Fic: At Least For A Little While (1/1)
Media: Fanfiction
Title: At Least For A Little While
Author: Joyful
Disclaimer: Glee doesn't belong to me and I make no money from this.
Summary: When Dalton does a blood drive, the Warblers try to make Kurt donate blood. When Kurt insists he can't, they don't take no for an answer and he's forced to tell them his secret: he's HIV-positive.
Word Count: About 4400
Warnings: discussion of blood, death, and disease.
Spoilers: Up to 2.16 to be safe, there's mentions of song spoilers.
Rating: PG (for language and angst)
Notes: Written for this prompt on the angst meme: http://community.livejournal.com/glee_angst_meme/7446.html?thread=9415446#t9415446
*****
“Alright Warblers, as the celebrities of Dalton Academy, we need to be good role models for our fellow students. This means that we're all donating blood at the blood drive next week. If you're under eighteen, I have permission slips for you to take to your parents. I want every Warbler to give blood,” Wes commanded, “Even if you're squeamish.”
Wes held a piece of paper out to Kurt, but Kurt made no motion to take it.
“I can't donate blood,” Kurt said. “Sorry.”
“Of course you can, Kurt,” Blaine said. “I know that gay guys aren't supposed to, but we can donate if we're still virgins. You are still a virgin, right?” there was a note of good-natured ribbing in Blaine's voice and the other Warblers all laughed.
“Of course I am,” Kurt said. “I just can't give blood. I'm anemic.” It wasn't truly a lie, Kurt's blood frequently tested extremely low for both iron and B-12, but it wasn't the whole truth.
“So am I,” Jeff said, “And I've donated twice. You just take extra iron supplements for a week before and it's usually okay. I have extras in my locker.”
“That settles it then,” Wes said, handing Kurt the paper. Kurt sighs and folds the paper before putting it in his bag. He knows his dad won't sign the slip, he'll just tell his friends that, if they push. He watched Wes cough into his hand and instinctively pulls the hand sanitizer from his bag, working it into his hands carefully, before putting on some extra moisturizer. With Regionals so soon, Kurt could not afford to get a cold. Especially since if he got another cold this year his dad would make him go to the hospital again, and Kurt hated staying at the hospital.
“Alright, Warblers,” David said, after Wes handed out the permission forms.
“Meeting adjourned,” Wes said, slamming the gavel down carefully. Kurt sighed, then started to walk out to his car to make the two-hour commute back to Lima for dinner.
*****
“Hey Finn,” Kurt said walking past his stepbrother. “You feeling better? Mono all cleared up?”
“Yep,” Finn said. “Does that mean we don't have to keep scrubbing down everything I touch?”
Kurt made a face. “Well, you should still try and keep stuff clean. But yes, I'll stop following you obsessively and wiping down everything you touch with wet-naps and/or bleach.”
“Cool,” Finn said.
“Just remember about the food, please,” Kurt said.
One of the first things that Burt and Kurt had instructed Carole and Finn, when the two moved in with the Hummels, was that they weren't supposed to touch anything Kurt was going to eat with their bare hands. Kurt was relatively healthy at the moment, but all he needed was one wrong germ and he could wind up in the hospital again, and that was never fin.
“Of course, bro,” Finn said, patting Kurt on the back. Kurt smiled. Apart from his father, so few people touched him. People tended to keep Kurt at arms length, if not because of his flamboyant personality, than because of his health. Kurt Hummel was HIV-positive. Finn had reacted badly at first, when Burt and Carole had explained Kurt's disease to him. It was yet another thing about Kurt that made Finn uncomfortable, afraid to touch him, to be around him. But Finn was getting used to it all now. And it's not like it was Kurt's fault or anything. It was just another thing in Kurt's life that was out of control.
“I'm just going to go put my bag away in my room, and take my meds, then I'll be down for supper.”
“Cool,” Finn said. He didn't envy his stepbrother at all. For one, the dude was older than him by almost a year, and still really small. And he had to take a bunch of pills several times a day, every day, and he had to be really careful that he didn't get hurt, and if he ever had sex he had to be extra-super-careful and Finn thought that was, like, way too much pressure for a teenage guy. Guys weren't supposed to be scared of sex. Yeah, Finn totally didn't envy Kurt, poor guy.
At dinner, Carole asked the boys how their days had gone and Finn launched into a story about Santana being really weird. Like, she was crying and being quiet all the time, and hadn't insulted Rachel in almost a whole week. Kurt had to agree that it sounded weird for her.
“How about you, Kurt?” Burt asked.
“Ugh,” Kurt answered. “So, the school is doing a blood drive next week, and the Warblers' council decided that the entire glee club has to donate blood to be good role models or something. Wes practically ordered me to get you to sign the permission form.”
“Well, just tell them that your dad won't sign the forms,” Burt said. “You're not 18 quite yet, so I would have to give permission. Tell them it's all my fault, but your hands are tied.”
Kurt nodded. “That should work. But what if they want to know why you don't want me to donate?”
“It's none of their business,” Carole said. “It's nobody's business but yours, Kurt. Don't let anybody wheedle it out of you if you don't want to tell them.”
“Thanks,” Kurt said. He loved his family, especially when they didn't treat him like he was different.
*****
“So did everyone bring their permission forms for the blood drive?” Wes asked. He goes around the room, collecting the forms, and stops by Kurt.
“Sorry, my dad won't sign it, I can't give blood,” Kurt said.
