Musings
My family's weird. I guess that's what most of us think. Some of us have parents that are too strict. Some of us have parents who don't really care too much. A lot of people I know have parents who have high expectations of what their children should be. I really am uncomfortable with my parents, especially my dad... and this has led me to have problems with authority figures.
I have a rebellious streak when it comes to dealing with people who have authority over me. I find it very hard to take orders from someone else. For me to be able to work under someone, I must have complete respect and admiration for that person. If I don't have that, I usually end up butting heads with whoever it is. On those times where I look up to a figure of authority, I usually end up being extremely motivated. It really is a big deal for me to work under someone.
Life's been... complicated. I feel devoid of energy everyday and have a hard time waking up even if I spend my time barely doing anything. Maybe the inactivity is killing me. Maybe it's all the other stuff I think about. With 15 units, I barely feel like a student. Maybe I should go for 18 next sem.
I wish someone would make my weekend wonderful, but I really don't have time for anything anyway. I have CDC in the morning and I plan to hang around UP in the afternoon and maybe go to a party at night. Then on Sunday I have to study for a potential quiz in Econ 141.
But I always find myself asking... what's the point? Where's the fire that drives me to excel? Maybe it's been burned out of me. I've been driven since kindergarden to excel and my edge is beginning to dull. I find myself questioning my motivations.
Sometimes, the only reason I can find within myself... the only enduring reason for excellence... is the hope that I will be able to live my own life when I have a stable paycheck and my own place. It's the little carrot I dangle in front of my eyes. Maybe it's a lie, but it's the lie that keeps me going.
I have a rebellious streak when it comes to dealing with people who have authority over me. I find it very hard to take orders from someone else. For me to be able to work under someone, I must have complete respect and admiration for that person. If I don't have that, I usually end up butting heads with whoever it is. On those times where I look up to a figure of authority, I usually end up being extremely motivated. It really is a big deal for me to work under someone.
Life's been... complicated. I feel devoid of energy everyday and have a hard time waking up even if I spend my time barely doing anything. Maybe the inactivity is killing me. Maybe it's all the other stuff I think about. With 15 units, I barely feel like a student. Maybe I should go for 18 next sem.
I wish someone would make my weekend wonderful, but I really don't have time for anything anyway. I have CDC in the morning and I plan to hang around UP in the afternoon and maybe go to a party at night. Then on Sunday I have to study for a potential quiz in Econ 141.
But I always find myself asking... what's the point? Where's the fire that drives me to excel? Maybe it's been burned out of me. I've been driven since kindergarden to excel and my edge is beginning to dull. I find myself questioning my motivations.
Sometimes, the only reason I can find within myself... the only enduring reason for excellence... is the hope that I will be able to live my own life when I have a stable paycheck and my own place. It's the little carrot I dangle in front of my eyes. Maybe it's a lie, but it's the lie that keeps me going.