Now that it's gone...
Hey, it's always been a while, coming back here. I always tell myself I want to journal more, but I think to myself there's really nothing that pressing in my life anymore and I don't get that urge to write any more. I used to sorta write to cope with being socially anxious and now I'm just...well, not really over it, but always focusing on other problems. There should always be time to write? Does anyone else agree? He he. I want to love writing again, which is a big deal, but is it something you should just let go or something you should fight for?
What is worth fighting for? I think that's a good general topic. I'm always listening to this Cheryl Cole song "Fight For This Love" and I think I always take that to heart, but I think it only applies to people who are in love to begin with. I can honestly say I've never been in love before which is sad. I always feel like my biological clock is ticking. I need to focus on something else, I think. I'm trying to sort of cope with the idea that love just might not be for everyone and I'm sort of just thinking that I need to piece together the shreds of dignity that I have left and just keep it moving. I'm always trying to make things happen for me and I think I'm retired from dating losers and just forget it. I can't say I've had my heart broken, not that, not yet. It's like I said before you'd have to have experienced love, but I feel like there can be something more than heartbreak. Some people can make you feel like you're pretty worthless and and you just take it because I think sometimes, "alright, if I hang in there it'll work out" and it never does and I seem to never learn my lesson.
I feel like I should always keep my eyes open for that special someone. I think basically I spent like 2.5 years looking...viciously searching for someone I can say who gets me and I can say has my back.
I'm seriously feeling that quarter life crisis thingy. Lol. The midlife crisis is such a sham. It's like, big deal, you have a job and family who loves you, you just wish you were younger. I'm playing my violin over here, lol. What about the quarter life crisis where you have no clue what you're going to do with your life and you went to college and spent all that money and everyone around you seems to be going great places and doing great things and you feel stuck. People out there have the whole package you feel and all you have is your jealousy, lol. It's pretty sad to me, but I don't know, you keep moving the best you can.
I feel like a broken record on here sometimes, lol. But this is how I typically feel. Lol. I'm broke, single, 25, living at home and I dunno. I try to be happy. I think I typically am, but I think to myself there has to be more out there. Then I think to myself is any of that stuff really important? In terms of a career it's like, hey what is that anyway? A career shouldn't define you, I feel and yet it's like the only thing people care about upon first meeting you. How old are you? What's your name? What do you do for a living?! Not a good conversation starter at all! In fact it's almost downright rude! Lol. But it's whatever!
Ummm, I feel like for a while I needed a mental break and I feel like I'm ready to just work on me for a while. For like two years I was just listening to great music, going out to night clubs and just chilling. Having fun summers, but I think I want to try to fill my days again. My overnights are going to start in April hopefully, just for two months and I hope to do some soul searching in that time. I hope it's going to be like a semi vacation. I want to go the beach during the days and just do something with my evenings before hand and I'll have those weekends for me and to do whatever I like.
Speaking of weekends off, I have the next two off, but during the week I'm closing all the time which makes me sad, I think. lol. I'm so broke! I was going to celebrate St. Patricks day by going to the bar, but I think I'm not. I'm just so broke and I don't get paid until the next day, lol. It really sucks. I owe so much money as well that it really sucks. Ummm, some douche I leant 50 bux to owes me and I'm upset about that. Sigh. I'm never lending money ever again. If I had the money now I could buy that new Avril Lavigne CD and that new Miranda Cosgrove, but I don't have it. Sigh. I have like 5 bux in my account and sorta ran up like at least 30 on my credit card. Sigh. It really sucks. I wanted to have dinner with Barakah the other night and I couldn't because I'm broke. Sigh. Shiver and I feel like my new paycheck wont even be what I want it to be because I'm getting like no hours. Sigh. I've been just staying home a lot because I'm broke, but I'd rather be running the streets, going to diners, renting movies, just being silly, but whatever.
My single life as of late consists of watching boxsets, typically Roswell. Roswell is something that I just forgot about and boy is it great, very inspiring, sure it's about Alien hybrids in high school, but it's sort of like this living angsty teen-superhero comic book. It's an intergalactic love story at it's root and I really appreciate that. I think the show sort of paints a realistic look at love for those who are lucky enough to experience it and it's in it's many forms on this show because there are a lot of pairs. He he. I love it.
I'm going to really try being single for a while. I should be thankful. I just got over this Lyme Disease pretty unscathed and I am thankful. I prayed every night to be okay and that it wasn't something more serious. I told God I would be a different person, a better person and sorta throw than in his face. Sigh. I need to get it together. I don't think I'm a bad person in general, I try to be righteous...I try to walk that road no matter how lonely it seems.
Lets finish with something light. New Music I want this month:
Yelle: Safari Disco Club - It's like all I can think about. So ready to kick off the spring with this hot French CD!!!! Something so sexy about Yelle and her beats and vocals just make me feel like I'm in this magical fantasy world.
Britney Spears: Femme Fatale - I'm just amped for that all around pop CD. Maybe I'll be going to the clubs more. I'm in dire need of straight forward pop CD though. For real
Miranda Cosgrove: High Maintenance EP - Her first album was hot and this single "Dancing Crazy" is a problem. Love it. Always singing it. I'm trying to get inspired buy "love" from a young person's perspective. lol.
Avril Lavigne: Goodbye Lullabye - I've been hearing it's an album of ballads, but I heard the clips and they sound good though so I'm taking it back to high school. I still love Avril! She's amazing to me.
Sky Ferreira: As If EP - I've been waiting for her actual album. She's dropping an EP since her album is delayed. None of the singles will be on the EP so hopefully they will be on an album in the future, but her new single from this is a song called "Sex Rules" that it pretty slinky. He he. A plus is she's recently befriended one of my face singers, Cassie. Sweet! I've heard they may try to make a song together.
