As They Put You Down Inside for HEARTSPEED
Title: As They Put You Down Inside
Recipient: heartspeed
Author/Artist: glitterfey
Rating: R
Word Count: 1015
Notes: Title taken from Linkin Park's "Valentine's Day." Heartspeed, I played with your prompt a little bit. I hope you still enjoy!
Summary: Valentine's Day wasn't a holiday that worked out for Kurt in the past, and this year's outlook didn't seem much better.
Valentine's Day just wasn't working out for Kurt. Two years ago, he'd spent the entirety of the afternoon lying in the dumpster, getting out and getting thrown back in before deciding freedom wasn't worth the scraped hands and chants of "homo," "fag," and, suspiciously and a little bit awesomely, "McQueen." Last year, he'd watched his love for Robin Thicke die a quick, Gap-scented death, and while the evening hadn't been bad, spending the day that recognized love and commitment surrounded by girlfriends really wasn't one for the memory books.
This year, though, this was supposed to be better. A real, honest to god boyfriend, a strong, steady relationship, one that seemed to have potential written all over it, and yet here he was, alone on a park bench in the middle of Ohio, holding untouched ice cream masquerading as comfort food, watching the melted cream drip to the ground, mixing with hot tears of shame, disappointment and a little bit of mixed in relief.
.”Six months, Kurt, and you won't let me fuck you. You think I'll be happy with hand jobs forever?"
And Kurt knew, he knew that a lot of the breakup was his fault. If he'd put out, maybe they'd be together right now, naked, writhing, clinging to each other. He'd played the scene over and over in his head, start to finish, as much nighttime routine as cleanser. Gentle kisses, candlelight, hands, just a little rough, ghosting over his sides, across his stomach, pausing at the button of his pants and then a look up, a wink at Kurt but with a reassuring smile, flicking fingers and moving down, down.
."You're a fucking princess, some wannabe virginal kid, constantly measuring everyone up to some unknown, unfair standard. I can't be who you want, Kurt, and I'm done trying."
Kurt shook his head side to side, no, no, no, trying to clear his thoughts. And wasn't that the point, he knew, always saying no, always stopping, never too far and never far enough, always allowing some fear to halt him, freeze him, leave them both hard and aching and upset, and he'd never been able to say why, to explain, and it's not you, it's me only goes so far when you're both 17 and desperate.
"I know you, Kurt, and that's why I'm doing this. I know you better than you know yourself, apparently, because I know what you want, and you obviously have no idea."
His boyfriend--ex-boyfriend--was right, and that was probably why Kurt had let him walk away, no looking back, no hysterical pleas or begging that would turn shameful in the retrospective. They ended like they began, a quiet whisper instead of a bang.
"Oh, come on, Kurt. Whose name do you think you call out when you deign to let me touch you? I'll give you one clue - it isn't mine."
And if he hummed a few bars of "Teenage Dream" while he stirred the remains of his forgotten dessert, well, no one was the wiser.
Except…
And he threw away his dessert, and he stopped singing under his breath, and he got up, and for once, he took charge of his life.
But being two blocks away didn't give Kurt much of a chance to plan, prepare to battle destiny into a firm place in reality, and so he panicked, and he sat on the floor and waited, knees drawn up and arms curled, ready to finally break out his own thoughts. Rushed and ruined, he knew, but patient and perfect hadn't worked so far. Unprepared and unrepentant, the new plan, and in a minute or six, he'd get up, knock, and say--
"I've loved you for two years."
Kurt opened his mouth to speak, but--
"But nothing, okay? Two years, Kurt, and we've danced around it, and it's killed me, but you moved on and I moved on, but I didn't move on, I lied, and I can only hope that since you're here, it means you two are done, and god, Kurt, I don't want to be your friend, your lab partner, the guy you pretend to suck at chess with, and I know you're letting me win, but I don't know how, and I'm pretty sure I don't care because watching you smile is enough to keep me happy for days, and I just can't--I just can't anymore. Everyone knows, Kurt, everyone but us, but I'm starting to know, and I think you do, too, and so we have to stop this, because if I don't kiss you, I'll die, and if I can't make love to you--just--just be with me, Kurt. With me, not with someone else, and not out of duty or obligation but because you love me as much as I love you."
Kurt blinked, and red-rimmed eyes focused on the boy in front of him, pleading and open and wanting and needing and perfect, and he said the only thing he could.
"I love you too, Blaine."
And they kissed, and it really was different, kissing the boy he loved with all his heart, and Kurt spared a grateful moment for his ex, who'd known all along, who'd tried to make him see while breaking his own heart in the process.
"When you figure it out, Kurt, don't wait. Give him what you would never give me--every last bit of yourself. He deserves that, and you do, too."
This time, when the hands stilled over his button, a wink and a smile and flicking fingers, he ran his own through dark, curly hair and smiled back, encouraging with a thrust of his hips and a moan from deep within. And later, when he reached down to return the pleasure, it was with steady hands and a steady heart, eyes opened to take him all in. And finally, finally, as Blaine slid inside, slowly, a litany of whispered reassurance and soothing noises, Kurt realized he didn't need the words, didn't need the caution, because this was what it felt like to be loved, and it wasn't scary at all.
Highest rating preferred: NC-17
Prompt(s) used: 2. Kurt and Blaine have their first fight on Valentine's Day. Which I totally twisted, but there's still a fight, and still Valentine's Day, and still Blaine and Kurt! Could also work with 3., Kurt tries to surprise Blaine on Valentine's Day, but it doesn't work out as planned.