“That's not fair,” Blaine said. “I thought your dad was, like, really accepting of you being gay.”
“It has absolutely nothing to do with my sexuality,” Kurt said. “He worries about my health, and I've had problems with anemia before. He doesn't want to risk it. Please let it go.”
“But donating blood is extremely important,” Thad said. “It's absolutely critical that the blood bank have enough units of every blood type on hand for emergencies.”
“You think I don't know that?” Kurt asked, beginning to feel frustration pump through him. “I've had three blood transfusions in my life, Thad, I know how important blood donation is. I'm more than happy to volunteer at the drive, handing out juice and cookies, or filing papers, but I can't give blood. Please let it go.”
“I think that sounds reasonable,” David interjected, before anyone else had the chance to jump on Kurt. “This is Warblers' practice, we've collected the permission forms, let's work on the choreography for 'Raise Your Glass.'”
*****
Kurt walked into Biology class and saw the supplies for today's lab laid out on the lab tables. Indicator cards, pipettes, sterile lancettes. They were doing a blood typing lab. Instead of taking his seat next to Blaine at their lab table, he stood next to the door, waiting for the teacher to come in so he could speak to him in the hall. He watched Jeff and Nick pass him and take their seats, shooting him curious glances, but the second he saw Mr. Paulson walking down the hall, he started walking to meet him.
“Sir, I need to speak with you before class starts,” Kurt said.
“Ahh, yes, Kurt, what is it?” Mr. Paulson was a large, friendly man who slightly resembled a walrus.
“Are we doing a blood-typing lab?”
“Why yes, I thought it would be fitting, since the blood drive is in a couple of days,” Mr. Paulson smiled.
“I can't participate in the lab,” Kurt said.
“Squeamish?” Mr. Paulson asked.
“No sir, I cannot participate for health reasons,” Kurt said, hoping he wouldn't have to say it, but believing it would likely be unavoidable. At least they were alone in the hallway for now.
“If you don't do the lab, I'll be forced to mark you with zero for the week, and you'll be ineligible from glee club until next week,” Mr. Paulson warned.
“I'm HIV-positive,” Kurt confessed. “I have been my entire life. I already know my blood type.”
“Ah,” Mr. Paulson said. “I understand. You may be excused to the nurse's station for the rest of the period, and I'll mark the lab complete.”
“Thank you sir,” Kurt said, preparing to walk away, but the teacher paused, assessing Kurt's appearance. Seeming to take in for the first time Kurt's slight build and pale skin.
“Mother-to-infant transmission?” the biology teacher asked, and Kurt nodded.
“She didn't know she was infected. She'd had a tainted blood transfusion back in the 80s, then went undiagnosed for years,” Kurt gave the fast explanation.
“Well, you're excused from the lab, son. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry,” Mr. Paulson said, before turning back to enter the classroom.
Kurt nodded. Of course he was sorry. Everyone was sorry. Well, everyone who didn't hate him on principle was always sorry. Kurt got kind of sick of people being sorry all the time, but he took a deep breath, steadied himself, and headed to the nurse's office. The nurse was already aware of his HIV status, of course, in case of any emergencies. All he'd need to say was that there was a blood typing lab and he'd be allowed to sit at the spare desk in the back of the office and study for the rest of the class period.
*****
Burt Hummel was leaning over the engine of a car when Blaine walked into the garage. He wondered what the kid wanted now. The kid had his heart in the right place, but he had been seriously out of line to talk to Burt about Kurt and sex. Or course Kurt wasn't comfortable talking about sex. All thoughts of sex was constantly tied to thoughts of HIV and hospital visits, and watching his mother waste away. If Kurt ever found somebody he trusted enough to disclose his status to him, then he and the boy would both have to weigh the risks and decide if it was worth it. Burt still remembered Katie's stance on sex after she'd been diagnosed. Burt had been perfectly willing to take the risk, but Katie had refused, stating she'd already infected Kurt, she didn't want to risk infecting Burt too, that her conscience couldn't bear the guilt if that happened.
“Hello, Mr. Hummel.”
“Blaine. What can I do for you today?”
“Well, Kurt told us that you won't let him donate blood for the blood drive, and I don't think that's very fair at all. The only time gay men can donate blood to the Red Cross at all is while they're virgins, or if they lie on the forms. You're depriving Kurt of the chance to save somebody's life.”
“You're definitely overstepping here, Blaine,” Burt said, scowling at the boy. “The reasons that Kurt isn't donating blood is none of your business, and it's really rude of you to butt into our lives like that. How I raise my son is none of your business as well, kid. I respect that my son likes you, and counts you as a friend, but so far you've passed out drunk in my house, and have twice tried to tell me how to raise my own kid.”
“Sir-“ Blaine started, fumbling for words.
“Let me ask you something, Blaine,” Burt said. “You told me that you and your dad don't have the best of relationships, that he's maybe disappointed in you for being gay, is that right?”
“Yes sir,” Blaine said.
“Now, how would you react if you found out that Kurt drove to your dad's work, and told him he needed to treat you better, or change his relationship with you?” Burt asked.
Blaine didn't answer. He was too busy visualizing the scene, and then realizing the connotation of what Burt was saying.
“I'm sorry sir. I won't do it again,” Blaine says, red and embarrassed as he turns to walk out.
