(no subject)
Title: True Life
Author: diru69
Chapter: 10/I dunnooooo lemme loooone
Disclaimer: I... ate Dir en grey. o.o anyway, that means I can't possibly own them. My stomach does ^_^
Rating: PG-13
Summary: "I slapped a hand over the sliced up flesh and looked away. 'Why did you do it?' He said gently. I didn't answer. 'I thought I saw something when we were there last night. But I wasn't sure. I didn't want to just assume something like that...' I shivered when I felt his cool hands on my maimed wrist, rubbing over the wounds there. 'Quit it...'"
A/N: Sorry this is so late. Tests give me writer's block. I'm actually happy with how this one turned out, but please give me pointers on how to improve if you have any :D comments, plz ^^
~Kyo's POV:~
"Browsing or buying, Kyo?" Aramaki asked me as I walked into my favorite music shop. I smiled as my feet walked on the thin carpet of the well-kept store. "Sorry man, think I'm just gonna browse." He returned the smile. "Aw, thats how you make up for not coming in here for so long? It's been almost two weeks, you selfish bastard!" I grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, I thought I told You to tell you I wouldn't be around for a little while. Our band has been working on another song. It should be finished by the end of the month. So what's up?" Aramaki smirked his reply. "There's a party at Linda's house tonight." I blinked once. "Linda? That American girl who's living here in Osaka now?" He nodded. "Yeah, the one with really big tits. Are you coming?" I shook my head as I walked toward to New Releases aisle. Aramaki pulled up the counter-flip that trapped him behind the register to follow me. "Naw," I said. "Kisaki would get angry with me for leaving him with the majority of the work we have to do tonight. We're really busy today." He gave me a pretend kicked-puppy look.
"Aw, you can't wing it? And if you're so busy, why are you here?" He pointed out. "Actually, I gotta go in about ten minutes. I'm here on my lunch break." He stuck out his bottom lip like a child who had been denied his desert. "I know Kisaki can be a hard ass sometimes, but I thought you could flex things with him if you really wanted to." He acccused. I looked over my shoulders, fingers still filing over the cases on the shelf just below the top one. "Yeah, that was before Kaoru. Who has become kind of a shadow king now... Not that I mind, I think we've actually been more productive with him around. He's level-headed. And he's kinda strict, but he's still friendly. Helps out with a lot of problems as well..." My eyes wandered back to the shelf I was rumaging through, pulling things out occasionly to look at the front and back covers. "Wait, why are you here for your lunch break? I mean, it's nice seeing you here for once, but shouldn't you spend your lunch breaks with... I dunno, lunch?" I rolled my eyes, not really interested in the new shipment of stuff that'd just been placed on the wooden shelves.
A lot of the new music was getting a little samey... Maybe it was just me. Oh well, I could still get a magazine. And a new lighter at the counter... My last one ran out of fluid. "I haven't really been hungry this week..." I stated plainly, turning around to face my friend. "This week? I haven't seen or even heard of you eating in... what, three months? Wait, didn't you do a concert three months ago? Did something happen?" He asked, a little worried. I smiled weakly and brushed past him, making my way to the counter with him following close behind. "Close. That was two months ago. But yeah, I haven't eaten much in the past three months... Maybe my stomach just shrunk... I dunno." I said, bending over to look at the magazin selectione even though my eyes were glued to the ground. I could feel Aramaki looking at me. "Dude, that's a weird... and I'm pretty sure impossible excuse. Something happened and you haven't told anyone." Well, except Kisaki, Shinya and Ichin... "It's nothing, just don't worry about it, okay?" I asked of him, plucking an informative music magazine from the bunches of others along with a red, plastic lighter from off the counter. "Ring these up?" I asked. He looked at me disapprovingly-as though he wanted me to tell him what was going on instead of giving him the bullshit that I was- before checking out my things.
I scrounged around in my pockets for money, paying him and taking the plastic bag of items from his right hand. He opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, I blankly pointed out that I was going to be late coming back from break, and with that, I practically ran out of the store. The shop was just a block down from the studio, so I had walked there. I delved my hand deep into my pockets, finally finding what I was looking for with the tips of my fingers. I fished the crushed cigarette pack from my pants, and took one out before I shoved the rest back into it's confines. Continuing to walk, I lit it and took a nice long drag of the burning nicotine, the relaxing feeling of it clouding and clinging in my throat until I breathed it out in a big puff. The summer wind ran through my thick hair, massaging my scalp ever so gently. The world around me seemed encased in a big shade of sickeningy flat gray, so I was happy when I reached the warm and vibrant building that was my workplace.
It must've been longer than I thought getting here, my cigarette was already more than half dead. I stubbed it out, flattening it out between the pavement and my thickly soled shoes. It was while before I stepped out of the studio again, after stepping back in that is. In fact, it was about eleven o' clock at night. Ichin's probably asleep. I thought to myself as I passed his door, heading inside my own. I felt like I was treading through mud as I walked to my room. That's how tired my legs were. Yet for once in my entire life I didn't feel like sleeping. I all but collasped onto my bed, not even bothering to take off my clothes or even my shoes. All I could do was look at the ceiling as thoughts of Aya filed into my memory, one by one, making me cringe with pain and sadness. Finally, I was able to force them away. I sat up, jolting upward to message my temples and rub my eyes dry as I shoved the cruel images and sounds away. I have to stop this. I have to get over this. Get over her and myself. This is fucking ridiculous! There's worse things to worry about. It still hurt. Bad. But I could at least try to escape... this wouldn't be going anywhere unless I tried. I had to talk to someone. Shinya was probably asleep. So was Ichin, Die, Kisaki, and Kaoru.
Aramaki was at Linda's party, and You was probably with him, knowing You. At that moment, the phone rang. Damn, that was lucky! I grabbed for it before it could even ring a second time. "Hello?" I said, probably coming off a little overly desperate. "Hey, baby. You sure have a sexy voice. Wanna try it out with our free phone sex trial?" The person on the other line said said in a slutty feminine voice. The fuck? "Umm... what? Who is this?" I started hearing heated moaning and I almost hung up in irritation, staring at my innocent household communication device with bewilderment as it turned into Porno-Phone, but then I heard a very bizarre and particular laugh break out. "Oh... Hey Toshiya." I said, realizing I'd been successfully pranked. "Haha! I would've just- HAHAHA! I would've kept that up but the-haha! the mental image of your-HAHAHA FACE!" Apparently he was very amused by my dry reaction... "Toshiya, it's 11:36 pm..." I stated dryly. "Sorry, I know that you're probably sleeping, but I'm visting a relative here in Osaka. I got really excited so I kinda called you without thinking much. Sorry to wake you." He apologized sheepishly.
"No, it's okay. Actually, I wanted someone to talk to. So you're in Osaka then?" I repeated his words. "Yeah! And I'm gonna be here for about a week in a half. Our band has been working really hard so Hisao-I mean, our leader is giving us all a break. What's up with you though? You hardly ever call, you jerk!" He joked. "Heh, sorry... We've been working really hard on my end too. I think the stress is getting to me. I can't sleep, even though I feel like a zombie from the night shift. And I need to get out more. I guess I just need to hang out with new people or...something, I don't know." I voiced my cluttered thoughts while avoiding talking about my real reasons for not sleeping. "Hey, I'm new...ish." Toshiya mused. I smiled. "Yeah, that's true. Oh hey, while you're here, we should hang out. Do you wanna go somewhere for food or something tomorrow? Its one of our days off, so..." I trailed off. "Really? You sure?" He asked in return. "Yeah, why not, I'm free... And have a serious need to get out and breath in something other than the air of my room." "Sure, that sounds cool." "What kinda food do you eat?" He breathed a sigh into the phone, obviously thinking for a brief moment. "I could eat just about anything, but I've been feeling like california rolls lately... Wanna meet at a sushi bar?"
I rolled onto my side, eyes wandering around my room in various directions. "Sushi? Sure I can manage that, as long as you don't get anything really expensive. I've been broke lately." We both laughed a little at this. "Naw, I just want california rolls. I'm pretty sure that they're cheap, I wouldn't worry." I sighed in relief. "What is it?" He asked. "Nothing, I just hate it when you offer someone something and they try acting polite by turning it down over and over again, when you could of just saved time not arguing over something really trivial like dinner. So I'm just happy you aren't one of those types." "Thanks. So why did you say you needed someone to talk to?" My soft bed dipped in inder my weight as I shifted position, yet again. "Just needed someone to talk to, nothing really to elaborate on. Sorry that you just happened to be the unlucky victim." He laughed lightly into his phone. "Hey I'm the one that called you." I lay on my back now, feeling a little bit better at the insignificant words being exchanged. I began to unwind in my soft mattress, suddenly reminded of my worn and tired state.
