(no subject)
one of those days i just want to crumble not necessarily because anything bad happened just exhaustion. but also one of those days i don't feel like i deserve sleep
although: stupid worries about having to email some rly ups professor bc we double-booked chairs for a conference (everyone else was like that's a happy problem...well done... and i was just sitting in the library panicking for a couple of hours lolz)
perhaps foolishly volunteered to give a ballet class to clarify basic stuff cos ppl looked v confused in weekly class, started worrying right before bc i didn't know what i was going to do
floundered around for an hour doing that but people seemed to like it so ok, stupidly left my phone in the room n had to wait for a two hour lecture to end before i retrieved it so ended up getting home rly late
other vague anxieties that have settled into the mulch of my mind and just stir every once in a while. u would think that... aiya. i have all these imaginative ways of pushing people away and just cannot get myself to understand that people are not that easy to push away if they don't wanna be pushed. but striking that balance between being nice but not too enthusiastic is v nerve wracking and exhausting to think about
found myself lying on the floor in front of the heater in my underwear eating a cold wrap that's been sitting in the fridge for A While and...liddat lor
on the bright side
-got back the summative i spent less than 12 hours on and it went better than expected so yay
-paul being a cutie and messaging me just so say that my liking his posts makes him feel loved and cherished LOL as a fellow Person Who Has To Make Posts In Groups i empathize w how it often feels weirdly like shouting into a void & not being sure if people are listening
although: stupid worries about having to email some rly ups professor bc we double-booked chairs for a conference (everyone else was like that's a happy problem...well done... and i was just sitting in the library panicking for a couple of hours lolz)
perhaps foolishly volunteered to give a ballet class to clarify basic stuff cos ppl looked v confused in weekly class, started worrying right before bc i didn't know what i was going to do
floundered around for an hour doing that but people seemed to like it so ok, stupidly left my phone in the room n had to wait for a two hour lecture to end before i retrieved it so ended up getting home rly late
other vague anxieties that have settled into the mulch of my mind and just stir every once in a while. u would think that... aiya. i have all these imaginative ways of pushing people away and just cannot get myself to understand that people are not that easy to push away if they don't wanna be pushed. but striking that balance between being nice but not too enthusiastic is v nerve wracking and exhausting to think about
found myself lying on the floor in front of the heater in my underwear eating a cold wrap that's been sitting in the fridge for A While and...liddat lor
on the bright side
-got back the summative i spent less than 12 hours on and it went better than expected so yay
-paul being a cutie and messaging me just so say that my liking his posts makes him feel loved and cherished LOL as a fellow Person Who Has To Make Posts In Groups i empathize w how it often feels weirdly like shouting into a void & not being sure if people are listening