Hmmm
So my last post was sort of an uber stressed post. This one is less so, certainly. Granted I've still got a lot on my mind. Thankfully the the whole fiasco with the insurance company finally resolved itself, but it took months and we had to call in the manager of the agent who was helping us because he was a near complete moron and screwed a lot of stuff up.
At this point in time, the remains of Mike's car are sitting at his grandparent's place, waiting for us to come have a look at them and see if they are actually salvageable. But at this point, it's largely a non-issue.
What is the issue is whether or not I will renew for another year. Mike has pretty much left it up to me. So here in lies the issue: What do I want?
On the side of staying are some nice things: I get paid well, I work in an incredibly nice school, with remarkably friendly and laid back teachers (and trust me, there are crappy and teachers here, just like everywhere else). I have a large amount of autonomy with how I do things, and I'd like to think that this has to do with my supervisors trusting me enough to let me do it. They want me to stay too.
Japan is a really nice place. It's clean, the food is fabulous, the books are cheap, and there's a long list of places we have yet to visit. And yet...
And yet...one of the reasons I took this job was to see exactly what my personal barometer on teaching would be. Previous to this I have spent seven years in an education related job, but not teaching. So when I came here, one of the very real questions was: "Do I still want to teach?"
I am one of those people who takes very seriously the idea that if you are not truly dedicated to it, you should not be doing it. It's unfair to the kids, and it's unfair to you. I got my teaching license amid large swaths of people who ended up in my program because they'd flunked out of another one. They didn't know what to do, so they decided they'd teach because "anybody can do it". It pissed me off to no end.
Well no, not everyone can. And I know what sort of thing I'd be going back to, and I don't think I want to. I have a great respect for all of my friends and family who are teachers. They suffer and strive for their work and their kids on top of everything else that goes along with regular life. They have that 100% dedication to put up with the overwhelming BS that is the US Educational System in it's current incarnation.
I also want to point out that while I like all the kids I work with and have a great bunch of teachers, my heart is starting to turn from this work. I have 18 classes a week (a high number for someone in my position) and 16 of them are the same thing. The repetition is necessary (as it's only repetition for me and not for them), but by about the sixth or seventh time I've done it, I'm tired of it.
I also have very little to go on in the way of gauging effectiveness of lessons, and I have struggled with determining the right level of challenge for all of them. These are normal teacher issues, of course; but they're ones that add to everything else one deals with living in a foreign country.
I don't mind the idea of staying in education in some fashion, but not in direct teaching. And I think I'm done...I'm done not pursuing a job I want. I wanted this one, and I don't think I can go back to one I don't want, at least in some way. And if I'm perfectly honest, there are things I WANT to do more than teaching. I want to write, if possible. I already knew I liked and wanted to write before college, but the practical part of my brain insisted that one cannot make a living from it and that I should get a regular job to "pay the bills". But in teaching, there is no time to do anything else. It is a 24/7 job.
I am also hoping that somewhere in here, I will have a break. A much needed hiatus that lasts more than a couple weeks in that the tight bands of misery that keep my shoulders in tighter knots that a boy scout tent actually relax a little.
In addition to this, there is the social issue. We have not been back to the states in almost two years. This has largely been out of the inability to produce the required amount of time off and the funds for such an expense. Unlike the grand majority of my counterparts, we have more places our money has to be allocated besides food, rent, and fun.
We've also had a steady stream of visitors from the states since March last year, so all my time off has gone towards these visits.
I've also come to the recognition that at twenty-something, you can weather multiple double digit hour long plane rides with fewer adverse effects. I don't like making a trip like that more than once in a span of several weeks at worst.
The travel aside, we get to talk to a handful of a friends and family each week, but a fourteen hour time difference is a heavy weight over time. Although I know most of our friends are spread across the country at this point (lord knows my family is) I feel like I would be happier at least being in the position of possibly seeing them once or twice a year rather than not at all, or only via Skype.
We have been blessed with some really awesome friends who supported us coming on this adventure, but we miss them and while we've connected to a lot of the other JETs here, we're not in the same place as most of them are (re: single, in their early twenties, and without major attachments). Unless there's a major event, most of them will not venture beyond their little in town circles (all around are towns that have three or four JETs a piece, I am the only JET in our location) at all. They have networked themselves to help support each other, but married JETs just sort of get left hanging often times. I've already noted that head wise I approach everything we do differently than they do, and while they all seem to admire it; I'd rather have friends than mentees right now.
Coming back will be a pain in the ass, but it will be one regardless of whether we come back this year or next. I know that if we stayed we could probably be in a much more financially stable position, but I honestly don't know if I can make another year motivationally or emotionally. Right now I feel fine, but I'm not so keen on the idea of spending another season of holidays, reunions, get togethers, celebratory events (like the boys' hand fasting), and munchkin growth.
And while everybody's healthy right now, neither of our sets of remaining grandparents are particularly young. Mike lost his paternal grandmother barely a month after we came here and not being able to go back to her funeral hit him pretty hard, and I don't want to be in that position again.