I rolled my head against my plush pillow, making a shallow ditch in it. "No, it's actually kind of good thing for me. I've been pretty bored lately. Even at work. You calling me is kind of new and different, so I don't mind. Besides being here, what's been going on with you?" "Hmm... Like I said, we're all slaving in the studio. I hope we become more successful, this is hard work. I'm really happy that I can have a vacation. I need rest from that place, especially since I've been having this.. I don't know how describe it... bassist's block. I think I need something different in my life, something doesn't feel the same when I play nowdays. I still love playing, but something's...off. But I don't see you a lot, so maybe this'll help. You know, doing something else. I honestly don't know how to make sense to you about this... I just need a change." Toshiya's velvet-smooth voice seemed more like a lullaby right now, sinking through me and making my mind drift. I could see him now, eyes half-lidded, cradling me as I nestled into him comfortabley. "Mm..." I said, dazed, "your voice is really nice Toshiya. It's soft..." I yawned. "Huh?" I chuckled. "Nah... I just get weird when I'm tired, that's all. Kind of like I'm stoned." Which was true... I sounded like a total stoner now, the way my voice was mellowed out and spacey. "I think I can sleep now. Thanks." I mumbled, my eyelids becoming heavy lead.
"Um, no problem. So I guess I'll see you tomorrow. Where do you want to meet?" I thought with what was left of my fleeting energy. "Ask around for directions to a place called Kogane Sakana. I'll meet you there at seven. Call me if you need anything." Everything around me was becoming heavy, sleep falling upon me. So damn tired all of the sudden... "Alright then, thanks again, Kyo! G'Night!" He cheered happily. "Mm... 'Night." I hung up just in time to fall right back down onto my bed, falling into a deep, deep sleep before I even hit the pillow.
~+~+~+~
Climbing into my car as I put the key in ignition, my ears were cursed with a whiny J-pop song that seeped and ozzed from the radio speaker. "Fuck, what's this godawful noise?" I muttered as I rushed with all due speed to turn it off. I'd been tortured with J-pop my entire child hood, I would not put up with it as an adult. "Damn... I guess that's what happens when you let Shinya borrow your car." I grumbled to myself as I pulled out of my registered parking place and looked into the rearview mirror. I made my way out of the parking lot of my apartment building and took a left to drive at the first intersection, combing my fingers through my black and pink-purple hair. I'd dyed it red at the tips about month ago, but of course, now it was beggining to fade into the same color I had when I dyed my hair for the first time ever. I wasn't wearing any make-up, of course. Just a baggy white shirt with a picture of me that Kaoru had sketched onto the once-blank shirt one random day and some skinny jeans that had a few silver chains hanging off of them. Comfortable clothes.
I parked a block away from the resturaunt, not too bad for an area this busy. As I neared the resturaunt on the street, I could see a tall figure not too far off. Spotting me, I could see it running closer. "Kyo-kun!" I smiled. "Hey, Toshiya. Sorry I'm a little late." I greeted him, and he smiled back. "No problem, lets get inside where there's air conditioning, it's hot as hell out here!" He exclaimed. We stepped inside the sushi bar, helping ourselves to some chairs conveniently placed by the large windows. "Fuck, you really saved me." He said. "I'm visting my cousin, and she wanted me to go dress shopping with her today. So it's a good thing I planned seeing you here before she could decide to drag me along." I looked outside the window, half listening, the other half of my attention being drawn to the crowds of people outside. Everyone has their own stories to tell. Everyone you meet has loved something, lost something and is afraid of something. So many people... wonder what their lives were like, how each of them was different. "Kyo-kun?"
I snapped my head back to full attention. "Oh damn..." he uttered out. "Hm? What is it?" He was staring intently at me. "Nothing, just his is the first time I've seen you without stage make-up. You look really nice without it." I felt a little nervous now that he said that, and began fiddling around with the order card. "Oh, uh, thanks. Didn't you notice when we were outside?" I tried to make conversation. "No, it was too dark. Actually, I wanna try out the black lipstick thing, but you're one of the few people that can pull it off so I think it was just luck that it looks good on you. I might look weird in it." he giggled. "Heh, nah I can see you as a feminine type. You'd look pretty in just about any kind of make-up." He giggled again... it was sort of a strangely pleasant noise even though his laugh was definately... er, different. "I don't know if that's a complimant... I guess it could go either way." A women came up to our table, a tray in her hands. "Do you know what you want, gentlemen?" she asked the two of us.
"Oh! Yeah lemme just..." Toshiya stalled as he marked his orders before handing the paper to the waitress. "Four orders of california rolls?" she checked with him. He nodded his head eagerly, then turned his head toward me. "I'll just have one order of steamed gyouza..." I ordered. "Coming right up!" Toshiya continued looking at me. "That's all you're getting?" He asked, frowning slightly. I nodded. "Yeah, I'm not really hungry." I said meekly, looking around at the brightly lit resturaunt full of customers and waiters in pressed white aprons and sleek pants. "Really? What did you eat before you came here?" The booth seats were made from a shiny, leathery material, and they squeaked a little as I shifted ever so slightly. "I had a muffin." "A...muffin?" Toshiya repeated. "When, in the car?" He put his left elbow on the recently-cleaned table we were sitting at, a hopeless expression on his face. "No of course not, it was for breakfast."
There was a very long silence as Toshiya looked at me, a dramatised, dumbfounded look on his face. "What? Kyo-kun, thats ridiculous." I half-smiled. "No, whats ridiculous is you calling me '-kun'. You can just call me Kyo, you know." He rolled his eyes. "Fine, Kyo, now shouldn't you order actual dinner?" He sighed dramatically. "I haven't been hungry lately." I mumbled, looking in the opposite direction. "Kyo! C'mon now, you're eating like an anorexic girl scout!" At that moment, the waitress came by with our food. "So fast?" I asked her. She smiled politely as she set the plates down on our table. "Well, you didn't order much food, so it didn't take long to prepare." Toshiya shot me a knowing look as she ran to her next table. "See? She thinks so too, and she works her, food is her profession." It was my turn to roll my eyes. "Toshiya, she's a waitress, not a nutritionist." I observed blandly before popping a gyouza into my mouth. "Wha- It doesn't matter, you're gonna starve or something if you don't eat enough! You're eating all those gyouza dumplings, and half my sushi, whether you like it or not!"
He split his chopsticks. "Toshiya," I sighed, exhasperated. I'm not eating your ssh-mmph!" I was cut off by Toshiya's thumb pressing down on my mouth. I blushed slightly at the feeling of his warm flesh on my lip, gently pushing my lips apart so that he could stick one of his sushi in my mouth. He pressed upwards on my chin to close my jaw. "Now chew and swallow." I looked at him like a stubborn kid, but gave in, sighing as I ate roll. "There, happy?" He showed his teeth in an almost sarcastic smile. "Yes, very." We ate in silence for a short while, him giving me three other of his sushis pieces. "You don't have a lot left." I frowned. "It's fine, unlike you, I've eaten real food today." He grinned. "So... what kinda person is Kisaki-san? I haven't really talked to him at all." I grunted, finishing chewing the food in my mouth that the other was forcing me to eat. "Don't tell him I said this... But as a bassist, I think you come off as taking playing it more seriously." He looked me straight in the eyes. "Really?" he beamed. "Yeah... Just don't tell him. ...Hey, could I hear you play sometime? Did you bring your bass with you on your trip?" I asked him.
He nodded quickly, in a sort of bobbing motion. "Yeah, I bring that kinda stuff with me everywhere I go. You could come any time you want... Want me to give you my cousin's address?" he said, scratching his head bashfully. "Yeah, you got a pen and paper?" He looked through the paper clothes bag I had only now noticed, digging through it for something. He pulled out a rather large wallet, which had some money, ID cards, and old reciepts in it. He plucked out one of the reciepts and slid a miniture ink pen from it's place, placing both on the table. "Here, lemme just write the address on the back of this..." Small, scribbling noises were made as he jotted it down, folding it in half when he was finished and handing the tattered paper to me with a goofy smile. "Call first though... I put my cousin's phone number at the very bottom." I took it and shoved it into my pockets, which probably weren't as loose as his dark gray cargo pant's pockets. "Were you shopping or something?" I said, gesturing to the clothes bag. "Eh," he shrugged. "I looked around this area. All I found was a tank top... There aren't many good stores." A little light bulb appeared above my head. "Oh! Hey, you know where they sell cool clothes? This store on Yukie Street. Have you seen it? It's hard to miss."
"Yukie Street?" He knitted his eyebrows together, shaking his head. "If you're interested in looking for clothes, it's a really great place to look. I'll take you there if you want." He laughed. "Damn, at this rate you'll save me from everything my cousin had in store for me! Sure that sounds cool, as long as you don't mind me too much." I stared off thoughtfully out the window again. "No, you're probably one of the few people I like. You'd know otherwise." I could tell the gears in Toshiya's head were probably starting up, trying to decipher the undertone of that message, trying to solve the puzzle I was, solve me and figure me out. He was smart, I'm sure he picked up on the things I said when I was half-talking to him, half-thinking out loud. "You two ready?" The waitress asked, showing up out of no where. "Yeah, could I have a check please?" I asked when the question fully registered, moving my mind slowly from one place to another. "Seperate or together?" She chirped with a half-stressed smile. "Together." She walked off with a small bow, letting my attention go back to Toshiya. But when I turned my head back toward his face, he had an unsettled look upon his features.