“Look, Blaine,” Burt calls, and he sighs, because he can't let the kid leave looking like that. “Your heart's in the right place, and I appreciate that you care about my son, but you don't always go about things the right way. Before you do things that are impulsive, try to think about the affect it will have on all the parties involved. Now, that's a skill that's hard to master, and you'll get better at as you grow up, but you're not too young to start learning now. Before you say something or do something on a whim, try to picture what the outcome will be from different angles. It'll save you a lot of heartbreak and embarrassment in your life.”
“Thanks for the advice, Mr. Hummel,” Blaine said, nodding. What the man said makes sense, but Blaine's never thought about stuff like that before. HE sighs and starts walking back to the car, wondering if there's some other way he can get Kurt to donate blood, since Wes and Thad won't be happy until the entire glee club participates in the blood drive.
*****
On the day of the blood drive, Kurt manned the refreshment table, handing out juice and cookies to everyone who donates blood. All of the Warblers who had already donated were either hanging out and socializing, or helping the volunteers. Jeff was sitting slumped against the table, since he got a little dizzy and almost fainted, nursing a paper cup of orange juice.
“I think I've figured it out,” Jeff said to Kurt. “You're one of those people who faints at the sight of their own blood, aren't you? That's why you skipped out on the bio lab.”
“Trust me, that's not the problem,” Kurt said, with a chuckle. Considering how frequently Kurt had blood drawn for lab tests, that definitely wasn't his problem. “I have no problem with the sight of blood. I can't donate blood for health reasons.”
“You should let them test your blood for iron content,” Nick said. “See if you're still anemic.”
“Dude, Wes' blood spurted out when they pricked his finger, did you see it?” Lance said. “You must have really high blood pressure.”
“Aw, Wes, are you stressed out?” David asked.
“It must be more than simple anemia if you've had blood transfusions in the past,” Thad said, directing the conversation back to Kurt, much to Kurt's annoyance. “Are you a hemophiliac?”
“No,” Kurt said, “I don't have hemophilia.”
“What then?” Wes pressed. “What could possibly be so dangerous that you can't spare a couple pints of blood to save people? I mean, you have family, what if your family was in a car accident or something, and needed blood?”
“Would you all please just leave me alone?” Kurt asked. “My reasons are my own, and it's none of your business.”
“I think you're making it all up,” Jason said. “I bet you just don't want to donate blood. I knew you were scared of things, but I didn't picture you for the type to be afraid of a needle. I can't believe you can't be bothered to help save lives. That's really selfish.”
Normally, Kurt prided himself for not losing his temper. For remaining level-headed no matter the situation. Or at least, he tried to keep a level head. But at that moment, too many of Kurt's buttons had been pushed, and he slammed his hands down on the table.
“I'm HIV-positive, all right? Are you all happy now? I can't give blood because I have HIV,” Kurt blurted out, fed up and frustrated. Unfortunately, the second he raised his lyrical voice, everybody shut up, and the room grew quiet enough to hear a pin drop. Everyone just stared at Kurt.
“Slut.”
Thew word just slips out, before Thad even realizes he's saying it, and he's clamped his hand over his mouth in reaction.
“You've been lying to me?” Blaine asked, hurt obvious in his eyes. “You've been lying to be about everything? About being a virgin? I thought you were my friend. I trusted you.”
“No,” Kurt said. But the Warblers were already starting to stand up and move away from Kurt, angry and disgusted. “I am a virgin. I've never even kissed a boy, except that asshole Karofsky. I swear, Blaine, I've never had sex.”
“How'd you get it then? Dirty needles?” Jeff asked, curious. “Do you do drugs?”
“No!” Kurt denied, frustrated. There were tears pooling at the corners of his eyes. These guys were supposed to be his friends. And not only had they not backed off when he'd asked, now they were judging him for things he'd never even done. “I've been positive my whole life!”
Kurt is seconds away from crying, and the sincerity of his confession has drawn Blaine up short.
“What?” Blaine asked.
“My mom was in a car accident in 1985. She was okay, but she had to have a blood transfusion. The blood they gave her was tainted. She went almost ten years undiagnosed. In fact, I was diagnosed before she was. I had a case of the croup when I was a year old that got so bad I almost died. They ran a bunch of tests, and figured out we were both infect,” Kurt explained, and at this point he was sobbing. “My parents didn't expect me to live past two, but I responded well to medications. I've been on fistfuls of antiretrovirals for years now, it's why my growth was so stunted.”
Kurt had to sit down. H continued speaking through hitched breath and dripping tears. He had wanted to be treated just like everyone else, but it was too late for that now. Now he needed to do everything to convince his friends that he wasn't a liar, or a drug addict, or a slut. Hell, he rarely masturbated since he had to be so careful cleaning up his semen.
“It's why I look like I'm thirteen or fourteen, even though I'm almost eighteen. It's why I'm a year behind in school, and will be nineteen when I graduate. You guys don't understand. You don't understand anything. You couldn't, your lives are all so perfect.”
“Our lives aren't perfect,” Wes replied automatically.
“Oh no? Maybe not perfect but a hell of a lot more comfortable than mine!” Kurt began to get angry again. He was causing a huge scene in the middle of the gym, but he didn't really care anymore. Everyone would know soon enough, the way gossip traveled in high schools. “I've had to spend months in the hospital before. MONTHS. I've known my entire life that I'm dying. I have to be so damn careful, just to make sure I don't get a cold or a flu. I am about to turn eighteen. Do you know how rare that is for a kid who's born with HIV? My entire life revolves around viral loads and T-cell counts. I spend ever doctor's visit terrified that this is it, this is the time they're gonna say, 'I',m sorry Kurt, but you've progressed to full-blown AIDS.' I'm a teenage boy, I should be worrying about zits and tests and whether or not I'm going to have a date to the junior prom. Not about antiretroviral cocktails, and which pills I'm on to control the side-effects of the pills I'm on to save my life! I should be worried about taking the SATs, not worried about if it even matters!”
