[meta] Tangled + Frozen and parental abuse
This is just a note to express my love for two of the newest Disney Princesses: Rapunzel and Elsa
I spoke to Alex the First on tumblr a few months back about Disney (which I of course cannot find) where I waxed poetics on the glory that is Rapunzel’s existence - primarily because she loves and puts her trust in the wrong person and never is told or asked to apologize for that loyalty. I don’t think we’ve ever seen the relationship between a Princess and her Evil Stepmother put on display like this before: in such a way that the Princess does not know that she is being treated badly.
And most of the time, they are not
Sleeping Beauty is raised in happiness and with love by her fairy godmothers.
Belle and Ariel have loving - if slightly detached - fathers.
Mulan doesn’t fit into her cultural role and that concerns her parents, but she seems loved if misunderstood.
Jasmine’s father is ineffectual but loving.
Pocahontas is very close to her father and has a spiritual connection to her mother.
Tiana has a large support system - practically two families - supporting her emotionally.
Snow White has to come to terms (quickly) with the fact that her (step?)mother wants to have her killed.
Cinderella is very aware of the fact that her stepmother treats her like an indentured servant.
Not one of the princesses - before Rapunzel - was actually shown in a situation that exposed domestic emotional abuse.
Possibly the best - and most thorough - discussion I have seen re: the abuse of Rapunzel was actually in an (unfinished) fic that I found randomly, Freudian by Fabulist. She hasn’t updated this story since July 2012 - I still think that it is well-worth the read (and am pretty content letting the story end where it is without being too upset about it) but if you dislike half-finished stories or get angry about unfinished fanfic, by all means: save yourself the angst. Everything in the Tangled universe that Fabulist has written is worth it - even if she’s on a hiatus/completely mia from fandom atm. Freudian imagines a contemporary universe where Flynn and Rapunzel meet in the waiting room at a therapist’s office. She does an excellent job digging into the psychology of a child stuck in the system and resorting to crime and a girl kidnapped and kept alone in a dark room her whole life by a deranged woman obsessed with hair.
Because that’s honestly what this story is about.
And I love forever that Disney finally took the time to show women loving their abusers in a way that so many children can identify with: we don’t always fall in love with the Beast, sometimes we love and cherish our parents and they have the potential to abuse us, also. (It’s also highly problematic that Beauty and the Beast is so highly romanticized - a child cannot see it without being taught.) In contrast, Tangled shows it’s audience for the first time, what it would be like to completely love and trust someone who is hurting you. To struggle with that the whole movie. To struggle with simple decisions because victims of abuse are told sometimes that they are not capable of making decisions.
Rapunzel’s scene at the beginning of the film - as she manics between hyper-happy-freedom and soul-crushing-guilt pretty much was a ten minute full-length film display of most of my childhood - and quite a bit of my adulthood as well.
Which is so lovely I can’t begin to explain.
So often children’s narratives take hyper-abused children and give them freedom - let them leave their tower - but do not show the emotional consequences of getting/stealing that freedom from their abusers. But Rapunzel let's you see it! She puts you right in her shoes - she’s ecstatic and guilty and she’s breaking the rules and she’s thinking for herself and she’s not allowed to do that!
I am the worst daughter ever.
I am a despicable human being.
The other amazing thing about Mother Gothel - is that she gaslights Rapunzel’s worries - worries that the audience know are true and should be fosters - but she also slips in “everyday” more simple statements and conditioning that even “good” parents do (un)intentionally.
You’re stupid, you’re fat, you’re ugly, no one will ever love you. Except me.
Rapunzel is not just told that she has to stay away from the world, that she is special, but also that she would not be of any worth to anyone in the world other than her mother.
This.
I cannot.
Cinderella’s mother did this to a certain extent; told her she was worthless and hurt her .
But the eternal and most important difference - is that Stepmother did not pass off this information as “loving advice” and Mother Gothel does. It is proof that Rapunzel is worthless that Hummel “deigns” to love her. Rapunzel is beholden to her “Mother” and her love.
Rapunzel loves Mother Gothel. She trusts her word because she loves her. She does not know that she is being abused. For her, this is completely normal mother/daughter behavior.
Just as a child thinks.
Children see by example in television and books and movies and by visiting friends. But at the end of the day - the way parents show their love is how children ultimately believe love works.
We grow out of this.
We hope to grow out of this.
We don’t always grow out of this.
And Rapunzel’s story is soooo important to me because it isn’t a story about falling in love with her prince - it’s about demanding fair treatment from someone who claims to love her. It’s about learning what she deserves and taking it. It’s about seeing the world, gaining a sense of self-worth through experiment and adventure, and acknowledging to herself that she deserves better and is worth more than she has been told.
And that’s so very, very important.
She’s the most important Disney Princess for me - because she is the only one who is shown being abused by a loved one and rising above that abuse in the end.
I just really love her, okay?
Elsa’s story is so much sadder - in many ways - because her parents truly do love her, they in many ways don't realize what they are doing is so harmful.
I’m surprised there’s not more femmeslash for Elsa yet (shipping her with either prince unsettles me in some ways***) because she’s so clearly the Closeted Child.
