother, being part of a gang, skipping classes and smoking while Sungyeol was also that typical kid who your teacher would tell you to look up to, never missing classes and having decent grades. They were two boys coming from two different world, and it was a miracle to Sungyeol that Myungsoo somehow knew him.
“I like you, be my boyfriend?”
Howon looked scandalized, to say the least, while Woohyun only stared at Myungsoo as if the latter just grew another head. The main subject of that so-called confession actually had a mind to widen his round eyes in disbelief, before bursting out laughing since everything was all so ridiculous to him. The three of them were taking their usual route home when all of a sudden that strange kid popped out from nowhere and said such a thing. And Sungyeol didn’t know him. No fun at all.
His laugh only died down when Sungyeol caught sight of the stranger’s red ears. He still stood firm and looked pretty confident with head high, but his ears were both red and the brunette noticed that he was bawling his fists too tight, probably trying to look less shaking. Everything was taken into his view and for once Sungyeol actually felt bad for being an ass there.
“You’re only kidding, right?”
“No, I’m not. I really like you.”
“But I don’t know y-”
“You’re Kim Myungsoo, aren’t you? You’re part of a gang in Kyeongnam highschool am I right? What the hell are you doing in here?”
Woohyun hissed and Sungyeol couldn’t help but flinch slightly at the mention of a gang. What have he done to draw attention from a gang member, the boy knew for sure that he had never been in trouble, nor had a friend who was that type of messed up kid. Gang members were all troublesome; they fought constantly, taking money from other students, smoking and all that jazz. His teachers and parents always told Sungyeol to stay away from those troubled students, or else he would be tainted just like them.
“It’s none of your business. I only came here for Sungyeol-ssi.”
“Well, shame on you, because Sungyeol doesn’t give a fuck about what you said. We should go home now Sungyeol. Ignore him, he’s nuts.”
Woohyun snapped, pulling Sungyeol and Howon along with him as he walked past the unknown boy, shoulders purposely bumping. His voice was dripping with irritation but Sungyeol didn’t notice at all, eyes still lingered at the one who just confessed. Somehow he looked so dejected, standing alone on the almost empty street as the sunset glowed.
“I will meet you tomorrow Sungyeol-ssi.”
Eventually that Myungsoo kid called, voice a bit quivered at the end but he was staring at Sungyeol’s directly in the eyes, and the brunette had never seen someone so determined like that.
“Shut up will you?”
Woohyun yelled and Howon only chuckled, finding the situation rather entertaining.
***
“Hyung?”
Sungyeol quirked a thin brow in confusion but Sunggyu only smiled in response. His eyes squinted and the older looked like a hamster more than ever, the taller actually contemplated whether he should pinch those cheeks.
“I forgot my key and Ryeowook hyung hasn’t come home yet, so I’m locked out. Want some beer on rooftop, my treat? And what are you doing?”
Sunggyu asked, trying to look pass Sungyeol’s shoulder where some cardboard boxes were lying.
“Nothing hyung, I’m only cleaning.”
He shrugged nonchalantly, using his left foot to close the door behind as he followed the older. All Myungsoo’s stuffs, albums, gifts and memories could be dealt with later, he need alcohol to brace himself for throwing them away anyway.
“It’s rare seeing you at home alone on Sunday night.”
“Myungsoo and I… We broke up hyung. Almost two weeks already.”
“Oh… I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay hyung, I’m fine now.”
Sungyeol gave out a tiny smile as an assurance, taking a small sip from his can. Sunggyu stared longingly at his beer before taking a swing as well, eyes now shifted to the brilliant view of Seoul by night. The city looked so youthful and energetic, so brightly lit up with colorful LED and vehicle lights that it actually hurt their eyes to stare at the ostentatious sight.
“Last time I checked you two still looked fine, so why?”
“He wanted to take a break. Or it’s just an excuse, he gets bored of me already.”
“I don’t think Myungsoo would get bored of you Sungyeol.”
“We’ve dated for 3 years already hyung, that’s long enough to bore someone to tears. And what exactly is “taking a break”? I don’t understand at all. We’ve been very fine and all of a sudden he wanted to break up, isn’t it clear that he doesn’t love me anymore?”