Kurt spun around to face Blaine.
“And you!” he pointed a finger accusingly. “You tell me how important it is that I blend in, like I haven't dreamed for that my entire life, tell me how I have to change myself to be accepted, and then get all over me about not being sexy? Do you have any idea how hard it is to be confidant when you're not allowed to act like yourself? Have you any idea how much the idea of sex terrifies me? It's supposed be some rite of passage that everyone does, and I can't even attempt it without putting somebody's life at risk!” Kurt turned around then and stormed out. Surprisingly, Finn, Rachel and Mercedes were standing there at the entrance of the gym. When Kurt stormed out Rachel and Mercedes immediately ran after him to comfort him. They'd known about Kurt's illness for a while, after watching him take fistfuls of pills at their slumber parties. Finn, however, stormed into the gym.
“What the fuck did you guys do to my brother?” Finn asked, his anger rising.
“Finn, what are you doing here?” Blaine asked, still stunned by everything.
“We heard about your blood drive and thought it was a good cause, so some of decided to drive over to participate. I ask you again, what did you do to make my brother so angry?”
“We just wanted him to donate blood,” James said. “We thought he was making up the health excuse. We didn't know.”
“It didn't help when Thad called him a slut,” Jeff pointed out.
“I didn't mean it,” Thad said. “It just slipped out.”
“I thought this school was supposed to be this awesome place where people don't bully you. Wasn't the fact that he said 'no' enough? You thought you had the right to keep pushing?” Finn was trying to suppress the desire to punch them all in the face.
“We're really sorry,” David said, honestly. “I didn't even know people could be born with HIV. I thought you had to have sex.”
“Me too,” Jeff said.
“I don't actually know what HIV is,” one of the boys in the back said.
“God, you guys know even less here than we do at McKinley,” Finn said.
“Dalton doesn't have sex-ed classes,” Blaine said quietly.
“Well, I'll tell you what I know,” Finn said, “Then I'm going to check on Kurt and make sure he's okay. Kurt's mom got HIV from a blood transfusion. Apparently, according to my step-dad, if they know about it, sometimes babies are born without the disease, but Kurt probably got it as a baby from drinking breast-milk or something. I don't understand it completely. But I know you can't catch HIV from hugging, kissing, sharing food or hanging out. His blood would have to get into your blood. Or, like, through sex. But don't be scared to, like, pat Kurt on the back or high-five him or whatever. Because Kurt's completely totally awesome, but sometimes he's scared of people because nobody ever wants to, like, touch him or anything. Which, like, totally sucks. Also, if you're sick, wash your hands a lot, 'cause Kurt gets sick easier and when he gets a cold Burt makes him go to the hospital and he hates it.”
“I'm gonna go try and find Kurt and see if he'll forgive me,” Blaine said. “You should keep telling them stuff, because they don't teach us that stuff here.”
“Okay,” Finn said, oddly proud that, for once, he knew enough about something to educate other people.
*****
Blaine found Kurt sitting on the front steps of the school, between Mercedes and Rachel, who were rubbing his back gently as he cried on Mercedes shoulder.
“Kurt, I'm sorry, I was a total douche-bag,” Blaine started. “We all were.”
“Well, yeah,” Kurt said through his sniffles. “But I was being all secretive, so I get why you couldn't leave it alone, even though you totally should have.”
“I'm sorry we pushed you, and I'm sorry we jumped to conclusions. None of us had heard of somebody being born with it before. At least not somebody our age.”
“I know,” Kurt sniffled. “I'm lucky I've lived so long.” He looked at Rachel and Mercedes. “Girls, why don't you go inside and donate blood like you'd planned. Blaine and I will be okay out here for a while.”
“Okay,” Rachel said, and the two girls got up and entered the old stone building.
“I wish you had told me before,” Blaine said. “I would have taken it okay.”
“In my experience, Blaine, nobody takes it okay. At least not as first. Finn didn't want to be alone with me for three weeks, and flinched every time I reached for the TV remote or something. Well, Rachel was okay with it right away, but even Mercedes had some problems getting used to the idea.”
“I'm sorry we assumed the worst of you,” Blaine said. “Please, will you forgive me?”
“Probably,” Kurt admitted. “I always forgive everyone eventually. It just hurts. Every time.”
Blaine reached out for Kurt's hand, and Kurt smiled at the contact.
“I'm probably going to transfer back to McKinley,” Kurt said.
“What? Why?”
“Well, after that outburst, it shouldn't be long before the whole school knows. And then people will start treating me like crap, making my life miserable.”
“Zero tolerance policy,” Blaine said, “They can't, it's bullying. We'll talk to the Dean, and make sure the teachers know to give demerits to anyone who says anything mean to you. And we'll look out for you. Promise.”
“I'll think about it,” Kurt said. “I'm really tired right now, and I want to go home.”
“Let me walk you to your car,” Blaine offered.
“Okay,” Kurt said, smiling when Blaine doesn't let go of his hand while they walk. Maybe things will turn out okay after all, at least for a little while.