He was staring really hard, forehead creased and eyes straining at something, but when he noticed me looking at him, he uneasily look up at me, pretending to have been in daze as he looked back at me. The resturaunt was beginning to fill with late night diners, so we were lucky to have been served before having to wait because of a crowding catostrophe. It helped that we were smack next to the kitchen, which our busy waitress ran out of for the hundreth time tonight. "Here you are sir, enjoy your evening!" I smiled an nodded, picking my wallet from my back pocket, when I noticed that the wristband I wore was slipping out of place, the deep cut I put on it not long ago poking out just a little, surrounding by smaller or healing cuts. I pulled it upon feeling the fuzzy yet slightly scratchy material catch on my scab, not causing me pain as much as it just made my wrist itch. I pulled the money from my wallet, ignored the annoying sensation, and put said money in the flap of the leather cover after signing the reciepts. "So do you wanna come over tomorrow?" Toshiya asked, clearing his throat. "Hm? Oh yeah, sure. I don't have anything to do this weekend. Until then, I gotta get home and check my messages, Kisaki might've called about our song. He does that a lot, especially when I'm out." I laughed lightly, "See you later." He got up at the same time as me, both of us stepping from out of our seats and sidling away from the booth. I walked ahead of him. "See you tomorrow then, Kyo."
~+~+~+~
Toshiya sounded really good, even when it was just him playing alone. Especially when it was him playing alone. His cousin went out somewhere unknown to Toshiya, so now we were just lying around on the sofa, talking about random stuff. "OK, OK, I got one!" He said. "So a guy go to Las Vegas, and after spending the whole day gambling, he feels like having sex for the full effect of his vacation. So he asks some guys if they know where to find good hookers, and all of them direct him to a shady looking brothel." "Uh huh?" I commented, listening to his joke. "So the guy follows their directions and he sees the hooker they're talking about, and the hooker is really hot. He asks her how much it'd be for a hand-job, and the hooker says '$500', which is like, 50000 yen. The guy flips and goes 'Five hundred dollars?!' And the hooker says 'See all this?' she said, pointing around. 'This is an entire brothel. I bought it with hand jobs.' So the guy, a bit skeptical but also convinced enough, gives her the money. And it's the best hand-job he's everrrr had. And the guy thinks 'Well, if she's THAT good with hand-jobs, she must give really good head!' Turns out blowjobs from the prostitue are $1500!" I slapped my forhead with the palm of my hand. "Dude hurry up!" I exclaimed. "Hold on, hold on, it has a good punch line! So the hooker goes 'See all that?' pointing outside the window at the street."
"'That's an entire street worth of casinos, brothels, bars and clubs. I bought all of it with blowjobs.' So the guy says 'Well alright.' and he forks over the money. And its THE best blowjob he's ever had, so he wonders 'How good would SEX be?!' So he asks the hooker 'Alright, I'm prepared to pay however much you ask, how much is pussy?' And the hooker blinks a couple times, leads him outside, and points in several different directions. 'You see all this? This is all of Las Vegas. And it would be mine if I had a pussy." I stared at him. "I don't get it." I said plainly. "The hooker was a dude, you nimrod!" "OHHHH!" I said before we started cracking up with Toshiya. "I can't believe you didn't get it at first!" He said, still laughing his strange, hiccup-like laugh. Could it really be compared to a hiccup? I don't know, maybe it's more like a gasp. "So what about you Kyo, ever give a dude head?" He joked. My eyes narrowed. "Hey, that's my business!" I said a little too quickly. Toshiya's jaw dropped. "Only if you have business!" He started laughing again. "Shut up..." I mumbled, glaring in random directions.
"You did, you did! Ohmygod, I wasn't being serious, but you did! Haha, not that I can talk!" My face went red and shot up at him. "Don't you think you should keep stuff like that private?!" I cried out, flustered. "Hey, I went through an experimental thing... besides, you shouldn't keep it a secret if you're good at it, and I'm really good!" I stared at him with wide eyes, bewildered. "Uh, and exactly how would you know that?!" Toshiya glanced around to make sure no one magically showed up out of no where. "Well, the guys I did it to said I was good." He smirked at me, obviously taking great amusement in my discomfort. "While they were fucking my mouth." I stared at him incredulously, probably giving him the reaction h was going for as he laughed his ass off. "So are you on bottom with guys?" He said, breathing heavily from laughing to hard. "No!..... I mean, I used to be, the first time I was with a guy all the way, bu-Oh my god, why am I telling you this?!" Toshiya broke out in another fit of laughter at my outburst. "If it'll make you feel any better, you can ask me questions!" He said almost too eagerly. I shook my head. "C'moooon, you know you wannaaa!" He whined. "Ugh, fine. I dunno... Are you gay then?" I asked at random. He shook his head.
"So you're bi." I guessed. He shook his head again. I stared at him blankly. "Okay how many guys have you blown off?" He scracthed his head. "Umm, well... four. And more than once." I sighed very deeply and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Okay... how can you possibely be straight then?" I asked. "I'm not." He said as if he were stating the obvious. I mean, it was obvious, but he said he wasn't... and then said he also wasn't.. and then-GAH! Never mind! "I don't try to lable any part of myself. That includes gender. I don't know if I really consider myself bisexual because I never had any feelings for the guys I was with, nothing that was real." I looked at him, sympathising with those same feelings. I was about to say something, but I stopped when I felt that same stare from Toshiya that I felt when we were at the resturaunt. Only his stare was more intense and worried now. I looked at him quizically, not that it mattered, he wasn't looking into my eyes, not even any where close to my face. I felt his eyes burning... I followed those eyes, down t where they were set... My wrist. I hadn't worn the band!
I slapped a hand over the sliced up flesh and looked away. "Why did you do it?" He said gently. I didn't answer. "I thought I saw something when we were there last night. But I wasn't sure. I didn't want to just assume something like that..." I shivered when I felt his cool hands on my maimed wrist, rubbing over the wounds there. "Quit it..." I said bitterly, grabbing it away and scratching at the scabs, exposing the dark red blood underneath. "Stop it! You're re-opening them..." He grabbed my wrist that I was scraping over, looking at the curdeled blood now caked under my finger tips. My breath hitched as he closed his mouth over the wounds, sucking gently as he ran his tongue over the cuts. I know he wasn't happy that I'd done that to myself, but he didn't react the same way other people that found out did. When someone else found out-against my will usually- they would always either express their digust and tell me the habit was disturbing and horrifying, or act like they were a trained phsycoligist, as though simply saying "That's wrong, don't do that to yourself, it doesnt make sense to hurt yourself more." would immediatly change me. But Toshiya didn't freak out or tell me something I'd heard a million times. He asked what was behind it... He didn't judge me or write me off...
He sat there, drinking me away, all in in taciturnity. I stood stiff. I hadn't known this man very long, and he was already seeing part of this side of me. "I can understand if you don't want to be friends with someone like me." I said quietly. Toshiya looked up at me, a stupified look on his face. "What kind of person do you think I am?! I'm not going to stop fucking being friends with you just because of this, if I stopped talking to every person that had a problem in thier life, I wouldn't be talking to anyone, and that would be selfish and sick!" He shrieked. I looked at him, into his hurt and angry eyes. "I'm sorry..." I said, not breaking eye contact yet also feeling shame bite into me. He took a deep breath and calmed down. "It's okay, just dont say stupid shit like that, okay?" He got up. "I'll be right back." A stared at my wrist, nervousness sinking into the pit of my stomach. He came back only seconds later, holding a pouch and a box of band-aids. He tore the pouch open, which contained a disinfectant towlet. I hissed quietly at the burning as he pressed it into my open cuts. "Does it hurt?" He asked, looking up at me. I shook my head. After a while he stopped pressing, then put a knee-bandaid on my wrist so that it would cover all my cuts and scratches.
"You're not gonna say anything?" I asked sarcastically. His face darkened. "What can I do? Nothing will stop you... at least nothing I say... I just wish I could." He said helplessly and somberly. I stared at him with sadness. He was right, I was incredibley stubborn, nothing he said would ever stop me from doing what I felt like doing. "Besides, it would only make me a hypocrite. Everyone has ways of dealing with certain things... Mine isn't the healthiest way either." He left the items on the coffee table before our knees, he would probably put them away after I left. I sunk further into the redish sofa. "Can you...pretend this never happened?" I asked meekly. He smiled a wan grin in my direction. "The most I can promise is that I'll leave it alone for now and ask you about it another day. If you ever want to make it easy and simply tell me what's wrong, then...." I shook my head. "It''s best if you just leave it alone. You don't need to know anything about it, it doesn't involve you..." I stared the other way, coldly. I could feel him frown. "Maybe I should go..." I said, getting up and grabbing my keys from the tray on the table. I walked to the door with my gaze on my feet, making my way across the wooden floor that was scraped up in some areas.
