Oh yes, I did.
Um. Please don't fire me? If you try I shall claim that this was a resignation letter fo' real and I just didn't know how to say it correctly.
Dear Dr. [Principal Investigator]:
I thought about this afternoon’s brief conversation during my entire ride home. I tried to incorporate my perception of your point of view and that of OHSU’s, but I still think I have a valid point.
When I accepted this position, my contract stated that I would have the privilege of being on salary and that I was to work forty hours per week, approximately nine a.m. to five-thirty p.m., with an extra half hour for lunch included in that time. At my interview for the position, you mentioned that the hours were flexible and that sometimes lab members "didn’t come in until ten or even eleven," which was why I did not meet everyone that morning in August. I have only come in that late a couple of times, once when I was ill [actually just wack tired] enough that I probably ought not to have come at all. I have, however, otherwise enjoyed the freedom that these flexible hours provide.
As you know, I prefer not to ride on crowded streets or unlit corridors in the dark [mostly so I don't DIE]. As a result, I worked many extra hours in the fall, then shorter days during the winter. Even once that evened out, I continued to chart my hours carefully to ensure that I spent enough time working in the lab. Some days I arrive as early as seven a.m., others, like today, I might leave around three-thirty p.m. On many days, I do work approximately nine a.m. to five-thirty p.m. There is at least one day every week on which I work into the evening, sometimes only until six-thirty p.m., but more often until eight, nine, or even ten p.m., purely so that I can finish an experiment properly. No matter what, I am careful to work at least forty hours in a week, though it is very often more.
As I stated this afternoon, I have been more careful as of late not to work as much as I did right before I got sick last month [actually sick! first time in years! just lost my voice and felt lethargic, but still]. I checked the weeks leading up to those sick days I took: I was working forty-eight and fifty hours per week. While this often means that I can perform more experiments in a week, and I am willing to do it now and again, it is not fair to me to expect it regularly. My salary is based on my working an average of forty hours per week. If I work less than that, I am cheating myself, you, the lab, OHSU, and those giving us grants. On the other hand, if I work a lot more than that, I am cheating only myself. I lose sleep and potentially health, and the value of my time in the lab decreases. Being on salary means that I receive no compensation for "overtime," but I am of course willing to work extra hours, to a point, to ensure that I complete my work. Nonetheless, I find it unacceptable to regularly squeeze six days of work into five, and then sometimes come in on the weekends in addition. (As a side note, since I know you are already aware of this, I own no car and live [more than ten miles away, on the other side of a whole suburban area]. Combining travel, changing clothes, and warming up/cooling off/stretching/drying out, I easily add two-and-a-half to three hours of commute time to each workday, depending on the season. In the average workday, at least eleven hours of my time go toward work-related items.)
Frankly, I find it ridiculous when you check your watch when I leave at the end of the day, and at this point in the year, it has also become insulting. The time I leave is irrelevant as long as I work enough, work hard, and get things done. If you think I am not accomplishing one of these goals, please let me know. Checking your watch says to me that you do not trust me. It says I should be working at the exact same time you are working, and if I am not, I should feel guilty. It says that even if I came in two hours early that morning and conducted multiple experiments, I should stay until you go home. I do not see the point in my feeling this way, so if you mean something else by it I would like to hear what that is.
Of course, this is not only about time and money. I accepted this job over others with higher compensation and/or closer locations because I thought I would enjoy the work, learn new procedures, and be able to contribute to the field. The first two have certainly occurred and continue to this day, and I remain hopeful that I will be able to help with one of your next publications. However, if we cannot come to an understanding about the degree of flexibility of my hours and resolve our communication problems, I will resign later this summer and either look for another position or accept a spot in one of the non-medical school academic tracks to which I applied. (Of course, this might happen anyway if you head off to TAMU or I receive an acceptance to medical school.) I enjoy my time in the lab, the company of the other lab members, and the exciting results of my Cryptococcus uORF project, but I simply cannot stand feeling confused, distrusted, or guilty about the hours I work any longer.
