Fic Update
Title: Because of You
Pairing: Donghae/ eunhyuk
Genre: Romance, Drama, Fluff, Angst
Rating: PG 13
Summary: Hyukjae was saved when his father was murdered. That is when he come across with Donghae and Kyuhyun. Up to that moment his life starts to change.
Chapter 17
Black. Pitch black and silence. Since Hyukjae left, Donghae always find any reason for him not to go back home early from work. He still not used to it. Even when he’s home, he didn’t bother to turn on the lights. He gets lonely and cold. All he has now is his tears.
The thing that he always do before entering his house is holding on to the door knob and sometime he will press the bell. Just to check if Hyukjae is back and welcome him like always. After almost an hour, he didn’t get any response from the inside, he let himself in with sorrow surrounding his heart.
He thought everything was okay. Nothing wrong with their relationship. They were doing well. So well. The last night together was heaven. No! Every moment with Hyukjae is heaven. Without Hyukjae he is just a living corpse.
He slump his tired body on the couch. Didn’t even bother to wash or have dinner. He try to find sleep in the darkness. He close his eyes, only to let tears falling down again. How can human have so much tears. He cried every day and nights since Hyukjae left him. At first, he can’t pretend that he’s not hurting and that make Sungmin and Kyuhyun worried for him. He cried his eyes out in front of them. Their words, their hugs and everything they do can’t take his pain away.
He keep on dialing Hyukjae’s number. Even though he knows Hyukjae will never answer because he left without his phone. He curl his body on the couch, hugging his knees and starts sobbing like a little child.
******
Flashback
Hyukjae’s already up when he open up his eyes. “Morning…” Donghae pull the younger closer. “Did you sleep well?” Hyukjae hum as an answer.
“Let me prepare breakfast for us today, okay?” he said and kiss Hyukjae’s crown before heading to the kitchen. Their breakfast time is lovely. Hyukjae sit close to him and always steal kisses. He didn’t mind it. He love it when hyukjae shows more affections to him.
After sending Hyukjae to work and head to the station, he prepare a surprise for his lover. He text Hyukjae telling him that Hyukjae should wait for him in the café and they will meet. He didn’t feel weird when he didn’t get any reply because, that means Hyukjae is busy.
He bought flowers. He bought Hyukjae favourite fruits. He has his wonderful smile when he arrive at the café.
Usually, Hyukjae will stand by the counter opposite the door. And Hyukjae’s smiling face always welcome him. But not that day. It was someone else. It was Siwon. His eyes search around to find his Hyukkie but then he saw Siwon signal him to come closer.
“Hyung, hm.. Just wait for me at the corner. I need to tell you something.” The look in Siwon eyes told him that he will receive a very bad news. He don’t like it at all. “Where’s Hyukkie?”
“I tell you later, okay. Please, hyung. The customer is waiting.” Donghae look behind and saw a couple of people were in the line behind him. he bow a little and find himself an empty seat. He tapped his feet impatiently. His eyes still wonder around ad he fail to find Hyukjae anywhere in the café. And his heart starts to beats too fast than it should have.
Almost two hours of waiting, finally Siwon approach him with an envelope in his hand. He frown a little when he notice the sadness in Siwon’s eyes. “Sorry, hyung. I make you wait for too long.”
“Where is Hyukkie? I didn’t see him at all today.”
“Hyung..I…” Siwon is afraid to break the news about Hyukjae.
“Look at me when you talk. Why do I have a bad feeling about this?”
“I’m sorry, hyung. But this..Hyuk want you to have this.”
“What do you mean? Can’t he gives this to me himself? Where is he?”
Siwon push the envelope toward Donghae. “I.. I don’t know how to tell you. Hyuk told me that there’s a letter inside. Along with his phone.”
“Don’t play around with me, Siwon. Bring Hyukjae to me. Come on. I hate this kind of joke.”
“I’m sorry.”
Donghae fist his hands. He tried so hard to compose his thoughts.
“He’s not here, hyung. That is all I can say to you. He.. He wants you to be happy.”
“What do you mean he’s not here?”
“He left. This morning.” Siwon avoid Donghae’s eyes.
“WHAT??!!! What do you mean he left?!” Donghae suddenly raising his voice. “Where he go?” He get up and start to call out Hyukjae’s name. The employees tried to stops him from barge into the kitchen.
“What’s going on here?” A middle aged man approach the scene. “Excuse me. Aren’t you Hyukjae’s boyfriend?”
