...SoMeThInGs Gotta GiVe...
So...Guess it's time for me to write again. It's kind of been awhile since I wrote any kind of meaningful entry. Not much has been going on in my life lately, while at the same time...I have more going on than I know how to handle. I'm not sure if that makes any kind of sense at all, but I don't give a fuck anymore who "gets" me and who doesn't. I got Me, Myself & I...and that's all I need...
Blah, I'm uncomfortable right now because my heart monitor is bothering me. Actually, I really wish I could take this thing off right now because I don't feel very well to begin with. Perfect timing for me to get all sick and stuff...right when my boyfriend is supposed to be coming in town. Lovely. I'll spend all next week in bed or something. It would go fucking figure. Oh well...
It's so frustrating to feel so much but can't say a word. I don't know how to put my feelings into words. How fucking great. I'm losing it. I'm just glad my boyfriend is finally coming to see me. I need a break, regardless if all we do is sit around the house and watch movies or something. I don't care. I just need to be with someone who loves me. And no one seems to fill that void like him...
Lets see...lets back track...
Saturday was a pretty good day to be honest. I think I did really well on my ACT, and I also got to see a lot of my old friends I grew up with when I was younger. I saw Stephanie there, She goes to my school though. We talked for awhile and she filled me in on her summer romance. It sounds so perfect :-) I'm so happy for her that she found someone who treats her that amazing. Every girl deserves that...
After ACT, I went home and grabbed some cash and went and got my nails done with Lysandra. The French Manicure came out pretty. I didn't have my normal chick doing it...so it's not my idea of the best job...but everyone else seemed to like it. After my nails I went home and hung out for awhile, and then got changed and Stacey came over. We lounged around for a little bit and then dragged our asses to Citywalk. We went to dinner at Hard Rock, and then went and saw a movie. Course I was convinced someone was going to rape me. Hard Rock was fun. Dinner was good anddd there was like the hottest waiters there, and hosts! lol Oh man, good times, Right Stacey??? lol There was a lot of other "good times" Saturday night at Citywalk...haha but I'm not even going to go there....Chase already yelled at me...lol
Sunday was another unproductive day. I didn't do anything...cept go out with Krissy. It was good to spend time with her. These past four months without her has shown me how much I've missed. I don't even know how we slipped away from each other. She got wrapped up in some bad shit, and so did I...(in another sense)...I'm just glad it's all over with. When I came home from the mall I didn't do much either. I just laid around and complained about my back. I'm sure I did other stuff...but my mind is drawing a blank...
Today could have kissed my ass. Everything about today has been bad. From the moment I woke up I felt like something wasn't right. Then on the way to, and after, the Cardiologist...Everything seemed like a blur. When I walked out of the doctors with my fucking stupid heart monitor on me...I decided nothing else mattered. So what's wrong with me? Hell I wish I knew. I mean, I have an idea-but I don't feel like telling anyone. It's just something I wanna keep to myself. My doctor told me what was wrong with me. Or at least all they've noticed so far. I haven't told anyone, cause I don't really think anyone needs to know. Ain't no body matters but myself...
I've got so much shit running through my damn head. I wanna break...But I won't...because I'm going to have my boyfriend the day after tomorrow...and that is the ONLY thing that matters to me. For once, we're not spending an anniversary at the hospital. Thank God for that. This anniversary is going to be amazing. I'm going to make it amazing for him. He's the only thing that matters to me in my life, he's the one thing keeping me going..
*Robbie--You're all I'll ever want, You're all I'll ever need...I love you*
xoxox
*J*
p.s. sorry if this whole entry is the most incoherent thing you've ever read...but I'm just not thinking straight right now....