Sincerely,
[me]
[P.S. You are a melodramatic and passive-aggressive bastard, and I think you would be happier if you spent less time worrying about my hours and the cost of assay reagents and more time doing what you love, whether that's competing in dog shows or actually doing work at the lab bench. Oh, and also I totally see you playing around on YouTube or looking at photos when I come by to ask a question, and you were definitely napping last time I knocked on your door, so don't try to tell me I'm not working enough.]
I really hope he already sent that recommendation letter. I also really wish it was more appropriate to tell your supervisor off like this. I'm kind of a jerk these days, I guess, but I still say I have a point, even if I didn't make my case very well or politely.
We had hooding today. Cheng looked nice in his robes, and you could tell he was quite excited to be graduating and proud of both himself and his girlfriend/wife/I-don't-know-and-should-have-asked-a-long-time-ago for finishing their doctorates. We also had cake and coffee today, not to mention the whole Dean's luncheon. If I tell them my birthday's in a week, we'll get still more cake. Meray gave me a hug this morning and told me about her education in Turkey. She and Seth and I had a good chortle over Seth's coming in late enough to miss the hooding ceremony even though his name was in the program (he finished his masters last summer and walked last spring despite not being in the program) but right on time for the luncheon. I really do like my labmates.
Sometimes I feel like an utter moron when my experiments don't work. I know that's just how science is, but I still feel as though I could have done something better to set myself up for a better outcome. I suppose a lot of this also comes from my P.I.'s (unrealistic) expectation that almost everything will work. My last P.I. had a great outlook about this. Though she felt scary when I was first getting to know her, I realized that she was truly only trying to help think of ways to make it work next time, not blame you for any failures or time/reagents wasted. As long as you tried hard and put in enough time, you got a second or even a third chance to make it work. And you know, it did tend to work one of the next times, and I didn't feel bad about it after a while, only excited to see good results. I considered myself lucky to get things to work. Under my current P.I., I feel like a failure half the time. I suppose some people just aren't meant to control whole labs, no matter how good they are at research and how much grant money they can pull in. Same as managers/supervisors/etc. in all other disciplines. Some people just aren't good leaders. Too late about that letter, though. And anyway, even if it's not his fault he's a sucky P.I., I think I deserve trust and respect. I do work hard, even if it doesn't all come out right the first time.
Dear Dr. [Principal Investigator]:
I thought about this afternoon’s brief conversation during my entire ride home. I tried to incorporate my perception of your point of view and that of OHSU’s, but I still think I have a valid point.
When I accepted this position, my contract stated that I would have the privilege of being on salary and that I was to work forty hours per week, approximately nine a.m. to five-thirty p.m., with an extra half hour for lunch included in that time. At my interview for the position, you mentioned that the hours were flexible and that sometimes lab members "didn’t come in until ten or even eleven," which was why I did not meet everyone that morning in August. I have only come in that late a couple of times, once when I was ill [actually just wack tired] enough that I probably ought not to have come at all. I have, however, otherwise enjoyed the freedom that these flexible hours provide.
As you know, I prefer not to ride on crowded streets or unlit corridors in the dark [mostly so I don't DIE]. As a result, I worked many extra hours in the fall, then shorter days during the winter. Even once that evened out, I continued to chart my hours carefully to ensure that I spent enough time working in the lab. Some days I arrive as early as seven a.m., others, like today, I might leave around three-thirty p.m. On many days, I do work approximately nine a.m. to five-thirty p.m. There is at least one day every week on which I work into the evening, sometimes only until six-thirty p.m., but more often until eight, nine, or even ten p.m., purely so that I can finish an experiment properly. No matter what, I am careful to work at least forty hours in a week, though it is very often more.
As I stated this afternoon, I have been more careful as of late not to work as much as I did right before I got sick last month [actually sick! first time in years! just lost my voice and felt lethargic, but still]. I checked the weeks leading up to those sick days I took: I was working forty-eight and fifty hours per week. While this often means that I can perform more experiments in a week, and I am willing to do it now and again, it is not fair to me to expect it regularly. My salary is based on my working an average of forty hours per week. If I work less than that, I am cheating myself, you, the lab, OHSU, and those giving us grants. On the other hand, if I work a lot more than that, I am cheating only myself. I lose sleep and potentially health, and the value of my time in the lab decreases. Being on salary means that I receive no compensation for "overtime," but I am of course willing to work extra hours, to a point, to ensure that I complete my work. Nonetheless, I find it unacceptable to regularly squeeze six days of work into five, and then sometimes come in on the weekends in addition. (As a side note, since I know you are already aware of this, I own no car and live [more than ten miles away, on the other side of a whole suburban area]. Combining travel, changing clothes, and warming up/cooling off/stretching/drying out, I easily add two-and-a-half to three hours of commute time to each workday, depending on the season. In the average workday, at least eleven hours of my time go toward work-related items.)
