I just did some bee research or beesearch for short.
Mad propositions and kudos snack, candy bars go out to my main dudes, the flower power nectar collectors and the prince and princesses of pollination. I am of course talking about bees; bees of the bumble variety to be specific. I prefer to call them the fuzzy bees or the teddy bears of the bee kingdom. Don't argue with me and say that bees are not a kingdom because they have Queens and I'll be damned if that doesn't sound like a monarchy to me.
Now I should let you in on the particulars of the Bombus aka: the genius genus.
Bumble Bees are Freaking Huge: If I were to make an animated movie where insects ride other insects around as if they were slaves I would make the bumble bee the equivalent to a bus, trolley, or other large public transportation vehicle. If the bee were actually a character in the story it would a cab driver. It would probably have a squinty left eye and wear some sort of hat like Andy Capp does. He would speak in an extravagantly harsh Bronx accent and always talk about the good ole days when you could buy a loaf of pumpernickel bread for a pumpkin or a nickel and all the kids took cold showers before they went to their job at the mill.
Bumble Bees are the Only Bees that Wear Fur Coats for Function Not Fashion, but Fashion too a Little Bit Because They Look Danged Good in it: Their hairy exteriors let them be able to start colonies in more northern climates. It is said that they have these coats because they really enjoy skiing and other winter related sports that include but are not limited too; intertubing, snowboarding, building snowmen, bobsledding, the loge, and alpine sliding. Some people may try to lie to you and say the queen of the colony actually hibernates in the winter before she goes off and starts a new home in the summer, but that is just propaganda trying to make it seem like bees are all work and no play.
Charlie Brown is Out to Ruin the Reputation of the Bees: That pudgy whinesalot is making a bad name for all that is striped black and yellow. His inability to kick a football and stave off the advances of the strangely masculine woman named Patty by no means reflect the strength of character that is Apidae family. It should also be noted that bees in no way support thumb sucking and security blanket holdingonnings because that is a sign of undeniable weakness.
Bumble Bees are Minimalists: When making honey bumble bees only make enough to sustain themselves for the period they will be occupying their well combed home. Honey bees are honey crazy with them pushing the limits of their frail collective in order to maximize profits through the packaging and bottling of honey for sale to the public. The peaceful, communistic, ground dwelling bee that is our friend Bumbles wishes to fight the capitalistic dogbee that is their honey crazed relative but finds himself far too pacifistic for such primitive combat. They prefer to lead by example, not an iron fist.
Cuckoo Bumble Bees are Straight up Parasitically Insane and Abuse Bee Welfare: These type of bees dress up like Jack Nicholson and pretend to sell magazine subscriptions door to door, and when the normal bumblebees open up they get stabbed in the neck and then the intruders kill their queen. Then they sit a NEW queen on her throne and demand all worship her and her new kids that she conveniently was pregnant with. So her and her younglings get a free ride thanks to hostile take over. They always are like "WE LACK POLLEN SACKS, WAHHH WAHHH WAHH. WE CAN'T MAKE FOOD. GIVE ME FREE STUFF."
I'll be honest this guide was written because I fear bumble bees much like a fear God. Not because they are mighty terrible, but because of their terrible might.
Happy July of the Fourth to your friends, family, and family friends. Practice safe firework technique by keeping sparks away from your face and not holding onto a quarter sick of dynamite while the fuse is lit. If you think fireworks are too big a responsibility for you please give them to drunken uncle for safe keeping to keep you safe.
Kyle Lee Hufnagel
"Fairy Tails must be really long to fit all those stories on them."