"...And thanks. This isn't the first time you've helped me, you know." I said at the door, making the black-haired man look up toward my form. His lips twitched into a smile that still held worry, but also a little bit of gratefullness and satisfaction. "Hey, can I call you Totchi?" I asked, not wanting to leave him suffering in a room filled with too much sourness left behind. He giggled a little, making the knot in my stomach untie itself, and the ice from my insides melt away. "Yeah, sure..." He hid the concern he still had, for my sake. "I'll see you soon, Kyo..." I nodded and left. The next day, I had work with everyone else, hitting me hard like a brick wall. It was better today, but I was still a little in the dark. Shit, I guess the only way I'm ever gonna get out of this is to date other girls, huh? I thought to myself as I walked right foot first into the half-lit studio. Everyone exhanged greetings, and from there, the day went by like it usually did, the same daily schedule. We played for a while, Kaoru and Kisaki bickered like a married couple over what should go where in the song for a little while before finally coming to a compromise while I began thinking about what sort of words should be going with the music, break came and I went to the music store after grabbing a donut from the cafe next door, and after that, it was mostly just business talk until finally, everyone went home.
Wednesday came, and two good things happened. One, the compisition for the song was completely finished. Two, Toshiya called the studio after having apparently calling my house phone, asking me to go shopping with him. And since these things just so happened to be on the same day, Kisaki decided it was probably best for me to get out so that I'd be able to think clearly anyway, plus we'd gotten a lot of important stuff finished with anyway, so.... FREEDOM! "What is it?" Toshiya asked upon seeing my very-ecstatic yet also fairly bugged-eyed face. I blinked a couple times and shook my head from side to side quickly, suddenly aware that we were both outside, in front of Toshiya's car. "Nothing... uh, just...happy. Why'd you call? You knew we'd be working." I asked, stepping in as I saw him get into the driver's seat. "I told you, my cousin has all this crazy shit planned! Kyo, she wanted me to go to a boutique with her and all her bitchy, stuck up friends!" I looked at him for a while. "So... you told her you already planned something with me, hoped to god I'd be able to leave work, and called the phone, that everyone in my band forgot even existed? You're lucky things played out." I chuckled. "Basically," Toshiya laughed out. "So where do I go?" I narrowed my eyes at the road, looking through the wind sheild. "Actually, you can get there by taking a turn up here. Keep straight for a while and turn when you see the tacky pink store building up the road."
After about five minutes of driving, we got there. "Here?" He checked with me. "Yup, just park on the side. Thanks for getting me out of there. I felt like I was suffocating my brain." I sighed. The worried look Toshiya held for but a short moment didn't go unnoticed. I kind of wished he didn't care. He blinked hard, and then I noticed a pained expression that crossed his features as a tear rolled down the left side of his face. "Toshiya?" I asked softly. "Toshiya what's wrong?" He held his head down as he rubbed at his left eye, almost as if he was digging inside of it. "Toshiya." I demanded, holding his free wrist. I was starting to panick. "Ah, there it is." He said, no trace of sadness in his voice. I raised an eyebrow as he pulled away, something about the size of a dime on his index finger's tip. Wait, he wasn't crying... "Sorry about that." He said, looking up while blinking his left eye uncomfortabley. "My contact lense folded. It kinda hurt, so I had to take it out. It's fine now though." He put the clear, moist lense back in, rolled his eye around, and blinked when it was normal again. I sighed in relief. "C'mon, let's go." I called, walking into the store. A gust of welcoming air-conditioning hit our faces as we entered, the smell of new cotton, plastic, and other materials permeating the air. "Oh hey, that's cool..." I said dreamily, looking at a pair of black pants with zippers running up the legs.
Toshiya tilted his head from side to side as though he were trying to get a kink out of his neck, wrapping his head around the place we were in. He usually wore stuff like what he was wearing now: Worn denim jeans with holes over the knees, a black and white wife-beater, and a long, black cotton vest/jacket thingy that was just a little too big for the guy, yet seemed to work well with him. "I like the stuff in here, I don't know if it's really me though." He said. My thoughts exactly. Hm... Maybe I shouldn't have brought him here. "But hey, can't hurt to try new stuff. What do you think I should try on?" He asked, happy as always. "I dunno. Something short?" I joked. I felt a light slap to the back of the head. "Ow... That hurt." Toshiya stuck his tongue out at me, smiling. "Actually, all lechery aside, you have really nice legs, so maybe shorts would look good. And then you could wear knee-high platforms with it and a trench coat." Toshiya looked around briefly. "Oh, something like this?" He said, holding up a pair of black shorts that had a cross chain on them. "Yeah, like those. Annnnd..." I scuffled over to the shoe area, quickly pulling out a pair of boots. "These." Toshiya made a slight giggle-snort noise. "Those are a little gaudy."
I handed the boots to him. "Yeah, I don't get them with all the buckles and shit either, I usually just where plain black clothing. They look cool when you put them on though. Huh, we're basically playing dress-up. Well, at least you are." He grinned, looking for the boots in his large shoe size. "I don't mind, I've kinda been used to it my whole life." I arched an eyebrow. "Huh?" Toshiya shook his head. "All my friends growing up were girls. There weren't any guys on my block and I could relate to them anyway, so..." I laughed, causing him to roll his eyes. "No, no, I'm not laughing bacause you hung out with girls, I'm laughing because I did too. I didn't like hanging out with guys when I was a kid." Toshiya followed me as I lead him over to the shirts section after he found his boots. "Oh really? Why?" "Didn't have anything in common with guys. I used to wonder if that meant I was fruity, so it wasn't a suprise when I found out I was at least half fruity." Toshiya snorted back a laugh. I slipped past the shirt aisle, over to where there was a rack of jackets and coats on sale. I found a long trench coat, but it was a little more frilly than what I had in mind. Oh well. "Here try these on." I said, holding out the coat. He nodded and, after stumbling on a disgarded shirt someone hadn't bothered to put back on the rack, found his way toward the dressing room.
A few minutes later, I could hear his voice calling out my name. "Kyo... Kyooo!" Putting down the shirt in my hands, I went over to the dressing stall I could hear him calling from. He opened the door, and I stared at his long legs, which were exposed from thigh to ankle. The shorts didn't cover much at all. "Hey, that coat looks better than I thought it would." I said, dismissing my other thoughts. But I had to get a jab in... It couldn't be helped. "Daddy Long Legs...." He thwacked my head with a clothes hanger, flustered. "Shut up!" I rubbed my head. "Can I call you Spider-chan?" I said under my breath. "Fine, I'll just zip up the boots myself, you perv!" Oh yeah. His boots weren't done up yet. "Alright, alright. No more sexy-leg jokes." I said, still tending to the small bumb on my head. Toshiya pointed to the boots, like a spoiled child, expectantly. He pulled back reflexively when I gripped his thigh to pull up the zipper on the right boot, then the left. "Thanks!" He beamed, bending his knees, "I wonder how people move in these." They were hard to move in because of the stiff material. They make moving around really hard because they were so tight and constricting, just as Toshiya said. "You have to break them in. Wear em' out a bit." I pointed out to the struggling bassist.
"I actually kinda like the way this looks. Maybe I should get the rest of my band to be visual!" He smiled brightly. "Yeah, well, good luck with that." Toshiya looked at me as though I were distant, far away from him. "You okay?" I asked him. "Oh yeah. Hey, you'll call and stuff, right?" "What?" "Saturday is my last day here. Remember?" Oh yeah. I'd nearly forgotten, Toshiya would be leaving. To be honest, I didn't want him to go. I didn't know him that well... But there was clearly a connection between us. He had made me feel better, saved me in the midst of this great big mess. In his own way. I'd still see him though, right? It's not like I'd never see him again. Telling myself that cheered me up just a little. "Yeah, of course I will. You're my friend." Toshiya glowed warmly at the mention of the last word. "Now I just need to get these fuckers off." He growled, clawing at the zipper of the boots. I laughed at his futile attempts to undo them for a while, watching in entertaiment, but decided to help him rid his feet of the leather monstrousities. We didn't stay much longer after that, and he dropped me off at my house when it started to get dark out. Saturday came, and I went to say goodbye along with Kaoru and Die before he left on his train ride back to Nagano. I went back home, alone, with nothing but memories. I sighed in defeat at the thoughts I still couldn't push away. Definately time to start seeing other people. The phone rang at that moment.
"Hello?" I knew who that was..."Aramaki?" I sighed more then I asked. "Hey, are you free tonight? We should go to a club or something, I'm bored! And lonely!" Whine, whine, whine. "Then get a girlfriend." I groaned in repsonse. "As if you can talk!" Ugh... Aramaki of all people is right. What is this world becoming? "...Whatever, Fine. I'll go."
