What to Be Thankful For?
Today, I pulled out the fake Christmas tree to put up in my apartment for the first time ever. Joe Jo and I were always too lazy to bother with it, so it sat in storage throughout the holidays. I don’t know what spirited me to put it up this year. It’s a lengthy tedious task to fluff the plastic and metal to make the tree resemble anything remotely close to something real, then laboriously hanging the lights, beads and ornaments. However, it gave me ample time to think about what this last year has been to me and what I am thankful for.
This year has been one of the hardest and trying years I’ve ever endured. I’ve lost two of the closest friends I’ve ever had, a couple acquaintances, and the father of life long family friends. While pulling out the Christmas decorations I found a present my niece made a year or two ago. Two snowmen with googly eyes and on the bag they came in it said “Uncle Kyle and Joe”. My gut wrenched and it took awhile to pull myself back together. I think about him every day, but it is things like this that punch me when I’m not ready.
There have also been radical changes at work adding abundant amounts of stress and exhaustion. With three companies merging and people laid off or leaving for new opportunities, more and more duties are being added on top of an already full time job. It is also likely that within the next year my job will no longer exist.
Needless to say, the year hasn’t been easy. Each day has its moments of uncontrollable mental and emotional chaos I’ve never had to deal with before. What is there to be thankful for, really?
At the same time, this year has been one of immense joy. Joe’s passing and three large collaborative events; Vantage, Critical Massive and Burning Man, have brought me closer to Joe’s family, old friends, and lots of new friends. All of great character who have surrounded me with laughter and support during the hardest of hard times. Nobody can replace the loved ones I’ve lost, but I’m happy to make room to let all these people in to my heart. Each time I’m with them they add another layer to my appreciation that they are part of my life. They make each day worth waking up to and make me want to be a better person inside and out.
It’s my friends that I’m thankful for.