“Yes. Siwon told me something that don’t even make sense. He told me Hyukjae left. And he didn’t stop telling me that joke. I’m sorry if I caused any trouble but…”
“That is not a joke. He did left. For training. And Hyukjae told me not to say anything more about this. I thought he discussed about this with you. I ask him about it and he said you already knew about this.” Donghae jaw dropped. “I… he.. Didn’t say anything about that. I was…We’re supposed.. I.. today..we..”
“I’m sorry. I did told him it’s too early for him. And he seems like he’s determine to do this.” the middle aged man pat his shoulder. “But I can tell you this. He will come back. That is a promise. I will try to cut his time as short as I can. I’m sorry. If only I check with you before I make this decision.”
Donghae is now on his knees and tears running down his face. Fast.
“Hyung, there’s nothing I can do. I try to stop him. But he never listen. He’ll come back, hyung. He’s not alone. Heechul is with him.”
“Tell me where he is. I have to get him back.” Donghae plead.
“I’m sorry. I can’t. He didn’t want me to do that. I’m really sorry, hyung. He’ll be okay. I’ll make sure of it.” all of a sudden, Donghae feel his anger start to built inside him. “You’re telling me you’re not going to tell me where he is even you know about it? How long have you been planning all this? I’m his guardian. I’m his lover. I deserve to know.”
“I’m sorry. I wish I can do more.”
“THEN JUST TELL ME WHERE THE FUCKING HELL HE IS!! IF YOU’RE SORRY ENOUGH YOU ARE GOING TO TELL ME!!”
“I can’t. It’s a promise.” Without warning, a fist land hard on Siwon’s jaw. “FINE!! DON’T TELL ME. I’M GOING TO FIGURE THIS MYSELF.” Donghae kick the nearest chair and slammed the door behind him. He drive around that night alone. Heading to nowhere. The last stop was at his usual place. The beach.
But tonight he didn’t find peace. He can’t. No matter how hard he tried. He’s miserable. He’s broken. He try to call hyukjae’s phone again. He heard ringing sound and there is the envelope at the passenger sit. He didn’t recall taking the envelope with him. He take a peek inside the envelope and find Hyukjae’s phone in it. And three letters. Three different names.
He takes his and start to read. He turn on the light in the car. Scanning through the paper and recognize the handwriting immediately. So this is not a joke. Hyukjae really gone. He leaves him. But why? He can see dry tears on the paper. He caresses the spot and his tears fall again staining the letter.
Hyukjae cried. He don’t really mean to leave.
Donghae, by the time you receive this letter, I’m no longer there with you. I’m sorry you have to find out about it like this. I can’t make myself to tell you in your face. I’m no longer in Korea.
I need to make things clear for myself. And for you. You deserve so much more than me. I’m no one, Hae. I’m just Hyukjae. A boy with a miserable past and own nothing in his life. I believe you deserve someone much better than me. You deserve to have a bright future. With your wife and your children.
If you stay with me, you can’t have those. I’m going to be selfish if I make you be by my side.
Donghae close his eyes and inhale deeply. What is Hyukjae try to tell him? Be happy without him? How can he be happy if Hyukjae is his life.
I’m sorry I have to leave after what you had done to me. I love, Hae. I really do. I have to let you go. Please be happy, Hae. Your happiness is all I wish for. It’s okay to hate me. I hate myself for what I’ve done.
If one day we cross path and meet again. I explain everything. Please don’t wait for me because I don’t know how much time I need for myself. I’m sorry again, Hae. I love you.
Love, Hyukjae
“This is bullshit, Hyukkie.” Donghae hit the steering wheel. “Where did you go? How can you do this to me, Hyukkie?” he cried and cried alone in the car. The pain is too much. When he can’t take it anymore, he drive to the bar and get wasted.
The next morning, he was welcome by a white ceiling and unpleasant smell. He groan when he feel like he was hit in the head hard. The throbbing is so annoying. “Good morning.” A familiar voice greet him. Sungmin’s voice.
“Hyung. How did..”
“How did you end up in the hospital?” Sungmin help him up. “This is stupid, Hae. What were you thinking? You never a drinker. Never in my life I see you drink. You’re lucky the bartender keep his eyes on you. If not, I don’t know what will happen to you. You cause trouble at the bar? Purposely picking a fight? If the bartender didn’t step in, you probably be dead by now. And for your information, Kyuhyun has to safe your butt. What’s going on? Don’t you think Hyukjae won’t be worry about you?”
From the first sentence, Donghae didn’t really pay any attention to Sungmin’s voice. His voice went though his head like a wind. But as soon as the mention of Hyukjae’s name, Donghae break down again.