Author: diru69
Chapter: 10/I dunnooooo lemme loooone
Disclaimer: I... ate Dir en grey. o.o anyway, that means I can't possibly own them. My stomach does ^_^
Rating: PG-13
Summary: "I slapped a hand over the sliced up flesh and looked away. 'Why did you do it?' He said gently. I didn't answer. 'I thought I saw something when we were there last night. But I wasn't sure. I didn't want to just assume something like that...' I shivered when I felt his cool hands on my maimed wrist, rubbing over the wounds there. 'Quit it...'"
A/N: Sorry this is so late. Tests give me writer's block. I'm actually happy with how this one turned out, but please give me pointers on how to improve if you have any :D comments, plz ^^
~Kyo's POV:~
"Browsing or buying, Kyo?" Aramaki asked me as I walked into my favorite music shop. I smiled as my feet walked on the thin carpet of the well-kept store. "Sorry man, think I'm just gonna browse." He returned the smile. "Aw, thats how you make up for not coming in here for so long? It's been almost two weeks, you selfish bastard!" I grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, I thought I told You to tell you I wouldn't be around for a little while. Our band has been working on another song. It should be finished by the end of the month. So what's up?" Aramaki smirked his reply. "There's a party at Linda's house tonight." I blinked once. "Linda? That American girl who's living here in Osaka now?" He nodded. "Yeah, the one with really big tits. Are you coming?" I shook my head as I walked toward to New Releases aisle. Aramaki pulled up the counter-flip that trapped him behind the register to follow me. "Naw," I said. "Kisaki would get angry with me for leaving him with the majority of the work we have to do tonight. We're really busy today." He gave me a pretend kicked-puppy look.
"Aw, you can't wing it? And if you're so busy, why are you here?" He pointed out. "Actually, I gotta go in about ten minutes. I'm here on my lunch break." He stuck out his bottom lip like a child who had been denied his desert. "I know Kisaki can be a hard ass sometimes, but I thought you could flex things with him if you really wanted to." He acccused. I looked over my shoulders, fingers still filing over the cases on the shelf just below the top one. "Yeah, that was before Kaoru. Who has become kind of a shadow king now... Not that I mind, I think we've actually been more productive with him around. He's level-headed. And he's kinda strict, but he's still friendly. Helps out with a lot of problems as well..." My eyes wandered back to the shelf I was rumaging through, pulling things out occasionly to look at the front and back covers. "Wait, why are you here for your lunch break? I mean, it's nice seeing you here for once, but shouldn't you spend your lunch breaks with... I dunno, lunch?" I rolled my eyes, not really interested in the new shipment of stuff that'd just been placed on the wooden shelves.
A lot of the new music was getting a little samey... Maybe it was just me. Oh well, I could still get a magazine. And a new lighter at the counter... My last one ran out of fluid. "I haven't really been hungry this week..." I stated plainly, turning around to face my friend. "This week? I haven't seen or even heard of you eating in... what, three months? Wait, didn't you do a concert three months ago? Did something happen?" He asked, a little worried. I smiled weakly and brushed past him, making my way to the counter with him following close behind. "Close. That was two months ago. But yeah, I haven't eaten much in the past three months... Maybe my stomach just shrunk... I dunno." I said, bending over to look at the magazin selectione even though my eyes were glued to the ground. I could feel Aramaki looking at me. "Dude, that's a weird... and I'm pretty sure impossible excuse. Something happened and you haven't told anyone." Well, except Kisaki, Shinya and Ichin... "It's nothing, just don't worry about it, okay?" I asked of him, plucking an informative music magazine from the bunches of others along with a red, plastic lighter from off the counter. "Ring these up?" I asked. He looked at me disapprovingly-as though he wanted me to tell him what was going on instead of giving him the bullshit that I was- before checking out my things.
I scrounged around in my pockets for money, paying him and taking the plastic bag of items from his right hand. He opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, I blankly pointed out that I was going to be late coming back from break, and with that, I practically ran out of the store. The shop was just a block down from the studio, so I had walked there. I delved my hand deep into my pockets, finally finding what I was looking for with the tips of my fingers. I fished the crushed cigarette pack from my pants, and took one out before I shoved the rest back into it's confines. Continuing to walk, I lit it and took a nice long drag of the burning nicotine, the relaxing feeling of it clouding and clinging in my throat until I breathed it out in a big puff. The summer wind ran through my thick hair, massaging my scalp ever so gently. The world around me seemed encased in a big shade of sickeningy flat gray, so I was happy when I reached the warm and vibrant building that was my workplace.
It must've been longer than I thought getting here, my cigarette was already more than half dead. I stubbed it out, flattening it out between the pavement and my thickly soled shoes. It was while before I stepped out of the studio again, after stepping back in that is. In fact, it was about eleven o' clock at night. Ichin's probably asleep. I thought to myself as I passed his door, heading inside my own. I felt like I was treading through mud as I walked to my room. That's how tired my legs were. Yet for once in my entire life I didn't feel like sleeping. I all but collasped onto my bed, not even bothering to take off my clothes or even my shoes. All I could do was look at the ceiling as thoughts of Aya filed into my memory, one by one, making me cringe with pain and sadness. Finally, I was able to force them away. I sat up, jolting upward to message my temples and rub my eyes dry as I shoved the cruel images and sounds away. I have to stop this. I have to get over this. Get over her and myself. This is fucking ridiculous! There's worse things to worry about. It still hurt. Bad. But I could at least try to escape... this wouldn't be going anywhere unless I tried. I had to talk to someone. Shinya was probably asleep. So was Ichin, Die, Kisaki, and Kaoru.
Aramaki was at Linda's party, and You was probably with him, knowing You. At that moment, the phone rang. Damn, that was lucky! I grabbed for it before it could even ring a second time. "Hello?" I said, probably coming off a little overly desperate. "Hey, baby. You sure have a sexy voice. Wanna try it out with our free phone sex trial?" The person on the other line said said in a slutty feminine voice. The fuck? "Umm... what? Who is this?" I started hearing heated moaning and I almost hung up in irritation, staring at my innocent household communication device with bewilderment as it turned into Porno-Phone, but then I heard a very bizarre and particular laugh break out. "Oh... Hey Toshiya." I said, realizing I'd been successfully pranked. "Haha! I would've just- HAHAHA! I would've kept that up but the-haha! the mental image of your-HAHAHA FACE!" Apparently he was very amused by my dry reaction... "Toshiya, it's 11:36 pm..." I stated dryly. "Sorry, I know that you're probably sleeping, but I'm visting a relative here in Osaka. I got really excited so I kinda called you without thinking much. Sorry to wake you." He apologized sheepishly.
"No, it's okay. Actually, I wanted someone to talk to. So you're in Osaka then?" I repeated his words. "Yeah! And I'm gonna be here for about a week in a half. Our band has been working really hard so Hisao-I mean, our leader is giving us all a break. What's up with you though? You hardly ever call, you jerk!" He joked. "Heh, sorry... We've been working really hard on my end too. I think the stress is getting to me. I can't sleep, even though I feel like a zombie from the night shift. And I need to get out more. I guess I just need to hang out with new people or...something, I don't know." I voiced my cluttered thoughts while avoiding talking about my real reasons for not sleeping. "Hey, I'm new...ish." Toshiya mused. I smiled. "Yeah, that's true. Oh hey, while you're here, we should hang out. Do you wanna go somewhere for food or something tomorrow? Its one of our days off, so..." I trailed off. "Really? You sure?" He asked in return. "Yeah, why not, I'm free... And have a serious need to get out and breath in something other than the air of my room." "Sure, that sounds cool." "What kinda food do you eat?" He breathed a sigh into the phone, obviously thinking for a brief moment. "I could eat just about anything, but I've been feeling like california rolls lately... Wanna meet at a sushi bar?"
I rolled onto my side, eyes wandering around my room in various directions. "Sushi? Sure I can manage that, as long as you don't get anything really expensive. I've been broke lately." We both laughed a little at this. "Naw, I just want california rolls. I'm pretty sure that they're cheap, I wouldn't worry." I sighed in relief. "What is it?" He asked. "Nothing, I just hate it when you offer someone something and they try acting polite by turning it down over and over again, when you could of just saved time not arguing over something really trivial like dinner. So I'm just happy you aren't one of those types." "Thanks. So why did you say you needed someone to talk to?" My soft bed dipped in inder my weight as I shifted position, yet again. "Just needed someone to talk to, nothing really to elaborate on. Sorry that you just happened to be the unlucky victim." He laughed lightly into his phone. "Hey I'm the one that called you." I lay on my back now, feeling a little bit better at the insignificant words being exchanged. I began to unwind in my soft mattress, suddenly reminded of my worn and tired state.