***even though I do to some extent with Kris because CUTIES WHO LOVE ICE OKAY?!
A child whose True Nature is potentially harmful to her younger sister - that will cause everyone to hate and shun her - makes her a monster.
A child who is told by her (very loving, but exasperatingly stupid) parents that she needs to “conceal don’t feel, don’t let them see” everything that is intrinsic to her.
A child who is cut off from the world to protect THE WORLD from her monstrosity.
Rapunzel was traumatized by a lifetime of an abusive mother telling her that she was worthless, unlovable, etc. etc.
Elsa was traumatized by loving parents telling her that she was monstrous, dangerous, must be kept hidden, etc. etc.
Elsa’s love for her sister is tied up in her love for herself.
“True Love” for Elsa is just as much an acceptance of herself as it is Anna (spoilers) loving her unconditionally.
Getting away, finding her own space to grow and live, learning just what her power can mean for her - this was all necessary before she could be loved unconditionally by Anna.
It's forever interesting/frustrating to me that Anna is the one that must go on a journey to love her sister - while it is Elsa who must learned to be loved. Anna has been loving without knowledge and hiding that essential part of herself had made Elsa feel as though she didn't deserve that love. A belief that her parents' actions instilled within her by hiding her away and not letting her talk to Anna at all.
Basically, Elsa's parents did a real number on her. Note to self: if the local troll / magician / priest tells you to instill a fear of Self within your child, locking them away in a room and ostracizing them from family and friends: DON'T FUCKING DO IT.
In conclusion::
What you should take away from Frozen is: FORCING YOUR CHILD INTO A CLOSET, TEARING THEM FROM THEIR CHILDHOOD, AND MAKING THEM FEAR THEMSELVES WILL CAUSE WORLDWIDE FREEZING, PAIN, AND DEATH.
Seriously world. Get it together.
And from Tangled: JUST BECAUSE YOUR PARENTS SOMEONE YOU LOVE AND TRUST TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE WORTHLESS, DOESN’T MEAN SHIT - LOVE YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THEY TELL YOU - YOU ARE WORTH AS MUCH AS YOU DEMAND.
And isn’t that the most remarkable thing you’ve ever heard?
*snuffles*
(I get so emotional and have terrible overidentification issues with these two precious, perfect babies seriously.)
Good on you, Disney.
Good on you.
((Also Tiana's "You can have remarkable, loving parents and still become a workaholic incapable of making human connections and THAT'S OKAY but also it's neat to be in love as long as you don't give up on what you want" is a pretty fucking awesome as well.))
I spoke to Alex the First on tumblr a few months back about Disney (which I of course cannot find) where I waxed poetics on the glory that is Rapunzel’s existence - primarily because she loves and puts her trust in the wrong person and never is told or asked to apologize for that loyalty. I don’t think we’ve ever seen the relationship between a Princess and her Evil Stepmother put on display like this before: in such a way that the Princess does not know that she is being treated badly.
And most of the time, they are not
Sleeping Beauty is raised in happiness and with love by her fairy godmothers.
Belle and Ariel have loving - if slightly detached - fathers.
Mulan doesn’t fit into her cultural role and that concerns her parents, but she seems loved if misunderstood.
Jasmine’s father is ineffectual but loving.
Pocahontas is very close to her father and has a spiritual connection to her mother.
Tiana has a large support system - practically two families - supporting her emotionally.
Snow White has to come to terms (quickly) with the fact that her (step?)mother wants to have her killed.
Cinderella is very aware of the fact that her stepmother treats her like an indentured servant.
Not one of the princesses - before Rapunzel - was actually shown in a situation that exposed domestic emotional abuse.
Possibly the best - and most thorough - discussion I have seen re: the abuse of Rapunzel was actually in an (unfinished) fic that I found randomly, Freudian by Fabulist. She hasn’t updated this story since July 2012 - I still think that it is well-worth the read (and am pretty content letting the story end where it is without being too upset about it) but if you dislike half-finished stories or get angry about unfinished fanfic, by all means: save yourself the angst. Everything in the Tangled universe that Fabulist has written is worth it - even if she’s on a hiatus/completely mia from fandom atm. Freudian imagines a contemporary universe where Flynn and Rapunzel meet in the waiting room at a therapist’s office. She does an excellent job digging into the psychology of a child stuck in the system and resorting to crime and a girl kidnapped and kept alone in a dark room her whole life by a deranged woman obsessed with hair.
Because that’s honestly what this story is about.
And I love forever that Disney finally took the time to show women loving their abusers in a way that so many children can identify with: we don’t always fall in love with the Beast, sometimes we love and cherish our parents and they have the potential to abuse us, also. (It’s also highly problematic that Beauty and the Beast is so highly romanticized - a child cannot see it without being taught.) In contrast, Tangled shows it’s audience for the first time, what it would be like to completely love and trust someone who is hurting you. To struggle with that the whole movie. To struggle with simple decisions because victims of abuse are told sometimes that they are not capable of making decisions.