Sungyeol gulped down another mouthful of beer, feeling a bit flustered for his little outburst. The boy was supposed to stay calm and talk nonchalantly about his breakup, not ranting over and over about it. But Sunggyu didn’t mind much, only humming to some soft tune as he listened to him, eyes never left the bright city for once. They sat there next to each other in utter silence, taking in some occasional breezes despite the sweltering air.
“When I was in my second year, my girlfriend broke up with me. The same reason like Myungsoo’s, she wanted a break.”
“Really? How are you two now?”
“We broke up for real after that.”
“Oh, I’m sorry hyung…”
“No, it’s okay Yeol.” Sunggyu smiled lightly as he recalled: “We’d been together since high school, just like you two, and one day she told me she wanted a breakup. I was very collected, I didn’t flip the table or get angry at her. I just asked her why. And she said she wanted to find herself. Who she really was, and whether we were really meant to be. We’d been together for so long, 5 years? At some points people started forgetting her, but only acknowledging her as a part of us, of GyuA, or whatever we were once called. We’ve never dated anyone before, we only knew each other and I was content with that enough to marry her. But she didn’t want to stop there, because she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life after our marriage wondering “what-if”.”
“And in the end she found someone better than you for her?”
“It’s not her, but me.”
“Oh…”
“The thing I want to tell you is, breakup isn’t something that horrible Yeol. You two have known each other for three years, you know that Myungsoo would not just drop you easily, right? Maybe he just wanted you to experiment and have a taste of others as well. Maybe he wanted to give you a chance to find the real you, to do something, anything, you’ve always wanted but get constrained because of him. You two are still so young Yeol, only 21. There’s a long life before you and Myungsoo doesn’t want you to regret, for tying down your life to someone who you later find out that isn’t the right one.”
“I… I’ve never thought about that hyung…”
“It’s okay Yeol. You’re only a bit overwhelmed. Just don’t make him feel bad and try to make good use of your summer time. Three days later you may miss him to death that you only want him back no matter what, or three days later you may find someone else to replace him. We don’t know if we don’t really try.”
Sunggyu patted Sungyeol’s head lightly as he said so, like an older brother and for once Sungyeol actually felt glad that he had such a good sunbae, all wise and mature. This is much better than whatsoever advices Howon and Sungjong had given him, plus Woohyun’s poor attempt to date him.
But they were all only trying to cheer him up. Everyone was still around him even after the breakup.
And if there was anyone who didn’t have a chance to experiment, to do anything he liked, it must be Myungsoo but not Sungyeol.
Because of Sungyeol and his reputation as an exemplary student, Myungsoo left his gang and everything he had behind to concentrate on study again. He quitted smoking, dying his hair back to jet black color, fixing his ripped uniform and going to school everyday despite all judging looks or isolation coming from teachers and other students. Because Sungyeol was supposed to be in that well-known university teaching business, Myungsoo decided to forget about his old dream with a CANON and studied his ass off to get a slot in that same university as well. Myungsoo’s family wasn’t well-off like Sungyeol’s and they couldn’t afford him an apartment near the campus, but it didn’t stop the boy to cycle twenty minutes every morning to pick Sungyeol up from his place and then together, they went to school. There had been more than three times Sungyeol asked Myungsoo to move in with him but the other had more self-worth than that, insisting he would only stay with Sungyeol once he earned enough to buy them a flat.
On rainy days he held an umbrella, waiting outside till Sungyeol finished classes. On sunny days he came along with two bottles of green tea. Myungsoo remembered exactly what Sungyeol was allergic to, what he didn’t like and what he hated. Having been together for three years, the jet black haired boy had everything about Sungyeol in his palm. He could read his boyfriend like an open book, he knew ways to cheer him up, ways to make him smile the gummy smile Myungsoo always took a fondness for. He wasn’t taller than Sungyeol, he was anything but a knight in shining armour, and yet Sungyeol fell hard for him, gradually day by day.
But Sungyeol didn’t realize sooner. He took everything for granted without questioning for once.
Thinking about that made his eyes stung again and before the boy knew it, tears started streaming down his face again. This was so embarrassed but the alcoholic effect didn’t let Sungyeol think clear anymore, he was sobbing and his hair must look like a bird nest. Sungyeol ignored them all as Sunggyu patted his back soothingly, and later his brother Ryeowook also joined them to console him.