*End*
Title: At Least For A Little While
Author: Joyful
Disclaimer: Glee doesn't belong to me and I make no money from this.
Summary: When Dalton does a blood drive, the Warblers try to make Kurt donate blood. When Kurt insists he can't, they don't take no for an answer and he's forced to tell them his secret: he's HIV-positive.
Word Count: About 4400
Warnings: discussion of blood, death, and disease.
Spoilers: Up to 2.16 to be safe, there's mentions of song spoilers.
Rating: PG (for language and angst)
Notes: Written for this prompt on the angst meme: http://community.livejournal.com/glee_angst_meme/7446.html?thread=9415446#t9415446
*****
“Alright Warblers, as the celebrities of Dalton Academy, we need to be good role models for our fellow students. This means that we're all donating blood at the blood drive next week. If you're under eighteen, I have permission slips for you to take to your parents. I want every Warbler to give blood,” Wes commanded, “Even if you're squeamish.”
Wes held a piece of paper out to Kurt, but Kurt made no motion to take it.
“I can't donate blood,” Kurt said. “Sorry.”
“Of course you can, Kurt,” Blaine said. “I know that gay guys aren't supposed to, but we can donate if we're still virgins. You are still a virgin, right?” there was a note of good-natured ribbing in Blaine's voice and the other Warblers all laughed.
“Of course I am,” Kurt said. “I just can't give blood. I'm anemic.” It wasn't truly a lie, Kurt's blood frequently tested extremely low for both iron and B-12, but it wasn't the whole truth.
“So am I,” Jeff said, “And I've donated twice. You just take extra iron supplements for a week before and it's usually okay. I have extras in my locker.”
“That settles it then,” Wes said, handing Kurt the paper. Kurt sighs and folds the paper before putting it in his bag. He knows his dad won't sign the slip, he'll just tell his friends that, if they push. He watched Wes cough into his hand and instinctively pulls the hand sanitizer from his bag, working it into his hands carefully, before putting on some extra moisturizer. With Regionals so soon, Kurt could not afford to get a cold. Especially since if he got another cold this year his dad would make him go to the hospital again, and Kurt hated staying at the hospital.
“Alright, Warblers,” David said, after Wes handed out the permission forms.
“Meeting adjourned,” Wes said, slamming the gavel down carefully. Kurt sighed, then started to walk out to his car to make the two-hour commute back to Lima for dinner.
*****
“Hey Finn,” Kurt said walking past his stepbrother. “You feeling better? Mono all cleared up?”
“Yep,” Finn said. “Does that mean we don't have to keep scrubbing down everything I touch?”
Kurt made a face. “Well, you should still try and keep stuff clean. But yes, I'll stop following you obsessively and wiping down everything you touch with wet-naps and/or bleach.”
“Cool,” Finn said.
“Just remember about the food, please,” Kurt said.
One of the first things that Burt and Kurt had instructed Carole and Finn, when the two moved in with the Hummels, was that they weren't supposed to touch anything Kurt was going to eat with their bare hands. Kurt was relatively healthy at the moment, but all he needed was one wrong germ and he could wind up in the hospital again, and that was never fin.
“Of course, bro,” Finn said, patting Kurt on the back. Kurt smiled. Apart from his father, so few people touched him. People tended to keep Kurt at arms length, if not because of his flamboyant personality, than because of his health. Kurt Hummel was HIV-positive. Finn had reacted badly at first, when Burt and Carole had explained Kurt's disease to him. It was yet another thing about Kurt that made Finn uncomfortable, afraid to touch him, to be around him. But Finn was getting used to it all now. And it's not like it was Kurt's fault or anything. It was just another thing in Kurt's life that was out of control.
“I'm just going to go put my bag away in my room, and take my meds, then I'll be down for supper.”
“Cool,” Finn said. He didn't envy his stepbrother at all. For one, the dude was older than him by almost a year, and still really small. And he had to take a bunch of pills several times a day, every day, and he had to be really careful that he didn't get hurt, and if he ever had sex he had to be extra-super-careful and Finn thought that was, like, way too much pressure for a teenage guy. Guys weren't supposed to be scared of sex. Yeah, Finn totally didn't envy Kurt, poor guy.
At dinner, Carole asked the boys how their days had gone and Finn launched into a story about Santana being really weird. Like, she was crying and being quiet all the time, and hadn't insulted Rachel in almost a whole week. Kurt had to agree that it sounded weird for her.
“How about you, Kurt?” Burt asked.
“Ugh,” Kurt answered. “So, the school is doing a blood drive next week, and the Warblers' council decided that the entire glee club has to donate blood to be good role models or something. Wes practically ordered me to get you to sign the permission form.”
“Well, just tell them that your dad won't sign the forms,” Burt said. “You're not 18 quite yet, so I would have to give permission. Tell them it's all my fault, but your hands are tied.”
Kurt nodded. “That should work. But what if they want to know why you don't want me to donate?”
“It's none of their business,” Carole said. “It's nobody's business but yours, Kurt. Don't let anybody wheedle it out of you if you don't want to tell them.”
“Thanks,” Kurt said. He loved his family, especially when they didn't treat him like he was different.
*****
“So did everyone bring their permission forms for the blood drive?” Wes asked. He goes around the room, collecting the forms, and stops by Kurt.
“Sorry, my dad won't sign it, I can't give blood,” Kurt said.