I rolled my head against my plush pillow, making a shallow ditch in it. "No, it's actually kind of good thing for me. I've been pretty bored lately. Even at work. You calling me is kind of new and different, so I don't mind. Besides being here, what's been going on with you?" "Hmm... Like I said, we're all slaving in the studio. I hope we become more successful, this is hard work. I'm really happy that I can have a vacation. I need rest from that place, especially since I've been having this.. I don't know how describe it... bassist's block. I think I need something different in my life, something doesn't feel the same when I play nowdays. I still love playing, but something's...off. But I don't see you a lot, so maybe this'll help. You know, doing something else. I honestly don't know how to make sense to you about this... I just need a change." Toshiya's velvet-smooth voice seemed more like a lullaby right now, sinking through me and making my mind drift. I could see him now, eyes half-lidded, cradling me as I nestled into him comfortabley. "Mm..." I said, dazed, "your voice is really nice Toshiya. It's soft..." I yawned. "Huh?" I chuckled. "Nah... I just get weird when I'm tired, that's all. Kind of like I'm stoned." Which was true... I sounded like a total stoner now, the way my voice was mellowed out and spacey. "I think I can sleep now. Thanks." I mumbled, my eyelids becoming heavy lead.
"Um, no problem. So I guess I'll see you tomorrow. Where do you want to meet?" I thought with what was left of my fleeting energy. "Ask around for directions to a place called Kogane Sakana. I'll meet you there at seven. Call me if you need anything." Everything around me was becoming heavy, sleep falling upon me. So damn tired all of the sudden... "Alright then, thanks again, Kyo! G'Night!" He cheered happily. "Mm... 'Night." I hung up just in time to fall right back down onto my bed, falling into a deep, deep sleep before I even hit the pillow.
~+~+~+~
Climbing into my car as I put the key in ignition, my ears were cursed with a whiny J-pop song that seeped and ozzed from the radio speaker. "Fuck, what's this godawful noise?" I muttered as I rushed with all due speed to turn it off. I'd been tortured with J-pop my entire child hood, I would not put up with it as an adult. "Damn... I guess that's what happens when you let Shinya borrow your car." I grumbled to myself as I pulled out of my registered parking place and looked into the rearview mirror. I made my way out of the parking lot of my apartment building and took a left to drive at the first intersection, combing my fingers through my black and pink-purple hair. I'd dyed it red at the tips about month ago, but of course, now it was beggining to fade into the same color I had when I dyed my hair for the first time ever. I wasn't wearing any make-up, of course. Just a baggy white shirt with a picture of me that Kaoru had sketched onto the once-blank shirt one random day and some skinny jeans that had a few silver chains hanging off of them. Comfortable clothes.
I parked a block away from the resturaunt, not too bad for an area this busy. As I neared the resturaunt on the street, I could see a tall figure not too far off. Spotting me, I could see it running closer. "Kyo-kun!" I smiled. "Hey, Toshiya. Sorry I'm a little late." I greeted him, and he smiled back. "No problem, lets get inside where there's air conditioning, it's hot as hell out here!" He exclaimed. We stepped inside the sushi bar, helping ourselves to some chairs conveniently placed by the large windows. "Fuck, you really saved me." He said. "I'm visting my cousin, and she wanted me to go dress shopping with her today. So it's a good thing I planned seeing you here before she could decide to drag me along." I looked outside the window, half listening, the other half of my attention being drawn to the crowds of people outside. Everyone has their own stories to tell. Everyone you meet has loved something, lost something and is afraid of something. So many people... wonder what their lives were like, how each of them was different. "Kyo-kun?"
I snapped my head back to full attention. "Oh damn..." he uttered out. "Hm? What is it?" He was staring intently at me. "Nothing, just his is the first time I've seen you without stage make-up. You look really nice without it." I felt a little nervous now that he said that, and began fiddling around with the order card. "Oh, uh, thanks. Didn't you notice when we were outside?" I tried to make conversation. "No, it was too dark. Actually, I wanna try out the black lipstick thing, but you're one of the few people that can pull it off so I think it was just luck that it looks good on you. I might look weird in it." he giggled. "Heh, nah I can see you as a feminine type. You'd look pretty in just about any kind of make-up." He giggled again... it was sort of a strangely pleasant noise even though his laugh was definately... er, different. "I don't know if that's a complimant... I guess it could go either way." A women came up to our table, a tray in her hands. "Do you know what you want, gentlemen?" she asked the two of us.
"Oh! Yeah lemme just..." Toshiya stalled as he marked his orders before handing the paper to the waitress. "Four orders of california rolls?" she checked with him. He nodded his head eagerly, then turned his head toward me. "I'll just have one order of steamed gyouza..." I ordered. "Coming right up!" Toshiya continued looking at me. "That's all you're getting?" He asked, frowning slightly. I nodded. "Yeah, I'm not really hungry." I said meekly, looking around at the brightly lit resturaunt full of customers and waiters in pressed white aprons and sleek pants. "Really? What did you eat before you came here?" The booth seats were made from a shiny, leathery material, and they squeaked a little as I shifted ever so slightly. "I had a muffin." "A...muffin?" Toshiya repeated. "When, in the car?" He put his left elbow on the recently-cleaned table we were sitting at, a hopeless expression on his face. "No of course not, it was for breakfast."
There was a very long silence as Toshiya looked at me, a dramatised, dumbfounded look on his face. "What? Kyo-kun, thats ridiculous." I half-smiled. "No, whats ridiculous is you calling me '-kun'. You can just call me Kyo, you know." He rolled his eyes. "Fine, Kyo, now shouldn't you order actual dinner?" He sighed dramatically. "I haven't been hungry lately." I mumbled, looking in the opposite direction. "Kyo! C'mon now, you're eating like an anorexic girl scout!" At that moment, the waitress came by with our food. "So fast?" I asked her. She smiled politely as she set the plates down on our table. "Well, you didn't order much food, so it didn't take long to prepare." Toshiya shot me a knowing look as she ran to her next table. "See? She thinks so too, and she works her, food is her profession." It was my turn to roll my eyes. "Toshiya, she's a waitress, not a nutritionist." I observed blandly before popping a gyouza into my mouth. "Wha- It doesn't matter, you're gonna starve or something if you don't eat enough! You're eating all those gyouza dumplings, and half my sushi, whether you like it or not!"
He split his chopsticks. "Toshiya," I sighed, exhasperated. I'm not eating your ssh-mmph!" I was cut off by Toshiya's thumb pressing down on my mouth. I blushed slightly at the feeling of his warm flesh on my lip, gently pushing my lips apart so that he could stick one of his sushi in my mouth. He pressed upwards on my chin to close my jaw. "Now chew and swallow." I looked at him like a stubborn kid, but gave in, sighing as I ate roll. "There, happy?" He showed his teeth in an almost sarcastic smile. "Yes, very." We ate in silence for a short while, him giving me three other of his sushis pieces. "You don't have a lot left." I frowned. "It's fine, unlike you, I've eaten real food today." He grinned. "So... what kinda person is Kisaki-san? I haven't really talked to him at all." I grunted, finishing chewing the food in my mouth that the other was forcing me to eat. "Don't tell him I said this... But as a bassist, I think you come off as taking playing it more seriously." He looked me straight in the eyes. "Really?" he beamed. "Yeah... Just don't tell him. ...Hey, could I hear you play sometime? Did you bring your bass with you on your trip?" I asked him.
He nodded quickly, in a sort of bobbing motion. "Yeah, I bring that kinda stuff with me everywhere I go. You could come any time you want... Want me to give you my cousin's address?" he said, scratching his head bashfully. "Yeah, you got a pen and paper?" He looked through the paper clothes bag I had only now noticed, digging through it for something. He pulled out a rather large wallet, which had some money, ID cards, and old reciepts in it. He plucked out one of the reciepts and slid a miniture ink pen from it's place, placing both on the table. "Here, lemme just write the address on the back of this..." Small, scribbling noises were made as he jotted it down, folding it in half when he was finished and handing the tattered paper to me with a goofy smile. "Call first though... I put my cousin's phone number at the very bottom." I took it and shoved it into my pockets, which probably weren't as loose as his dark gray cargo pant's pockets. "Were you shopping or something?" I said, gesturing to the clothes bag. "Eh," he shrugged. "I looked around this area. All I found was a tank top... There aren't many good stores." A little light bulb appeared above my head. "Oh! Hey, you know where they sell cool clothes? This store on Yukie Street. Have you seen it? It's hard to miss."
"Yukie Street?" He knitted his eyebrows together, shaking his head. "If you're interested in looking for clothes, it's a really great place to look. I'll take you there if you want." He laughed. "Damn, at this rate you'll save me from everything my cousin had in store for me! Sure that sounds cool, as long as you don't mind me too much." I stared off thoughtfully out the window again. "No, you're probably one of the few people I like. You'd know otherwise." I could tell the gears in Toshiya's head were probably starting up, trying to decipher the undertone of that message, trying to solve the puzzle I was, solve me and figure me out. He was smart, I'm sure he picked up on the things I said when I was half-talking to him, half-thinking out loud. "You two ready?" The waitress asked, showing up out of no where. "Yeah, could I have a check please?" I asked when the question fully registered, moving my mind slowly from one place to another. "Seperate or together?" She chirped with a half-stressed smile. "Together." She walked off with a small bow, letting my attention go back to Toshiya. But when I turned my head back toward his face, he had an unsettled look upon his features.
