[flist hearts] seasons are weird and I miss them
Today I very officially told the people who need to know that I'm not staying in Thailand for a third year. This decision makes me inconsolably angry in ways that I can't hardly explain.( cut for general frustration and cathartic bitching )
I honestly love Bella a lot. And it was a bit of a journey to figure that out tbh as well. I was the target age range when Twilight came out but I hated it then because, well, mainly because I was an asshole pretentious teenager--I had read a ton of vampire lit by the time Twilight came out and had been mocked or looked down for my reading choices then somehow everyone in my class was reading Twilight and recommending it to me while I was all ~I AM ABOVE SUCH THINGS LIKE TWILIGHT~ And for awhile, it was pretty easy to hate given how Twilight was general awful and abusive and terrible in a lot of legit ways. But you know what I realized? I think TVD is a lot worse to it's female characters than Twilight is, and TVD owned my heart for a long, long time.
So I took another look at it and realized A) I kinda enjoy Twilight, all narrative fails aside B) I really fucking love Bella and want nothing but good things for her, for all the reasons you stated. I'm kinda protective of female characters that are considered "unlikable" because everyone loves ~unlikable~ dudes but I constantly hear shit over how THIS LADY CHARACTER IS SO UNLIKABLE when I can't figure out WHAT it is that's unlikable. And I relate a lot more to Bella Swan than I do Buffy Summers or Allison Argent or Katniss Everdeen, which is not a popular thing to admit, because the later are much better female role models and teen protags I love, but Bella is a lot closer to me. I do love Bella in a "SORRY ABOUT YOUR NARRATIVE" way but even the stuff we get ABOUT Bella from the books do chaulk up to a character I like and find interesting--someone isolated and disconnected and depressed and reckless who is both riddled with low self esteem and yet also knows exactly what she wants and doesn't stop demanding it. Bella <3 I cry about Twilight's wasted potential but I am so fond of her and like, I hate the narrative framing of Twilight??? And all the shit Edward and Jacob do? But Bella gets everything she wants and that's kinda cool tbh.
And you're right, Twilight isn't for adults, but for teenage girls. And sometimes I worry about that, and the messages Twilight projects, but at the same time, the stuff teen girls like get so much shit all the time, get dismissed or mocked. Protect teenage girls at all costs, tbh.
This is why I am so adamant that EVERY female character that exists should be loved for their existence. You can dislike a character personally whether you want to or not - that's not any of my business - but I *do* draw the line at prioritizing one kind of female narrative over the other.
God, yes, this. There's definitely female characters I dislike but I've seen so many people talk about this FEMALE CHARACTER IS USELESS OR WORTHLESS and I just wanna stab someone.
Also, your message at the end. As someone who is spending xmas alone and feeling a little down about it, <3333333333 Have fun taking yourself out! I will probs do the same over the weekend :3
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*squish*
My hopes are on Korea - but if that doesn't work either, that's okay. I'll just keep moving until I find a place where I feel like I can tread water without fear of drowning.
mainly because I was an asshole pretentious teenager
BASICALLY THIS. Bella would like that about you.
And for awhile, it was pretty easy to hate given how Twilight was general awful and abusive and terrible in a lot of legit ways.
This wounds me daily. Most Narratives do.
And you're right, Twilight isn't for adults, but for teenage girls. And sometimes I worry about that, and the messages Twilight projects, but at the same time, the stuff teen girls like get so much shit all the time, get dismissed or mocked. Protect teenage girls at all costs, tbh.
BASICALLY THIS.
I used to say with regal superiority that I wouldn't let my hypothetical future daughter read these books ever. But I hope they want to and do. Or whatever. I hope my future kids read whatever the hell they want and let me read it with them and talk to them about it. Because the problem with Twilight isn't that it's any worse than any other narrative directed at teenage girls.
The point is to cherish and love and protect them at all costs. And if that means learning to love Bella - that's more than worth it.
but I've seen so many people talk about this FEMALE CHARACTER IS USELESS OR WORTHLESS and I just wanna stab someone
#aboutme
Babe. Listen. I had so much bravado about being ~alone on Christmas. And then every single one of my American coworkers left together today without saying a word to me. And I nearly broke. And then I traveled all over the city and the theatre I went out of my way to get to didn't even have the film I wanted to see. And I nearly broke. And then I took myself to dinner and read alone and felt... good. Like I finally just fessed up to the fact that I'd rather be alone than with people who make me miserable. Which is comforting in a way.
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