“That's not fair,” Blaine said. “I thought your dad was, like, really accepting of you being gay.”
“It has absolutely nothing to do with my sexuality,” Kurt said. “He worries about my health, and I've had problems with anemia before. He doesn't want to risk it. Please let it go.”
“But donating blood is extremely important,” Thad said. “It's absolutely critical that the blood bank have enough units of every blood type on hand for emergencies.”
“You think I don't know that?” Kurt asked, beginning to feel frustration pump through him. “I've had three blood transfusions in my life, Thad, I know how important blood donation is. I'm more than happy to volunteer at the drive, handing out juice and cookies, or filing papers, but I can't give blood. Please let it go.”
“I think that sounds reasonable,” David interjected, before anyone else had the chance to jump on Kurt. “This is Warblers' practice, we've collected the permission forms, let's work on the choreography for 'Raise Your Glass.'”
*****
Kurt walked into Biology class and saw the supplies for today's lab laid out on the lab tables. Indicator cards, pipettes, sterile lancettes. They were doing a blood typing lab. Instead of taking his seat next to Blaine at their lab table, he stood next to the door, waiting for the teacher to come in so he could speak to him in the hall. He watched Jeff and Nick pass him and take their seats, shooting him curious glances, but the second he saw Mr. Paulson walking down the hall, he started walking to meet him.
“Sir, I need to speak with you before class starts,” Kurt said.
“Ahh, yes, Kurt, what is it?” Mr. Paulson was a large, friendly man who slightly resembled a walrus.
“Are we doing a blood-typing lab?”
“Why yes, I thought it would be fitting, since the blood drive is in a couple of days,” Mr. Paulson smiled.
“I can't participate in the lab,” Kurt said.
“Squeamish?” Mr. Paulson asked.
“No sir, I cannot participate for health reasons,” Kurt said, hoping he wouldn't have to say it, but believing it would likely be unavoidable. At least they were alone in the hallway for now.
“If you don't do the lab, I'll be forced to mark you with zero for the week, and you'll be ineligible from glee club until next week,” Mr. Paulson warned.
“I'm HIV-positive,” Kurt confessed. “I have been my entire life. I already know my blood type.”
“Ah,” Mr. Paulson said. “I understand. You may be excused to the nurse's station for the rest of the period, and I'll mark the lab complete.”
“Thank you sir,” Kurt said, preparing to walk away, but the teacher paused, assessing Kurt's appearance. Seeming to take in for the first time Kurt's slight build and pale skin.
“Mother-to-infant transmission?” the biology teacher asked, and Kurt nodded.
“She didn't know she was infected. She'd had a tainted blood transfusion back in the 80s, then went undiagnosed for years,” Kurt gave the fast explanation.
“Well, you're excused from the lab, son. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry,” Mr. Paulson said, before turning back to enter the classroom.
Kurt nodded. Of course he was sorry. Everyone was sorry. Well, everyone who didn't hate him on principle was always sorry. Kurt got kind of sick of people being sorry all the time, but he took a deep breath, steadied himself, and headed to the nurse's office. The nurse was already aware of his HIV status, of course, in case of any emergencies. All he'd need to say was that there was a blood typing lab and he'd be allowed to sit at the spare desk in the back of the office and study for the rest of the class period.
*****
Burt Hummel was leaning over the engine of a car when Blaine walked into the garage. He wondered what the kid wanted now. The kid had his heart in the right place, but he had been seriously out of line to talk to Burt about Kurt and sex. Or course Kurt wasn't comfortable talking about sex. All thoughts of sex was constantly tied to thoughts of HIV and hospital visits, and watching his mother waste away. If Kurt ever found somebody he trusted enough to disclose his status to him, then he and the boy would both have to weigh the risks and decide if it was worth it. Burt still remembered Katie's stance on sex after she'd been diagnosed. Burt had been perfectly willing to take the risk, but Katie had refused, stating she'd already infected Kurt, she didn't want to risk infecting Burt too, that her conscience couldn't bear the guilt if that happened.
“Hello, Mr. Hummel.”
“Blaine. What can I do for you today?”
“Well, Kurt told us that you won't let him donate blood for the blood drive, and I don't think that's very fair at all. The only time gay men can donate blood to the Red Cross at all is while they're virgins, or if they lie on the forms. You're depriving Kurt of the chance to save somebody's life.”
“You're definitely overstepping here, Blaine,” Burt said, scowling at the boy. “The reasons that Kurt isn't donating blood is none of your business, and it's really rude of you to butt into our lives like that. How I raise my son is none of your business as well, kid. I respect that my son likes you, and counts you as a friend, but so far you've passed out drunk in my house, and have twice tried to tell me how to raise my own kid.”
“Sir-“ Blaine started, fumbling for words.
“Let me ask you something, Blaine,” Burt said. “You told me that you and your dad don't have the best of relationships, that he's maybe disappointed in you for being gay, is that right?”
“Yes sir,” Blaine said.
“Now, how would you react if you found out that Kurt drove to your dad's work, and told him he needed to treat you better, or change his relationship with you?” Burt asked.
Blaine didn't answer. He was too busy visualizing the scene, and then realizing the connotation of what Burt was saying.
“I'm sorry sir. I won't do it again,” Blaine says, red and embarrassed as he turns to walk out.