He was staring really hard, forehead creased and eyes straining at something, but when he noticed me looking at him, he uneasily look up at me, pretending to have been in daze as he looked back at me. The resturaunt was beginning to fill with late night diners, so we were lucky to have been served before having to wait because of a crowding catostrophe. It helped that we were smack next to the kitchen, which our busy waitress ran out of for the hundreth time tonight. "Here you are sir, enjoy your evening!" I smiled an nodded, picking my wallet from my back pocket, when I noticed that the wristband I wore was slipping out of place, the deep cut I put on it not long ago poking out just a little, surrounding by smaller or healing cuts. I pulled it upon feeling the fuzzy yet slightly scratchy material catch on my scab, not causing me pain as much as it just made my wrist itch. I pulled the money from my wallet, ignored the annoying sensation, and put said money in the flap of the leather cover after signing the reciepts. "So do you wanna come over tomorrow?" Toshiya asked, clearing his throat. "Hm? Oh yeah, sure. I don't have anything to do this weekend. Until then, I gotta get home and check my messages, Kisaki might've called about our song. He does that a lot, especially when I'm out." I laughed lightly, "See you later." He got up at the same time as me, both of us stepping from out of our seats and sidling away from the booth. I walked ahead of him. "See you tomorrow then, Kyo."
~+~+~+~
Toshiya sounded really good, even when it was just him playing alone. Especially when it was him playing alone. His cousin went out somewhere unknown to Toshiya, so now we were just lying around on the sofa, talking about random stuff. "OK, OK, I got one!" He said. "So a guy go to Las Vegas, and after spending the whole day gambling, he feels like having sex for the full effect of his vacation. So he asks some guys if they know where to find good hookers, and all of them direct him to a shady looking brothel." "Uh huh?" I commented, listening to his joke. "So the guy follows their directions and he sees the hooker they're talking about, and the hooker is really hot. He asks her how much it'd be for a hand-job, and the hooker says '$500', which is like, 50000 yen. The guy flips and goes 'Five hundred dollars?!' And the hooker says 'See all this?' she said, pointing around. 'This is an entire brothel. I bought it with hand jobs.' So the guy, a bit skeptical but also convinced enough, gives her the money. And it's the best hand-job he's everrrr had. And the guy thinks 'Well, if she's THAT good with hand-jobs, she must give really good head!' Turns out blowjobs from the prostitue are $1500!" I slapped my forhead with the palm of my hand. "Dude hurry up!" I exclaimed. "Hold on, hold on, it has a good punch line! So the hooker goes 'See all that?' pointing outside the window at the street."
"'That's an entire street worth of casinos, brothels, bars and clubs. I bought all of it with blowjobs.' So the guy says 'Well alright.' and he forks over the money. And its THE best blowjob he's ever had, so he wonders 'How good would SEX be?!' So he asks the hooker 'Alright, I'm prepared to pay however much you ask, how much is pussy?' And the hooker blinks a couple times, leads him outside, and points in several different directions. 'You see all this? This is all of Las Vegas. And it would be mine if I had a pussy." I stared at him. "I don't get it." I said plainly. "The hooker was a dude, you nimrod!" "OHHHH!" I said before we started cracking up with Toshiya. "I can't believe you didn't get it at first!" He said, still laughing his strange, hiccup-like laugh. Could it really be compared to a hiccup? I don't know, maybe it's more like a gasp. "So what about you Kyo, ever give a dude head?" He joked. My eyes narrowed. "Hey, that's my business!" I said a little too quickly. Toshiya's jaw dropped. "Only if you have business!" He started laughing again. "Shut up..." I mumbled, glaring in random directions.
"You did, you did! Ohmygod, I wasn't being serious, but you did! Haha, not that I can talk!" My face went red and shot up at him. "Don't you think you should keep stuff like that private?!" I cried out, flustered. "Hey, I went through an experimental thing... besides, you shouldn't keep it a secret if you're good at it, and I'm really good!" I stared at him with wide eyes, bewildered. "Uh, and exactly how would you know that?!" Toshiya glanced around to make sure no one magically showed up out of no where. "Well, the guys I did it to said I was good." He smirked at me, obviously taking great amusement in my discomfort. "While they were fucking my mouth." I stared at him incredulously, probably giving him the reaction h was going for as he laughed his ass off. "So are you on bottom with guys?" He said, breathing heavily from laughing to hard. "No!..... I mean, I used to be, the first time I was with a guy all the way, bu-Oh my god, why am I telling you this?!" Toshiya broke out in another fit of laughter at my outburst. "If it'll make you feel any better, you can ask me questions!" He said almost too eagerly. I shook my head. "C'moooon, you know you wannaaa!" He whined. "Ugh, fine. I dunno... Are you gay then?" I asked at random. He shook his head.
"So you're bi." I guessed. He shook his head again. I stared at him blankly. "Okay how many guys have you blown off?" He scracthed his head. "Umm, well... four. And more than once." I sighed very deeply and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Okay... how can you possibely be straight then?" I asked. "I'm not." He said as if he were stating the obvious. I mean, it was obvious, but he said he wasn't... and then said he also wasn't.. and then-GAH! Never mind! "I don't try to lable any part of myself. That includes gender. I don't know if I really consider myself bisexual because I never had any feelings for the guys I was with, nothing that was real." I looked at him, sympathising with those same feelings. I was about to say something, but I stopped when I felt that same stare from Toshiya that I felt when we were at the resturaunt. Only his stare was more intense and worried now. I looked at him quizically, not that it mattered, he wasn't looking into my eyes, not even any where close to my face. I felt his eyes burning... I followed those eyes, down t where they were set... My wrist. I hadn't worn the band!
I slapped a hand over the sliced up flesh and looked away. "Why did you do it?" He said gently. I didn't answer. "I thought I saw something when we were there last night. But I wasn't sure. I didn't want to just assume something like that..." I shivered when I felt his cool hands on my maimed wrist, rubbing over the wounds there. "Quit it..." I said bitterly, grabbing it away and scratching at the scabs, exposing the dark red blood underneath. "Stop it! You're re-opening them..." He grabbed my wrist that I was scraping over, looking at the curdeled blood now caked under my finger tips. My breath hitched as he closed his mouth over the wounds, sucking gently as he ran his tongue over the cuts. I know he wasn't happy that I'd done that to myself, but he didn't react the same way other people that found out did. When someone else found out-against my will usually- they would always either express their digust and tell me the habit was disturbing and horrifying, or act like they were a trained phsycoligist, as though simply saying "That's wrong, don't do that to yourself, it doesnt make sense to hurt yourself more." would immediatly change me. But Toshiya didn't freak out or tell me something I'd heard a million times. He asked what was behind it... He didn't judge me or write me off...
He sat there, drinking me away, all in in taciturnity. I stood stiff. I hadn't known this man very long, and he was already seeing part of this side of me. "I can understand if you don't want to be friends with someone like me." I said quietly. Toshiya looked up at me, a stupified look on his face. "What kind of person do you think I am?! I'm not going to stop fucking being friends with you just because of this, if I stopped talking to every person that had a problem in thier life, I wouldn't be talking to anyone, and that would be selfish and sick!" He shrieked. I looked at him, into his hurt and angry eyes. "I'm sorry..." I said, not breaking eye contact yet also feeling shame bite into me. He took a deep breath and calmed down. "It's okay, just dont say stupid shit like that, okay?" He got up. "I'll be right back." A stared at my wrist, nervousness sinking into the pit of my stomach. He came back only seconds later, holding a pouch and a box of band-aids. He tore the pouch open, which contained a disinfectant towlet. I hissed quietly at the burning as he pressed it into my open cuts. "Does it hurt?" He asked, looking up at me. I shook my head. After a while he stopped pressing, then put a knee-bandaid on my wrist so that it would cover all my cuts and scratches.
"You're not gonna say anything?" I asked sarcastically. His face darkened. "What can I do? Nothing will stop you... at least nothing I say... I just wish I could." He said helplessly and somberly. I stared at him with sadness. He was right, I was incredibley stubborn, nothing he said would ever stop me from doing what I felt like doing. "Besides, it would only make me a hypocrite. Everyone has ways of dealing with certain things... Mine isn't the healthiest way either." He left the items on the coffee table before our knees, he would probably put them away after I left. I sunk further into the redish sofa. "Can you...pretend this never happened?" I asked meekly. He smiled a wan grin in my direction. "The most I can promise is that I'll leave it alone for now and ask you about it another day. If you ever want to make it easy and simply tell me what's wrong, then...." I shook my head. "It''s best if you just leave it alone. You don't need to know anything about it, it doesn't involve you..." I stared the other way, coldly. I could feel him frown. "Maybe I should go..." I said, getting up and grabbing my keys from the tray on the table. I walked to the door with my gaze on my feet, making my way across the wooden floor that was scraped up in some areas.