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Recipient: heartspeed
Author/Artist: glitterfey
Rating: R
Word Count: 1015
Notes: Title taken from Linkin Park's "Valentine's Day." Heartspeed, I played with your prompt a little bit. I hope you still enjoy!
Summary: Valentine's Day wasn't a holiday that worked out for Kurt in the past, and this year's outlook didn't seem much better.
Valentine's Day just wasn't working out for Kurt. Two years ago, he'd spent the entirety of the afternoon lying in the dumpster, getting out and getting thrown back in before deciding freedom wasn't worth the scraped hands and chants of "homo," "fag," and, suspiciously and a little bit awesomely, "McQueen." Last year, he'd watched his love for Robin Thicke die a quick, Gap-scented death, and while the evening hadn't been bad, spending the day that recognized love and commitment surrounded by girlfriends really wasn't one for the memory books.
This year, though, this was supposed to be better. A real, honest to god boyfriend, a strong, steady relationship, one that seemed to have potential written all over it, and yet here he was, alone on a park bench in the middle of Ohio, holding untouched ice cream masquerading as comfort food, watching the melted cream drip to the ground, mixing with hot tears of shame, disappointment and a little bit of mixed in relief.
.”Six months, Kurt, and you won't let me fuck you. You think I'll be happy with hand jobs forever?"
And Kurt knew, he knew that a lot of the breakup was his fault. If he'd put out, maybe they'd be together right now, naked, writhing, clinging to each other. He'd played the scene over and over in his head, start to finish, as much nighttime routine as cleanser. Gentle kisses, candlelight, hands, just a little rough, ghosting over his sides, across his stomach, pausing at the button of his pants and then a look up, a wink at Kurt but with a reassuring smile, flicking fingers and moving down, down.
."You're a fucking princess, some wannabe virginal kid, constantly measuring everyone up to some unknown, unfair standard. I can't be who you want, Kurt, and I'm done trying."
Kurt shook his head side to side, no, no, no, trying to clear his thoughts. And wasn't that the point, he knew, always saying no, always stopping, never too far and never far enough, always allowing some fear to halt him, freeze him, leave them both hard and aching and upset, and he'd never been able to say why, to explain, and it's not you, it's me only goes so far when you're both 17 and desperate.
"I know you, Kurt, and that's why I'm doing this. I know you better than you know yourself, apparently, because I know what you want, and you obviously have no idea."
His boyfriend--ex-boyfriend--was right, and that was probably why Kurt had let him walk away, no looking back, no hysterical pleas or begging that would turn shameful in the retrospective. They ended like they began, a quiet whisper instead of a bang.
"Oh, come on, Kurt. Whose name do you think you call out when you deign to let me touch you? I'll give you one clue - it isn't mine."
And if he hummed a few bars of "Teenage Dream" while he stirred the remains of his forgotten dessert, well, no one was the wiser.
Except…
And he threw away his dessert, and he stopped singing under his breath, and he got up, and for once, he took charge of his life.
But being two blocks away didn't give Kurt much of a chance to plan, prepare to battle destiny into a firm place in reality, and so he panicked, and he sat on the floor and waited, knees drawn up and arms curled, ready to finally break out his own thoughts. Rushed and ruined, he knew, but patient and perfect hadn't worked so far. Unprepared and unrepentant, the new plan, and in a minute or six, he'd get up, knock, and say--
"I've loved you for two years."
Kurt opened his mouth to speak, but--
"But nothing, okay? Two years, Kurt, and we've danced around it, and it's killed me, but you moved on and I moved on, but I didn't move on, I lied, and I can only hope that since you're here, it means you two are done, and god, Kurt, I don't want to be your friend, your lab partner, the guy you pretend to suck at chess with, and I know you're letting me win, but I don't know how, and I'm pretty sure I don't care because watching you smile is enough to keep me happy for days, and I just can't--I just can't anymore. Everyone knows, Kurt, everyone but us, but I'm starting to know, and I think you do, too, and so we have to stop this, because if I don't kiss you, I'll die, and if I can't make love to you--just--just be with me, Kurt. With me, not with someone else, and not out of duty or obligation but because you love me as much as I love you."
Kurt blinked, and red-rimmed eyes focused on the boy in front of him, pleading and open and wanting and needing and perfect, and he said the only thing he could.
"I love you too, Blaine."
And they kissed, and it really was different, kissing the boy he loved with all his heart, and Kurt spared a grateful moment for his ex, who'd known all along, who'd tried to make him see while breaking his own heart in the process.
"When you figure it out, Kurt, don't wait. Give him what you would never give me--every last bit of yourself. He deserves that, and you do, too."
This time, when the hands stilled over his button, a wink and a smile and flicking fingers, he ran his own through dark, curly hair and smiled back, encouraging with a thrust of his hips and a moan from deep within. And later, when he reached down to return the pleasure, it was with steady hands and a steady heart, eyes opened to take him all in. And finally, finally, as Blaine slid inside, slowly, a litany of whispered reassurance and soothing noises, Kurt realized he didn't need the words, didn't need the caution, because this was what it felt like to be loved, and it wasn't scary at all.
Highest rating preferred: NC-17
Prompt(s) used: 2. Kurt and Blaine have their first fight on Valentine's Day. Which I totally twisted, but there's still a fight, and still Valentine's Day, and still Blaine and Kurt! Could also work with 3., Kurt tries to surprise Blaine on Valentine's Day, but it doesn't work out as planned.
Want the chance to win a raffle just by commenting? Learn about our Comment Frenzy contest here!
Don't forget to post 'Comment frenzy!' in your subjects!
Missed a day of fic? Check the exchange tag!