“Look, Blaine,” Burt calls, and he sighs, because he can't let the kid leave looking like that. “Your heart's in the right place, and I appreciate that you care about my son, but you don't always go about things the right way. Before you do things that are impulsive, try to think about the affect it will have on all the parties involved. Now, that's a skill that's hard to master, and you'll get better at as you grow up, but you're not too young to start learning now. Before you say something or do something on a whim, try to picture what the outcome will be from different angles. It'll save you a lot of heartbreak and embarrassment in your life.”
“Thanks for the advice, Mr. Hummel,” Blaine said, nodding. What the man said makes sense, but Blaine's never thought about stuff like that before. HE sighs and starts walking back to the car, wondering if there's some other way he can get Kurt to donate blood, since Wes and Thad won't be happy until the entire glee club participates in the blood drive.
*****
On the day of the blood drive, Kurt manned the refreshment table, handing out juice and cookies to everyone who donates blood. All of the Warblers who had already donated were either hanging out and socializing, or helping the volunteers. Jeff was sitting slumped against the table, since he got a little dizzy and almost fainted, nursing a paper cup of orange juice.
“I think I've figured it out,” Jeff said to Kurt. “You're one of those people who faints at the sight of their own blood, aren't you? That's why you skipped out on the bio lab.”
“Trust me, that's not the problem,” Kurt said, with a chuckle. Considering how frequently Kurt had blood drawn for lab tests, that definitely wasn't his problem. “I have no problem with the sight of blood. I can't donate blood for health reasons.”
“You should let them test your blood for iron content,” Nick said. “See if you're still anemic.”
“Dude, Wes' blood spurted out when they pricked his finger, did you see it?” Lance said. “You must have really high blood pressure.”
“Aw, Wes, are you stressed out?” David asked.
“It must be more than simple anemia if you've had blood transfusions in the past,” Thad said, directing the conversation back to Kurt, much to Kurt's annoyance. “Are you a hemophiliac?”
“No,” Kurt said, “I don't have hemophilia.”
“What then?” Wes pressed. “What could possibly be so dangerous that you can't spare a couple pints of blood to save people? I mean, you have family, what if your family was in a car accident or something, and needed blood?”
“Would you all please just leave me alone?” Kurt asked. “My reasons are my own, and it's none of your business.”
“I think you're making it all up,” Jason said. “I bet you just don't want to donate blood. I knew you were scared of things, but I didn't picture you for the type to be afraid of a needle. I can't believe you can't be bothered to help save lives. That's really selfish.”
Normally, Kurt prided himself for not losing his temper. For remaining level-headed no matter the situation. Or at least, he tried to keep a level head. But at that moment, too many of Kurt's buttons had been pushed, and he slammed his hands down on the table.
“I'm HIV-positive, all right? Are you all happy now? I can't give blood because I have HIV,” Kurt blurted out, fed up and frustrated. Unfortunately, the second he raised his lyrical voice, everybody shut up, and the room grew quiet enough to hear a pin drop. Everyone just stared at Kurt.
“Slut.”
Thew word just slips out, before Thad even realizes he's saying it, and he's clamped his hand over his mouth in reaction.
“You've been lying to me?” Blaine asked, hurt obvious in his eyes. “You've been lying to be about everything? About being a virgin? I thought you were my friend. I trusted you.”
“No,” Kurt said. But the Warblers were already starting to stand up and move away from Kurt, angry and disgusted. “I am a virgin. I've never even kissed a boy, except that asshole Karofsky. I swear, Blaine, I've never had sex.”
“How'd you get it then? Dirty needles?” Jeff asked, curious. “Do you do drugs?”
“No!” Kurt denied, frustrated. There were tears pooling at the corners of his eyes. These guys were supposed to be his friends. And not only had they not backed off when he'd asked, now they were judging him for things he'd never even done. “I've been positive my whole life!”
Kurt is seconds away from crying, and the sincerity of his confession has drawn Blaine up short.
“What?” Blaine asked.
“My mom was in a car accident in 1985. She was okay, but she had to have a blood transfusion. The blood they gave her was tainted. She went almost ten years undiagnosed. In fact, I was diagnosed before she was. I had a case of the croup when I was a year old that got so bad I almost died. They ran a bunch of tests, and figured out we were both infect,” Kurt explained, and at this point he was sobbing. “My parents didn't expect me to live past two, but I responded well to medications. I've been on fistfuls of antiretrovirals for years now, it's why my growth was so stunted.”
Kurt had to sit down. H continued speaking through hitched breath and dripping tears. He had wanted to be treated just like everyone else, but it was too late for that now. Now he needed to do everything to convince his friends that he wasn't a liar, or a drug addict, or a slut. Hell, he rarely masturbated since he had to be so careful cleaning up his semen.
“It's why I look like I'm thirteen or fourteen, even though I'm almost eighteen. It's why I'm a year behind in school, and will be nineteen when I graduate. You guys don't understand. You don't understand anything. You couldn't, your lives are all so perfect.”
“Our lives aren't perfect,” Wes replied automatically.
“Oh no? Maybe not perfect but a hell of a lot more comfortable than mine!” Kurt began to get angry again. He was causing a huge scene in the middle of the gym, but he didn't really care anymore. Everyone would know soon enough, the way gossip traveled in high schools. “I've had to spend months in the hospital before. MONTHS. I've known my entire life that I'm dying. I have to be so damn careful, just to make sure I don't get a cold or a flu. I am about to turn eighteen. Do you know how rare that is for a kid who's born with HIV? My entire life revolves around viral loads and T-cell counts. I spend ever doctor's visit terrified that this is it, this is the time they're gonna say, 'I',m sorry Kurt, but you've progressed to full-blown AIDS.' I'm a teenage boy, I should be worrying about zits and tests and whether or not I'm going to have a date to the junior prom. Not about antiretroviral cocktails, and which pills I'm on to control the side-effects of the pills I'm on to save my life! I should be worried about taking the SATs, not worried about if it even matters!”
