A Long Un, for the fans.
Hey all. I'm sorry that I haven't updated in a long, long time. I understand that there are those of you out there that actually care about the humdrum, meandering events that occur in my silly little blip of an existence. You know, I was driving home yesterday from a performance, and I saw the clouds moving across the sky, partially covering up the moon. It was... quite a sight. I don't know what it did to me. I suppose you could say that I momentarily became one of those "Big Picture" people that are incredibly annoying to any hard-working individual. These people are the bane of any successful society, as can be observed in the following playlet:
Office Manager: Greg, you get those inventory reports done? Jeff needs them as soon as possible if we want to move this stuff out.
Greg: What's the point, Ed?
Ed: Greg?
Greg: Have you ever looked at the sky, Ed? Seen the stars? Don't you see that we're just specks in the infentesimal void? Our pitiful existence doesn't matter.
Ed: ...that may be, but that doesn't change the fact that -
Greg: Yes it does! Nothing we do matters! This inventory, how does it help the future? In fact, why help the future? Yes, it'll exist, but for how long? This planet will be used up and the sun will explode, taking everything with it! Nothing matters!
Ed: Then jump off a cliff, Greg. Steve's been wanting your job for months.
::Greg jumps off cliff::
Fortunately, as you can see, these people realize how bleak their outlook is, and take their lives. They're almost as bad as Schopenhauer people.
If you didn't get a chance to see Inherit the Wind down at UNLV these past two weeks, and chances are you didn't, you should be deeply and painfully ashamed of yourself. It's true, I'm in the show. A meager little part, offering little to no dramatic effort, but I suppose it could be argued that I am crucial to the events that occur in the final scene. The real draw of this show is the big-time stars, G.W. Bailey and Steve Vinovitch, who are positively joys to work with. I like being able to say that I've worked with people who have made their entire careers in the theatre / movie business. It makes you feel good, makes you feel like this horrible business I'm trying to get into is actually worth it, one can actually be a successful actor, with... I don't know, money.
Life has changed a bit. I've finally got my grubby Cheet-Os Paws on an Xbox 360, and it was definitely worth it. It's just so... good looking, you know? The controller fits like a glove in my aformentioned paws, and I can actually turn on and off the console from the controller. That small detail somehow makes a world of difference, and one begins to wonder how life was tolerable before this incredible scientific advance. I purchased Call of Duty 2, which is considered to be the must-own launch game, but have yet to start it. I've been quite busy with the show, you know, as well as all the schoolwork I've been somehow barely accomplishing.
While I'm on the subject, a quick videogame breakdown. It's been over a month since we last spoke, and seeing as this is my most favorite of pastimes, I might as well fill you in. Got a Dreamcast again, and I had almost forgot how great that console was. Sonic Adventure, Rayman 2, Soul Calibur, Grandia II, all the greats have returned. So now, if I can't find anything to play at the moment, I've got that in reserve. Guitar Hero makes me feel like even more of a rockstar than I usually do. Beyond Good and Evil is one of the most underappreciated games of all time, and if you can find it, buy it. Shadow of the Colossus was an epic adventure that is unparalleled in ever regard. Sonic Rush is a great return to 2D Sonics of old. Mario and Luigi: Partners in Time is a cute, fun diversion, but the original is better in every regard. ...So there you go.
Sometimes movies come along that change the face of film. Take a look at this years nominees for best picture. Despite the fact I have seen nary a one of them (my bank account is pretty taken up by fast food, gas, and irresponsible eBay bidding), all of them have critical acclaim they seem worthy of. More than that, I've heard of all of them (usually I can't even remember when they were in theatres - The English Patient? What the **** is that?) But astonishingly, at the same time of the year, studios deem it necessary to release their most abysmal titles. Bloodrayne, anyone? Now, here comes something that I am ashamed of. That's right. I have zero connection to this film. There is no way anyone could connect me to the film. But the simple fact that I have at one time or another enjoyed the spoof genre of film (AIRPLANE!, Hot Shots, The Naked Gun, Mel Brooks films, etc) makes me hurt deep inside when I see ANYTHING about Date Movie. I assume you all know what I'm talking about: Allyson Hannigan dances around in a fat suit to that God-awful song "Milkshake." When this fails to get her a mate, she sees a date doctor (the elf from Bad Santa) and is pimped out to be super thin and hot and stuff. She falls in love with British guy (last name Fonkyerdoder - get it? Funny, right), but their parents don't get along, his ex-fiance wants to break them up, and blah, blah, blah. I urge you all to see the trailer, so you can see the enemy, and look it in the eyes, and realize what we as a nation are up against. Here's a breakdown of the films referenced (I say that rather than "parodied," because rather than imitate or mock the characteristic style of a romantic comedy film for comedic effect, the film merely presents the viewer with scenes that say "Hey, remember this film? Well, now it's grosser and you wish you were dead")
The Bachelor, King Kong, Say Anything, Meet the Fockers, Meet the Parents, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Jerry Maguire, The Wedding Planner, Sweet Home Alabama, Kill Bill (???), What Women Want (which Dave Chapelle skewered years ago), Napoleon Dynamite, Hitch, Pimp My Ride, Paris Hilton’s infamous car wash commercial, Bridget Jones’s Diary, Wedding Crashers, When Harry Met Sally, Pretty Woman, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Along Came Polly, My Best Friend’s Wedding, Legally Blonde, Lord of the Rings.