***
Almost one month after the breakup.
Slowly but firmly Sungyeol started getting back to his old track. He even exercised in the morning and had a part time job in a café, something he had never considered before since his parents always showered the boy with good amount of money. He lost weight, skin got paler despite the season and Sungyeol hadn’t cut his hair for a while. His current appearance should have stirred up some arguments from his friends, but the boy waved them off every time they were brought back. He was contemplating whether to take a small trip to somewhere alone, but he had just started saving and it wasn’t enough. Before the breakup Sungyeol was that kind of kid who couldn’t manage his finance properly, despite being a student studying business.
Howon and his boyfriend dropped by to check on him constantly, and every time they tried to sit far away from each other in a failed attempt to not look like they were being lovey-dovey. Sungyeol rolled eyes at that, but decided not to complain about it. At least they didn’t forget him.
Myungsoo hadn’t contacted with Sungyeol after the breakup, no phone call, no message. In the first week Sungyeol had assumed it was only because the other wanted him to calm down a bit, but two weeks, then three and almost four weeks, there was no sign of Myungsoo. He didn’t go online as well, which increased Sungyeol’s worry more.
“He has been travelling for a while Yeol, probably getting some fresh air.”
Oh.
And with that Sungyeol didn’t pry into more, that piece of information was enough for him. At least Myungsoo didn’t get stuck in the city doing nothing, or howling over their breakup like Sungyeol used to, which was an understatement since he was the one who initiated it. He would be somewhere else, out there, walking along the beaches or going up hill to watch the sunset. He could do everything alone, or with a companion, boy or girl, whoever. Whoever but not Sungyeol.
To be honest, Sungyeol wanted to call Myungsoo. He wanted to know whether he was doing fine, where he had been, or simply, he only wanted to hear his ex’s voice. But another part of Sungyeol didn’t know whether she should do such thing. What if he was unwelcome? What if Myungsoo didn’t want to talk to him? And what was the point of knowing if Myungsoo was fine, because the brunette knew for sure it only hurt him more. Myungsoo might be fine without him, while Sungyeol was totally not fine at all. He could try to smile it away, being back to a young foolish shelf in front of his friends, but the boy knew a piece of his heart wasn’t here with him because Myungsoo had taken it long time ago.
And if he didn’t come back, his heart would be left incomplete.
It was another Saturday when Sungyeol woke up with the sound of Dongwoo’s carefree laughter coming from the living room. The boy stirred up a bit because clearly, he didn’t want to deal with the YaDong couple too early in the morning.
They were in his apartment already and it would be rude to kick the boys out anyway, Sungyeol eventually sighed while leaving his bed thirty minutes later.
“Howon ah, can you go to the store at the ground floor and buy me some snacks?”
“But I’m-”
“Please, Howon?”
“Okay…”
Sungyeol watched from the right side of the couch and couldn’t help but gag at the scenario. The almighty Lee Howon who never missed a match decided to leave his place, only to buy his boyfriend something to eat? That was so out of character. The brunette only shook his head in disbelief as his friend moved to the front door.
“I have never seen him leave before the match end.”
Dongwoo giggled a bit at the statement, full lips stretched out nicely and the boy resembled so much a dinosaur, Sungyeol couldn’t help but find his friend endearing. No wonder why Howon always called him cute, but only when Dongwoo wasn’t around, because well, he was still a man, and man hated being called “cute”.
“It’s just that… Both of us try to accept ever aspects of the other.”
Dongwoo smiled a bit as he talked, and this was another side of Dongwoo, the Dongwoo who didn’t laugh obnoxiously and act silly all the time. This Dongwoo was more mature and reserved, who was so kind yet so strange at the same time.
“He doesn’t like eating fish so I don’t cook it, even though I love the food a lot. In return, he acknowledges that I want to eat snack around this time and will go out to buy some. And so on. In a relationship, being stubborn sometimes does no good at all. There are times you have to consider about your other half as well.”
“Whoa, Howon must be very flattered knowing this.”
“I think he knows already, he just doesn’t say it out. He’s not good with words much, you know.”
What Dongwoo said left much for Sungyeol to think, but he ignored it when Howon came back and tossed a chocolate bar at him.
