changes...
if at first you don't succeed
you gotta recreate your misery
'cause we all know art is hard
young artists have gotta starve
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
so the last month has brought on some huge changes in my life. some good. some really bad. everything that happened has in turn changed me.
i finally did it. i graduated college. for real. sure it only took me five years, but i did it. and it still hasn't really sunk in that i never have to go back. it feels good to know that i beat the odds. people said you can't have it both ways. you can't work full time and go to college full time, but i did it. yes i struggled at times...and when things got rough it caused me to almost not even graduate, but somehow i got by in the end.
it would have been nice to know on graduation day that i was really graduating. i didn't think that leaving was all that sad because i thought that i would be back again in the fall. i had no idea that i wasn't. i am so very excited that i don't have to retake the worst class ever in life, but i am really sad that i don't really have a reason to go back on campus in the fall. maybe a part of me really just didn't want to let go, but now i have to.
at the end of the first semester i was a mess. i doubted myself and my talent. for the first time i really felt like i made the wrong decision. like i had fooled myself for so long to be something that i wasn't. that serious critique was such a blow to my ego that i lost all confidence in myself. at the end of this semester, i was proud of the work that i had done and i was so happy that i was able to put it out there for so many people to come and see. it was an amazing feeling. i was really happy that so many people that meant so much to me came out to see it.
near the end i almost dreaded senior week, but i had so much fun. it was what i needed. i had to get out of that apartment and my house. i had to leave all the things that were on my mind and let loose. i needed to be with my friends to talk and drink and dance and have fun. it helped me so much. i was tired to being sad and i just wanted to get out. and i did.
i have made so many new friends while also realizing how important my old friends are to me. i was really starting to fit. and of course right when you really feel at home is when everything starts to change all over again.
people have come in and out of my life a lot this year. some people i wanted to stay with me longer. there were so many things i wanted to share with you that you weren't there for. and that was really disappointing to me.
there was a time when i saw a shooting star and didn't even need to make a wish because i was so happy with how my life was. tonight i saw one. and i wished.
you gotta recreate your misery
'cause we all know art is hard
young artists have gotta starve
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
so the last month has brought on some huge changes in my life. some good. some really bad. everything that happened has in turn changed me.
i finally did it. i graduated college. for real. sure it only took me five years, but i did it. and it still hasn't really sunk in that i never have to go back. it feels good to know that i beat the odds. people said you can't have it both ways. you can't work full time and go to college full time, but i did it. yes i struggled at times...and when things got rough it caused me to almost not even graduate, but somehow i got by in the end.
it would have been nice to know on graduation day that i was really graduating. i didn't think that leaving was all that sad because i thought that i would be back again in the fall. i had no idea that i wasn't. i am so very excited that i don't have to retake the worst class ever in life, but i am really sad that i don't really have a reason to go back on campus in the fall. maybe a part of me really just didn't want to let go, but now i have to.
at the end of the first semester i was a mess. i doubted myself and my talent. for the first time i really felt like i made the wrong decision. like i had fooled myself for so long to be something that i wasn't. that serious critique was such a blow to my ego that i lost all confidence in myself. at the end of this semester, i was proud of the work that i had done and i was so happy that i was able to put it out there for so many people to come and see. it was an amazing feeling. i was really happy that so many people that meant so much to me came out to see it.
near the end i almost dreaded senior week, but i had so much fun. it was what i needed. i had to get out of that apartment and my house. i had to leave all the things that were on my mind and let loose. i needed to be with my friends to talk and drink and dance and have fun. it helped me so much. i was tired to being sad and i just wanted to get out. and i did.
i have made so many new friends while also realizing how important my old friends are to me. i was really starting to fit. and of course right when you really feel at home is when everything starts to change all over again.
people have come in and out of my life a lot this year. some people i wanted to stay with me longer. there were so many things i wanted to share with you that you weren't there for. and that was really disappointing to me.
there was a time when i saw a shooting star and didn't even need to make a wish because i was so happy with how my life was. tonight i saw one. and i wished.