Kurt spun around to face Blaine.
“And you!” he pointed a finger accusingly. “You tell me how important it is that I blend in, like I haven't dreamed for that my entire life, tell me how I have to change myself to be accepted, and then get all over me about not being sexy? Do you have any idea how hard it is to be confidant when you're not allowed to act like yourself? Have you any idea how much the idea of sex terrifies me? It's supposed be some rite of passage that everyone does, and I can't even attempt it without putting somebody's life at risk!” Kurt turned around then and stormed out. Surprisingly, Finn, Rachel and Mercedes were standing there at the entrance of the gym. When Kurt stormed out Rachel and Mercedes immediately ran after him to comfort him. They'd known about Kurt's illness for a while, after watching him take fistfuls of pills at their slumber parties. Finn, however, stormed into the gym.
“What the fuck did you guys do to my brother?” Finn asked, his anger rising.
“Finn, what are you doing here?” Blaine asked, still stunned by everything.
“We heard about your blood drive and thought it was a good cause, so some of decided to drive over to participate. I ask you again, what did you do to make my brother so angry?”
“We just wanted him to donate blood,” James said. “We thought he was making up the health excuse. We didn't know.”
“It didn't help when Thad called him a slut,” Jeff pointed out.
“I didn't mean it,” Thad said. “It just slipped out.”
“I thought this school was supposed to be this awesome place where people don't bully you. Wasn't the fact that he said 'no' enough? You thought you had the right to keep pushing?” Finn was trying to suppress the desire to punch them all in the face.
“We're really sorry,” David said, honestly. “I didn't even know people could be born with HIV. I thought you had to have sex.”
“Me too,” Jeff said.
“I don't actually know what HIV is,” one of the boys in the back said.
“God, you guys know even less here than we do at McKinley,” Finn said.
“Dalton doesn't have sex-ed classes,” Blaine said quietly.
“Well, I'll tell you what I know,” Finn said, “Then I'm going to check on Kurt and make sure he's okay. Kurt's mom got HIV from a blood transfusion. Apparently, according to my step-dad, if they know about it, sometimes babies are born without the disease, but Kurt probably got it as a baby from drinking breast-milk or something. I don't understand it completely. But I know you can't catch HIV from hugging, kissing, sharing food or hanging out. His blood would have to get into your blood. Or, like, through sex. But don't be scared to, like, pat Kurt on the back or high-five him or whatever. Because Kurt's completely totally awesome, but sometimes he's scared of people because nobody ever wants to, like, touch him or anything. Which, like, totally sucks. Also, if you're sick, wash your hands a lot, 'cause Kurt gets sick easier and when he gets a cold Burt makes him go to the hospital and he hates it.”
“I'm gonna go try and find Kurt and see if he'll forgive me,” Blaine said. “You should keep telling them stuff, because they don't teach us that stuff here.”
“Okay,” Finn said, oddly proud that, for once, he knew enough about something to educate other people.
*****
Blaine found Kurt sitting on the front steps of the school, between Mercedes and Rachel, who were rubbing his back gently as he cried on Mercedes shoulder.
“Kurt, I'm sorry, I was a total douche-bag,” Blaine started. “We all were.”
“Well, yeah,” Kurt said through his sniffles. “But I was being all secretive, so I get why you couldn't leave it alone, even though you totally should have.”
“I'm sorry we pushed you, and I'm sorry we jumped to conclusions. None of us had heard of somebody being born with it before. At least not somebody our age.”
“I know,” Kurt sniffled. “I'm lucky I've lived so long.” He looked at Rachel and Mercedes. “Girls, why don't you go inside and donate blood like you'd planned. Blaine and I will be okay out here for a while.”
“Okay,” Rachel said, and the two girls got up and entered the old stone building.
“I wish you had told me before,” Blaine said. “I would have taken it okay.”
“In my experience, Blaine, nobody takes it okay. At least not as first. Finn didn't want to be alone with me for three weeks, and flinched every time I reached for the TV remote or something. Well, Rachel was okay with it right away, but even Mercedes had some problems getting used to the idea.”
“I'm sorry we assumed the worst of you,” Blaine said. “Please, will you forgive me?”
“Probably,” Kurt admitted. “I always forgive everyone eventually. It just hurts. Every time.”
Blaine reached out for Kurt's hand, and Kurt smiled at the contact.
“I'm probably going to transfer back to McKinley,” Kurt said.
“What? Why?”
“Well, after that outburst, it shouldn't be long before the whole school knows. And then people will start treating me like crap, making my life miserable.”
“Zero tolerance policy,” Blaine said, “They can't, it's bullying. We'll talk to the Dean, and make sure the teachers know to give demerits to anyone who says anything mean to you. And we'll look out for you. Promise.”
“I'll think about it,” Kurt said. “I'm really tired right now, and I want to go home.”
“Let me walk you to your car,” Blaine offered.
“Okay,” Kurt said, smiling when Blaine doesn't let go of his hand while they walk. Maybe things will turn out okay after all, at least for a little while.
*End*