Of course there's all the stuff we miss, in particular: central air and heat, dryers, garbage disposals, and pants that fit. I think I have mostly decided on going home, but I wish that this niggling 1% of doubt would leave me alone.
At this point in time, the remains of Mike's car are sitting at his grandparent's place, waiting for us to come have a look at them and see if they are actually salvageable. But at this point, it's largely a non-issue.
What is the issue is whether or not I will renew for another year. Mike has pretty much left it up to me. So here in lies the issue: What do I want?
On the side of staying are some nice things: I get paid well, I work in an incredibly nice school, with remarkably friendly and laid back teachers (and trust me, there are crappy and teachers here, just like everywhere else). I have a large amount of autonomy with how I do things, and I'd like to think that this has to do with my supervisors trusting me enough to let me do it. They want me to stay too.
Japan is a really nice place. It's clean, the food is fabulous, the books are cheap, and there's a long list of places we have yet to visit. And yet...
And yet...one of the reasons I took this job was to see exactly what my personal barometer on teaching would be. Previous to this I have spent seven years in an education related job, but not teaching. So when I came here, one of the very real questions was: "Do I still want to teach?"
I am one of those people who takes very seriously the idea that if you are not truly dedicated to it, you should not be doing it. It's unfair to the kids, and it's unfair to you. I got my teaching license amid large swaths of people who ended up in my program because they'd flunked out of another one. They didn't know what to do, so they decided they'd teach because "anybody can do it". It pissed me off to no end.
Well no, not everyone can. And I know what sort of thing I'd be going back to, and I don't think I want to. I have a great respect for all of my friends and family who are teachers. They suffer and strive for their work and their kids on top of everything else that goes along with regular life. They have that 100% dedication to put up with the overwhelming BS that is the US Educational System in it's current incarnation.
I also want to point out that while I like all the kids I work with and have a great bunch of teachers, my heart is starting to turn from this work. I have 18 classes a week (a high number for someone in my position) and 16 of them are the same thing. The repetition is necessary (as it's only repetition for me and not for them), but by about the sixth or seventh time I've done it, I'm tired of it.
I also have very little to go on in the way of gauging effectiveness of lessons, and I have struggled with determining the right level of challenge for all of them. These are normal teacher issues, of course; but they're ones that add to everything else one deals with living in a foreign country.
I don't mind the idea of staying in education in some fashion, but not in direct teaching. And I think I'm done...I'm done not pursuing a job I want. I wanted this one, and I don't think I can go back to one I don't want, at least in some way. And if I'm perfectly honest, there are things I WANT to do more than teaching. I want to write, if possible. I already knew I liked and wanted to write before college, but the practical part of my brain insisted that one cannot make a living from it and that I should get a regular job to "pay the bills". But in teaching, there is no time to do anything else. It is a 24/7 job.
I am also hoping that somewhere in here, I will have a break. A much needed hiatus that lasts more than a couple weeks in that the tight bands of misery that keep my shoulders in tighter knots that a boy scout tent actually relax a little.
In addition to this, there is the social issue. We have not been back to the states in almost two years. This has largely been out of the inability to produce the required amount of time off and the funds for such an expense. Unlike the grand majority of my counterparts, we have more places our money has to be allocated besides food, rent, and fun.
We've also had a steady stream of visitors from the states since March last year, so all my time off has gone towards these visits.
I've also come to the recognition that at twenty-something, you can weather multiple double digit hour long plane rides with fewer adverse effects. I don't like making a trip like that more than once in a span of several weeks at worst.
The travel aside, we get to talk to a handful of a friends and family each week, but a fourteen hour time difference is a heavy weight over time. Although I know most of our friends are spread across the country at this point (lord knows my family is) I feel like I would be happier at least being in the position of possibly seeing them once or twice a year rather than not at all, or only via Skype.
We have been blessed with some really awesome friends who supported us coming on this adventure, but we miss them and while we've connected to a lot of the other JETs here, we're not in the same place as most of them are (re: single, in their early twenties, and without major attachments). Unless there's a major event, most of them will not venture beyond their little in town circles (all around are towns that have three or four JETs a piece, I am the only JET in our location) at all. They have networked themselves to help support each other, but married JETs just sort of get left hanging often times. I've already noted that head wise I approach everything we do differently than they do, and while they all seem to admire it; I'd rather have friends than mentees right now.
Coming back will be a pain in the ass, but it will be one regardless of whether we come back this year or next. I know that if we stayed we could probably be in a much more financially stable position, but I honestly don't know if I can make another year motivationally or emotionally. Right now I feel fine, but I'm not so keen on the idea of spending another season of holidays, reunions, get togethers, celebratory events (like the boys' hand fasting), and munchkin growth.
And while everybody's healthy right now, neither of our sets of remaining grandparents are particularly young. Mike lost his paternal grandmother barely a month after we came here and not being able to go back to her funeral hit him pretty hard, and I don't want to be in that position again.
Of course there's all the stuff we miss, in particular: central air and heat, dryers, garbage disposals, and pants that fit. I think I have mostly decided on going home, but I wish that this niggling 1% of doubt would leave me alone.