(no subject)
Yesterday I sat next to my frail, 65 pound grandmother in the hospital.
I cut her nails, rubbed her feet, brushed her hair, and forced her to eat as she lied there asking me when she could go home, which was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to answer in my life. She looked up at me and said, in a weak little voice: "They've told me every day that I'm going home, WHEN can I go home?" I just wrapped my arms around her tiny frame and told her I hoped it would be soon. Seriously, it fucking killed me. She's very confused right now, they haven't told her she could go home yet, but for some reason she seems to think that they have, and she's very upset about it. She is not terminally ill, and she will be leaving the hospital soon, but she is most definately fading, quickly. She doesn't want to eat, or drink anything, she is losing control of her balance, falling all over the place, and forgetting a lot. When she does eventually come out of the hospital she's going to need special care, which in her case I know will make her fade a lot sooner. This all happened so fast!
With one look I could see that she was embarassed, scared, gratefull, and confused but most of all she happy that I was there to be with her. How can something that breaks your heart be so beautiful? I was so confused, but I knew that I was in the right place, and that's all that matters.
A little piece of me died yesterday, that I will never get back, but I also grew in a way that felt incredible...I can't explain it. I just wish that I could be there every moment of every day, because I don't want to miss a thing.
I cut her nails, rubbed her feet, brushed her hair, and forced her to eat as she lied there asking me when she could go home, which was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to answer in my life. She looked up at me and said, in a weak little voice: "They've told me every day that I'm going home, WHEN can I go home?" I just wrapped my arms around her tiny frame and told her I hoped it would be soon. Seriously, it fucking killed me. She's very confused right now, they haven't told her she could go home yet, but for some reason she seems to think that they have, and she's very upset about it. She is not terminally ill, and she will be leaving the hospital soon, but she is most definately fading, quickly. She doesn't want to eat, or drink anything, she is losing control of her balance, falling all over the place, and forgetting a lot. When she does eventually come out of the hospital she's going to need special care, which in her case I know will make her fade a lot sooner. This all happened so fast!
With one look I could see that she was embarassed, scared, gratefull, and confused but most of all she happy that I was there to be with her. How can something that breaks your heart be so beautiful? I was so confused, but I knew that I was in the right place, and that's all that matters.
A little piece of me died yesterday, that I will never get back, but I also grew in a way that felt incredible...I can't explain it. I just wish that I could be there every moment of every day, because I don't want to miss a thing.