See the gems in there? Who wouldn't want to see Along Came Polly get the ribbing it so richly deserves?
The reason I write all this is because I was trying to point out my point of view to some of my castmates who seem determined to see the film and hope to find it hilarious. I tried to save them their money, I really did. Instead of make fun of the style of Napoleon Dynamite, which could, in the right hands, probably be mined for comedic gold, the film merely puts someone in Jon Heder's makeup, puts him in a "Don't Vote For Pedro" shirt (Oh, now I get it! That's har-****in-larious), and makes him say "Gosh!" and do a bad dance. The cat from Meet The Whatever, the one that uses a toilet? Now it's got intestinal problems. The last time a fat suit was truly funny was the Weird Al music video for "Fat." Make Hitch a midget, run with it (He actually says "Do I look like Will Smith to you?" WHY!? Did Charlie Sheen mention Tom Cruise in Hot Shots!?) Worse yet is the obvious Jennifer Lopez joke that anyone within earshot of VH1 heard years ago when she was actually popular.
Watch the Trailer. Feel the sorrow. A thousand voices at once cried out in agony and then were extinguished. The Jedi will feel this one.
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/10005744-date_movie/trailers_player.php?IGNMediaID=1382129&playerType=videolarge
Oh well. It'll get my rental movie when it's finally time to suffer through it myself. I'll let you know my own personal thoughts when the time comes.
I'll leave you with something more enjoyable:
Thank you, and good night.
Office Manager: Greg, you get those inventory reports done? Jeff needs them as soon as possible if we want to move this stuff out.
Greg: What's the point, Ed?
Ed: Greg?
Greg: Have you ever looked at the sky, Ed? Seen the stars? Don't you see that we're just specks in the infentesimal void? Our pitiful existence doesn't matter.
Ed: ...that may be, but that doesn't change the fact that -
Greg: Yes it does! Nothing we do matters! This inventory, how does it help the future? In fact, why help the future? Yes, it'll exist, but for how long? This planet will be used up and the sun will explode, taking everything with it! Nothing matters!
Ed: Then jump off a cliff, Greg. Steve's been wanting your job for months.
::Greg jumps off cliff::
Fortunately, as you can see, these people realize how bleak their outlook is, and take their lives. They're almost as bad as Schopenhauer people.
If you didn't get a chance to see Inherit the Wind down at UNLV these past two weeks, and chances are you didn't, you should be deeply and painfully ashamed of yourself. It's true, I'm in the show. A meager little part, offering little to no dramatic effort, but I suppose it could be argued that I am crucial to the events that occur in the final scene. The real draw of this show is the big-time stars, G.W. Bailey and Steve Vinovitch, who are positively joys to work with. I like being able to say that I've worked with people who have made their entire careers in the theatre / movie business. It makes you feel good, makes you feel like this horrible business I'm trying to get into is actually worth it, one can actually be a successful actor, with... I don't know, money.
Life has changed a bit. I've finally got my grubby Cheet-Os Paws on an Xbox 360, and it was definitely worth it. It's just so... good looking, you know? The controller fits like a glove in my aformentioned paws, and I can actually turn on and off the console from the controller. That small detail somehow makes a world of difference, and one begins to wonder how life was tolerable before this incredible scientific advance. I purchased Call of Duty 2, which is considered to be the must-own launch game, but have yet to start it. I've been quite busy with the show, you know, as well as all the schoolwork I've been somehow barely accomplishing.