Rapunzel’s scene at the beginning of the film - as she manics between hyper-happy-freedom and soul-crushing-guilt pretty much was a ten minute full-length film display of most of my childhood - and quite a bit of my adulthood as well.
Which is so lovely I can’t begin to explain.
So often children’s narratives take hyper-abused children and give them freedom - let them leave their tower - but do not show the emotional consequences of getting/stealing that freedom from their abusers. But Rapunzel let's you see it! She puts you right in her shoes - she’s ecstatic and guilty and she’s breaking the rules and she’s thinking for herself and she’s not allowed to do that!
I am the worst daughter ever.
I am a despicable human being.
The other amazing thing about Mother Gothel - is that she gaslights Rapunzel’s worries - worries that the audience know are true and should be fosters - but she also slips in “everyday” more simple statements and conditioning that even “good” parents do (un)intentionally.
You’re stupid, you’re fat, you’re ugly, no one will ever love you. Except me.
Rapunzel is not just told that she has to stay away from the world, that she is special, but also that she would not be of any worth to anyone in the world other than her mother.
This.
I cannot.
Cinderella’s mother did this to a certain extent; told her she was worthless and hurt her .
But the eternal and most important difference - is that Stepmother did not pass off this information as “loving advice” and Mother Gothel does. It is proof that Rapunzel is worthless that Hummel “deigns” to love her. Rapunzel is beholden to her “Mother” and her love.
Rapunzel loves Mother Gothel. She trusts her word because she loves her. She does not know that she is being abused. For her, this is completely normal mother/daughter behavior.
Just as a child thinks.
Children see by example in television and books and movies and by visiting friends. But at the end of the day - the way parents show their love is how children ultimately believe love works.
We grow out of this.
We hope to grow out of this.
We don’t always grow out of this.
And Rapunzel’s story is soooo important to me because it isn’t a story about falling in love with her prince - it’s about demanding fair treatment from someone who claims to love her. It’s about learning what she deserves and taking it. It’s about seeing the world, gaining a sense of self-worth through experiment and adventure, and acknowledging to herself that she deserves better and is worth more than she has been told.
And that’s so very, very important.
She’s the most important Disney Princess for me - because she is the only one who is shown being abused by a loved one and rising above that abuse in the end.
I just really love her, okay?
Elsa’s story is so much sadder - in many ways - because her parents truly do love her, they in many ways don't realize what they are doing is so harmful.
I’m surprised there’s not more femmeslash for Elsa yet (shipping her with either prince unsettles me in some ways***) because she’s so clearly the Closeted Child.
***even though I do to some extent with Kris because CUTIES WHO LOVE ICE OKAY?!
A child whose True Nature is potentially harmful to her younger sister - that will cause everyone to hate and shun her - makes her a monster.
A child who is told by her (very loving, but exasperatingly stupid) parents that she needs to “conceal don’t feel, don’t let them see” everything that is intrinsic to her.
A child who is cut off from the world to protect THE WORLD from her monstrosity.
Rapunzel was traumatized by a lifetime of an abusive mother telling her that she was worthless, unlovable, etc. etc.
Elsa was traumatized by loving parents telling her that she was monstrous, dangerous, must be kept hidden, etc. etc.
Elsa’s love for her sister is tied up in her love for herself.
“True Love” for Elsa is just as much an acceptance of herself as it is Anna (spoilers) loving her unconditionally.
Getting away, finding her own space to grow and live, learning just what her power can mean for her - this was all necessary before she could be loved unconditionally by Anna.
It's forever interesting/frustrating to me that Anna is the one that must go on a journey to love her sister - while it is Elsa who must learned to be loved. Anna has been loving without knowledge and hiding that essential part of herself had made Elsa feel as though she didn't deserve that love. A belief that her parents' actions instilled within her by hiding her away and not letting her talk to Anna at all.
Basically, Elsa's parents did a real number on her. Note to self: if the local troll / magician / priest tells you to instill a fear of Self within your child, locking them away in a room and ostracizing them from family and friends: DON'T FUCKING DO IT.
In conclusion::
What you should take away from Frozen is: FORCING YOUR CHILD INTO A CLOSET, TEARING THEM FROM THEIR CHILDHOOD, AND MAKING THEM FEAR THEMSELVES WILL CAUSE WORLDWIDE FREEZING, PAIN, AND DEATH.
Seriously world. Get it together.
And from Tangled: JUST BECAUSE YOUR PARENTS SOMEONE YOU LOVE AND TRUST TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE WORTHLESS, DOESN’T MEAN SHIT - LOVE YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THEY TELL YOU - YOU ARE WORTH AS MUCH AS YOU DEMAND.
And isn’t that the most remarkable thing you’ve ever heard?
*snuffles*
(I get so emotional and have terrible overidentification issues with these two precious, perfect babies seriously.)
Good on you, Disney.
Good on you.
((Also Tiana's "You can have remarkable, loving parents and still become a workaholic incapable of making human connections and THAT'S OKAY but also it's neat to be in love as long as you don't give up on what you want" is a pretty fucking awesome as well.))