After having turned his apartment up-side-down all day, the YaDong left in the evening and Sungyeol was all by himself again. The brunette sat in front of his laptop while slurping the spaghetti noisily (who cared about table manners now when you were alone). Unlike his friends, the boy didn’t have a habit of checking his mails constantly, only when he remembered and that sometimes left him overloading. And that day was the same as usual, Sungyeol sighed as he read some advertisements lately, clearly uninterested. The boy was about to delete all unread mails when something at the bottom of the page caught his eyes and Sungyeol had to blink twice, thrice before clicking at the message.
“Yeol ah, I don’t know whether you’ve read my previous messages, or are you still mad at me, but I still want to share with you. I’m in Hong Kong now and it’s very hot, much hotter than Korea. I haven’t eaten much though, having a little stomach trouble but I’ve taken medicine already.”
The mail was sent two days ago, and along with it Myungsoo attached some photos taken at seaside, Chinese restaurants, parks, or some traditional dishes and old quarters covering with colorful lanterns. Sungyeol’s hand got clammy as he thought back about “previous messages”, and frantically clicked at the next page.
The next two hours were spent for Sungyeol to re-read all the messages Myungsoo had sent him in the last three weeks, telling the brunette about the places he had been and how he was. They were all short, the photos were taken in the way only Myungsoo would and Sungyeol felt as if the other was also sitting there with him and told him his stories. That tiny, shy voice only Sungyeol knew, the voice that he used on their first date and many days later, even after three years being together.
His phone rang, disturbing the silent night and usually Sungyeol would never pick up call from strange numbers, but something just snapped at him because he knew that number was foreign. The boy fumbled with the screen with sweaty hand before swiping it open successfully.
“Hello?”
The other line was silent and Sungyeol’s anxiety increased more, but he kept calling:
“Hello? Who’s there?”
“…”
“Is that you, Myungsoo?”
“… Yeah, it’s me, Yeol…”
They sank into an utter silence, but somehow it was enough with Sungyeol, because he knew that Myungsoo was at the other line, he was breathing, and he had called Sungyeol first. He had called him and that was enough.
How are you now Soo?
I read that you had stomach trouble, is it good now?
Have you lost weight? Does your skin get tanner?
Sungyeol bit his fist as tear drops rolled down his cheeks, the boy was so afraid that he might let out a sob Myungsoo could hear. His hand hurt, but it couldn’t be as painful as the ache deep inside his heart with all the longing and missing Sungyeol had experiment during the last month. One month, too short comparing with three years they spent together, but Sungyeol thought it was enough already. The brunette didn’t know what the future might bring to them, what was waiting for them, and whether he would be regretful later. He only knew one thing for sure that he needed to get Myungsoo back. Sungyeol thought about what Dongwoo had told him and hastily said in one breath:
“I know this sounds ridiculous and all, but can you come back? I-I miss you, and this breakup has driven me fucking crazy… Please Soo, can you?”
“…”
“I’ve been a fucking selfish brat. Sometimes I didn’t even consider about you at all. I didn’t even try to show you how much I have appreciated our relationship. So can you come back? I will try to fix everything Soo ah. This breakup only makes me realize how much I need you.”
“Yeol, actually I-”
Sungyeol would never hear the rest of Myungsoo’s words, because the line was cut off all of a sudden. It left the brunette sat in his silent bedroom again, holding tight a disconnected phone. Sungyeol buried himself further into the pillow as he recalled the sound of Myungsoo’s voice, and for once the boy hoped he could sleep through the night forgetting everything. He just swallowed his pride, or whatever the boy used to treasure to reveal himself to Myungsoo, and he didn’t even know how the other would take it. What if Myungsoo just brushed them off? What if Myungsoo would laugh at him? The thought embarrassed Sungyeol more than ever and he started sobbing again.
***
Three days after the eventful night and Sungyeol came back to the stage of his first day after the breakup, a walking mess. The boy ignored all calls from friends and didn’t show up at work. The YaDong couple and Sungjong tried to break in, that was predictable, but Sungyeol knew better to hide his key somewhere else. Woohyun also came banging on the door, but the brunette heard some voice akin to Sunggyu’s scolding the greasy boy. He hoped the older would know when to stop nagging, because Woohyun hated nagging and Sunggyu happened to nag a lot.
