In conjunction with Jessie's request...

[kyphosis]

Well, I should be finishing up the last minute odds and ends of morning packing, and getting dressed to go right now, but instead I'm here, making a post even though I don't really have anything to say. I've gone over everything so many times in the past few days, particularly yesterday--the disbelief, the nothinginess, the indifference, the nervousness, fear, anticipation, wishing I was crying, not understanding why I wasn't, then later crying completely unexpectedly, the deafening sadness, not wanting to go, feeling okay, excited, and hopeful. I still can't fully describe the ridiculous ranges of everything I've felt even just yesterday, and, honestly, I'm tired of trying to. I feel like I want to apologize to the people whose goodbyes didn't feel as real or impactful as they really are, and also to the people whose shirts I cried all over. But, I guess neither is really appropriate. There's nothing left to do but to pack up the cars and head up, and know that all new emotions will surface and dance around me, fading in and out, softly and brightly. But, that's what comes next and it's what I need. There's nothing left to do but go.

And come back. I will be home often. I will write (e-mail and snail) and call. I will miss you all, but I will not lose you. You're still a part of my life, and I hope I'm still a part of yours. Everyone knows Dreyfoos will forever be a home of mine, and you all a family, and that I love and appreciate and cherish our experiences and my time here more than I could ever, ever even touch upon with words.

None of this is over. And after all this drama, I'll probably speak to you guys online tonight already, anyway.