While I'm on the subject, a quick videogame breakdown. It's been over a month since we last spoke, and seeing as this is my most favorite of pastimes, I might as well fill you in. Got a Dreamcast again, and I had almost forgot how great that console was. Sonic Adventure, Rayman 2, Soul Calibur, Grandia II, all the greats have returned. So now, if I can't find anything to play at the moment, I've got that in reserve. Guitar Hero makes me feel like even more of a rockstar than I usually do. Beyond Good and Evil is one of the most underappreciated games of all time, and if you can find it, buy it. Shadow of the Colossus was an epic adventure that is unparalleled in ever regard. Sonic Rush is a great return to 2D Sonics of old. Mario and Luigi: Partners in Time is a cute, fun diversion, but the original is better in every regard. ...So there you go.
Sometimes movies come along that change the face of film. Take a look at this years nominees for best picture. Despite the fact I have seen nary a one of them (my bank account is pretty taken up by fast food, gas, and irresponsible eBay bidding), all of them have critical acclaim they seem worthy of. More than that, I've heard of all of them (usually I can't even remember when they were in theatres - The English Patient? What the **** is that?) But astonishingly, at the same time of the year, studios deem it necessary to release their most abysmal titles. Bloodrayne, anyone? Now, here comes something that I am ashamed of. That's right. I have zero connection to this film. There is no way anyone could connect me to the film. But the simple fact that I have at one time or another enjoyed the spoof genre of film (AIRPLANE!, Hot Shots, The Naked Gun, Mel Brooks films, etc) makes me hurt deep inside when I see ANYTHING about Date Movie. I assume you all know what I'm talking about: Allyson Hannigan dances around in a fat suit to that God-awful song "Milkshake." When this fails to get her a mate, she sees a date doctor (the elf from Bad Santa) and is pimped out to be super thin and hot and stuff. She falls in love with British guy (last name Fonkyerdoder - get it? Funny, right), but their parents don't get along, his ex-fiance wants to break them up, and blah, blah, blah. I urge you all to see the trailer, so you can see the enemy, and look it in the eyes, and realize what we as a nation are up against. Here's a breakdown of the films referenced (I say that rather than "parodied," because rather than imitate or mock the characteristic style of a romantic comedy film for comedic effect, the film merely presents the viewer with scenes that say "Hey, remember this film? Well, now it's grosser and you wish you were dead")
The Bachelor, King Kong, Say Anything, Meet the Fockers, Meet the Parents, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Jerry Maguire, The Wedding Planner, Sweet Home Alabama, Kill Bill (???), What Women Want (which Dave Chapelle skewered years ago), Napoleon Dynamite, Hitch, Pimp My Ride, Paris Hilton’s infamous car wash commercial, Bridget Jones’s Diary, Wedding Crashers, When Harry Met Sally, Pretty Woman, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Along Came Polly, My Best Friend’s Wedding, Legally Blonde, Lord of the Rings.
See the gems in there? Who wouldn't want to see Along Came Polly get the ribbing it so richly deserves?
The reason I write all this is because I was trying to point out my point of view to some of my castmates who seem determined to see the film and hope to find it hilarious. I tried to save them their money, I really did. Instead of make fun of the style of Napoleon Dynamite, which could, in the right hands, probably be mined for comedic gold, the film merely puts someone in Jon Heder's makeup, puts him in a "Don't Vote For Pedro" shirt (Oh, now I get it! That's har-****in-larious), and makes him say "Gosh!" and do a bad dance. The cat from Meet The Whatever, the one that uses a toilet? Now it's got intestinal problems. The last time a fat suit was truly funny was the Weird Al music video for "Fat." Make Hitch a midget, run with it (He actually says "Do I look like Will Smith to you?" WHY!? Did Charlie Sheen mention Tom Cruise in Hot Shots!?) Worse yet is the obvious Jennifer Lopez joke that anyone within earshot of VH1 heard years ago when she was actually popular.
Watch the Trailer. Feel the sorrow. A thousand voices at once cried out in agony and then were extinguished. The Jedi will feel this one.
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/10005744-date_movie/trailers_player.php?IGNMediaID=1382129&playerType=videolarge
Oh well. It'll get my rental movie when it's finally time to suffer through it myself. I'll let you know my own personal thoughts when the time comes.
I'll leave you with something more enjoyable:
Thank you, and good night.