He would continue lying in bed doing nothing but tossing around when there was sound of the doorbell rang. Which was strange since Woohyun would just bang the door, Howon, Dongwoo or Sungjong would call him without bothering to knock. And Sunggyu knew clearly when he was ready to talk again. Sungyeol believed that except for those five, no one really wanted to associate with him. It was summer and everyone was on vacations, playing along the beaches and all that jazz, not sitting at home pathetically like him. Sungyeol sniffed, the doorbell was still ringing and for once Sungyeol actually wondered what if it was Myungsoo.
What if he came back?
Sungyeol threw the blanket aside and ran toward the front door, unlocking it as fast as possible. The boy swung it wide open, forgetting all his slovenly appearance.
Standing at the door was a middle-aged man, clearly a salesman. Clearly the man was getting a shock, seeing his potential customer’s dirty clothes and hair, but Sungyeol couldn’t care less. He wasn’t hesitant at all to slam the door at the other’s face, though knowing it was rude. Every manner would be considered later, he needed privacy right now for having acted like a fool.
He was about to limp back to the couch when the door was knocked again. That time someone was calling his name and the voice was so familiar that Sungyeol had to stop and look for a while.
It couldn’t be, could it?
The voice was calling more desperately and Sungyeol felt himself shaking as he advanced toward the door. Slowly, the boy opened it again.
And that time standing in front of him wasn’t that salesman anymore, but Myungsoo.
His Myungsoo.
Something just burst inside Sungyeol’s heart and before he knew it, the boy had flung himself into Myungsoo’s open arms. The jet black haired boy was thinner than before, his hair was so dry and sweat and dirt were covering every inch of his body, but everything screamed home and Sungyeol knew he was safe again. Sungyeol placed his head on Myungsoo’s shoulder, despite being taller, the other’s chest was rumbling as he talked, something about a storm and delayed flight, but the surroundings was a blur and Sungyeol couldn’t have his concentration clear anymore. He felt himself being led then pushed down to sit on the couch, Myungsoo right next to him wiping his face clean. The act was so gentle and Sungyeol so missed it, that he leant onto the touch without even realizing.
“It’s so strange seeing you like this.”
Myungsoo teased, his eyes curved into the crescents again just like how Sungyeol liked them. But there was a little strain at the end of the sentence and the taller knew his so-called ex was only trying to stay strong there.
“Idiot.”
He mumbled in response. Sungyeol felt something cold, akin to metal, just slipped around his ring finger on the left hand in time as their forehead touched.
“What is this?”
Myungsoo chewed on his lower lip, a habit he picked up whenever feeling nervous, eyes never left Sungyeol who was staring at the silver ring just slipped in.
“One month ago I came home, and told my mother about us...” Sungyeol felt himself and the boy next to him stiffened as Myungsoo continued: “She was so calm, much to my surprise, and she didn’t say she couldn’t accept. She only asked me whether this was something you would want, whether it would be just my assumption.”
“I started thinking. I didn’t know if this, if us, was something good for you. You dated me when we were only 18, and no matter how much I tried to change myself, in my eyes I could never deserve you. What if I let you go, and you could find someone out there better for you? I just didn’t want you to regret, so I called for a break up. But then after I said it, I felt so regretful, so scared. What if you could really find someone else and leave me? It’s like a gambling and I was so afraid that I would be a loser, because I didn’t know whether what we had was strong enough to make you stay.”
“What about the call and mails?”
“I wanted to share, and I just wanted to hear your voice.”
“Well, it’s lucky for you that I love you. And everything’s okay now.”
Sungyeol muttered as he pulled Myungsoo down for a kiss, a real one after one month being separated from each other. Their nose bumped a little and he giggled at that, but quickly Myungsoo swallowed every noise Sungyeol made with eager tongue.
“You still haven’t said that you wanted your boyfriend back.”
The taller retorted playfully later when they were both gasping for air. Myungsoo only tugged at the ring on his finger, mouth curled up into a lazy smile as he pulled his boyfriend into another kiss:
“Isn’t it you who just jumped in my arms at the front door?”
And Sungyeol knew nothing could break them again.
END.