im not ok (i prmoise)-mcr
grrrr
this is the first time i have sat down all day. i just got home from out wtih cori. i have to say though, that was alot of fun. we bought stuff for the christmas tree kids and we got tomigotchis for ourselves! omg we played wtih them for about an hour. i love it.
today was just another bad day. they just keep comming. usually after i hit a low i get really happy again the next day but that day hasnt come and i dont see it comming in a while. i cant even explain it. i only can explain it to myself cuz im the only one that i can talk to right now. no offnece to my friends but i have never felt this alone in stuff my entire life. i have a great time with my friends. like yesterday when eric and andy helped me study, that was alot of fun and it got my mind off of alot of things. but like i come home and just want to die. i have noone to talk to besides joking and right now i dont need that all the time. i dont know i guess im jsut asking for too much or something.
nothing helps. like i can get my mind off of things temporarly but not as much as i want them too. they just keep comming back. on top of everything i wrote about in my last entry, i am completly broke. no more money at all. stupid academy kids didnt bring in the money for the giving tree and we had 30 bucks left for the other kid and noone had money. so i put in thirty and someone else put in ten. i have no lunch money either haha. i had a five then i blew it. fuck haha. now i dont know what to do for christmas. i really need to babysit my ass off until christmas. ahhh im losing it
my parents seriously wont stop fighting. i come home after a long day and still being sick as hell, and they yell and yell and yell then get me into it when its not my problem at all. every time we fight i end up going in my room crying and then my mom wants to talk it out but i hate that. i jsut want her to leave me alone. like you cant take back everything that she said and not make it hurt any more than it did before. after the zillionth time im not going to be able to forget it and make everything ok. this is so not me. im usually soo happy and smiley but im not at all. grwalll. i feel like im losing one of my best friends. i know he probably feels it too. there is just so many things and its so hard to keep a relationship up when there are more important things to worry about. its weird, alot of times i think that people could live without me but i dont think i could live wihtout them and it is killing me. like i said before, i guess i need to learn to become my own best friend. i have never thought that i have been depressed. i have thought that i have been sad but not as much as depressed. but when you have a ton of horrible days in a row with noone except for yourself to talk to, thats how i feel.
its so stupid. all i want for christmas is an electric blanket. im always so cold and my 7 blankes dont work at night. but my mom doenst want to get it for me. thats all i want but of couse no.
i just want to feel better. all of this shit piled up onto me being sicka and always exhausted isnt really helping. then having to be happy pappy for the whole day just wears you out. i finally know how it feels to smile even when everything is going wrong. i never understood that until now. i always told people to show how they are feeling but i have realized that if people do, then we are all fucked.
i dont really have anything else left to say. everything just pretty much sucks haha. way to be positive kait but im going to try this whole being honest wtih people thing.
ok im going to think of one good thing that has happened to me in the past few days. oh oh oh got it, ok even though this is totally messing with my mind, lee has walked me to spanish, from spanish to gym, then out of gym for the past few days. that makes me smile.
*feelings mean nothing now all those feelings those yesterdays feelings will all be lost in time, but today ive wasted away* - woo the used
this is the first time i have sat down all day. i just got home from out wtih cori. i have to say though, that was alot of fun. we bought stuff for the christmas tree kids and we got tomigotchis for ourselves! omg we played wtih them for about an hour. i love it.
today was just another bad day. they just keep comming. usually after i hit a low i get really happy again the next day but that day hasnt come and i dont see it comming in a while. i cant even explain it. i only can explain it to myself cuz im the only one that i can talk to right now. no offnece to my friends but i have never felt this alone in stuff my entire life. i have a great time with my friends. like yesterday when eric and andy helped me study, that was alot of fun and it got my mind off of alot of things. but like i come home and just want to die. i have noone to talk to besides joking and right now i dont need that all the time. i dont know i guess im jsut asking for too much or something.
nothing helps. like i can get my mind off of things temporarly but not as much as i want them too. they just keep comming back. on top of everything i wrote about in my last entry, i am completly broke. no more money at all. stupid academy kids didnt bring in the money for the giving tree and we had 30 bucks left for the other kid and noone had money. so i put in thirty and someone else put in ten. i have no lunch money either haha. i had a five then i blew it. fuck haha. now i dont know what to do for christmas. i really need to babysit my ass off until christmas. ahhh im losing it
my parents seriously wont stop fighting. i come home after a long day and still being sick as hell, and they yell and yell and yell then get me into it when its not my problem at all. every time we fight i end up going in my room crying and then my mom wants to talk it out but i hate that. i jsut want her to leave me alone. like you cant take back everything that she said and not make it hurt any more than it did before. after the zillionth time im not going to be able to forget it and make everything ok. this is so not me. im usually soo happy and smiley but im not at all. grwalll. i feel like im losing one of my best friends. i know he probably feels it too. there is just so many things and its so hard to keep a relationship up when there are more important things to worry about. its weird, alot of times i think that people could live without me but i dont think i could live wihtout them and it is killing me. like i said before, i guess i need to learn to become my own best friend. i have never thought that i have been depressed. i have thought that i have been sad but not as much as depressed. but when you have a ton of horrible days in a row with noone except for yourself to talk to, thats how i feel.
its so stupid. all i want for christmas is an electric blanket. im always so cold and my 7 blankes dont work at night. but my mom doenst want to get it for me. thats all i want but of couse no.
i just want to feel better. all of this shit piled up onto me being sicka and always exhausted isnt really helping. then having to be happy pappy for the whole day just wears you out. i finally know how it feels to smile even when everything is going wrong. i never understood that until now. i always told people to show how they are feeling but i have realized that if people do, then we are all fucked.
i dont really have anything else left to say. everything just pretty much sucks haha. way to be positive kait but im going to try this whole being honest wtih people thing.
ok im going to think of one good thing that has happened to me in the past few days. oh oh oh got it, ok even though this is totally messing with my mind, lee has walked me to spanish, from spanish to gym, then out of gym for the past few days. that makes me smile.
*feelings mean nothing now all those feelings those yesterdays feelings will all be lost in time, but today ive wasted away* - woo the used