“Dong…Hae? What’s wrong? Did you two have a fight?” Sungmin was taken aback by Donghae’s sudden tears. “Hyukjae left me, Hyung. And they won’t tell me where he is. I.. I keep begging him to tell me but he didn’t. Why did he leave me, Hyung? Isn’t my love enough? I need him, hyung. I need Hyukjae. He is my happiness. He is the only one that I need?” Sungmin was puzzled.
“What are you talking about?” Sungmin sit right next to Donghae. Holding his shoulder.
“I was at the café yesterday. And they told me.. Hyuk left.. for training…but they didn’t tell me where…and the letter…. He say goodbye…and his phone is with me..and…” Sungmin couldn’t catch what Donghae said after. Donghae is crying hard. His face is so wet and the tears keep rolling down his face.
“Donghae.. What??” Sungmin try to calm Donghae down. He didn’t realize his tears are falling too.
“He leave me, hyung. I can’t live without him. Please make them tell me where he is.. Please, Hyung…” Donghae clutched on Sungmin shirt as if his life is depending on it. “Hae..Calm down.. Hyukjae left? To where? With whom??”
“I don’t know…” As soon as the Donghae said that, the door swung open with not so happy Kyuhyun. Clearly, he too have to take the consequences of Donghae’s action. But seeing and listening to Donghae’s cry, his anger vanish. “What’s wrong?” He ask Sungmin. Sungmin just gestured him “I don’t know” to Kyuhyun. He repeatedly stroking Donghae’s back in gentle manner.
It takes hours for Donghae to finally stop crying and fall asleep. Even in his sleep, tears keep coming. Sungmin began to worried too. He didn’t really understand what Donghae had told him. Or precisely he don’t want to understand. The fact that Hyukjae is gone is puzzling him.
“Hey…” Kyuhyun tap Sungmin’s shoulder. Donghae is still in Sungmin’s arm. His hold on his shirts is still tight. “What’s going on? Why is he crying like that? I never see him like this.” Kyuhyun speaks as low as he can.
“I’m not sure. But he said Hyukjae left him. He don’t know where. And they didn’t want to tell him either.” This time, Sungmin cry too.
“Is he really gone? Kyu, we have to do something. I..Hyuk…I’m worried. To see Donghae like this. It must be serious. Kyu..”
“Wait..what??”
After several days of receiving silent treatment from Donghae, Sungmin and Kyuhyun decided that they need to watch him closely. They afraid that Donghae might do something stupid. Kyuhyun did come back to the café and talk with Siwon and his uncle about Hyukjae. He too read Hyukjae’s letter requesting him to not search for him and take care of Donghae. Kyuhyun manage to convince himself not to search for Hyukjae. He knows there must be a concrete reason why Hyukjae make his decision.
He knows some information of where Hyukjae where about. But he can’t tell Donghae. He decided to wait for hyukjae comeback and ask for explaination later. Sungmin to cried tons of tears when he read Hyukjae’s latter. He keep on calling Hyukjae stupid. He’s so frustrated and angry at himself. He spend a lot of time with Hyukjae. How can he didn’t notice this will happen.
*****
Present
Ding Dong.
Donghae’s door bell ring. He didn’t bother to open it up. He just need to be alone. Not long after that, his door burst open. “Donghae, you in here?” He sigh. The only person that has access of his house is Sungmin and Kyuhyun of course. He hurriedly wipe his tears before Sungmin turn on the lights.
“Hey.. What are you doing in the dark?” Sungmin notice how red Donghae’s eyes are but he decide to ignore it. He smile a warm smile to Donghae. “I bring you something to eat. Let’s eat together. Kyuhyun is here too.”
“Hyung, I’m..”
“Don’t say you’re not hungry. Hyukjae told me to take care of you. I promised him.” Donghae smile sadly. He read Hyukjae’s letter for Sungmin. “Okay.” He said and sit, looking tiredly at Sungmin.
“Go take a shower. We wait for you here. You look miserable.” Sungmin push his gently to his room. “Donghae, I believe he will come back. I believe he still strongly in love with you. You have to know that, okay. This is Hyukjae we’re talking about. You have to be strong, Hae. So when he come back, you both can be happy again.”
Donghae look back and smile. “I know, Hyung.” He believe that as well. That is the only reason why he try to move on and live.
TBC
Sorry for the late update. I’m not sure about this chapter. My “Lazy” virus still linger around me..I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. I’m sorry if it’s kinda messed up. My head is messed up.