"...And thanks. This isn't the first time you've helped me, you know." I said at the door, making the black-haired man look up toward my form. His lips twitched into a smile that still held worry, but also a little bit of gratefullness and satisfaction. "Hey, can I call you Totchi?" I asked, not wanting to leave him suffering in a room filled with too much sourness left behind. He giggled a little, making the knot in my stomach untie itself, and the ice from my insides melt away. "Yeah, sure..." He hid the concern he still had, for my sake. "I'll see you soon, Kyo..." I nodded and left. The next day, I had work with everyone else, hitting me hard like a brick wall. It was better today, but I was still a little in the dark. Shit, I guess the only way I'm ever gonna get out of this is to date other girls, huh? I thought to myself as I walked right foot first into the half-lit studio. Everyone exhanged greetings, and from there, the day went by like it usually did, the same daily schedule. We played for a while, Kaoru and Kisaki bickered like a married couple over what should go where in the song for a little while before finally coming to a compromise while I began thinking about what sort of words should be going with the music, break came and I went to the music store after grabbing a donut from the cafe next door, and after that, it was mostly just business talk until finally, everyone went home.
Wednesday came, and two good things happened. One, the compisition for the song was completely finished. Two, Toshiya called the studio after having apparently calling my house phone, asking me to go shopping with him. And since these things just so happened to be on the same day, Kisaki decided it was probably best for me to get out so that I'd be able to think clearly anyway, plus we'd gotten a lot of important stuff finished with anyway, so.... FREEDOM! "What is it?" Toshiya asked upon seeing my very-ecstatic yet also fairly bugged-eyed face. I blinked a couple times and shook my head from side to side quickly, suddenly aware that we were both outside, in front of Toshiya's car. "Nothing... uh, just...happy. Why'd you call? You knew we'd be working." I asked, stepping in as I saw him get into the driver's seat. "I told you, my cousin has all this crazy shit planned! Kyo, she wanted me to go to a boutique with her and all her bitchy, stuck up friends!" I looked at him for a while. "So... you told her you already planned something with me, hoped to god I'd be able to leave work, and called the phone, that everyone in my band forgot even existed? You're lucky things played out." I chuckled. "Basically," Toshiya laughed out. "So where do I go?" I narrowed my eyes at the road, looking through the wind sheild. "Actually, you can get there by taking a turn up here. Keep straight for a while and turn when you see the tacky pink store building up the road."
After about five minutes of driving, we got there. "Here?" He checked with me. "Yup, just park on the side. Thanks for getting me out of there. I felt like I was suffocating my brain." I sighed. The worried look Toshiya held for but a short moment didn't go unnoticed. I kind of wished he didn't care. He blinked hard, and then I noticed a pained expression that crossed his features as a tear rolled down the left side of his face. "Toshiya?" I asked softly. "Toshiya what's wrong?" He held his head down as he rubbed at his left eye, almost as if he was digging inside of it. "Toshiya." I demanded, holding his free wrist. I was starting to panick. "Ah, there it is." He said, no trace of sadness in his voice. I raised an eyebrow as he pulled away, something about the size of a dime on his index finger's tip. Wait, he wasn't crying... "Sorry about that." He said, looking up while blinking his left eye uncomfortabley. "My contact lense folded. It kinda hurt, so I had to take it out. It's fine now though." He put the clear, moist lense back in, rolled his eye around, and blinked when it was normal again. I sighed in relief. "C'mon, let's go." I called, walking into the store. A gust of welcoming air-conditioning hit our faces as we entered, the smell of new cotton, plastic, and other materials permeating the air. "Oh hey, that's cool..." I said dreamily, looking at a pair of black pants with zippers running up the legs.
Toshiya tilted his head from side to side as though he were trying to get a kink out of his neck, wrapping his head around the place we were in. He usually wore stuff like what he was wearing now: Worn denim jeans with holes over the knees, a black and white wife-beater, and a long, black cotton vest/jacket thingy that was just a little too big for the guy, yet seemed to work well with him. "I like the stuff in here, I don't know if it's really me though." He said. My thoughts exactly. Hm... Maybe I shouldn't have brought him here. "But hey, can't hurt to try new stuff. What do you think I should try on?" He asked, happy as always. "I dunno. Something short?" I joked. I felt a light slap to the back of the head. "Ow... That hurt." Toshiya stuck his tongue out at me, smiling. "Actually, all lechery aside, you have really nice legs, so maybe shorts would look good. And then you could wear knee-high platforms with it and a trench coat." Toshiya looked around briefly. "Oh, something like this?" He said, holding up a pair of black shorts that had a cross chain on them. "Yeah, like those. Annnnd..." I scuffled over to the shoe area, quickly pulling out a pair of boots. "These." Toshiya made a slight giggle-snort noise. "Those are a little gaudy."
I handed the boots to him. "Yeah, I don't get them with all the buckles and shit either, I usually just where plain black clothing. They look cool when you put them on though. Huh, we're basically playing dress-up. Well, at least you are." He grinned, looking for the boots in his large shoe size. "I don't mind, I've kinda been used to it my whole life." I arched an eyebrow. "Huh?" Toshiya shook his head. "All my friends growing up were girls. There weren't any guys on my block and I could relate to them anyway, so..." I laughed, causing him to roll his eyes. "No, no, I'm not laughing bacause you hung out with girls, I'm laughing because I did too. I didn't like hanging out with guys when I was a kid." Toshiya followed me as I lead him over to the shirts section after he found his boots. "Oh really? Why?" "Didn't have anything in common with guys. I used to wonder if that meant I was fruity, so it wasn't a suprise when I found out I was at least half fruity." Toshiya snorted back a laugh. I slipped past the shirt aisle, over to where there was a rack of jackets and coats on sale. I found a long trench coat, but it was a little more frilly than what I had in mind. Oh well. "Here try these on." I said, holding out the coat. He nodded and, after stumbling on a disgarded shirt someone hadn't bothered to put back on the rack, found his way toward the dressing room.
A few minutes later, I could hear his voice calling out my name. "Kyo... Kyooo!" Putting down the shirt in my hands, I went over to the dressing stall I could hear him calling from. He opened the door, and I stared at his long legs, which were exposed from thigh to ankle. The shorts didn't cover much at all. "Hey, that coat looks better than I thought it would." I said, dismissing my other thoughts. But I had to get a jab in... It couldn't be helped. "Daddy Long Legs...." He thwacked my head with a clothes hanger, flustered. "Shut up!" I rubbed my head. "Can I call you Spider-chan?" I said under my breath. "Fine, I'll just zip up the boots myself, you perv!" Oh yeah. His boots weren't done up yet. "Alright, alright. No more sexy-leg jokes." I said, still tending to the small bumb on my head. Toshiya pointed to the boots, like a spoiled child, expectantly. He pulled back reflexively when I gripped his thigh to pull up the zipper on the right boot, then the left. "Thanks!" He beamed, bending his knees, "I wonder how people move in these." They were hard to move in because of the stiff material. They make moving around really hard because they were so tight and constricting, just as Toshiya said. "You have to break them in. Wear em' out a bit." I pointed out to the struggling bassist.
"I actually kinda like the way this looks. Maybe I should get the rest of my band to be visual!" He smiled brightly. "Yeah, well, good luck with that." Toshiya looked at me as though I were distant, far away from him. "You okay?" I asked him. "Oh yeah. Hey, you'll call and stuff, right?" "What?" "Saturday is my last day here. Remember?" Oh yeah. I'd nearly forgotten, Toshiya would be leaving. To be honest, I didn't want him to go. I didn't know him that well... But there was clearly a connection between us. He had made me feel better, saved me in the midst of this great big mess. In his own way. I'd still see him though, right? It's not like I'd never see him again. Telling myself that cheered me up just a little. "Yeah, of course I will. You're my friend." Toshiya glowed warmly at the mention of the last word. "Now I just need to get these fuckers off." He growled, clawing at the zipper of the boots. I laughed at his futile attempts to undo them for a while, watching in entertaiment, but decided to help him rid his feet of the leather monstrousities. We didn't stay much longer after that, and he dropped me off at my house when it started to get dark out. Saturday came, and I went to say goodbye along with Kaoru and Die before he left on his train ride back to Nagano. I went back home, alone, with nothing but memories. I sighed in defeat at the thoughts I still couldn't push away. Definately time to start seeing other people. The phone rang at that moment.
"Hello?" I knew who that was..."Aramaki?" I sighed more then I asked. "Hey, are you free tonight? We should go to a club or something, I'm bored! And lonely!" Whine, whine, whine. "Then get a girlfriend." I groaned in repsonse. "As if you can talk!" Ugh... Aramaki of all people is right. What is this world becoming? "...Whatever, Fine. I'll go."