Frankly, I find it ridiculous when you check your watch when I leave at the end of the day, and at this point in the year, it has also become insulting. The time I leave is irrelevant as long as I work enough, work hard, and get things done. If you think I am not accomplishing one of these goals, please let me know. Checking your watch says to me that you do not trust me. It says I should be working at the exact same time you are working, and if I am not, I should feel guilty. It says that even if I came in two hours early that morning and conducted multiple experiments, I should stay until you go home. I do not see the point in my feeling this way, so if you mean something else by it I would like to hear what that is.
Of course, this is not only about time and money. I accepted this job over others with higher compensation and/or closer locations because I thought I would enjoy the work, learn new procedures, and be able to contribute to the field. The first two have certainly occurred and continue to this day, and I remain hopeful that I will be able to help with one of your next publications. However, if we cannot come to an understanding about the degree of flexibility of my hours and resolve our communication problems, I will resign later this summer and either look for another position or accept a spot in one of the non-medical school academic tracks to which I applied. (Of course, this might happen anyway if you head off to TAMU or I receive an acceptance to medical school.) I enjoy my time in the lab, the company of the other lab members, and the exciting results of my Cryptococcus uORF project, but I simply cannot stand feeling confused, distrusted, or guilty about the hours I work any longer.
Sincerely,
[me]
[P.S. You are a melodramatic and passive-aggressive bastard, and I think you would be happier if you spent less time worrying about my hours and the cost of assay reagents and more time doing what you love, whether that's competing in dog shows or actually doing work at the lab bench. Oh, and also I totally see you playing around on YouTube or looking at photos when I come by to ask a question, and you were definitely napping last time I knocked on your door, so don't try to tell me I'm not working enough.]
I really hope he already sent that recommendation letter. I also really wish it was more appropriate to tell your supervisor off like this. I'm kind of a jerk these days, I guess, but I still say I have a point, even if I didn't make my case very well or politely.
We had hooding today. Cheng looked nice in his robes, and you could tell he was quite excited to be graduating and proud of both himself and his girlfriend/wife/I-don't-know-and-should-have-asked-a-long-time-ago for finishing their doctorates. We also had cake and coffee today, not to mention the whole Dean's luncheon. If I tell them my birthday's in a week, we'll get still more cake. Meray gave me a hug this morning and told me about her education in Turkey. She and Seth and I had a good chortle over Seth's coming in late enough to miss the hooding ceremony even though his name was in the program (he finished his masters last summer and walked last spring despite not being in the program) but right on time for the luncheon. I really do like my labmates.
Sometimes I feel like an utter moron when my experiments don't work. I know that's just how science is, but I still feel as though I could have done something better to set myself up for a better outcome. I suppose a lot of this also comes from my P.I.'s (unrealistic) expectation that almost everything will work. My last P.I. had a great outlook about this. Though she felt scary when I was first getting to know her, I realized that she was truly only trying to help think of ways to make it work next time, not blame you for any failures or time/reagents wasted. As long as you tried hard and put in enough time, you got a second or even a third chance to make it work. And you know, it did tend to work one of the next times, and I didn't feel bad about it after a while, only excited to see good results. I considered myself lucky to get things to work. Under my current P.I., I feel like a failure half the time. I suppose some people just aren't meant to control whole labs, no matter how good they are at research and how much grant money they can pull in. Same as managers/supervisors/etc. in all other disciplines. Some people just aren't good leaders. Too late about that letter, though. And anyway, even if it's not his fault he's a sucky P.I., I think I deserve trust and respect. I do work hard, even if it doesn't all come out right the first time.