(no subject)
very much wanted to tell you what a lovely comforting presence you are even on the most fleeting and casual of digital platforms from the other side of the world, but the conversation drifted elsewhere.
i just feel almost like i'm not allowed to feel like this, or like i can't talk to anyone about it here when they're all so /happy/ idk sometimes people have a way of just being v dismissive and then i regret opening my mouth. and then to have someone who is kind of no longer involved but still gets it to listen and talk to was...nice
but we were talking about you and she agreed - you are the kind of person who always knows how to be reassuring in a non-annoying way. not the kind of person who asks are u ok to people who will want to yell OBVIOUSLY NOT. just the kind of person who makes sure i eat dinner with everyone else when i'm telling myself i don't deserve to, who consciously and sincerely includes people in conversations. (who wants to make the people around you happy, even if it involves putting on a self-deprecating persona)
an aim for myself: never make people that you care about doubt how much you care about them
(except that one time. sigh. i don't know if it still hurts but i still think about it always)
i just feel almost like i'm not allowed to feel like this, or like i can't talk to anyone about it here when they're all so /happy/ idk sometimes people have a way of just being v dismissive and then i regret opening my mouth. and then to have someone who is kind of no longer involved but still gets it to listen and talk to was...nice
but we were talking about you and she agreed - you are the kind of person who always knows how to be reassuring in a non-annoying way. not the kind of person who asks are u ok to people who will want to yell OBVIOUSLY NOT. just the kind of person who makes sure i eat dinner with everyone else when i'm telling myself i don't deserve to, who consciously and sincerely includes people in conversations. (who wants to make the people around you happy, even if it involves putting on a self-deprecating persona)
an aim for myself: never make people that you care about doubt how much you care about them
(except that one time. sigh. i don't know if it still hurts but i still think about it always)