That's all. Later. I hope everyone out there is good.
What is worth fighting for? I think that's a good general topic. I'm always listening to this Cheryl Cole song "Fight For This Love" and I think I always take that to heart, but I think it only applies to people who are in love to begin with. I can honestly say I've never been in love before which is sad. I always feel like my biological clock is ticking. I need to focus on something else, I think. I'm trying to sort of cope with the idea that love just might not be for everyone and I'm sort of just thinking that I need to piece together the shreds of dignity that I have left and just keep it moving. I'm always trying to make things happen for me and I think I'm retired from dating losers and just forget it. I can't say I've had my heart broken, not that, not yet. It's like I said before you'd have to have experienced love, but I feel like there can be something more than heartbreak. Some people can make you feel like you're pretty worthless and and you just take it because I think sometimes, "alright, if I hang in there it'll work out" and it never does and I seem to never learn my lesson.
I feel like I should always keep my eyes open for that special someone. I think basically I spent like 2.5 years looking...viciously searching for someone I can say who gets me and I can say has my back.
I'm seriously feeling that quarter life crisis thingy. Lol. The midlife crisis is such a sham. It's like, big deal, you have a job and family who loves you, you just wish you were younger. I'm playing my violin over here, lol. What about the quarter life crisis where you have no clue what you're going to do with your life and you went to college and spent all that money and everyone around you seems to be going great places and doing great things and you feel stuck. People out there have the whole package you feel and all you have is your jealousy, lol. It's pretty sad to me, but I don't know, you keep moving the best you can.
I feel like a broken record on here sometimes, lol. But this is how I typically feel. Lol. I'm broke, single, 25, living at home and I dunno. I try to be happy. I think I typically am, but I think to myself there has to be more out there. Then I think to myself is any of that stuff really important? In terms of a career it's like, hey what is that anyway? A career shouldn't define you, I feel and yet it's like the only thing people care about upon first meeting you. How old are you? What's your name? What do you do for a living?! Not a good conversation starter at all! In fact it's almost downright rude! Lol. But it's whatever!
Ummm, I feel like for a while I needed a mental break and I feel like I'm ready to just work on me for a while. For like two years I was just listening to great music, going out to night clubs and just chilling. Having fun summers, but I think I want to try to fill my days again. My overnights are going to start in April hopefully, just for two months and I hope to do some soul searching in that time. I hope it's going to be like a semi vacation. I want to go the beach during the days and just do something with my evenings before hand and I'll have those weekends for me and to do whatever I like.
Speaking of weekends off, I have the next two off, but during the week I'm closing all the time which makes me sad, I think. lol. I'm so broke! I was going to celebrate St. Patricks day by going to the bar, but I think I'm not. I'm just so broke and I don't get paid until the next day, lol. It really sucks. I owe so much money as well that it really sucks. Ummm, some douche I leant 50 bux to owes me and I'm upset about that. Sigh. I'm never lending money ever again. If I had the money now I could buy that new Avril Lavigne CD and that new Miranda Cosgrove, but I don't have it. Sigh. I have like 5 bux in my account and sorta ran up like at least 30 on my credit card. Sigh. It really sucks. I wanted to have dinner with Barakah the other night and I couldn't because I'm broke. Sigh. Shiver and I feel like my new paycheck wont even be what I want it to be because I'm getting like no hours. Sigh. I've been just staying home a lot because I'm broke, but I'd rather be running the streets, going to diners, renting movies, just being silly, but whatever.
My single life as of late consists of watching boxsets, typically Roswell. Roswell is something that I just forgot about and boy is it great, very inspiring, sure it's about Alien hybrids in high school, but it's sort of like this living angsty teen-superhero comic book. It's an intergalactic love story at it's root and I really appreciate that. I think the show sort of paints a realistic look at love for those who are lucky enough to experience it and it's in it's many forms on this show because there are a lot of pairs. He he. I love it.
I'm going to really try being single for a while. I should be thankful. I just got over this Lyme Disease pretty unscathed and I am thankful. I prayed every night to be okay and that it wasn't something more serious. I told God I would be a different person, a better person and sorta throw than in his face. Sigh. I need to get it together. I don't think I'm a bad person in general, I try to be righteous...I try to walk that road no matter how lonely it seems.
Lets finish with something light. New Music I want this month:
Yelle: Safari Disco Club - It's like all I can think about. So ready to kick off the spring with this hot French CD!!!! Something so sexy about Yelle and her beats and vocals just make me feel like I'm in this magical fantasy world.
Britney Spears: Femme Fatale - I'm just amped for that all around pop CD. Maybe I'll be going to the clubs more. I'm in dire need of straight forward pop CD though. For real
Miranda Cosgrove: High Maintenance EP - Her first album was hot and this single "Dancing Crazy" is a problem. Love it. Always singing it. I'm trying to get inspired buy "love" from a young person's perspective. lol.
Avril Lavigne: Goodbye Lullabye - I've been hearing it's an album of ballads, but I heard the clips and they sound good though so I'm taking it back to high school. I still love Avril! She's amazing to me.
Sky Ferreira: As If EP - I've been waiting for her actual album. She's dropping an EP since her album is delayed. None of the singles will be on the EP so hopefully they will be on an album in the future, but her new single from this is a song called "Sex Rules" that it pretty slinky. He he. A plus is she's recently befriended one of my face singers, Cassie. Sweet! I've heard they may try to make a song together.
That's all. Later. I hope everyone out there is good.